Snacks
by moms2398
Summary: Series of episode tags that involve Atlantis' Food Services Chief. Rating is only as high because characters sometimes have a slip of the tongue.Mostly GEN, it does slip into HET at the end. Re-edited 7/2011.  *NOMINATED FOR 2011 GATEFIC AWARD* VOTE NOW!
1. Rising

_Episode tag for episode of the same name. Part of "Snacks" series of episode tags that take place in the cafeteria or mess hall, or at least around food. Minor spoilers contained within._

_A/N: Minor Spoilers from Stargate: Atlantis episodes contained within. The idea for this is my own, but I have to admit that I was inspired by dietcokechic's __The Barista__ series and by Dr. Dredd's __Memoranda from the Edge__ series. Imitation is the highest form of flattery._

_As always, I do not own any of the Stargate folks. Wish I did, but I don't._

_Additional Note: Re-edited July 2011, mostly cosmetic changes - hopefully I caught all the typos this time._

_**Rising**_

Major John Sheppard walked into the area that had been designated "the cafeteria." He was still getting used to the use of civilian terminology in place of military – like "cafeteria" instead of "mess hall." He rounded the corner to where the kitchen had been set up and found a woman there.

She was short and curvy, but well within military standards. She was dressed in camo pants, a regulation military T-shirt, and boots. Her hair was in a long red braid that swung as she worked. She was scrubbing down the counters in the kitchen area.

"Oh, ah, sorry to interrupt," he frowned.

She stiffened and turned to face him. "Major! Is there something I can do for you?" She almost snapped to attention.

Sheppard half-grinned and shrugged. "No. I – ah- I was looking for a snack. You are?"

"Chief Warrant Officer Helena Leiter, Master Chef," her blue eyes twinkled, as she quickly pinned up her braid, set at ease more by his manner than his words.

John's eyebrows went up. "Master Chef? The military has 'Master Chefs'?"

Helena smiled and responded with "What can I get for you, sir?"

"I've been jonesing for a turkey sandwich all day."

She smiled, "_That_ I can do." She turned to a stack of drawers that seemed to be randomly placed and opened a drawer. "We have very limited choices right now, pre-packaged sandwiches, Power bars, water, an assortment of fresh fruits and vegetables, more of the same in cans –"

"No MREs?"

She paused and smiled back at him. "Now what military operation would be complete without MREs?" She tossed a plastic container with a pre-made turkey and Swiss on white bread in it to him.

He caught it easily and sat on a table nearby. "One run by civilians, I guess."

Helena picked up the cloth and spray bottle she'd been working with when he walked in and sprayed a counter. As she wiped, she said. "It'll take some getting used to, huh?"

He let out a short laugh. "_That's_ for sure."

As if cued, Dr. Rodney McKay walked in. He stopped short. "Oh. Uh, sorry."

Helena paused. "Good evening, Dr. McKay. Another snack?"

"Well, yes," he looked at John, who was smiling as he munched on his sandwich. "It is very easy for me to have a hypoglycemic reaction. I have to eat regularly."

"And you're 'deathly allergic to citrus'," Helena seemed to have heard all of this before.

Rodney's eyes moved from John to Helena and back. After a moment, he continued. "I'm looking for something sweet."

Helena turned back to the drawers and opened a different one. "I have chocolate chip, oatmeal, sugar and…" she moved something. "Peanut butter cookies."

Rodney thought for a moment. "Are the peanut butter soft?"

Helena eyes widened even as her eyebrows knit together in a look that read '_You're kidding me, right?'_

"Never mind, I'll take the oatmeal," Rodney made a motion of "give" with his hand.

Helena threw the package containing two cookies to him.

He caught it and looked. "No, no, no, no; these are oatmeal-RAISIN."

Helena smiled. "Yes?"

Rodney's mouth formed a thin line and he shook his head as he looked to the ceiling. "There is only one way raisins should be eaten: uncooked, straight from the box. Not in cookies, puddings, pies…"

"I'll take 'em," John interrupted after swallowing a bite of sandwich.

Helena smiled as John caught the cookies tossed to him by Rodney. "So," she said, patiently. "Chocolate chip or sugar?"

"I'll take the peanut butter."

Laughing out-loud, Helena turned, chose the correct package of cookies and threw it to him.

Rodney caught it and turned to John. "Good job, by the way."

John's eyebrows rose. "Hmm?"

"The rescue thing. I mean I know we lost someone, but you brought everyone else back…" Rodney looked uncomfortable, then. "You did a good job."

John stopped chewing and sat, looking at the scientist until Rodney cleared his throat and nodded.

"Yes, well, good-night Major," He glanced at Leiter. "Chief."

After he left, Helena moved from the counters to the table next to where Sheppard was sitting. She sprayed it down and started to scrub.

"He's only repeating the sentiments of everyone here." She said it without looking at him.

John swallowed the last bite of his first cookie and repeated the words he'd spoken to Elizabeth Weir only hours before. "I have to live with it."

She paused and looked at him. "Yes, you do. But you're not here by yourself."

He looked at her, head tilted.

She looked back, expectantly.

He looked at the last cookie in his hand and offered it to her.

She shook her head with a smile. "No, thanks. Now get out, so I can finish disinfecting my 'cafeteria' and get it ready for the breakfast shift to set up."

John hopped off the table and headed for the door. He stopped. "You know, we're in a different galaxy; how do you know the germs here are the same?"

Helena held up the bottle. "Doesn't matter. Bleach kills everything."

He looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. "Maybe we should try it against the Wraith."

She laughed. "Maybe."

With a wave, he left, and she returned to the counters.


	2. Hide and Seek

_**Hide and Seek**_

"Can I get you anything else, Doctor McKay?"

Rodney nodded and answered around half a mouth full of food. "Did you say there was pie?"

Helena smiled. "Lemon meringue and pecan,"

Rodney made a face. "Have I mentioned that I'm –"

"'Deathly allergic to citrus'," Helena smiled, a small smile with a raised eyebrow. "That is why I didn't offer you the apple."

Rodney frowned at the nonsensical nature of that statement then a look of realization came to his face. "Oh, I see. Ha-ha. Funny."

"I knew you'd appreciate it."

"Hmm," he grunted. "I'll take the pecan."

Helena moved away as John Sheppard entered. "Major," she nodded.

"Hey, Chief. What's cookin'?" he smiled.

"Heard you're telling the Athosian children the story of 'Nightmare on Elm Street' tonight."

He looked thoughtful, then. "Yeah, I was, but I don't know now. It's not as fun as I thought it would be. It's hard to do a good horror story when the audience has spent its life worrying about the Wraith."

Nodding, thoughtfully, with an understanding look, she changed the subject. "Are you eating? The kitchen's fully set up now."

"Got steak?" He looked hopeful.

She laughed. "Ah…No."

He shook his head. "I'm not really hungry, anyway." He looked around. "I see McKay's getting caught up."

Helena looked back at the scientist. "How that man doesn't weigh 300 pounds is beyond me."

They shared a laugh and moved their separate ways. She moved to the kitchen area and he moved to where Rodney sat.

"Hey, McKay," he sat down across from the chewing scientist, who nodded back.

"Good job with the thing in the gate room."

Rodney stopped chewing. He shrugged a bit, then nodded. "I didn't do too badly, did I?"

John smiled. "Sure, didn't." He looked at Rodney's plate. "How much have you _eaten_?"

"If you recall, I was unable to eat for days – "

"Hours."

"Really? Are you sure?" Rodney looked thoughtful. "Because it felt like days."

After a few moments of silence, John spoke again. "I wanted to talk to you about being a member of my team."

"What?" Rodney swallowed and stopped eating. "Why me?"

John shrugged, slightly. "Well, I was thinking: I could have a bunch of Marines, but they tend to like to shoot at things and ask questions after the smoke has cleared. And, if something goes wrong with the 'Dial Home Device' or anything mechanical, it'd be good to have someone who can fix it. _And_ if we _do_ come across a ZPM, I should have someone who knows something about that as well."

Rodney sat back. "Hmm. Good point." He looked down and his hand, playing with his fork. "You're, uh, not worried about me, uh, passing out?"

John smiled. "We'll make sure we take plenty of snacks."

A cute blonde put a small plate with a slice of pecan pie on the table. "You're Doctor McKay, right?"

Rodney looked up at the woman's big brown eyes and gulped, nodding.

"Chief Leiter said you wanted this."

Rodney nodded himself out of his stupor. "Yes! Yes. Ah, thank you."

She smiled, then glanced at John, who smiled at her. She blushed furiously and moved away, quickly, after whispering "Sir."

Rodney frowned and looked back at Sheppard, who was watching the blonde leave, and rolled his eyes. "What is it about pilots that makes women act like that?"

John's eyebrows rose, innocently. "Like what?"

Rodney shook his head. "Never mind. Who else is on the team?"

"Teyla and Lieutenant Ford."

Rodney picked up his fork again and speared the pie. "Lieutenant Ford, I can understand. Why Teyla?"

"She's got connections. She knows people and how things work around here. Plus, she can sense the Wraith. Besides, she's a leader and a fighter. I had a hard time keeping up with her on Athos and watched her save Ford's ass on the Wraith planet. Then there was her sound thinking today in the Control Room," John seemed checking off a list in his head.

Rodney nodded. "Okay, okay. I get it. Asset. Good. I assume you're going to train her on our weapons."

John sat back and smiled, tilting his head. "You, too."

Rodney almost choked on his pie. "Me?"

"Do you _know_ how to use a P-90 or 9 mil?"

"Uh, well, that is to say: I'm a scientist."

John nodded. "Who will be going into potentially difficult situations. I'm not asking you to be an expert; just to know which end of the weapon to point at the bad guy."

After a moment, Rodney shrugged. "Oh, okay. I can do that." He took another bite.

John watched Rodney eat the pie for a few minutes. After a bit, he moved. "Think I'll get myself one of those."

Rodney swallowed quickly. "Could you get me another piece?"

Laughing quietly to himself, John nodded and moved toward the serving line.


	3. Thirty Eight Minutes

_**Thirty Eight Minutes**_

_A/N: This takes place within hours of the end of the episode._

"I heard you were hungry."

John raised his head to see none other than Chief Warrant Officer Helena Leiter walking into the infirmary with a tray in her hands. On the tray was a silver metal cover hiding what John hoped was a plate of food.

"I am," he smiled, propping himself up.

"Well, I still don't have steak, but I defrosted the ground sirloin and while the rest of Atlantis is having something that will stretch that – cheeseburger macaroni, YOU, sir, are getting the real thing." She removed the silver cover to show the prize. "A bi-gosh, all-American, true-to-life, lean sirloin cheese burger with all the fixin's. Or at least, all the fixin's we have here."

His face lit up with a smile that almost split his face. "You are a saint, Chief."

She smiled and put it on a bedside tray table. "Now, unfortunately, there aren't any French fries, but I had Sergeant Cooper make her formerly world famous – now Pegasus famous – southern-style potato salad and Lieutenant Gonzalez told me to find out if you like pecan or apple pie better and he'd send it up."

"I think you're the only person in the entire city not afraid of Dr. Beckett."

She turned, and raised her eyebrows. "Carson? Why in the world would anyone be afraid of wonderful, marvelous Doctor Carson Beckett? He's such a wonderful, kind-kindhearted and generous Scotsman. Truly the best of the best." She said this part a bit louder – clearly expecting to be heard.

"That may be the case," the Scot's brogue answered from the door. "But whatever you've decided to give my patient, you have to clear it with me first, lass. You should know that."

Helena turned to face Carson, putting the tray table behind her in an almost ballet-like move that put the tray closer to John. "Now, Carson, you cannot begrudge the Major a little red meat. From what I've heard, he's had a great deal of blood sapped out of him. What better for replacing blood cells than red meat? It's cooked to safe levels – sorry, Major, if you like it rare" she turned for a moment, nudging the table closer to the convalescing pilot, then quickly returned her attention to the doctor. "– and it's lean. It is served on a whole wheat roll, with lettuce, tomato, onion – "

John's mouth drooled as he looked at it, just out of reach.

"No matter, lass. He can't have it, just yet. He's recovering from cardiac arrest."

Helena pouted, prettily at the doctor. "Now, come on, Carson. It's not like he had a heart attack. You all defibrillated him. His arteries didn't clog up and make his heart stop."

Carson shook his head and smiled.

Before he could say another thing, Helena spoke again. "Carson, really. You show me one thing that says a patient cannot have red meat after being sucked on by an alien bug thingy."

He put his hand in his pocket and pursed his lips. "Now, Helena, you know verra well there's nothing written about alien 'bug thingies'. Nor about the treatment of patients attack by said insects."

"Well, Carson, I am in charge of making sure the people on this expedition are properly fed. You know that. I am charged with the nutritional well-being, like you are in charge of their physical well-being. Usually we work hand-in-hand and I will concede this point to you IF you can show me, in just one publication, where it says that a person recovering from ventricular defibrillation cannot have red meat."

John wondered if it was his imagination, but the tray seemed to get closer to him. He could reach it now, if he sat up. He watched Carson, hoping to make a move when he wasn't looking.

Carson face lit up, then. "I can show you recommended guidelines for anyone who suffers a traumatic event like this."

"Let's go then!" She stepped forward and hooked her arm in Carson's. As they turned the corner, she came back momentarily to say, loudly. "Sorry, John, I tried, but it's going to have to wait until we get clearance from Doctor Beckett." All the while, she was making motions with her hand in the shape of a "C" toward her mouth. She nodded, quickly and disappeared. "I'm coming, Carson!"

John looked at the door to make sure no one else was approaching, then snatched up the burger. He thought that first bite was worth dying for – good thing, since Carson would probably kill him when he got back and saw the burger and potato salad completely gone.


	4. Suspicion

_**Suspicion**_

The cafeteria was becoming a favorite hang-out for John Sheppard after hours. It was usually quiet, with only a few people coming in and out. Some came looking for a small ration of coffee or a snack to get them through a late night work session. Some came looking for somebody else and some people came to escape to a safe place with no pressures associated with it.

The kitchen actually closed down around 2000 hours, but CW3 Leiter was almost always there until 2200 hours. She would seem like she was cleaning, but John was starting to wonder if she was setting herself up to be Atlantis' "bartender", their "Guinnan" from the old _Star Trek: The Next Generation_ television show.

John didn't approach Chief for anything tonight. He, instead, sat alone in a dark corner, trying to get rid of the fowl taste of the past couple of days. His eyes were hooded and his hand was busy flipping a pen on the table. He was thinking about the mistrust, the suspicion, and the anger of recent events and wondered if the Earth/Athosian relationship would ever recover. He was thinking more specifically of the friendship he was developing with Teyla and the betrayal she must be feeling.

As he sat there, the thinking became stewing. He was getting more and more pissed as the replay of the details entered his mind. He knew that if he didn't calm his mind, it would get to the point that he would want to shoot something. Sergeant Bates' face entered his mind unbidden and the thought of shooting him made John smile.

"You know, I could get you something to drink."

John looked up at the sound of Helena Leiter's voice and summoned a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Not thirsty."

She looked as if she understood. "That's why I was offering." She leaned against the table and looked out at the cafeteria. "Radek Zalenka says that the Ancients left behind a great amount of equipment perfect for the 'distillation of medicinal libations'."

John leaned forward and looked up at her, his eyes narrow. "Are you trying to tell me that there is a still somewhere in Atlantis?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I never _try_ to tell anyone anything. I either say it or I don't. I'm just doing my job and offering a member of this expedition," she smiled and finally looked down at him. "Comfort food, if you will."

John smiled at this. "Well, I think I'll pass this time." He held up his finger. "_Not_ that I don't appreciate the offer and I'm not saying I won't take you up on it at another time." He frowned again. "It's just that that kind of comfort food I take better when I'm in a better mood. If I indulged now, it could turn ugly. I'm better off taking a run."

Helena nodded. "Well, then I'll get you some water. You should be well hydrated to run away from demons."

John frowned. "I wouldn't call it running _away_."

Her eyebrows rose. "What, you want to _chase_ these things? Do you _like_ feeling like crap?"

"I prefer to stand and fight."

"Spoken like a Marine." She straightened from her leaning position with a wry smile. "I'll go get your water."

As she walked away, he growled. "We're called _fighter _pilots for a reason."

Her only response was a wave.

oOo

John was again in the cafeteria, drinking some of Dr. Zalenka's "medicinal libation" with a meal that he actually wasn't interested in eating. Apparently, Chief Leiter received some intel that indicated Zalenka was complaining about the food and his penance was a percentage of the yield. John thought that it wasn't bad, once he got past the taste.

"May I join you?" a familiar voice asked.

He looked up to see Teyla, smiling at him in her gentle way.

He straightened. "Well, sure…I was just thinking…"

She sat and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish.

He glanced away and offered half a smile. "Never mind. What are you doing here so late?"

She looked to the table and then back to him. "I was looking for you."

He looked down at his cup, then. "Oh."

"Major Sheppard, please look at me."

He looked up, reluctantly.

"I wanted to thank you for defending my honor. I know that you were the voice in defense of my people and me throughout everything."

John frowned. After clearing his throat, he said. "I'm sorry."

She looked confused. "For?"

"Bates. Any discomfort you or your people felt during this past week. McKay going through your stuff. Any doubts anyone may have had about you, personally, or your people in general."

She smiled in her gentle way. "With all due respect, Major, it is not your place to apologize for the actions of others."

"It is when I'm their CO." He looked at her with his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes earnest.

She tilted her head. "Set your mind at ease." She held his eyes with hers as she spoke. "Dr. Weir and I have spoken and come to an understanding. Dr. McKay was doing what he had been told to do and I do not feel like he or you ever had any doubts about me _or_ my people. As for Sergeant Bates, well, I have chosen to believe that he was just looking out for the best interests of the city. My people are happier on the mainland than they were in the city. We are, all, in a good place."

John nodded. After a long bit of silence, during which he began to feel uncomfortable, he looked at the chocolate cake on his plate.

"Have you ever tasted chocolate?"


	5. Childhood's End

_**Childhood's End**_

"Yes, yes, very funny."

John Sheppard chuckled. "Really, Rodney, I thought you'd be great with kids. They really seem to take to you."

"Until you made them cry," Aiden Ford smirked.

"Yes, well, you thought wrong," Rodney McKay sat down at the table that had become Sheppard's favorite in the cafeteria. "And don't think I didn't hear that 'old man' crack. I'm not old."

"If you caught it, then you remember that I said '_mean_, old man'."

Rodney scoffed. "Yes, well, I'm not the one who has caused the decline of oral hygiene on an entire planet. Really, Ford. Candy? You couldn't give them Powerbars or something more nutritious?"

"Spoken like a man after my own heart," Chief Leiter approached their table. "You're a little early for Sunday supper."

Leiter had brokered a deal with the Athosians on the mainland to acquire fresh grown food and hunted meats. As a result, she was rationing some of the food brought from Earth to create her "Sunday suppers". Instead of a rare, once in a while, cheeseburger macaroni, the entire city could look forward to a "home-cooked" meal once a week. Once the first crop was harvested and the hunting produced enough meat to trade, she promised these types of meals more often.

McKay looked disappointed. "Really?"

She smiled. "Don't worry, Dr. McKay. It's always better to be early to supper than late."

He nodded. "Yes, well, you do have a point there."

"So what's this I hear about candy versus Powerbars? Are you wooing women, Lieutenant Ford?"

John smiled. "Children."

Helena's eyebrows rose. "Children?"

"Why would you think he was wooing women?" Rodney asked.

"The only kind of candy anyone carries with them on 'Away Missions' is chocolate. And everyone knows that the way to a woman's heart is chocolate."

"'Away Missions', cute." Rodney paused as if suddenly processing the last sentence and his eyebrows rose. "Really?"

She smiled. "Well, most women. Of course, that is null and void if she's lactose intolerant. What children?"

"We found a planet where the oldest person just turned twenty-five."

Helena frowned. As John, Aiden and Rodney gave her a brief synopsis of the mission, her face turned from confused to incredulous. "Oh, my Lord!" she breathed at the end. "A planet full of babies. Are they healthy? Is Carson going to go check on their general health?"

John touched her forearm. "Relax, Chief, they looked well-fed. Dr. Beckett will be giving Dr. Weir a full report of their status by the end of next week. If anything, they may be another source of trade."

"Hmm," Rodney looked thoughtful. "Saturday brunch, maybe?"

Aiden started laughing again. John shook his head and Helena raised an eyebrow.

"I was thinking more along the lines of sending supper their way."

Rodney blanched. "Really?"

She rolled her eyes. "Relax, Old Man. No one's taking your food." She looked over at the kitchen. "Should be about ready. I'll talk to you all later."


	6. Poisoning The Well

_**Poisoning the Well**_

"I don't know what you're eating but you haven't been to the cafeteria since you got back and that was two days ago."

Dr. Carson Beckett looked up from his desk to see CW3 Helena Leiter standing with a covered tray. He summoned the smile his medical training had taught him to display when he really had no reason to smile.

"Hello, my dear," he replied, wearily. "I've eaten a bit here an' there."

She quietly harrumphed as she placed the food on his desk. "Which means coffee, Powerbars and an occasional nutritional supplement, here and there. That's called 'snacking', sir, _not_ eating."

He sat back in his chair. "You're right, of course. I've not had much of an appetite of late."

Helena sat on a nearby chair. "I guessed."

They sat in silence for a moment. The smell of the food under the cover wasn't tempting Carson to open it and Helena waited.

"I'm sorry, Helena. I'm not the best of company right now."

She smiled. "Yes, you are, Carson. You are my friend and you don't have to put on a face to be good company."

Carson's carriage relaxed and he smiled, appreciatively. "Thank you for that."

They sat in silence for a while more.

"You're a good doctor," Helena said, at last, leaning forward in her chair. "I'd say an excellent one, in fact."

Carson looked up, surprised at this sudden announcement. "Thank you, lass, but –"

"That is why it's still bothering you so much."

He sighed. "I wished it didn't."

"As much as I don't like to see you hurting, I'm glad it does. It's a huge part of what makes a good doctor, isn't it?"

He offered a half-hearted smile as he rested his arms on the desk. "I'd say the years and years of training are the biggest part."

"Ha!" Helena scoffed. "Have you ever _been_ to see a doctor that didn't seem to care?"

Carson frowned.

"I have," she continued, not really waiting for a response. "My entry physical. It was the first time I'd ever been to see a GYN and it hurt like hell. _That_ doctor didn't seem to care one iota about me as a person – hell, there were ten other young women lined up in the hall outside the door waiting to be poked and prodded as impersonally as he was poking and prodding me. I might as well as have been livestock." She took a deep breath. "Now being an Army doctor, I'm sure he was a well-trained, competent doctor but without the compassion that you have I wouldn't even call him a _good_ doctor."

Carson sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I keep moving between wishin' I'd never gone to wishin' the vaccine hadna worked to wishin' it had worked the way it was supposed to."

Carson leaned forward. "Helena, I feel like _Mengele_," he whispered frantically.

Helena's jaw dropped as her eyes widened. She pulled back and her jaw snapped shut. Her eyes narrowed and her eyebrows drew together. She took a deep breath and stood up. She turned away from him, but didn't walk out.

"Do ye understand, Helena? Thanks to my help, _half_ of the Hoffan people will die! All those people…" He rubbed his face with his hands. "And those that survive the inoculation process will surely die when the Wraith find out…"

After a moment of silence, Helena turned and planted her hands on Carson's desk and leaned toward him. "Enough!" she grated. "You've completely lost perspective, Doctor Carson Beckett. As soon as you realized things were going wrong or too fast, you _tried_ to slow it down. You wanted further test and precautions. Mengele delighted in the suffering of his subjects. _He _found pain and illness fascinating and did unspeakable things to encourage those conditions in his patients. The people that died at his hand and all the others who perished in the Holocaust did so as prisoners; their wills, freedoms, and lives forfeit to the monsters who saw them as less than human."

She took a deep breath and straightened. "The Hoffans are _choosing_ this. Free and fully informed; _willingly_."

She took another deep breath. "I have to go back to work. Eat something." She turned and walked out.

Just outside the infirmary, Helena ran into Rodney McKay.

"Oh, hello, Chief."

"Doctor McKay."

"Um, you – uh – seem upset."

"I am furious."

Rodney looked immediately uncomfortable.

She sighed and put her hand in her hair, while the other hand rested on her hip.

Rodney looked around – as if looking for an escape. "So…"

"Do you know he's blaming himself? He hasn't eaten in days because he's punishing himself!"

Rodney understood, then. "Ah."

"Can you talk to him? I'm afraid my losing my temper hasn't helped."

Rodney looked toward the door. "Oh, well, I was kind of hoping he would snap out of it…"

Helena's eyebrows rose. "Yeah," she said, slowly. "I don't think so."

Rodney nodded and grunted. "Mm-hmm!" Then he walked into the infirmary

oOo

The next morning, Carson walked into the cafeteria. He found Helena and touched her shoulder as she spoke to someone.

She turned to look at him.

He smiled gently and nodded.

Her smile was more relieved and she nodded back.

He moved on to get breakfast and she returned to her conversation.


	7. Underground

_**Underground**_

"Hey, Chief?"

Helena stuck her head out of the makeshift pantry to see John Sheppard leaning into the kitchen with hands braced on the door frame.

"Hey, Major!" She smiled. "How'd the quest for food go?"

John averted his eyes and grimaced. "Not so much. Do you happen to have any Zelenka Juice?"

She chuckled. "Absolutely."

"And a turkey sandwich?"

"Always." She poured the drink and pulled the sandwich from its refrigerated cabinet.

Instead of retreating back into the cafeteria, he found a high stool used by the cooks and sat. He didn't dig into the sandwich right way. In fact, he sat it on the nearest counter and took a long draught of the drink.

"Bad news?"

John swallowed. "Oh, no….Just sixty Wraith ships and another planet we can cross off the 'friends and neighbors' plan."

Helena frowned. "Sixty?"

John nodded. "Keep it under your hat, though. Wouldn't want everyone to know the odds."

Helena nodded. "Morale. Got it. So – '_another_ planet'?"

John took another drink. "Yeah. These are called Genii. Thought we'd get tava beans. Instead we get the royal triple double cross and intel about how many Wraith ships _might_ be out there."

Helena was silent for a moment. "Think I'd have preferred the beans."

John finished the cup. "More?"

"Sure. And I'll join you on this one." Helena took out another cup, then poured for them both. Finally, she pulled up another stool, facing him. "Do we know if these Wraith are a unified organization? Is there any chance they might turn on each other?"

John shrugged. "I have no idea. We haven't heard anything about them banding together, but nothing to indicate they wouldn't work together, either."

She took another sip and sigh. "This is truly scary."

"Better stock up on bleach."

She frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Bleach?"

He smiled. "Didn't you say that bleach kills everything?"

Realization crossed her features and she threw her head back and laughed. "You remember that?" Then she pouted good-naturedly. "But you didn't try it out on Steve." She said, referring to the Wraith that had been their captive for a little more than a month.

John nodded, ruefully. "You should have reminded me."

"I'll talk to McKay and Zelenka about manufacturing a huge bleach canon."

John smiled. "Be a great way to get everything clean quickly."

Helena laughed again. She patted his hand and shook her head. She stood and put her cup in the nearby sink. "So, the Genii are off the list, completely?"

John nodded. "It's best that we steer clear. They're only going to be trouble to us if we don't."

"Well, I guess it's good you learned early instead of later." 

John nodded, picking up his sandwich. "I guess."

Helena paused and turned to look at him. "You don't sound convinced."

John sighed and put the sandwich down again. "I just have a feeling that this one's going to comeback to bite us in the ass."

Her eyebrows rose. "What makes you think that?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe it's just a mood. Genii, Wraith, food shortage…" he sighed.

Nodding, she retrieved her cup and the bottle again. She walked back to where he was sitting, refilled both of their cups and raised the cup. "'Tomorrow's another day and I'm thirsty anyway, so bring on the rain'."

He tilted his head and smiled. "You listen to JoDee Messina?"

"I'm a country girl at heart. Didn't think you'd know the song."

"Are you kidding? I love that stuff. Johnny Cash is my idol."

She smiled. "You could do worse. He's fantastic."

They drank as John finally ate his sandwich and talked about music and frivolous things until it was almost time for the breakfast crew to report. Neither one mentioned the Wraith, the Genii, food shortages or any other kind of Atlantean concern, having made a silent agreement to worry about that stuff another day.


	8. Home

_**Home**_

"Could you talk to McKay?"

John looked over to Dr. McKay, who sat at his usual table with a tray of food in front of him. Everything looked as it usually did.

John tilted his head and looked at back at Chief Helena Leiter. "Why?"

Helena sighed. "I think he's depressed."

John looked at McKay again then back to Helena. "What makes you think that?"

Her eyebrows rose. " He actually _thanked_ me for a 'delicious meal' _and_ he's not talking with his mouth full."

John frowned, then. "Something _is_ wrong."

Helena nodded and she and John moved in opposite directions.

"Hey, McKay."

Rodney finished chewing and wiped his mouth with a napkin before answering. "Oh, hello, Major."

John sat across from the lead scientist. "How are you?"

Rodney smiled in his way of seeming self-conscience despite his usual over-confident bravado. "Good. Good. Having dinner. You?"

John puckered and nodded. "I'm good."

Rodney nodded. "That's—" he offered a half-smile. "good."

John felt keenly uncomfortable, then.

Rodney looked down at his tray. He picked up his fork and poked at his food.

"McKay – Rodney," John started, then stopped. "I don't know, but it seems like something is bothering you."

Rodney looked up. "What? Me? No, no, I'm fine…"

John's eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"Really."

John's eyes narrowed. After a long minute, the thought occurred to him. "You feel responsible for us not getting back to Earth."

Rodney's façade faded. He looked down at this food. "I was so sure…"

John shook his head. "It wasn't your fault. I think we all made it clear that this is where we belong. This is home, now."

Rodney shook his head. "We all wanted to go back. We would have, eventually, come to terms with staying if they hadn't made mistakes in continuity. You were even having a party. You didn't even know that they were telling us that we couldn't go back."

John remembered the taste of the beer and smiled. "But I would have found out eventually, and, just like you and Dr. Weir, I would have fought to get back. Like I said, Rodney, this is home now."

Rodney looked at John, earnestly. "You're really not upset about not being able to really go?"

John leaned back in his chair. "No." At Rodney's look of incredulity, he added. "Sure, it'll be nice if and when we ever get the chance to go back, but I think I will always want to come back here."

Rodney thought about it. "Don't you have anyone on Earth you miss?"

John shook his head and looked away. "Not as much as I'd miss…this place."

Rodney nodded. "Still, it'd be nice to have steak and beer."

John smiled. "Yes, it would be nice to have steak and beer."

Rodney picked up his fork and dug into his meal as though he hadn't eaten in weeks and they continued to talk – often, with Rodney's mouth full of food.


	9. The Storm

_**The Storm**_

"You have to go."

"I'm not going."

"You _have to_!"

"Stop now, Lieutenant."

Lieutenant Gonzalez threw his hands up in the air.

Sergeant Cooper stepped in. "Chief, you really have to. Dr. Weir's orders."

Chief Leiter moved away and began cleaning another counter, effectively cutting off any other conversation.

John Sheppard leaned in the kitchen and heard the exchange. "Chief?" he said, slowly.

"Sir!" Gonzalez turned to face him. "Good! Maybe you can talk some sense into her."

Helena spun at this point and glared at her subordinate.

Before she spoke, John dismissed the other two expedition members and sat on one of the stools. "You know they're right."

"I am not going," she enunciated clearly.

His eyebrows rose. "You know I could pull rank."

"You know you could kiss my -" She stopped and dropped her head. "I'm sorry, John."

He smiled. "Apology ignored. Why don't you want to leave?" 

"This is my home, John. I didn't leave my home in '92 when Hurricane Andrew knocked it down around me and I'm not going to leave now. I'm sure you can use some help around here." Her eyes pleaded with him.

"The only people staying are myself, Dr. Weir, and Rodney," he explained. "The only reason Dr. Weir is staying is because of her codes. Rodney's staying because he's the only one who knows how to do what needs to be done. And I'm staying to help. We don't need or want anymore help. It's too dangerous."

She glared at him. "I hate going through the Stargate."

John smiled. "Ah, _now_ the truth comes out."

She sighed. "It's unsettling."

"You sound like Carson."

"And what's wrong with that?" she snapped.

John raised his hands in the air in a surrender motion. "Nothing! Really."

She sighed again. "I'm so sorry, John. I really don't want to go, but if you insist, I will."

John stood and moved toward her and took her upper arms in his hands. "Helena, you _have to go_. If for no other reason, than to help Carson see to the needs of our people. The Manerans don't seem all that friendly."

Helena looked down, then up to him. "Fine. I'll go. I won't be happy about it and don't ask me for a turkey sandwich anytime soon, but I'll go."

"Can I get one before you go?"

She tried to glare at him, but he used his most charming smile on her. She sighed and shrugged out of his hands, went to the pantry, grabbed a sandwich and threw it at him. "Get out. I have packing to do."

"You have two hours."

"So stand there yappin' at me and watch me be late. Go 'way."

John smiled and bit into his sandwich as he walked out of the kitchen.


	10. The Eye

_**The Eye**_

John was waiting in the embarkation area when Helena stepped through the gate with Radek Zalenka. He smiled at the pair as they walked toward him. Zalenka smiled back, but Helena did not.

"You're not still upset about having to leave, are you, Chief?"

Zalenka groaned. "She's been beside herself with worry the whole time."

Helena shot a glare the scientist's way. She pursed her lips and took a deep breath. "Please tell Dr. Weir and Dr. McKay that the kitchen will be open one hour after I have had the opportunity to assess the damage."

Without another word, she walked away.

John's eyebrows rose as he watched her leave.

"Don't take it to heart, Major," Radek started.

John looked at him.

"She's like a mother who's been away from her little ones for too long."

John smirked.

"She just needs time to calm herself. Then it will be safer to talk to her."

John sighed, then. "Why is it I manage to get myself in the doghouse with every woman I meet, sooner or later?"

Radek offered a commiserate half-smile. "Because you're a man. We all end up there, eventually."

oOo

John stuck his head in the kitchen to find Helena standing, alone, against a counter with a steaming cup of something in her hands. She wasn't drinking it. She was just staring into it.

"Will it help if I said 'you were right'?"

Her head came up and she smiled, half-heartedly. "A little. But only if you say it into a digital recorder, so I can play it over and over again."

John relaxed. "How are you?"

"Two more soldiers are dead. Rodney's been stabbed. Dr. Weir has been threatened with death, not once, but twice. Ford, Carson, Teyla and some kids sat through half a hurricane in a puddle jumper and you – " She sighed. "I guess I should be counting blessings."

John nodded, wordlessly.

She turned around and placed her cup on the counter. When she turned back, her eyes were flashing. "How _dare_ they? Dammit, John, you kind of expect that your home might get broken into if you live _on Earth_, but here? What the _hell_?"

John's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "So, you're not so much mad that you weren't here to help, but that they 'broke into' our house?"

Her eyebrows furrowed together. "Hell, no! I'm mad because they broke in _and_ I wasn't here to help!" She slammed her hand on the counter, spilling her coffee. "_Sonofabitch!_"

She snatched a nearby towel and started to clean up the coffee.

After a moment, John went over to her. "Next time, you stay."

She looked up at him, her eyebrows arched. "What?"

John shrugged. "Between hot coffee, bleach and that tongue, I don't think the Genii or the Wraith would have a chance."

Then he smiled down at her. And wiggled his eyebrows.

And as hard as she tried not to, she smiled. Then she started laughing. Finally, she pushed him away from her side.

"Get out."

John patted her on the back, then turned to leave.

"What's the status of the kitchen, by the way? McKay wanted to know."

"Everything's ready. The staff will be here to start cooking in 30 minutes. We'll be open for rations in an hour and dinner will be on schedule."

John nodded and headed for the door.

"John."

He stopped and looked back.

"I'm glad you're all okay."

He nodded. "Welcome back."

She nodded, then turned away to finish cleaning up the spilled coffee.


	11. The Defiant One

_**The Defiant One**_

Helena stood to one side of the cafeteria, watching Rodney and John sitting with Teyla and Ford, surrounded by a dozen expedition members listening as Rodney told, again, the story of what happened on the last mission. His story was tempered by input from John every once in a while, but Helena had heard the story grow since its first telling.

"It's a full house."

Helena looked over to see Elizabeth Weir as she looked at the storytellers.

"Yes. The Adventures of Sheppard and McKay are getting more and more popular. Pretty soon they may not have time for missions."

Elizabeth smiled at Helena.

"Can I get you something?" Helena motioned toward the service counter.

"Tea."

"Absolutely."

Helena moved behind the counter and began to prepare Elizabeth's chamomile tea. She watched Elizabeth watch the men that had, once again, narrowly escaped death on their last mission.

"Thank you," Helena said as she handed Elizabeth the cup.

Elizabeth frowned. "Isn't that what I'm supposed to say?"

Helena smiled. "Oh, sure, you thank me for the cup of tea. But I thank you for bringing those two knuckleheads home."

Elizabeth shook her head as she blew on the tea to cool it. "You should be thanking Teyla and Lt. Ford." She paused. "I almost didn't send them. I was afraid I was being a worry wart."

Helena leaned on the counter. "If you hadn't sent them when you did, the story could have had a very different ending."

The leader of the Atlantis expedition looked at the master chef. "Sheppard would have found a way."

Helena looked thoughtful. "Maybe. But I'm glad you followed your instinct and we didn't have to find out."

Elizabeth smiled. "So am I."

Just then the crowd laughed. Elizabeth and Helena looked over to see Rodney frowning at a smug John. Rodney said something to which John leaned back, crossed his arms across his chest and responded. More laughter followed and Rodney rolled his eyes and continued the story.

Helena and Elizabeth stood for a moment watching the story tellers and their audience. Finally, Helena broke the silence.

"Lieutenant Gonzalez made brownies."

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. "Really? How?"

Helena smiled. "We have become the Pegasus galaxy's best stretchers." She smiled. "Can I get you one?"

"I would _love_ a brownie."

Helena put her finger to her lips. "Not so loud. If Dr. McKay hears, there won't be any left come morning."

Elizabeth laughed and turned, again, to watch the storytellers as Helena moved to get the brownie.


	12. Hot Zone

_**Hot Zone**_

_A/N: I'm increasing the rating to PG13 for some serious sewage mouth._

"I wouldn't go in there, if I were you," Rodney told John at the door of the cafeteria.

"You were just in there."

"Yes, but she's not mad at me."

John swallowed and his face reflected a bad taste. "She's really still mad? It's been _two weeks_."

"She's still growling at people and frowning when someone mentions you or Teyla."

"But Teyla didn't do anything."

Rodney smiled. "But she was _with you_ as _you_ chased a contagious, hallucinating man into _her_ cafeteria."

John sighed, impatience taking its place on his face. "You know, this has gone on long enough." He tapped his earpiece to activate the audio. "Chief Leiter report to the conference room."

"I'm on my way," was the terse response.

"Hmm," Rodney smiled, smugly. "Afraid to meet her in her own territory, eh?"

John's look caused Rodney's smiled to dissolve. Then, John stalked off.

Rodney took a deep breath and started to walk away when the doors opened to Helena.

"Oh, hello, Chief."

"Hello, Rodney."

"Um, where you heading?"

She stopped and frowned at him. "He was here, wasn't he?"

"What? Who? No one here but me."

Her eyes narrowed. Rodney thought he heard her say "My ass," but before he could verify it, she said, clearly. "Excuse me."

Rodney watched her go and wished he was a fly on the wall in that room.

oOo

Helena Leiter walked into the conference room to find John Sheppard sitting at the table. She raised an eyebrow. "You rang?"

"Don't you think this has gone on long enough?"

She tilted her head to one side and crossed her arms. "What has gone on long enough?"

"Your being mad at me."

She frowned. "What makes you think this is all about you?"

"I know that you know that I got an earful from Elizabeth about that whole thing, so I really don't need it from you. But if it will make you feel better and get us back to being civil, I'll take it. Give it to me."

She frowned at him. For a long time, she stood there, staring at him with her eyes narrowed and lips pursed. Finally, she sighed, grabbed a chair and sat down. She put her head in her hands as her elbows rested on the conference table.

John leaned forward, waiting. As time went by and the tirade didn't come, he became concerned. "Helena?"

"I'm not mad at you, John."

His eyebrows rose. "You're not?"

She looked up. "No."

"Then what?"

"What, what?"

"You are mad at someone or something, so what is it?"

"Why does it have to be _at_ something or someone? I can't just be mad?"

John suddenly looked confused.

"Yes, John. I'm just mad. And don't you think it's about time?" She stood, abruptly, and began to pace. "I'm mad about everything, finally."

"I don't understand."

She glared at him. "Why aren't you mad?"

John looked surprised. "Could you explain this to me? You're not mad at me or at anyone in particular, but you are mad about everything?"

"Yes, John." She took a deep breath. "I'm mad about being stranded in another galaxy with no prospect of ever even contacting Earth again. I'm mad that we're not only stranded in another galaxy, but we have to be stranded with a race of vampires whose only occupation seems to be finding more humans to suck the life out of. I'm mad at Sumner. I'm mad at Abrams and Gaul. And Johnson and Wagner and Dumais and Hays and Peterson – especially mad at Peterson. I'm mad that people are dropping around here like flies and there doesn't seem to be a whole hell of a lot we can do about it!"

She took a breath.

John stood and started to walk around to her.

She held up a hand and waved him off. "Don't you come near me, right now." She rubbed her face with both hands. "I'm sorry, John. I'm…I'm ranting and I know it."

She moved away and began pacing again. "The mess hall is a safe place. It's a place where people go to unwind and relax and put on hold all the bullshit that is going on right now. But this time, the bullshit came to the mess hall. Thirty people, _including me_, seeing ghosts and goblins and not being able to do a damn thing about it." She spun to face him. "_What the hell, John?_ What were these people _doing_? Who creates crap that does that? I'm seriously having my doubts about these almighty Ancients. Seems to me that they're just as fucked up as anyone alive on Earth right now. If they're 'more evolved' but they're doing crap like this, what hope is there for us?"

John started toward her, holding a hand up as if to calm her. She backed away, shaking her head, and sat down in a nearby chair. Then, she put her head into her hands.

He moved to stand behind her, feeling helpless and inadequate. He raised his hands to touch her back, but let them drop. Instead, he took the chair next to her and sat.

They sat there for what seemed to John like a really long time.

Finally, she sighed and sat back in the chair. "I'm sorry, John," she said in a very small voice, her eyes closed.

He looked down at his hands. "So what you're saying is that you need a vacation?"

Her eyes popped open and she looked at him askance. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again. She sputtered and put her head down on the table. When she came back up, she was laughing, despite herself.

He kept looking at her, deadpan, until she regained her composure again.

"So, what do you need?" He asked, finally.

She sighed. "I needed to vent. I probably should have gone to Heitmeyer, but I'd rather stew, I guess."

"You're lucky I need you for late night snacks."

She smiled. "I'm just hoping you're not going to bust me down to private."

He shook his head. "Elizabeth didn't try to bust me to Lieutenant, so I have to pass on the generosity."

Helena leaned back and took a deep breath. "How are you dealing with all of this? You're in the middle of it. I'm losing my freaking mind and I'm in the rear most of the time. You're at the front and keeping it together. I have no idea how you do it."

John smiled. "I shoot things."

Helena laughed. "Spoken like a Marine."

John frowned. "Hey!"

She smiled, wickedly. After a moment, he smiled back.

"Are you okay, now?" he asked.

She took a deep breath. "I will be."

"Anything else I can do?"

"Can I have a gun in the kitchen?"

John's eyes widened. "Why?"

"I wouldn't actually kill anything. At least, not on purpose. 'Course there is a possibility, since I probably couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with anything less than a P90, anymore."

"Don't you think you should get some practice in?"

"And yet another reason to have a gun in the kitchen," she laughed.

He smiled. "I'll run it by Elizabeth."

She stood. "Thank you, John."

He stood. "You're welcome. But I'm not guaranteeing anything…"

"I mean for letting me go off on you."

She smiled and offered her hand. He took it and held it for a moment.

"Seriously, Chief, are we alright?"

"We are. Thank you, my friend."

John shrugged. "Not a problem. But you know you're buying the drinks later."

Helena smiled and nodded. "Zelenka Juice will be chilled when you're ready."


	13. Sanctuary

_**Sanctuary**_

_A/N: This episode tag takes place after John follows Chaya through the gate, but before his return. Presumably, he sent word through the gate that the Wraith had been destroyed before landing on Chaya's planet, so his teammates would not have cause to worry._

Helena approached Rodney and Teyla sitting at the table they usually occupied with John Sheppard, who was away on a mission without them. This, by itself, seemed odd to Helena, but she was immediately interested in the fact that Rodney seemed so busy speaking passionately to Teyla that he wasn't eating.

"I was right!"

Helena stopped, not sure if she wanted to continue.

Teyla nodded. "You may have been, but that does not negate my point."

Rodney scoffed. "I don't have a problem with him having feelings, but seducing an alien priestess who is clearly hiding something is completely unacceptable for the ranking military officer."

Helena's ears perked up then and she moved to sit next to Teyla. "John's seducing an alien priestess? I thought she was an Ancient."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "She is an Ancient, but we didn't know that when he was

seducing her."

"Rodney," Teyla said, lowly. "Could you stop saying that?"

Helena smiled. "So, what do you think about that, Teyla? John Sheppard having an intimate picnic, complete with the last of the chocolate, with an Ancient?"

Teyla smiled. "I think it is wonderful that he is allowing himself to explore his feelings, regardless of who it may be with."

Helena smiled. "I agree, it's very, very…" She paused as if searching for a word.

"Captain Kirk." Rodney supplied.

Helena's eyes lit up and her smile widened. "Exactly! _Very_ Captain Kirk."

Teyla frowned. "Who is this Captain Kirk?"

"He was a character on an old television show. It was about space exploration long before Earth had any such thing."

"It was only two years before the moon landing," Rodney corrected.

"Yes, Rodney," Helena frowned. "If you count that as space exploration, considering what we know now."

Rodney shrugged, and picked up his fork.

Helena began again. "Captain James T. Kirk was the dashing captain of the Starship _Enterprise_ and women would throw themselves at his feet. He was never above seducing the alien princess, priestess, or whatever she might be."

Rodney sputtered. "You make it sound like some great grand thing!"

Teyla smiled and Helena leaned back in her chair. "I thought it was. I had the biggest crush on him when I was a kid."

Rodney frowned. "You are no where near old enough to have watched that show when you were a kid."

"Hello? The show has been in syndication for almost 40 years!" Helena turned to Teyla. "It was always very romantic – at least, in my preteen brain, it was."

Teyla looked from Rodney to Helena, frowning. "To my understanding, this is the first time Major Sheppard has had any romantic entanglements at all since arriving in Atlantis."

"Hmm. Probably the first of many," Rodney spoke around a mouthful of food.

"If so, good for him!"

Teyla smiled. "That was my point, exactly, Helena. He may be the 'ranking military officer', but he has the right to pursue his feelings without the need to explain anything to anyone."

Helena nodded, grinning widely and sitting back. "And what alien priestess in her right mind wouldn't go for our Major Sheppard? He is a cutie, after all."

Even as Teyla nodded, laughing, Rodney suddenly looked as if he'd tasted lemon.

"Oh, give me a break!"

"You're just jealous, Rodney, that she didn't go for you," Helena stood.

"No! Now that is totally and completely absurd! I would never—" he stopped. "Wait a minute, did you just say 'the _last_ of the chocolate'?"

Helena laughed out loud and winked at Teyla.

As she walked away, Rodney groused, "I think I'm going to be sick." Rodney practically threw down his fork.

Teyla smiled at him. "I'm sure there will be more chocolate, someday."

Rodney looked at her, miserable. "You know perfectly well that's not the only thing that's ruined my appetite." He looked over at Helena, working behind the counter with a huge smile. "I think she says things like that on purpose."

Teyla's smile widened. "In this, I think you are correct."

"Finally! I get to be right about _something_." Rodney picked up his fork again. Then he dropped it and stood. "I've got something to take care of in my lab."


	14. Aside 1, HCIC

_A/N: This occurs after "Sanctuary" but before "Before I Sleep". Helena's comments from "Sanctuary"(episode tag) catch up to her._

_**HCIC**_

John Sheppard walked into the gym to find Teyla instructing Helena on the use of the _bantos_ rods. He stood off to the side with his arms crossed, grinning about something he'd just heard and couldn't wait to share.

Finally, the ladies noticed him rocking on the balls of his feet and stopped what they were doing.

"You look exactly like proverbial cat that ate the canary, Major," Helena smiled, sidelong, her eyebrows drawn together.

"That's because I heard something. A nice juicy bit of gossip."

Helena looked at Teyla, who smiled and said. "Since it appears that you are most eager to share this 'bit of gossip', please do."

John walked over to Helena, grinning from ear to ear. "You think I'm cute."

Helena's jaw dropped. "Who—" she swung to look at Teyla, who shook her head, eyes wide. "McKay!" She took a deep breath and said, lowly. "I'm-a-kill-'im."

John bounced on the balls of his feet again. "So, it's true!"

Helena looked again at Teyla, who looked sympathetic but also looked amused. Then an idea popped into her head. She turned back to John and crossed her arms. "Yes," she said, nonchalantly. "But don't let it go to your head or anything. I mean I think a lot of guys in this city are cute."

John's eyebrows rose. "Really." He didn't sound convinced. And he was still bouncing.

"Yes."

"Like?"

Helena's mind was racing. "Like, like…um…Grodin! Peter Grodin, definite cutie." Names were coming to her now. "Then there's Lieutenant Ford…Zelenka! Zelenka can be absolutely adorable at times." 

"He's a bit young for you, isn't he?" John stopped bouncing.

"Zelenka?"

"Ford."

"Oh. Yes, of course, he is," she frowned. "But that doesn't make him any less cute."

"Oh," John's smile faded, but only slightly. Then it came back as if he had an idea, but Helena cut him off.

"Chuck! Chuck what's-his-name in the control room…he's cute." Helena looked at Teyla, beseeching her with her eyes to help.

Teyla spoke up. "I have always thought that Dr. Beckett is attractive."

Helena smiled and began to bounce, herself. "Oh, my God! Carson! Teyla, you're absolutely correct. But with that Scottish brogue, I think he crosses over the line from cute into hotness."

"Okay, enough," John said, flatly. "I get it. You think half the city is cute in some way or another."

"Not half." Helena looked at Teyla.

Teyla smiled. "No, I would say much less than half."

"Twenty-five percent?"

"Perhaps, thirty."

Helena looked back at John and nodded. "Yep. Somewhere between twenty-five and thirty percent of the men in the city qualify as cute."

"Wonderful."

"Hey, don't look so upset, Major. I told you not to get excited about it."

"I think I'm going to be sick." He walked back to the door and was about the leave when Helena called out to him. He turned and she smiled.

"If it makes you feel any better, you _are_ the H.C.I.C."

He frowned, thought about it for a moment, then realization crossed his face and he hastily retreated from of the gym.

Helena burst out laughing and Teyla smiled, but said. "I hope we weren't too hard on him."

"I'm seriously going to kill McKay. Why does he mess with the person who makes his food? The last thing in the world I need is the ranking military officer – who just happens to be _my_ C.O. – thinking I'm attracted to him. Good Lord!"

Teyla smiled. "But you do think he's attractive."

Helena tried to scowl but failed. "Don't you start, too. My big mouth has already gotten me into enough trouble."

Teyla smiled. Then she frowned. "There is one thing I didn't understand about that exchange."

Helena laughed quietly. "I'm surprise I lived through it! What didn't you understand, my friend?"

"H.C.I.C?"

Helena laughed out loud. "I'm actually surprised _he_ got it. The look on his face was just precious! Oh, so worth the near fatal embarrassment McKay put me through."

Helena began packing up their equipment, seemingly lost in thought.

"Helena?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Teyla. Yes, you wanted to know the meaning of HCIC?"

"Yes."

"Head Cutie In Charge."

"Clever!" Teyla smiled. "And, potentially, very useful."

Helena grinned. "You are a woman after my own heart, Teyla. Almost as evil as I."

Teyla smiled back, wickedly. "What shall we do to Rodney, since we're feeling clever?"

Helena put a finger to her lips. "Hmm. This is going to take some thought. Why don't we discuss it over cookies?"


	15. Before I Sleep

_**Before I Sleep**_

"That was just troubling."

Helena looked over at Carson, with whom she was sharing an evening meal. "What's that?"

"Watching Elizabeth die knowing that it wasn't really Elizabeth, but knowing still that it was."

Helena frowned and poked a lettuce leaf. "This is the reason I hate time paradox situations. I hate them in science fiction and I hate them in science fact. Though, I never, in a million years, thought that they were even possible in reality."

Carson nodded. "Aye, they can be quite…disconcerting."

"How is Elizabeth?"

Carson took a deep breath. "She seems to be dealing with it fairly well. She's been able to remove herself from…herself…" Carson frowned for a moment, seemed to think about that, then shrugged and continued. "And maintain some objectivity. It's also disturbing to know how you might have died if things worked out differently."

Helena waved her hand, dismissively. "Don't we all know that things end differently if we make different decisions? What if the Stargate had never been found, or never turned on? What if the US government had simply destroyed it? What if they'd never come out to their allies? What if the Goa'uld never left Earth, for that matter? Or if their many attacks since the activation of the 'gate had succeded?"

Carson nodded. "Aye. And what if the shields had failed before we came? We would have never gotten here. What would any of us be doin' right now, if not this?"

"And you know there is a theory that says all of those decisions have been made in alternate universes. Can you imagine?" She shook her head. "Gives me a headache to think of it."

Carson smiled. "What would you be doin', love, if you'd never come here?"

Helena stabbed a piece of her salad and held it up for inspection. "Eating chocolate."

Carson laughed. "And?"

"And? And what? It doesn't matter what I'd be doing professionally, there'd be chocolate and coffee involved." Helena brought the food to her mouth and asked. "What about you?" before popping it into her mouth.

"Nothing so grand as eating chocolate and drinking coffee, I'm sure," he chuckled. Then Carson got a far away look on his face. "I'd be in Edinburgh, near my mum. Maybe teaching."

Helena swallowed her food and said. "Well, I'm glad we live in the universe we live in."

Carson smiled. "Me, too, though it'd be nice to see Scotland again."

Helena put her fork down and sat back, with her arms crossed. "I think about it like this: if I'd never come here, if I'd made that decision differently, I'd have never been given the opportunity to get to know you or anyone else here." 

Carson nodded. "There is that."

Helena sat up and patted Carson's hand. "Multi-verses be damned. I'll keep to this one, thank you, very much."

"Even if this one includes Rodney McKay," Carson grinned.

"Even then," she laughed. "Although, that might be an argument for the other…"

Carson's blue eyes twinkled as Helena wiggled her eyebrows in a very good imitation of John Sheppard.

"So I imagine they're on their way to one of those gate addresses."

Carson sighed. "Hopefully, they won't find any trouble."

The two friends sat finishing their meal and conversing on the probabilities of the Sheppard team finding something other than a ZPM.


	16. The Brotherhood

_**The Brotherhood**_

"Excuse me, Rodney."

Rodney looked up at Helena and moved his food to one side of his mouth. "What?"

She frowned at the sight of his mouthful of food. "I really should be used to it by now, but your manners are so incredibly atrocious, I can't even begin to tell you."

He swallowed. "Is that what you interrupted my meal to say?"

John arrived at Helena's side and said. "Hey, Rodney, Helena, what's up?"

She turned and smiled at him. "Well, I heard that Rodney was trying to get his game on with a woman who turned out to be hiding something."

John nodded. "I don't know if he really knew where his game was, but she was trying to find it…"

"Among other things, apparently."

Rodney gave a sarcastic smile. "Okay, ha-ha. This is to get me back for that whole Chaya thing isn't it?"

John suddenly looked at Helena with realization on his face. "You know," he drawled. "I hadn't even thought about that!"

Helena smiled smugly. "Nor had I, but now that you mention it, are you Kirk? Or McCoy?"

John laughed out loud. "McCoy! I love that! Oh, that's really good!"

Rodney glared at the two of them. He leaned back in his chair. "You two are going to have a ridiculously good time with this for way too long."

Helena smiled. "I think it is just fantastic that this little piece of information fell into my lap at just the right moment. Almost immediately on the heels of you telling John that I thought he was cute."

John stopped smiling then. "Can we not get into that again?"

Helena smiled at him, then back to Rodney. "I am going to sleep incredibly well tonight. Have a wonderful evening, gentlemen."

"I can't believe you told her I told you that." Rodney hissed.

"Oh, McCoy, relax. I didn't tell her. She figured it out." He turned to watch her. "And, apparently, I'm only one of many."

"Really?"

"Maybe she needs to find someone…"

Rodney shook his head. "I don't see how. I haven't noticed her mixing with anyone in particular. And she doesn't go on missions so the alien prince is out. Unless someone comes here."

John shrugged. "Still, it would be nice to get something to hold over her."

Rodney nodded. "Absolutely. By the way, Major?"

John looked at him. "Hmm?"

"Could we agree not to call me McCoy?"

John smirked. "I'm going to go get a sandwich."


	17. Letters from Pegasus

_**Letters from Pegasus**_

"Why, Lieutenant Ford, where is your video camera?"

Aiden Ford turned to see a smiling Chief Leiter approaching him. He rolled his eyes and pursed his lips. "I left it with Kavanaugh."

Helena's eyebrows rose. "Oh? He didn't want you to witness his mushiness?"

"More like his whining was making me sick to my stomach." At Helena's furrowed brow frown, he explained. "Can you believe that he's using this opportunity to complain about all the things that Dr. Weir has done wrong?"

Her left eyebrow rose. "What has she done wrong?"

Aiden shook his head. "Not that I think she's done _anything_ wrong. It's what he's saying."

Helena's eyebrow joined its mate again in a frown. "Weasel."

"Yeah."

He picked up an apple. "I'd better get back. Hopefully, he's done."

She nodded. "As soon as he's done, come and see me. I want to put my message right behind his."

Aiden smiled broadly. "Great."

oOo

"Ready?"

Helena took a deep breath and rubbed her hands on her knees. Then she nodded.

"Okay. Remember, if you don't like it, we can redo it."

She smiled. "All right, Lieutenant, let's go."

Aiden smiled and hit the record button and nodded to her.

She looked at the lens and began:

"This message is for General Jack O'Neill." She smiled. "Hello, sir. I hope you are well. I hear there's pie in the mess hall. Yours, not mine." She held up a hand. "But before you go looking for that pie, I would like to offer a small bit of insight: when it comes to Dr. Kavanaugh, I have two words for you: Senator Kinsey. Why, you may ask, am I invoking the name of your favorite politician? Kavanaugh is an arrogant, pompous, egotistical son-of-a-bitch whose ego was damaged when Dr. Weir refused to allow him to give up on a situation that could have cost five expedition members their lives. He was cuckolded and is still stewing about it. So if he has sent you a message complaining about anyone on this base, take it with a grain of sand. You have a great team here, sir. I can't imagine a better group of people, Kavanaugh notwithstanding."

She took a deep breath and smiled again. "On the dietary front, everyone's dietary needs are being met, but if you could send pie, steak and beer, you and I would gain a _lot_ of fans. Rations get old after a while and the trade negotiations are bringing in some fresh food, but…well, it's not steak and beer. So if you ever send a ship this way…you know."

"The mood here is determined and resigned at the same time. We hope to come out of it in one piece, but we are not expecting it. I hope we see you all again, sir, but if we don't, please know that we have done all we possibly can to prevent these creatures from getting control of the Atlantis gate."

She shifted and smiled again. "Now, go find that pie and enjoy it for all of us who are envious. And remember, send steak and beer!" She laughed. "Ciao."

She looked at Aiden and he turned off the camera.

"Do you have anyone you want to send a message to?"

She frowned. "I just did."

"No, I mean family."

Helena shook her head. "If I had family back there, I probably wouldn't have come here. I wasn't even going to record a message until you told me about Kavanaugh."

Aiden nodded. "What about friends?"

Helena stood. "I keep my friends here with me," she reached out and touched his shoulder. "Now get this stuff and get out of my cafeteria. Well, check with my team first."

Aiden smiled and packed up the tripod and camera equipment as Helena moved back to the kitchen.


	18. The Gift

_**The Gift**_

It was late. The cafeteria was closed for the night, but Helena wasn't ready to go to bed yet. Instead, she walked out onto the balcony to enjoy the sea breeze. She moved between the tables to the rail and leaned on it.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Helena jumped. She turned to see John Sheppard sitting at the corner table with his feet up on the middle rail.

He half-grinned at her.

She frowned. "You startled me." She scolded.

He stood and moved around the tables to stand next to her. "Sorry."

"No you're not." She smiled. "Enjoying the calm before the storm?"

He looked out at the sea. "Something like that."

Helena leaned on her elbows, facing in, next to where he stood, leaning, and looking out.

"It's been quiet in the mess hall the past couple of days. Most people are coming in, grabbing their food and leaving, or sitting quietly by themselves. I think most are resolute but resigned." She sighed. "I don't think there's a lot of optimism here."

John grunted acknowledgement without commenting on it.

"What about you? Determined but resigned?"

He took a deep breath. "Teyla says they are on their way here to get to Earth."

Helena straightened. "Well, _that's_ not going to happen."

"We're probably going to abandon the city and destroy it before they get here."

Helena looked up at the city's spires. "Figures."

John grunted again.

"I hate moving."

"Should be used to it."

She smiled, ruefully. "I still hate it."

John nodded. "Me, too."

They were silent for a long time, John looking out and Helena looking in. At one point, Helena moved her hand to touch his sleeve. He looked at her hand, then at her. She continued to look in though, as if she'd never moved her hand. He nodded and looked out again.

They stood there like that for a long time. Finally, Helena moved her hand and straightened. "I should get some rest."

John turned to face her. "Yeah. Me, too."

"Good night, John."

"Good night, Helena."

Helena nodded and walked back into and through the cafeteria with John next to her. When they walked out of the cafeteria, they each went their own way, without another word.


	19. The Siege, Part 1

_**The Seige, Part 1**_

_A/N: Actually takes place DURING the episode, instead of after._

Helena stood outside the door until it opened. She carried the tray she held into Teyla's quarters and smiled at the other woman, who was pacing.

"Thought you might like some tea."

"Hello, Helena," Teyla acknowledged, then tilted her head with a frown. "Why would I like some tea?"

Helena smiled. "I heard you rang Bates' bell."

Teyla sighed. "I lost my temper."

"I don't blame you."

Teyla frowned at Helena. "You sound like you approve."

Helena served the tea to a still standing Teyla. "I haven't known you for very long, Teyla, but I think I know you fairly well. I know that, for you to go off on someone, it had to be something big. I also know how small-minded and judgmental Bates can be. He was nearly insubordinate to Major Sheppard when Colonel Sumner was here. It's not that I approve of one member of our family decking another, but I can completely understand why."

Teyla's smile was grateful. She sipped the tea and looked to Helena, curious.

"How did you know what happened?"

Helena smiled, innocently, sitting. "Oh, a little birdie told me."

Teyla frowned. "A little birdie?"

"It's an old saying that means the source of my _chisme_, or gossip, will remain anonymous."

Teyla tried to frown at her but failed, but her companionable smile didn't last long. "Do you think I had anything to do with the Wraith happening upon us everywhere we go?"

The chief frowned into her tea. "Do you?"

"No! Of course not!" She sighed and sat down. "I do not believe so." Teyla put the cup down and rubbed her forehead. "I feel their presence all the time now, but I do not think they can get information from me without my being aware. They have never been able to establish a connection with me before this week and both times that it happened this week, I initiated the contact." She stood again. "It is frustrating to feel that my honor is being questioned."

"I understand completely." Helena stood. "Teyla, I hope you know that no one here really questions your honor. I'm sure that even Sergeant Bates, when given the time to think it through will agree that you are, without a doubt, one of the most honorable people in this city." She reached out and rubbed Teyla's upper arm. "I have to get back to work, but I'll leave you the tea. Sit, sip, and clear your mind. Then sleep and when you wake it'll be a little more manageable. Maybe you can even have a civil conversation with Bates."

Teyla smiled wickedly. "I would _love_ the opportunity to 'speak' to him again."

Helena laughed. "Down, girl. I actually mean _talk_, not 'beat until bloody'."

Teyla's smile turned more sincere. "I know."

"Good night, my friend."

Teyla nodded. "Helena," she stopped the chief at the door. "Did you mean it when you said we were like family?"

"I never said we were _like_ family, Teyla. I said we _are_ family. I've adopted the lot of you."

"You are not old enough to be anyone's mother, here."

Helena put her hand to her back and feigned an ailment. "If you're as old as you feel…" At Teyla's "oh, please!" look, she straightened. "You're right, but have you met Dr. Winston? He's young enough to be my son."

Teyla shook her head. "I think that you are exaggerating again. I will wish you good night, my friend."

Helena laughed. "Great. Even when I'm serious people think I'm joking! Good night, Teyla."

Teyla smiled as her friend left the room, still laughing.


	20. The Siege, Part 2

_**The Seige, Part 2**_

_A/N: Actually takes place DURING the episode, instead of after._

"Chief!"

Helena Leiter emerged from the kitchen with a 9mm strapped to her leg. She smiled a smile of relief. "John, it's good to see you."

John Sheppard nodded, grimly. "I'm getting you out of here."

She frowned. "What?"

His eyebrows drew together in a frown that brooked no argument. "I know I said you wouldn't have to leave next time, but I don't have time for a discussion. We need military members to accompany the wounded to the Alpha site."

She nodded. "And since I'm not the most accurate with a weapon, I'm a logical choice."

He nodded, curtly. "We think we've gotten all the Wraith that beamed into the city on that last attack; the next wave should be arriving soon and we need to evacuate the wounded. We won't have time if they come too soon. I need you and your crew to go to the Alpha site, to secure it and tend to the wounded."

She sighed. "Okay, but on one condition: You come out of this alive."

John mustered half a smile. "It's part of my plan."

Helena frowned. "I'll get to the control room."

"Oh, and Helena?"

She turned to look at him again.

"I'm keeping Lieutentant Gonzalez."

She paused, glancing into the kitchen, then nodded. "Understood."

He nodded and turned to leave the mess hall.

oOo

"Helena."

She paused to see Teyla approaching, her P90 strapped to her.

"Teyla."

"You are going to the Alpha site?"

"Yes. Reluctantly, but I know where I'll be most useful."

Teyla nodded. She put her hands on the other woman's shoulders and Helena leaned her head forward to touch Teyla's forehead.

"Stay well."

Helena's eyes became moist. "You, too, my friend."

Teyla smiled. "We will see each other soon."

Helena smiled back. "Of course we will, but you don't have to blow smoke up my ass, Teyla. I know what we're up against. I just hope Daedelus gets here in time or that you all have time enough to evacuate."

Teyla nodded. "You will have to explain to me the 'smoke up my ass' thing when we see each other again."

Helena smiled, more broadly. "You bet." Then her smile dissolved. "It's time."

Teyla ascended the stairs as the gate connected to the Alpha site.

Helena ushered the wounded and the medics through the gate. She looked up to see Teyla speaking to Colonel Everett and nodded to her. She turned to step through just as Colonel Everett's voice came on the comm..

_This is Everett. Jumper Four has just informed us that the Wraith hive ships are approaching the planet…_


	21. The Siege, Part 3

_**The Siege, Part 3**_

Teyla was sitting at the first table in the mess hall when Helena walked in. The Athosian woman smiled, tiredly, at the Earth woman, who tried to smile back, but could only muster a half-grin.

Helena instructed the Marines carrying supplies into the kitchen, then went to Teyla. "How are you?" she asked without preamble.

"I am well. Tired." Teyla acknowledged. "How are you?"

Helena sat down heavily. She let out a deep sigh. "I feel like I've been run over by a bus." 

Teyla frowned. "A bus?"

Helena smiled. "Sorry. It's a large, heavy wheeled vehicle. Getting run over by one is not a good thing."

Teyla nodded, sympathetically. After a long moment, she asked. "The Daedalus brought supplies?"

Helena perked up a little. "Oh, yeah! I need to find Major Sheppard."

Teyla's eyebrows rose. "I believe he's out on the West Pier. It seems to be his retreat. May I ask…?"

Helena shook her head and stood. "No, Teyla, sorry. This is something I have to tell him first." She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially. "I haven't even told Elizabeth yet." Helena moved over to the counter a grabbed a white cubed container with a handle.

Teyla nodded. "I understand."

Helena nodded. "I have to go find him."

Teyla smiled as Helena left. After the Chief left, Teyla stood. Then Helena reappeared.

"Teyla! I'm so sorry, my dear!" She grabbed her friend in a quick hug. "You were waiting for me. Can I get you something?"

Teyla looked surprised. "Actually, I was finishing a meal. I am glad to have seen you, but if you need to find Major Sheppard, go ahead."

Helena smiled again. "'Kay. I'll be back in a bit."

oOo

John Sheppard sat on the West Pier, staring out over the city and on to the ocean. He'd run his hands through his hair enough to make its usual disheveled appearance to look decidedly messy.

Helena entered the balcony slowly, without a word. She walked up to him and sat, placing the container on the opposite side.

He looked over at her.

She looked out to the ocean.

He started to feel choked up and ran his hands through his hair again. He stood and walked to the balcony.

Helena felt her tamped down emotions start to rise as well, but fought to keep them contained. "John."

He grasped the rail a little tighter. "I'm sorry, Chief."

She frowned and moved, quickly, to his side. "For what?"

He frowned and looked at her, confused. "Lieutenant Gonzalez."

Tears sprang to her eyes, but, blinking hard, she looked away and managed to keep them from falling. "He's not the only one we lost, John."

He nodded. "I'm sorry about them, too."

She nodded and swallowed. "You know that none of it is your fault."

He looked pissed suddenly. "It doesn't make me feel any better."

Helena frowned. "I don't expect it to. You'd be no better than those Wraith if you didn't feel like shit that our friends are gone." Her voice cracked. She looked at her hands, sadly.

He turned away, looking again at the sea. "I never wanted this, you know. I'm the insubordinate one. Not the CO."

She sighed. "I know." She thought for a moment. "But you know, great leaders seldom ask for the responsibilities they are given."

He stared at her.

She looked back at him.

"Bullshit." He pronounced, clearly, then turned back toward the ocean.

Shocked, she smiled, despite herself and looked back out at the water as well. Slowly, her smile faded.

They stood for a long while. Finally, Helena moved away from him.

Part of John was relieved she was gone. He was still wrestling with his emotions. A noise, however, made him turn around with a frown.

Helena was holding two smallish brown bottles. Wordlessly, she handed one to him and resumed her place by the balcony.

John frowned and sniffed the bottle. His eyes widened and he looked at her. She took a swig without looking at him. Cautiously, he took a sip of the contents and smiled, despite himself.

"Beer?"

Helena smiled, crookedly. "General O'Neill got my message."

John looked incredulous. "You requested _beer_?"

She nodded. "And steak. And pie. He sent some of all three."

John shook his head in disbelief. "Of all the things…"

She smiled. "I'm actually surprised that Ford didn't tell you. He was there when I recorded my message." Her smile faded. "Is there any word on Aiden?"

He shook his head. "Nah. He did exactly what I expected." He took a drink from his beer.

She looked at her beer. "You'll find him."

He nodded. "Yes." His tone was determined. "I will."

She bit her lip. She looked like she was going to say something, then stopped and turned back to the rail, grasping it tightly with her free hand.

He moved to her side again. Wordlessly, he placed a hand on hers.

She looked down at his hand covering hers, then look up at him to find him looking out to the sea. She smiled, gently, and looked back out to the sea.

After a long time, he cleared his throat. "Did you say there's steak?"

She nodded. "And pie."

"Does McKay know?"

She smiled. "No. From what I understand, he's taken a sandwich and headed off to bed for the next 24 hours. Though, I don't doubt his stomach will wake him at about the 8 hour mark."

He turned around to face the door and grinned. "We don't have much time, then. If we don't go now, he might wake up before we can get the steak cooked."

She laughed. "And, as hungry as he is in the mornings, he'd probably eat them raw."

"Is there another way to eat it?"

She frowned. "Medium-rare to medium, my friend, is the best way to eat steak, though I prefer mine a little more on the well side."

He looked thoughtful. "I'll try your medium, if it makes you happy."

She smiled. "Thank you, ever-so-much, sir."

"Sure." He finished off the beer and looked at the empty bottle. "Anymore of these?"

"In the cooler."

He reached for the cooler and picked it up. "We'd better get going."

She nodded. "Let's."

He stopped before they reached the door. "Helena."

She looked up at him. "Yes?"

He looked immensely uncomfortable. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

She frowned and raised an eyebrow. "Yes, my poor virgin ears are burning and will never recover."

His eyebrows rose and, after a moment, a grin touched his face. "Yes, well," he tried to frown but failed. "I'll, uh, try to make it up to you."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, let's just go eat steak."


	22. The Intruder

_**The Intruder**_

"So…" Helena's drawl was more apparent than normal when she sat down next to John in the mess hall late in the evening on the day he returned from Earth. "You're a Lieutenant Colonel now."

John swallowed his food and nodded. "Yes, I am."

"Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"Do I have to start saluting you, now?"

John looked at her as if she'd suddenly sprouted another head. "What?"

"Well, you know," She sighed. "Sometimes men get a powerful ego boost when they get promoted and all."

John rolled his eyes. "If we were going by protocol, you would have been saluting me as a Major."

Helena looked indignant. "Hey! I snapped to attention a couple of times."

He grinned. "Just a couple, though."

Helena narrowed her eyes at him. "If you go all hoity-toity on me, I'll hide the beer _and_ the Zelenka Juice."

John chuckled. "Well, if you put it that way…No, you don't have to salute me."

Helena harrumphed, good-naturedly. "Good. Wasn't going to anyway."

"What was that?"

Helena suddenly looked innocent. "I said 'When ya goin' to another away?' I mean away mission…to borrow a _Star Trek_ term."

John studied her until her cheeks started to warm under his gaze.

"Stop that!" she grumbled.

"I know General O'Neill sent a few beers for the troops, but how did you talk General Landry into granting your requisition for _more_ beer?"

Helena smiled smugly. "Well, I made him some of my incredibly delectable, fall off the bone, make your mouth water, so good you want to smack your gran'ma, barbecue ribs. They are boiled in beer, then basted with barbecue sauce and slow-roasted. After one taste, he recognized it as an essential ingredient. Especially, when he needed something to wash the ribs down with."

John shook his head. "Did you requisition ribs, too?"

Helena frowned. "Of course." She grinned. "I'm planning a whole 'Sunday picnic' supper menu this weekend. Barbecue chicken, ribs, burgers and dogs with southern potato salad, barbecue baked beans, corn on the cob, and coleslaw. There will be sun-brewed sweet tea, beer and Zelenka Juice. For dessert, we will be having apple pie, pecan pie and peach cobbler."

John could feel himself start to drool. "You managed to get all of that on the Daedalus?"

She smiled and leaned back in the chair. "Yes, I _am_ the goddess of the mess hall. Feel free to worship."

John's eyebrows rose. "Will you do me a favor?"

"What's that?"

"Let me get here _before_ Rodney?"

Helena laughed, lowly. "Yes, sir!"

John rolled his eyes. "If you keep that up, I'm going to start calling you Mister Leiter," he said, referring to the correct way of addressing a Chief Warrant Officer.

Helena narrowed her eyes. "I'll stop if you don't start."

"Deal."

"By the way," she stood. "Staff Sergeant Cooper – you're not the only promoted one around here, by the way – is making chocolate chip cookies for tomorrow. They'll be ready in time for your midnight sandwich."

John smiled. "Great. I'll let Teyla know."

Helena nodded. "See you then."


	23. The Runner

_**The Runner**_

"Holy crap!"

John looked down at Helena, who was, suddenly, not looking at him as they stood on either side of the service bar in the cafeteria. He followed her eyes to where their guest, the Satedan named Ronon Dex, was walking into the cafeteria.

"What?"

"Oh, good lord! _That_ is a specimen of man. Wow."

John rolled his eyes. "Hey, Chief," he put an index finger to the corner of his mouth. "You got something…"

She looked at him and then touched her own mouth before she realized he was implying that she was drooling. Then she swatted his arm, good-naturedly, and laughed out loud. "Oh, stop it!" She covered her mouth then because she realized that she'd been louder than she meant to be.

John was still smiling when Teyla and Rodney arrived.

"Good afternoon, Helena," Teyla smiled.

Rodney grunted his hello as he looked over the nearby fruit.

"Chief was just admiring our new friend."

Teyla turned to look at Ronon. "Ah. Another one for the list?"

John suddenly looked miserable and Helena laughed out loud again, this time not caring that the laughter carried.

Rodney frowned. "What list?" he asked as he bit into an apple.

Helena smiled. "The list of 'cute' guys in the city."

Rodney's face looked as if the apple he was chewing was rotten. "Oh, are we back to that?"

Helena's smile was Cheshire-cat-like. "If I may remind you, Rodney, you started it."

Rodney sputtered. "I most certainly did not! You said that Colonel Sheppard was cute."

Helena nodded. "And you told him."

Rodney frowned. "Yes, well I don't see how that constitutes me starting anything."

John cleared his throat. "Rodney, you're not going to win."

Rodney looked miserable.

Teyla smiled. "So is he on the list?"

Helena frowned, studying the visitor with narrowed eyes. "Hmm. No... I don't think so. I think he's on the 'hot' list with Carson, but I'd have to see him cleaned up…"

John grinned, then. "Why don't you go offer to help him with that, Chief?"

Helena's eyebrow rose and she looked at John. After a moment, Helena's look turned defiant and determined. "Goliath, meet David," she said, softly, as she came around the bar and walked over to where the big man still stood.

Teyla smirked. John and Rodney looked on with disbelief as the smallish, red-haired woman approached and began to talk to the tall, dangerous man, who stood head and shoulders over her.

After a time, during which Ronon didn't seem to say more than a few words but Helena seemed to talk up a storm, Helena escorted him to a nearby table. He sat and she said something more to him and he nodded. Then she walked back to where the others stood in shocked silence.

Rodney was the first to get words out as Helena started to serve a tray of food. "What did you say to him?"

"I introduced myself and asked him if he was hungry," Helena shrugged. "What did you think?"

"Well, considering he's made your 'hot' list…"

Helena smirked at John. "I do not pounce on men as they walk through the door, John." She finished plating the food and that smirk turned very smug. "Why should I, when they always come to me?"

John frowned. "They do?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "The way to a man's heart and all…" Then she walked away, taking the tray of food to Ronon.

Teyla was laughing very quietly when John and Rodney looked at her.

"What's so funny?"

"That you both know Helena so little to actually think she would make some sort of romantic overture towards our guest."

John looked at Rodney, who looked back.

The scientist shook his head. "Nothing would surprise me, anymore."

"Better than me. I'm usually shocked all the time, when it comes to women."

Rodney took another bite of the apple. "Hmmm. Well said."


	24. Duet

_**Duet**_

"He did _what_?"

Carson frowned over his supper. Helena had made it her habit to bring him supper if he missed it due to work. Since he tended to eat late anyway and she always waited until after the "dinner rush", they often shared the evening meal, talking about the day's events. At this time, he was waiting in his office for Lieutenant Cadman and Rodney to wake up.

"Well, I don't believe _he_ was actually in control of his body at the time."

Helena's eyes danced. "Still, I would have loved to been there. The look on your face…" She stopped and seemed to try to stop smiling at his look. She failed miserably, however.

Carson sighed and stabbed his green bean. "Poor lass. She could not have been thinking clearly. I'm sure she'll be mortified when she comes around."

Helena's eyebrows rose, then lowered. A small smile of disbelief apeared as she chewed. After swallowing, she said. "What makes you think that?"

"Well, she was in Rodney's head, for one."

"Yes, and, as horrifying as that idea might be, I'd be willing to bet that she simply used Rodney's body to do something she might not otherwise have had the nerve to do."

It was Carson's turn to knit his eyebrows together. "What in the world would make you say that?"

Helena pursed her lips and fought the smile that danced on them. "Well, why not?"

Carson pursed his lips and scoffed through his nose. After a moment, he responded with "I asked you first."

Helena's jaw dropped, then color tinged her cheeks. She looked away, then down at her food. "Nevermind."

Smiling, Carson leaned forward. "Come on, now, Helena. You've never been hesitant to say what's on your mind before."

Helena shook her head and chewed on a lettuce leaf.

Not taking his eyes off of her, Carson sat back in his chair and waited.

As he watched, Helena's face grew warmer. Finally, she sighed and put down her fork. "Fine. I'll tell you." She sighed again. "There's absolutely no reason in the world why she wouldn't like you, Carson."

He nodded. "Yes," he conceded. "Many patients develop crushes on their doctors, but…" He stopped at Helena's look of utter disbelief. "What?"

She grinned, incredulous. "You think that if she likes you that it's because you're her doctor?"

Carson nodded. "Aye. I've seen it happen."

She started to smile, then sucked her bottom lip into her mouth to stop it. Finally, she sighed, deeply. "Oh, Carson, you really have no idea, do you?"

"About?"

"Uhm…Ah, well, I'm sure many women do fall for their doctors, but it's because they are kind and caring – "

"Exactly."

She shook her head. "No, but - but most women are not looking for a father-figure in a relationship. Sure, I know Freud said women fall for men who are like their fathers, but I think that's because they have a standard that they compare men to. If their father was kind and caring and sensitive, many women will look for those qualities in a man, not because they need or want another 'Daddy' but because they simply like those qualities." She raised her hand shoulder level and gestured at him. "For example, my father was short-tempered, I didn't like that. So I try to stay away from potential relationships with short-tempered men."

Carson frowned at her. "Okay. So?"

"So? So…why wouldn't Cadman like you?"

Carson waited.

Helena sighed again. She put her left elbow on the desk and cradled her head in her hand. Then, she muttered something under her breath. Finally, she shook her head and said. "Just never mind."

Carson was intrigued, now, his supper forgotten. He leaned forward. "No, please, continue."

Helena looked at him looking intently at her, then looked away. "Fine."

He waited.

She closed her eyes and bit her lip. Then with another sigh, she opened her eyes and began. "You are a very attractive man, Carson."

Carson's face registered surprise.

She quickly continued. "And the fact that you're a doctor has nothing to do with the fact that you're kind and gentle and caring. You're a doctor because you were those things first, I'm sure. You have a gentleman's way about you. And a way with words….Words! Oh, let's not forget that beautiful Scot's brogue that is enough to make a woman's toes curl when you speak," she paused, looking anywhere but at the flabbergasted Carson.

She started to continue, but stopped. She cleared her throat.

"Helena, I think you're blushin'."

She still refused to look at him and refused to acknowledge his observation. "So, if you add it all up, Cadman has every reason to like you."

Carson considered her words for a while.

Helena eventually looked back at him. "So. To beat a dead horse, I wouldn't be at all surprised if what she did, she meant."

He nodded and leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers. After a while, he looked over to Helena and picked up his fork again.

Helena picked hers up, but put it back down and leaned back in her chair.

Then he smiled. "So. Ya like my accent," he teased.

She closed her eyes, frowning, and waved her hand dismissively in the air. "Any woman would. The Scottish brogue makes you imagine how all sorts of things might sound."

Carson's jaw and fork dropped simultaneously.

Helena's eyes widened and her face warmed. "Aw, hell!" she stood and began to gather the dishes of half-eaten food.

Carson reached out and caught her hand. "Helena, don't go. I'm – "

A nurse came in, then, cutting him off. "Doctor, Lieutenant Cadman is awake."

Carson looked at Helena, who smiled an understanding, almost grateful, smile.

"Go on," she said.

He patted her arm and left his office.

Helena put the dishes down and dissolved into the chair she'd been sitting in, covering her eyes with one hand.

oOo

"Hello, Rodney."

Rodney walked into the mess hall to find Helena there, leaning on the service bar.

"Oh, hello, Helena. I didn't think you'd be here."

Helena turned and reached into the warming oven. "I heard you were released from the infirmary. I figured you'd be hungry." She brought out a plate of food and walked it around the service bar to the nearest table, grabbing a fork and knife on the way.

Rodney smiled, slightly. "Oh, thank you."

She nodded. When he sat, she sat opposite of him.

"So, will there be another dinner with Katie Brown?"

Rodney looked up. "What?"

"I catered, Rodney, I know that you had a dinner planned, but that it didn't work out very well, so I was wondering if you'd be needing my services in the future."

Rodney said. "Ah." Then he swallowed and looked immensely uncomfortable. "Uh, well, I, that is to say, I…" he look at her. "I don't know."

Helena nodded. "Well, I hope you give it another chance. She's very sweet and she seems to like you a lot. I think you'd be good for each other."

Rodney looked stunned.

She stood, then. "Just let me know if you need my services. It's good to have you back, Rodney."

Taken aback, he nodded. "Thank you. It's good to be back."

She smiled and patted his shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

He nodded again and watched as she walked out. After she'd left, he frowned in thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Hmm." And then he went back to eating.


	25. Condemned

_**Condemned**_

John was casually reclining on a diagnostic bed in the infirmary watching Carson bandage Ronon's calf. Rodney was on the bed behind him having his vitals checked and Teyla, who had kept in character and behaved during the course of her post-mission check-up – thereby finishing early, stood at the foot of John's bed. John was smiling as he heard Rodney protest that there was nothing wrong with him that a shower and a meal couldn't fix.

"If you keep giving Dr. Biro a hard time, Rodney, it's just going to take longer."

Rodney removed the thermometer from his mouth for the umpteenth time. "As if anything in here could adequately diagnose or cure anything Torrell's people might have been infected with."

Carson frowned over at Rodney and Biro shoved the thermometer back into his mouth.

"Well, if I had known there was a party going on up here, I would have brought balloons."

John and Teyla turned toward the door to see Helena wheeling in a large metal container.

John smiled. "Hello, 'Lena. Is there something going on here we should know about?"

Helena ignored his tone and shrugged. "I heard that Mr. Dex was hurt and that you all were up here getting your check ups and figured I save Rodney a 'hypoglycemic' reaction. _And_ because you all got back so late, Carson hasn't been able to eat dinner either, so the more the merrier." She turned to the blonde doctor with Rodney. "I even brought you something, Dr. Biro, if y0u want it."

Biro declined but expressed her gratitude with her usual vehemence as she pumped the blood pressure cup on Rodney's arm until Rodney's face registered alarm.

Helena delivered a tray of food to Rodney's bed in time for Biro to release the cup. Rodney glared at the doctor while testing if his fingers still work before grabbing the fork. "What is it?"

Helena smiled prettily, "Lemon chicken."

Rodney's face blanched. Then he looked at the plate and realized that it wasn't any kind of chicken, then curled a lip back to say. "Oh, ha-ha. Very funny."

Teyla accepted her tray graciously and John shifted up from his reclining position to accept his. Then Helena, another tray in hand, waited for Carson to finish and nod to her.

"Here you are, Mr. Dex." She smiled. "Enjoy."

Ronon smiled slightly. "It's just Ronon, Chief Leiter."

Helena beamed. "Then, it's just Helena, Ronon."

When Helena turned around, she caught John grinning like a schoolboy with a secret and scowled at him. Then she retrieved one more tray and asked Carson if he wanted it in his office or out "with the ruffians".

Carson smiled. "I think I can stomach eatin' out here."

Helena smiled and handed him his tray.

"What, nothing for you, 'Lena?" John asked over a mouth of mashed potatoes.

Helena leaned against the bed across from his and shook her head. "I don't really care for lemon chicken."

Rodney frowned over his plate. "Oh, Ha-ha. Doesn't that ever get old?"

Helena shook her head. "Nope, 'cause one day you'll become complacent, then I just might slip you lemon chicken." She wiggled her eyebrows and smiled broadly.

Rodney suddenly looked concerned. "Oh, that's low. You wouldn't actually use food against me, would you?"

Helena's smile was as revealing as the Mona Lisa.

John smiled. "Relax, Rodney. I'm sure if Helena wanted to poison you, she'd find a better way than feeding you something obvious."

Rodney put his plate down then and leaned back in the diagnostic bed.

Helena chuckled. "Oh, calm down, worry-wart. I would never poison someone's food as a means of killing them. I might drug them into sleeping, then toss them over the West Pier balcony, but never actually use their food directly."

Teyla smiled at Ronon who was eating and watching the exchange. He nodded to Teyla when he saw she was looking at him, but went back to watching.

Teyla then turned back to the others while the good-natured bickering continued until Carson finished eating and threw them all out of the infirmary. 


	26. Aside 2, Rumors

_**Aside 2 – Rumors**_

Ronon sat down with his tray and dug in without pause. After his fourth bite, Helena sat at his table and leaned forward to speak to him.

"I have heard that you are an excellent marksman," she said, lowly, without preamble.

Ronon slowed his pace and asked. "You want me to shoot somebody?"

Helena smiled. "Don't tempt me."

Ronon's eyebrows rose even as the corner of his mouth twitched up.

She frowned. "Seriously, the Marines are talking about how you picked up a P90 and a 9mm and shot center mass without any training."

Ronon shrugged and shoveled more food into his mouth.

"So it's true?"

Ronon looked at her, chewing, thoughtfully.

She frowned. "Okay, you're going to have to actually speak because my powers of telepathy are completely unrefined and I haven't learned how to read your face yet."

Ronon swallowed. "Yes."

Helena's eyebrows rose. "That's pretty impressive, you know."

Again, Ronon shrugged.

Helena swallowed, then sighed. "Well, I was wondering if I could ask a favor."

Ronon sat back. "You can ask."

"Every year, all military members have to qualify with their weapons. I am not the greatest shot in the world. Quite honesty, I'm lucky to qualify with the 9mm every year. I have never gotten anything higher than Marksman."

Ronon tilted his head and looked at her. "Marksman?"

She held up three fingers and counted off, in order. "Marksman, Sharpshooter and Expert."

He nodded. "So?"

Helena sighed. "So…" she sighed again. "Could you teach me how to be more comfortable with a weapon so that I can qualify without freaking out every year?"

Ronon picked up his fork again. "I could."

She smiled, then frowned. "_Would_ you?"

Ronon grinned slightly. "What's in it for me?"

Helena's face turned guarded and her left eyebrow went up. "What do you want?"

He swallowed and sat back. "Yesterday, you had these square, brown, cake things."

"Brownies?"

He shrugged.

"If you can get me feeling comfortable with a firearm, I will make sure you have a large tin of brownies you can keep in your room and eat whenever you want. AND I'll keep it stocked for a year."

He smiled. "Deal."

She sighed, and sat back. "Great."

oOo

Helena walked out of the armory, rubbing her shoulder and flexing it to loosen it up. Ronon had her holding the 9mm with an extended arm at eye-level for an impossible amount of time. She looked at her shaking hand and shook her head.

"Helena!"

She paused and looked back at the fast approaching John Sheppard.

He was grinning like a boy with a new toy. "Been practicing?"

She nodded and shrugged, trying to seem non-chalant. "I'm a little rusty and trying to get back into the feel of it before quals in a couple months."

He nodded and wiggled his eyebrows. "Ronon's been getting in a bunch of practice, lately, too."

She stopped walking to face him. "And…?"

"And…It just seems a little ironic that the foremost weapons expert and the 'I-can't-hit-the-broad-side-of-a-barn' mess chief are suddenly 'practicing'. And quite a lot, I might add." He bounced on the balls of his feet.

She couldn't help but smile at his exuberance, but then tried to scowl. "What are you trying to imply, John?"

He took her arm and led her into a nearby room, which was unoccupied. He looked around the room to double check they were alone and smiled down at her. "I've heard a rumor that you two have hooked up."

Her eyes widened, her eyebrows rose and a short, astonished laugh escaped her before she clapped her hand to her mouth. Her eyes were dancing, however.

"Well?" He smiled. "Is it true?"

She chuckled and shook her head. "John, you should know that you can't believe the rumor mill in this place. If anyone spends any amount of time with anyone else, people start to speculate."

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, you're right." He paused. "Is it true?"

She laughed again and moved to a counter. She lifted herself up onto the counter, fighting the weakness in her shoulder, to sit. "Well, let's see what other rumors are floating around here, that we need to confirm. There are a couple involving you, you know."

He frowned. "Really." He sounded as if he didn't believe it.

Helena nodded. "Oh, yeah." She lifted her hand and began to count off on her fingers. "Let's see. There's the one about Cadman and Carson. Carson and Teyla. Teyla and you," she chuckled at his "oh, come on" look. "You and Elizabeth. Elizabeth and Ronon. Elizabeth and Rodney." She made a sound.

"Did you, seriously, just giggle?" he sounded incredulous.

"Ah…" She tried to swallow the smile as she said. "Rodney and you."

John looked alarmed.

"Then, to bring it full circle, there's even one about you and me."

John's eyebrows rose and he smiled. "Really."

Smiling, broadly, she nodded. "Really."

He leaned against the counter that she sat on, close to her. "And we both know that one's not true."

"Absolutely." She looked downward in his direction.

"Couldn't be." He moved slightly closer to her.

"Couldn't be."

"I am, after all, your CO."

"You are, after all, my CO."

"And for us to be involved would be breaking all kinds of rules."

She pouted, playfully, and leaned closer. "All kinds."

He smiled his most charming smiled and shifted slightly to face her more fully, so that their faces were only inches apart.

Then she kissed his nose.

He sputtered and stood straighter, laughing. "Okay, okay. I've learned my lesson. Don't believe rumors." He offered his hand to her.

She took it and used it as leverage to jump down from the counter. She looped her hand into his arm. "Although, I can think of worse people to be linked with than you and Ronon."

John frowned. "Rodney?"

Helena threw her head back and laughed out loud. Still laughing, she looked up at her. "Aw, come on, John. I think you'd make a cute couple."

His eyes widened and he looked like he was going to strangle her, but she broke away and bounced out the door. Instead, he smiled, shaking his head and followed her out.


	27. Trinity

_**Trinity**_

"Hey, Rodney!"

"Hmm? Oh, hello, Chief."

Helena frowned. "What's wrong?"

Rodney looked away then back at her. "What, you haven't heard?"

Helena's eyebrows rose and she frowned, shaking her head. "You know I never hear anything until it's old news."

Rodney frowned. "That's not what I've heard. I thought everything came through here first." He motioned to the floor of the cafeteria.

Helena surveyed her domain and smiled. "Well, maybe not _everything_."

He went back to looking miserable. "What have you heard?"

She shrugged. "Only some of the scientists going on about your ego, but I didn't think anything of it since everyone knows you have a very healthy ego, anyway."

He grunted. "With good reason." He sighed. "Usually."

She offered him a cup of tea. "So, then. What's bothering you? That you may have been wrong?"

Rodney looked at her. "No. Not that I may have been wrong, or even that I was quite clearly wrong. What's bothering me is that I might have destroyed the trust Colonel Sheppard has for me."

Helena frowned. "Come on. Destroyed?"

Rodney sighed and put the cup down. "I asked him to go to bat for me, Chief. Based on nothing else but trust. He did and I let him down."

Helena looked thoughtful for a while. Finally, she sighed. "I don't know much, but I do know that he's probably being as critical of himself as he is being of you. Was he so wrapped up in the prospect of getting this great new space gun and unending power supply that he put aside his own reservations?"

He looked at her. "Hmm." Then he narrowed his eyes. "I thought you didn't know what was going on."

Helena smiled and tried to look innocent. "Me? Absolutely in the dark." She leaned toward him. "There's cake," she changed the subject with conspiratorial tone.

Suddenly focused across the room, Rodney shook his head. "No, thanks. Come to think of it, I'm not hungry."

Helena looked over toward where Rodney was looking and saw John Sheppard walking in with Ronon. "Aw, come on, Rodney – "

"I gotta go. See you at dinner."

"But it – " She watched him go and finished. "- it _is_ dinner." She frowned. This is how John and Ronon found her.

"Chief."

"Hmm?" She continued to frown.

"'Lena?"

She turned to see John frowning at her. "What? Oh. Hello."

Ronon smiled, slightly. "Are you okay?"

Helena smiled. "Who, me? Wonderful! You?"

Ronon's smile faded but he nodded. "Fine."

John smiled. "Good, so we're all fine."

Helena looked at him. "Are we? I mean I am and Ronon is, but are you?"

He nodded. "I'm fine."

Helena raised an eyebrow at him and waited. He looked back and waited also.

She frowned. "Really?"

John nodded. "Really." He frowned and glanced over at Ronon, who shrugged.

Finally, she nodded, chewing her bottom lip. "Fine." She said, finally. She moved off to tend to the service line.

John frowned at her abruptness and looked up at Ronon, who shrugged, again.

John shook his head and grabbed a tray. Without another word, he started filling up his tray.

Ronon shrugged again and began to load up as well. "You know, she was talking to McKay when we walked in."

John set his mouth to the side and sighed. "She thinks I'm being too hard on him."

Ronon took a bite of bread. "Are you?" he asked around the food in his mouth.

John frowned. "He blew up most of a solar system."

Ronon grunted. "Everyone makes mistakes now and then."

John frowned at Ronon, who looked away.

"What did you do?"

Ronon's eyebrows rose. "What? We're not talking about me."

John's eyebrows came together in an "I'm not so sure" expression. He grunted. "Well, we're not talking about me anymore either." He walked away to their usual table.

Ronon smiled and put another piece of cake on his tray, then followed.


	28. Instinct and Conversion

_**Instinct/Conversion**_

_A/N: Since "Instinct" had no definitive ending and took place mostly off-world, I couldn't come up with what I would have considered a suitable tag or missing scene. Instead, I've jumped ahead to its sequel, "Conversion". This takes place during AND after. Enjoy!_

"John!" Helena called out, surprised at his presence. "What are you doing here? I mean, are you okay? I heard Carson ordered a gurney when you returned."

John shrugged and glanced down at his arm. "Just a bit of over-reaction, I guess."

Helena frowned.

John frowned back. "What?"

"Carson is not the kind to over-react. If he called for a stretcher, he believed you needed it."

John held up his hands in surrender. "Well, I'm fine now. Dr. Beckett released me while he runs my blood work. I'm on my way to meet Ronon for a run, but I'm starving. I was wondering if I could get a steak sandwich?"

Helena smiled and shook her head. "No luck there, my friend. I've got turkey, ham and tuna."

John frowned. "Turkey, then." He thought for a moment. "Would it be possible to get a steak for dinner?"

Helena tilted her head. "Wow, you're really in the mood for red meat, huh?"

John nodded, thoughtfully. "Yeah. Is it possible?"

"The Daedelus is still in orbit so that means more than a hundred extra mouths to feed and you want a steak."

John gave her his most charming smile. "So?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Fine. I'll see what I can do. But if you're late it _will_ be cold."

John smiled and lightly tapped her shoulder. "Thanks." He accepted the turkey sandwich and grabbed a cookie from the counter. He waved the cookie at Helena and walked, cheerfully, out of the cafeteria.

oOo

"Feeling better?"

Ronon looked up from his tray. Helena was smiling down at him.

"I'm fine. Probably just a little tired. I did just spend all day chasing Wraiths through a forest."

Helena tried to hide her smile as she asked. "Wasn't Colonel Sheppard running with you?"

Ronon grunted.

Teyla suddenly appeared and sat, looking unsettled.

Helena's smile quickly dissolved. "What happened?"

Teyla looked up at Helena, then over to Ronon. Then she shook her head. "I'm not sure."

Helena's eyebrows knitted together. She grabbed a chair from a neighboring table and sat. "What do you mean, you're 'not sure'?"

"Colonel Sheppard…Have you noticed Colonel Sheppard acting…unusual?"

Helena's eyebrows rose. She looked at Ronon, who swallowed his food and frowned at Teyla.

"I mean, he's faster, stronger, more…aggressive…" Teyla started, looking down at the table, frowning.

Helena's eyes widened as Ronon pulled back from his food. "He beat me in a footrace earlier."

"And then went and worked out with you…" Helena frowned.

"And quite impressively." Teyla looked like she was going to say something else, but stopped herself.

Helena caught it. "And…?"

Teyla frowned, then shook her head. "I am merely concerned. Dr. Beckett called him back to the infirmary while we were together. Perhaps there is something more to these new abilities than it appears."

Helena thought there was something Teyla wasn't saying but decided to let alone, for now.

"Let me get you something to eat, Teyla and then I'll take Carson something to eat – he hasn't been here since you all got back and he'll be running low on Powerbars, soon. Maybe I'll be able to find something out."

oOo

"Not now, Helena."

Helena stood holding a tray of food and raised her eyebrows to her hairline. "What, too busy to shove a sandwich in your mouth?"

Carson paused. "I'm sorry, love. I am incredibly busy. You know I appreciate this."

Helena smiled and set the tray down on a nearby table. "Just eat something more than a Powerbar. Remember that the brain needs food to function as much as oxygen."

Carson smiled at her, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.

"What is it, Carson?"

He shook his head.

"It's John Sheppard, isn't it?"

Carson sighed and dropped his head. He crossed his arms and pinched the bridge of his nose. "He's been infected by the retrovirus and it seems to be taking over his DNA. It's only a matter of time before he begins to mutate the way that Ellia…the girl we met on the last mission…did. I'm meeting with the rest of my staff in the medical conference room in," he checked his watch. "Ten minutes to brainstorm possible remedies."

Helena read his face. "But it doesn't seem hopeful."

Carson's tortured look ripped at Helena's heart and that showed on her face. She nodded, quietly. "Where is he?"

"He's in the infirmary."

She nodded. "I'll leave you to it. Good luck, Carson."

He nodded. "Thank you, love. I'll try to eat somethin' before goin' to the meetin'."

She nodded again and walked past him to the door, pausing to rub his arm once before moving on, as though trying to lend him whatever strength she might have.

oOo

"Hey, John! Lying down on the job, eh?" Helena was as cheerful as ever by the time she got to his bed.

He was actually sitting up in the bed, but he grinned at her, nonetheless. "Did you bring my steak?"

She rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air. "Oh, great! You see me and all you think of is food. Fine. I know love when I hear it…"

John smiled. "No steak."

She laughed. "No. No steak. Yet. I'll have it for you for dinner, if Carson will let you have it. You know how he can be about red meat in the infirmary. Remember the cheeseburger incident?"

John smiled. "I think I fell in love with you that day," he joked.

She shrugged with a smile. "Just one of many. Like I say, a way to man's heart…"

John chuckled. "So. Are you going to sneak in my steak?"

Helena smiled. "I'll try." She suddenly looked serious at him. "You gonna fight?"

He nodded. "I'm trying."

She studied him for a moment and he looked back with his eyebrows raised. Finally, she patted his leg. "I have to get back."

He nodded at her and she nodded back, then departed.

oOo

Helena stood near the interior balcony doors watching Elizabeth speak to Ronon, Teyla and McKay. The mission to find the _iratus_ eggs had gone badly, John was now in a medically induced coma after having attacked Elizabeth and the guards posted outside his room, and now, Elizabeth looked incredibly grim as she spoke to the others. Helena's head was spinning and her stomach ached.

John Sheppard had been the first friend she'd made on Atlantis. All flirting aside, he continued to be the best friend she had in the city. Even though he was, technically, her CO, her unique role meant that she was not in a position to have to answer to him on a regular basis. She reported more to Elizabeth than to him. Because of this, she felt that they could be more relaxed with each other than, perhaps, with other military members. It gave her the opportunity to be in a position almost as elite as being a member of his actual team.

She watched Rodney stop eating and it confirmed what Helena was thinking.

Elizabeth's head tilted to indicate that she was hearing a message on her radio. She spoke, then turned to walk away, quickly followed by the rest of Sheppard's team. Tears sprang to her eyes, unbidden. She swallowed hard and blinked back the tears, sniffled and began bleaching the service counters.

oOo

"Helena," Carson called. "I know you're out here, love. Sargeant Cooper told me where to find you."

Helena was sitting behind the pillar on the West Pier. She had a box of tissues next to her. "Go away."

Carson smiled. "He's going to be okay, my dear."

She nodded. "I heard."

Carson frowned. "So, why the tears?"

She frowned and threw a balled up tissue at him. Because of the breeze and the light weight of the tissue, it failed miserably to fly. "I am _not_ crying."

Carson raised his hands in surrender. "Okay. I just assumed…"

"Well, don't." She snapped. "Maybe I'm developing a cold."

He looked as if he wasn't buying her line, but said. "Could be."

She sniffed. "Is he really going to be okay?"

"It will take some time, but, yes, I believe so."

She sighed and put her head in her hands.

Carson moved to sit next to her and put his arm around her.

She leaned into him and sighed, again.

"I know, lass. I feel the same way."

Reaching next to her, she picked up the box of tissues and offered them to him.

He chuckled and took the box from her. "Come, now. Let's away from here. Why don't ye go on up to the infirmary an' look in on him?"

She rested her head on his shoulder. "Could we just stay here for another minute? I'm over my break down, but I still need time for my insides to stop shaking."

Carson smiled. "I'm right here, love. For as long as you need me."

oOo

John Sheppard walked into the cafeteria for the first time in two weeks to see Helena sitting at a table. The cafeteria was empty except for her and she was sipping something hot.

"Hello, 'Lena," he called in the nickname he'd recently given her.

She looked up at him and tried to frown, failing. "Don't you ''Lena' me, buddy. I'm still mad at you."

His eyebrows rose and his eyes widened. "Mad at me? What for?"

She pursed her lips. "You scared the shit out of me and I don't like that."

He sat down across from her and watched her trace the rim of her cup. "Sorry 'bout that. It's not like I didn't scare myself pretty bad, too, you know. Not like I meant to."

She allowed a small smile to show. "I'm glad you're better."

"Me, too." He stretched. "Turkey sandwich?"

She frowned. "What? No steak?"

He frowned. "No. Turkey will be fine. Is there steak?"

She grinned. "Not at this time of night," she frowned. "Maybe there might have been two weeks ago, but I gave that one to Carson."

John looked surprised. Then he looked indignant. "Wait a minute! You mean you owe me a steak?"

"And you owe me a pacemaker. You gave me a coronary, young man."

John opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. Finally, he frowned. "Young man?"

She grinned again. "If you're as old as you feel, I'm old enough to be your grandmother."

John rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Turkey sandwich?"

Helena stood. "Coming right up."


	29. Aurora

_**Aurora**_

"Hey, Chief."

John's face was grim and his eyes were solemn when he approached Helena at the service counter. He used his head to beckon her to a place away from the crowd.

Helena frowned and followed him, handing a spatula to one of her new NCOs as she left.

"What is it, John?" she frowned.

"How possible is it for you to get a hold of some good stuff? I mean really good, not Zelenka Juice."

Helena relaxed a little. "Now that Daedelus is here every third week, or so? Very possible. Why? What are you looking for? Bourbon? Whiskey? Scotch?"

"Champagne."

Helena's eyebrows rose to the ceiling. "Wow. When you say 'good', you _really_ mean 'good'. So what's the occasion?"

John's frown furrowed his brow. "The crew of the _Aurora_ spent 10,000 years in stasis, thinking they were on their way to save Atlantis. When they find out how much time has passed and that their war ended a long time ago, they chose to go out in style, taking two Wraith ships with them. I think their sacrifice deserves the good stuff."

Helena's smile was less rambunctious, less teasing, and more one of understanding. "I think I have the perfect thing." She reached behind her and untied the apron she wore when working behind the service counter and not roaming the cafeteria. "But we'll have to go to my quarters to get it." She took the apron off and moved to hang it in the kitchen.

When she returned, John frowned. "Why are you keeping it in your quarters?"

She smiled. "What, are you kidding? It's not like the kitchen is as secure as the armory. Anyone could go in and 'borrow' something one evening." Her smile dimmed slightly. "Especially on those evenings when the days have been especially rough." After a nano-second, though, the smile returned. "But don't get me wrong, I have no problem with people going in and helping themselves. I just make sure I keep the important goods locked up and the good stuff goes into storage in my quarters."

John nodded. "I see. You mean I could just go get a sandwich after hours if I wanted to?"

As they walked down the corridor, she frowned at him. "Don't you already?"

John shrugged with his face. "Only when I suspect you might be there. If I don't think you'll be there, I don't. I figure the place is off limits after hours."

Helena smiled. "And most people do, but every once in a while a late-working scientist or sleepless former-runner will get the munchies in the middle of the night and go pantry raiding."

John nodded. "I did not know that."

Helena opened the door to her quarters and led John in. He saw it was decorated in varying shades of blue with sheer fabric over the window, allowing light in, but maintaining a sense of privacy. There were books and a CD player near a small couch which was next to the window, on the opposite wall of the bed that was simply made with the military issue blankets, with the exception of a twin-sized Chicago Bears blanket folded in half at its foot. There were no pictures anywhere and nothing more to make the room homey.

John frowned at Helena.

She looked up from the small refrigerator next to the bed and frowned back. "What?"

"I don't know. I expected your quarters to be more…" he frowned. "I don't know…just different."

Helena smiled. "I have all I need." She shrugged. "Besides, this is mostly a place for me to sleep. I spend most waking hours in the cafeteria. Outside of that, I've started learning the _bantos_ sticks with Teyla and Ronon is working with me on my weaponry skills. My place to unwind is the West Pier –"

John nodded. "Best view in the city."

She nodded back. "So, I have no need for a lot of stuff."

John tilted his head. "Don't get me wrong. I think it's great, I just thought it'd be more…I don't know…" he thought for a moment, then the word came to him and his face lit up with the realization as he said: "girly."

Helena's mouth dropped open and her face became decidedly indignant. "What?"

John took a step back. "Sorry." He grimaced. "I should have known better." His look turned apologetic. "Sorry."

She handed him the bottle of champagne, then put her hands on her hips. "You owe me big time for this, John Sheppard. It's not like this came through completely kosher means. AND you implied that I am girly. I may even see dishes in your future."

John smiled and took the bottle. "Thanks, 'Lena."

She gave him her best grumpy look. "Get out."

He nodded, appreciatively at her, looked around the room again with a grin and headed off to Elizabeth's office.


	30. Lost Boys

_**Lost Boys**_

Major Evan Lorne was picking through the fruit on the bar near the entrance of the cafeteria when Helena approached.

"Major."

Lorne turned and offered a half-hearted smile. "Chief."

"You're back."

He frowned. "Yes."

She nodded, grimly understanding what he had not found. "No clue?"

He shook his head.

"Going back out?"

He nodded. "Zelenka's put together a list of planets. Elizabeth wants everyone who is cleared for off-world missions to help with the search."

Helena stiffened. "Really? No one has contact me or any of my people. We're all military and can work a search pattern as well as anyone."

Lorne grinned, grabbing an apple and rubbing it against his jacket. "I was hoping you'd say that, Chief. It may take months to search everywhere and the more people we have helping, the better."

She nodded. "Give me twenty minutes."

Lorne nodded. "I'll meet you in the gate room."

oOo

"Knock, knock."

Elizabeth looked up to see Chief Helena Leiter standing at her door with a tray containing tea. This was not unusual. What was, however, was the way the Food Services CW3 was dressed. Instead of her usual white food services chef coat over black cargo pants and apron, she wore the battle dress uniform that the other soldiers in the city sported on off-world missions.

"Hello, Chief."

"You look surprised."

"I am."

"Why?" Helena smiled. "I always bring your tea during times that you can't – or won't – come down for it yourself."

Elizabeth smiled, ruefully. "That's not what I'm surprised by."

Helena nodded her head. She put the tea tray down and reached into her cargo pocket and pulled out a black baseball cap. Putting it on her head, she said. "I know, but I was trained as a soldier, just like every other military member in this city and I was of the understanding that you wanted every available person helping with the search."

Elizabeth nodded. "I do, but I wasn't expecting…"

"They're my friends, too, Liz. One can only take so much sitting on one's hands."

Elizabeth sighed. "I know what you mean."

Helena's smile was tempered by the worried lines around her eyes. "We'll find them."

Elizabeth's own smile reflected the same worry. "I hope so."

Helena turned and left the room and Elizabeth picked up the voice recorder to record her mission update.


	31. The Hive

_**The Hive**_

"McKay's back."

Helena's head popped up. "He is? Is he okay? What about the rest? When are we going after them?"

Lorne grinned at her. "Relax, Chief. You just got back. You need to rest a bit before going back out."

Her left eyebrow rose and she stared at him until he started to feel self-conscious.

"What?"

"When was the last time _you_ slept, Evan?"

He frowned. "I – ah, well," he sighed. "Okay, I don't know, but I'm more used to this kind of thing than you are."

Helena smiled, insincerely, at him and stood to face him. "With all due respect, _Major,_ bullshit. Answer my questions."

"It seems like he was hopped up on something. We don't have any more information and we won't until Doctor Beckett gets him cleaned up."

She nodded. She looked behind her at the rest of her team. Lieutenant Miller, who was actually in charge of her team, looked back at her.

"We were preparing to search M3X-549."

Helena looked back at Lorne. "You did say that it might take months. Can we afford to wait until Carson gets Rodney back on his feet?"

Lorne nodded. "Fine. But check in every hour. If we get something, I want everyone back as quickly as possible."

Helena paused as the others of her team filed out toward the gateroom and touched Lorne's arm. "Listen, Evan, I appreciate how you're trying to watch out for me. Really."

He pursed his lips and nodded.

"Also, get a message to Dr. Katie Brown that there are brownies and Powerbars in the pantry for Rodney when he's better. He'll be hungry and those seem to be his favorite foods right now."

Lorne looked askance. "Powerbars? You're kidding."

She smiled, fondly. "Nope. I'm not. No one could ever accuse Rodney of being a very picky eater – once you get past his food allergies."

Lorne shook his head, smiling. "Okay." He nodded. "I'll make sure she gets the message."

Helena nodded and let go of his arm, with a squeeze. Then she followed the rest of her team to the gateroom.

oOo

"I _hate_ waiting."

Carson smiled across the table at Helena who was wearily rubbing her face, still dressed in her off-world attire. "Aye."

She sighed and leaned back. "I feel as if I've spent a week in the field with no shower and MREs." She licked her teeth and frowned. "I think I've actually got _dirt_ on my _teeth_."

Carson chuckled. "Why don't you go get a shower and a nap? We'll not know anythin' until the Daedelus checks in."

Helena rolled her eyes. "As if I'd be able to sleep. I guess I could get a shower, but sleeping is out of the question."

Carson nodded. "I'll wake you when we find out something."

Helena looked reproachfully at him. "And when was the last time _you_ slept?"

Carson smiled. "After Rodney left the infirmary."

Helena's jaw dropped. "Okay, fine. I'm going already. And I'll _try_ to sleep. No promises, though."

Carson nodded.

"There's more tea on the counter and those cookies you like on the third shelf on the right of the pantry."

"Go."

Helena harrumphed, but left.

oOo

The cafeteria was empty.

John walked in and looked around. He didn't even see Helena. He frowned for a moment, then shrugged and started into the kitchen to raid the pantry. Then he noticed that the doors to the balcony were open. He postponed his raid to investigate the open doors.

Helena was sitting on the balcony with her feet up. She was wearing a black t-shirt, her usual black cargo pants and her boots were on the ground next to her chair, leaving her feet in only black socks. John was about to say something to her when he noticed that she was _holding a lit cigarette! _In her other hand, was a wine glass with an amber liquid in it.

He moved out further and watched her take a long, luxurious drag from the cigarette and release the smoke breathily before speaking. "Where the _hell_ did you get cigarettes?"

Helena looked over to him with a hooded gaze that told him she was not exactly sober. She smiled. "Oh, hello, John," she drawled. "Welcome back."

He scowled at her. "Answer my question, Chief."

She gazed at the cigarette and smiled. "The Daedalus is like a prison ship. They deal in black market cigarettes and alcohol. You just need to know where to get things." She giggled. "Hell, I bet if you go down to that docking platform right now you'll find a whole passel of people out back smokin' by the exhaust manifolds."

John reached out and snatched the cigarette from her hand and tossed it over the balcony.

Helena giggled, then tried to look indignant, but failed when another giggle broke through.

He picked up her glass and sniffed. "Wow! This isn't wine."

She leaned back and picked up a bottle of Bacardi Gold, two-thirds full, from the other side of her chair. "Want some?"

He grinned, half-heartedly. "I think I'll pass, this time."

She nodded and put the bottle down.

He sat down. "What is this, 'Lena?"

She sighed. "I went off world looking for you all, John. Everyone did. Well, almost everyone. But if they didn't it was because they weren't cleared to."

John looked down at his hands. "I heard."

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

She frowned. "I haven't been out in the field in that capacity in _centuries_, John. And I practically had to pull rank to be able to go. I hate that."

He nodded, again. "I appreciate it, though."

"Well, when Daedelus reported that you'd been lost and then you showed up through the gate, I decided I was going to get drunk. Then the Food Services Tech Sargeant from the Daedelus offered me a smoke – _which_ I haven't done in centuries, either, I'll have you know – I decided, 'hell, fuck it, I'll have a cigarette, too!' And so here I am. Lit up in more ways than one." She scowled and looked at the empty hand that once held a cigarette. "Or I was."

John nodded. "You're going to hate yourself in the morning."

She leaned toward him and whispered. "I _never_ hate myself. But I'll probably hate that Sergeant." She giggled again.

He smiled.

She leaned back again and looked at him. "By the way, be thankful that this isn't a democracy, here. If it was, you'd have a hell of a campaign on your hands against Major Lorne. He did a damned good job keeping up with pains in the ass like me while you were away."

John smiled. "Good thing."

She frowned, then. "You're paternizing me, John. Stop it."

He tried to hide his reaction to her mispronunciation but failed and she sniffed, looking away from him.

"Let me help you back to your quarters, 'Lena."

She shook her head.

He stood. "Come on."

She shook her head again. "Look, you went and got yourself almost killed, again, and with Teyla and Rodney and Ronon and I'm not allowed to celebrate when you don't almost succeed, again?" She put her feet down, put her elbow on her knee and her chin in her hand. "Look, Johnny – "

His eyebrows rose. "'Johnny'?"

She frowned. "_Joh-hn_." She rolled her eyes. "I'm tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I've had one of those weeks that just calls for a good stiff drink. I don't make a habit out of this kind of thing, but haven't you ever had just one of those days? The kind of day that just calls for a good stiff drink?"

John thought for a moment. He pulled a chair to sit next to her and asked for the bottle. When she handed it to him, he filled her glass, then put the bottle to his lips and drank of the firey amber liquid.

She paused with her glass half-way to her lips and frowned at him as he finished. "You know we have more than one glass in this place."

He grinned at her as the rum warmed him from the inside out. "It's been one of those weeks."

She accepted this and offered her glass in toast. He clinked the bottle to her glass and said. "Cheers."

"Welcome back, John."


	32. Epiphany

_**Epiphany**_

"He was actually quite impressive."

Helena glanced from Carson to Rodney, clearly impressed by this comment alone. They were sitting on the balcony outside of the cafeteria.

"His brusque manner is actually quite suited for this type of situation. Though his manners could stand some improvement. Crisis or not, Rodney, people still need to be treated like people."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes, you're probably right."

Helena smiled. "Did you really call Ronon and Teyla, 'Conan and Xena'?"

Rodney's mouth attempted a half-hearted smile.

"You know they'd both kick your ass if they knew."

Rodney frowned. "As if they'd get the reference if they were told."

"I'm sure there's a person or two here who would be able to explain the references."

Carson smiled. "Let's hope, for Rodney's sake, that no one does."

Helena smiled. Rodney nodded. "Let's hope."

After a moment, Helena brightened. "Hey, Rodney! Guess what? John's now up to _two_ questionable alien relationships. That trumps your one."

Rodney sighed. Carson smiled. Helena stood. "_That_ calls for cake."

Rodney brightened. "Really? What kind?"

Helena smiled wickedly. "Well, I have lemon meringue pie and orange slice cake."

Rodney frowned at her. "It truly never gets old for you, does it?"

Helena's smile widened. "Nope!" She chuckled. "Angel food or sponge cake with berries?"

Carson spoke. "I'll take angel food, love."

Rodney frowned. "Me, too." He looked at Carson as Helena walked away. "'Love'?"

Carson straightened. "What? 'Tis a figure of speech."

"Really?"

"Aye."

"Mmm-hmm." Rodney frowned at Carson, who rolled his eyes.

"Give it up, Rodney."

oOo

"Aw! You shaved!"

John rubbed his cheek and grinned at Helena's accusatory tone.

"Never could stand having a beard."

She pouted at him from across the service counter. "I heard it looked rather rakish and made your eyes stand out."

He frowned. "Rakish?"

She laughed. "Welcome, back, John."

"Who told you that it made my eyes stand out?"

She laughed again and walked back into the kitchen.

"Helena? Chief!"


	33. Critical Mass

_**Critical Mass**_

"So how is she?"

Carson nodded, looking down at Helena as she lay on the scanner bed to be checked for a Goa'uld presence. "She's doing remarkably well for someone who has lost someone so dear."

Helena took a deep breath and clasped her hands on her stomach. "Poor dear. I think Doctor Weir should declare a day of mourning or a moment of silence to recognize Chaya's passing. Since it happened at a time of crisis, I wouldn't want Teyla to think her friends here in the city aren't sensitive to her loss."

Carson nodded, but said. "I don't know if Teyla would want that, though. I mean, I'm sure she'd appreciate the gesture but she's more private than to want it broadcast across the city."

Helena sighed. "You're probably right." She looked over at him as he programmed the scanner. "She invited you to the funeral?"

"It was actually called 'The Ring Ceremony'. It was quite beautiful and I was incredibly honored to be allowed to witness it. Teyla's got an exceptional voice, I must say."

Helena smiled. "She sang?"

Carson smiled. "Quite beautifully, as well. Someday, I'd like to ask her to sing something Scottish in Gaelic. She has a voice well suited for it."

The scanner began to move across the length of Helena's body. Helena stayed uncharacteristically quiet until the scan was complete. Carson smiled because he'd told her before that the scanner was not disturbed by talking. When the scan was finished, he read the results.

"Looks like you're clear."

Helena smiled and sat up. "Not surprising. Nobody, not even a Goa'uld would be crazy enough to get inside this mind. Too scary."

Carson tried to frown at her but smiled instead. "You're incorrigible."

Helena beamed. "Exactly my point. So, am I done? Are you? When was the last time you ate?"

Carson smiled. "You are. I'm not and I had lunch with Laura."

Helena's smile widened and turned wicked. "You know, that's how rumors start, right?"

"How do rumors start?" a familiar voice asked from behind them.

Carson and Helena turned to see John enter the room. Carson shook his head, ruefully as Helena grinned.

Skillfully changing the subject, she said. "I heard that Kavanaugh fainted dead away when Ronon was left alone with him."

John smiled a Cheshire Cat grin. "He did. I walked in and Ronon was standing over him looking…well, almost disappointed. Kavanaugh was laid out on the floor like a rag-doll."

Helena narrowed her eyes. "Doesn't that room have surveillance?" she asked thoughtfully.

"Helena!" Carson scolded.

Helena's eyes danced.

John's widened. "As a matter of fact, it does. I'll bet we have that on tape…"

Carson frowned. "That's just awful. The poor man's reputation here in Atlantis is already destroyed – "

"Something he did to himself," Helena pointed out.

"Granted, but there's no reason to completely humiliate him."

Helena put a hand to her collarbone as if shocked as her mouth formed a pout. "Carson! You don't think I was thinking of disseminating the video to the general population."

Carson scrutinized her face, then looked knowingly at John, who was nodding.

Helena caught sight of John's bobbing head and laughed out loud, back-handing his upper arm. "Oh, stop. You were, too!"

He drew back from her assault, laughing. "You're right, but I'm not pretending otherwise."

Carson frowned. "The both of you are headed for hell, you know."

Helena tried to swallow her grin. "Aw, come on, Carson. We'll wait until the Daedalus has left again. Okay?"

"If we can get the video," John added, hopping on to the scanner bed.

Helena nodded. "If we can get the video."

Carson shook his head. "You're both incorrigible."

John nodded, wiggling his eyebrows. Helena looked incredibly pleased with herself.

Carson sighed and instructed John to lie down for his scan.

oOo

Elizabeth looked up as John walked into her office.

"You wanted to see me?"

She pressed her lips into a curious smile, while squinting her eyes. "Yes. Do you have any idea how this got sent out through the city's email?"

John frowned. "What's that?"

She turned her notebook around for him to see a video playback. Kavanaugh sat with his feet up on the table in the interview room. Suddenly, he jumped up with a wide-eyed look on his face. After a moment, Ronon entered the frame, stiff-framed as though ready for a fight. He was a foot away still when Kavanaugh hit the floor. Ronon's shoulders dropped and his hands went to his waist as he shook his head.

John smiled. When Elizabeth looked up at him, he frowned. "That was sent through email? To everybody?"

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. "Yes."

John continued to frown, but didn't look her in the eyes. "Wow, now that's just awful. Who sent it?"

Elizabeth turned the notebook back to face her and drew her eyebrows together. "Funny thing. It seems that whoever sent it managed to do so as an anonymous sender. I've asked Rodney to look into it, but he says it could take weeks and that's if he was able to work on only this alone." She looked skeptical of this last statement.

John shrugged. "Well, I'm sure he'll do his best."

Elizabeth stared at him for a moment.

A look of bewilderment touched his face. "What?"

Elizabeth's eyes narrowed, then she sighed. "Nothing. I just want you to let me know if you hear anything."

John nodded. "Will do."

He could feel her eyes boring into his back as he left, but refused to turn around as he went to celebrate this successful mission with his partners in crime.


	34. Grace Under Pressure

_**Grace Under Pressure**_

As was her custom, Helena entered the infirmary with a tray of food for the once again injured Rodney McKay. She nodded to the nurses and doctors on staff and found Rodney's bed. He seemed to be sleeping, so she put the tray on the nearby table.

She stood there for a moment, then turned to walk away.

"Chief?"

She turned around and smiled at Rodney. "Hey, there, Rodney. How are you?"

He pushed himself up a little. "Better. Thanks. Did you bring…" his eyes locked onto the tray and he smiled slightly. "Ah, there it is. Lemon chicken, no doubt."

For once, Helena didn't pick up the gauntlet for the verbal sparring match the two of them seemed so fond of. In fact, her smile dissolved.

He frowned. "What is it?"

She took a step closer to his bed and swallowed. "We were worried about you, Rodney."

Rodney's smile returned in its self-conscious way. "Yes, well, I'm back and as good as new."

Helena smiled, softly. "As if a new you were ever good."

Rodney relaxed at this. "Ha, ha. Good one."

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. Then, as quickly as she grabbed it, she let go and picked up the tray. "I thought I'd mix it up this time: Duck l'orange."

He looked impressed. "One of my favorites, actually," sarcasm dripped off every word.

Helena smiled and removed the cover to show meatloaf, mashed potatoes with gravy and apple crisp.

He beamed up at her. "Nice!"

She sniffed. "Well, don't get used to it."

Rodney nodded. "I'll try not to."

He picked up his fork, but became uncomfortably aware that Helena was still standing over him, looking down at him. He looked up again.

Her eyes looked moist, but he could have been mistaken. Suddenly, she bent and kissed him on the cheek. Then she turned and marched out of the infirmary without another word.

His eyebrows rose and his mouth snapped shut. "Hmm." he grunted, just before digging in.


	35. The Tower

_**The Tower**_

"All hail, King John the First," Helena said, lowly as John passed her in the cafeteria.

He stopped and looked back at her with a chagrinned look. "Don't start."

She tried to look innocent, but failed, as usual. "What? I heard you could have been king of an entire world. Why settle for military commander of a mere city when you could have been _king_?"

He grinned. "Well, you know me. I'm not much on pomp and circumstance."

"And I understand that your queen was…" she crossed her arms and tilted her head. "Cute."

He nodded. "She was and willing."

She shook her head. "And yet you came back."

John frowned, looking around and surveying the cafeteria. "Yeah. Go figure."

Helena grinned widely. "Well, we are truly humbled your majesty. Your usual table is prepared for you." She motioned over to where he usually sat with his team.

He sighed and rolled his eyes when he saw the table. "Oh, no."

Helena swallowed her smile. "What? Does it not please you, m'lord?"

The table was covered with a red table cloth, with white dishes and a wine glass. In its center were two candlesticks, next to a bowl of fruit. Sergeant Cooper stood stiffly to the side, dressed in black with a white towel over her arm.

He frowned at her. "Who put you up to this?"

Helena's grin was wide. "What would ever make you think that I would need someone to 'put me up to this'?"

"But you would need a source for the details."

She smiled. "Oh, you're right. I have my accomplices, but that's neither here nor there. Sit. I've prepared quite a meal for you."

John shook his head. "No way."

"Chicken."

He frowned. "I'm gonna assume that's what you've prepared." His voice held a warning.

"Nope. Porterhouse. With Guinness."

John straightened. "Steak and beer?"

Helena wiggled her eyebrows.

"I can't just eat it over there?" he motioned at another table.

She shook her head. "Nope. It's reserved for the king's table."

He sighed. "Fine. No one can accuse me of being a poor sport."

He sat down. That's when Rodney, Teyla, Ronon and Carson showed up. John sighed.

They were carrying the food out of the kitchen. Each with his or her own plate and Ronon carried an extra. They all sat around the table with John and Ronon set the extra plate in front of John. Helena nodded to Sargeant Cooper, who sighed and unbuttoned her collar, handed Helena the towel and left the cafeteria.

Rodney smiled. "That was worth waiting for the food, if only to see your face."

Teyla smiled. "You looked like you wanted to run, John."

He looked chagrinned. "Yeah, well, I did. Until she mentioned steak."

Helena smiled.

Carson frowned. "Does it not concern any of you that she knows our weaknesses?"

Her smile grew wider.

"Not mine," Ronon grinned.

Helena's eyebrows rose.

"Really?" Teyla smiled. "Isn't there a tin of brownies in your room?"

Ronon stroked his chin and looked over to Helena.

"She's dangerous," John eyed her, suspiciously.

"Aye." Carson turned in his chair to look at her as well.

Teyla's eyebrow arched up as she contemplated her friend as well.

As soon as they were all looking at her, she smiled. "There's bananas foster over vanilla ice cream for dessert."

The table paused, then exchanged looks.

"Cool," John announced.

"I can live with that," Rodney picked up his fork.

"Aye," Carson agreed.

Teyla frowned. "Bananas Foster?"

John cut into his steak. "Just take my word for it. It's worth the wait and the danger."

Helena laughed out-loud and moved back toward the kitchen.


	36. The Long Goodbye

_**The Long Goodbye**_

"What the hell?" Helena cursed after bouncing off the door to her quarters, which would not open. "What is going on here?"

She turned and retrieved her earpiece, which she almost always forgot to take to the cafeteria with her. "Chuck! Oh, Chuck!"

"_Not now, Chief."_

"Don't give me that, Chuck. I can't get out of my room. What the hell's going on?"

"_We have a situation, Chief."_

"Of course, we do. Another normal day in Atlantis." She frowned. "So, why am I locked in my room?"

"_Colonel Caldwell's orders. All non-essential personnel are confined to quarters."_

"Since when am I 'non-essential'? And why is Caldwell in charge?"

"_Doctor Weir and Colonel Sheppard have been taken over by aliens. Security forces are looking for them…"_

Helena sighed. "Fine. Say no more. Put Caldwell on."

"_Caldwell, here, Chief. I don't have time right now."_

She bit back a retort. "Colonel, I need to return to the cafeteria. I have pot roasts in the ovens that _will_ cause a fire if they burn."

"_May I ask why you're in quarters if you have a roast in the oven?"_

"If you must know, I spilled something all over myself and came here to change – "

"_I'll send a security team to turn off the ovens. Caldwell, out."_

Helena took the earpiece off and threw it across the room. Then the power went out. "Perfect!" She sighed. "Well, at least the roasts won't burn."

oOo

"Hey! 'S good to see you up and about."

Ronon smiled at Helena after entering the kitchen. He unconsciously rubbed his stomach, where he'd been shot by Elizabeth while she was possessed by Phoebus. "Thanks."

He grabbed a chair and turned it around then sat on it, resting his arms on the back. He studied her as she worked at the stove, stirring and stirring, with her chef's coat off and her apron covering her black t-shirt and pants. Her long red braid was wound into a knot on the back of her head. There was a smudge on her cheek and a white mark on the rear of her pants.

She looked at him and smiled. "Hungry?"

"Yep."

She continued to stir and looked at him again, then frowned. "What?"

"Doctor Beckett told me that you came up to check on me and to bring me food while I was in recovery."

She shrugged. "It's what I do."

His green eyes did not waver. "He said you even brought brownies."

She frowned and looked at him. "Don't tell me you didn't get them."

He smiled. "I got 'em."

She nodded, continuing to stir. "There are sandwiches in the cooler over there."

"What're you making?"

She looked back at him again and smiled. "Fudge. For this week's batch of brownies."

He drew his eyebrows together. "But you already delivered this week's batch."

She smiled. "It's an extra batch."

"Why?"

She bounced on her toes, slightly, with a huge smile. She looked at him, then frowned.

"You found out!" She accused.

His smile broadened to include teeth.

"Who told you?"

"Sheppard."

She removed the pot from the heat and folded the melted chocolate into another bowl. "He's a brat."

He stood and approached her. "So how'd you do?"

She grinned, pleased with herself to no end. "Expert."

He dipped a finger into the batter and scooped up the chocolaty mix, "Congratulations." He popped the finger into his mouth.

She dropped the spatula she was using into the batter and hugged him around the waist. Then she pulled back. "Oh! I'm sorry. I hope I didn't hurt you!"

Chuckling, he patted her shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

She smiled. "I am so grateful, Ronon, I can't tell ya. I've never fired so well nor felt so comfortable doing it. I can't thank you enough."

Ronon put the finger back in the batter and she rolled her eyes. "It's a good thing this batch is only for you. That is quite unsanitary, you know."

His eyes danced.

"Do you want me to actually bake the brownies, or just get you a spoon."

He backed up, hands raised, chocolate dripping off his right index finger. "Go ahead."

He went over to the cooler and got out a sandwich and ate while he watched her finish and put the brownies in the oven. They sat talking while the brownies baked. When the brownies were finished, she cut them and put them in a container for him to take with him. She reserved one, however, and put it into a bowl with vanilla ice cream and caramel syrup.

"It's called a brownie sundae and it's the next best thing to sex you can get around here."

Ronon's eyebrows arched up as he accepted the bowl and spoon she offered. "How can I turn _that_ down?"

She grinned and sat back down to watch his reaction.

This is how John found them. Ronon grinned over the bowl. "Sheppard, you want sex in a bowl?"

Helena choked out a laugh that almost unseated her. She covered her mouth with her hand and began to turn red.

John frowned and looked concerned. "Excuse me?"

Ronon showed him the half-eaten sundae. "It's really good."

John looked in the bowl, then to Helena, whose eyes were dancing, then shrugged. "Okay. I'll…try it."

Helena put another of the still-warm brownies in a bowl with ice cream and syrup and handed it to John with a spoon.

"When you get finished," Ronon said, evil dancing in his eyes. "You should take some to Doctor Weir."

This time, Helena completely lost her seat as John glared at Ronon, who simply continued to eat.

John stabbed the sundae with his spoon. "I think you want to get shot again."

Helena continued to laugh from her spot on the floor and Ronon grinned widely at John. John glared at both of them and started eating.


	37. Coup d'Etat

_**Coup d'Etat**_

John walked into the cafeteria as Helena was coming out of the kitchen. She stopped and greeted him with her usual smile.

"Hello, John. Welcome back."

He smiled back. "Thank you. Wrapping up for the night?"

Helena tilted her head. "I can wait for you. What can I get for one of the Genii's most wanted?"

John grinned. "Do you have anymore that cheesecake you served yesterday?"

Helena shook her head. "You weren't the only one who liked it. The two slices that were left over, I gave to Evan Lorne."

"Both slices?"

Helena raised her eyebrows. "Hey, he's joined the ranks of 'back from the dead' around here. I think that deserves extra dessert, don't you?"

John set his mouth to the side and nodded, reluctantly. "I guess so."

Helena grinned. "Don't pout, John. It's not at all attractive."

"Really, I thought the puppy-dog look was cute."

She narrowed her eyes and shook her index finger at him. "Do you really want to start that up again?"

It was his turn to grin. "Maybe not."

Helena nodded with a smile. "I didn't think so. So," she motioned toward the kitchen. "Is there anything else I could get you?"

"I suppose Ronon's still got the corner on the brownies."

She nodded.

"What else do you have?"

"I have oatmeal-raisin cookies."

He smiled. "That'll do."

She moved into the kitchen and retrieved the cookies. As she handed them to him, she said. "Walk me home, John."

He opened the wax-paper wrapping on the two cookies and nodded. "Sure. It's on my way."

As they walked, she asked. "Wouldn't you have walked me if it wasn't on your way?"

He chewed thoughtfully. "I suppose."

"Wow, are we non-committal tonight, or what?"

He smiled at her.

"You really know how to make a girl feel special."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "You know, I do try."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "So this whole staring death in the face thing must be pretty run of the mill now, huh?"

Looking at her as if she'd lost her mind, he shook his head. "No. Somehow it always feels just like the first time. Why is it becoming old to you?"

She looked down the corridor. "It's getting so that I feel I should be starting a tray for the infirmary every time you, Rodney, Teyla or Ronon step through the gate. True, it didn't happen this time, but odds are that it will the next."

He stopped her by taking her by the shoulder. "Hey. What is this? Feeling rather maudlin today?"

She shook her head. "I'm sorry, John. I guess I'm just glad nobody got hurt on this trip."

"Doesn't sound like it."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course I am, John. I'm sorry."

They arrived at her quarters and she opened the door. John frowned down at her as they stood at there. Finally, she reached out and hugged him, knowing he would feel awkward by it, but not caring at this point.

"I am glad you aren't hurt, John. Sorry I was being morose. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

"You have flowers in your room."

She let go of him and frowned. Her eyes followed his to the vase of flowers sitting on the table next to the couch by the window inside her room. "Yes?"

He began to grin. "You don't usually have flowers in your room."

"So?"

"So…who're they from?"

She put her hands to her hips. "And what makes you think they're _from_ anyone? I have contacts on the mainland, why could I have just gotten them for myself?"

John looked as if he didn't believe her. "Right."

She threw her hands up in the air. "I will have you know that I have always been the kind who will buy or pick or order flowers for myself if I want flowers and no one else is sending them. Every once in a while, a body likes to see something alive in one's room."

John shrugged. "Okay. I believe you. But who gave you those?"

She grinned. "Get out of here."

"Come on, 'Lena. Your secret's safe with me."

"Only because we don't have a newspaper in this city."

John laughed. "Ouch! You wound me."

"I'm gonna wound you if you don't stop. Good night, John."

"Good night, 'Lena. I'm watching you."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head with a smile as she walked into her quarters and allowed the door to close behind her. John stood there for a moment, mentally compiling a list of likely suspects. Then he went off to think about evidence that might support a theory.


	38. Michael

_**Michael**_

"If anything goes wrong, he's going to beat himself up." 

"Nothing's going to go wrong."

Helena's eyebrow arched as her blue eyes burrowed into John's hazel ones. "You can't be certain of that. It looks promising, according to Carson, but if it doesn't turn out exactly the way you all are hoping, Carson will spend a lot of time beating himself up. And you know it."

John looked out at the sea from the balcony of the cafeteria. The star-filled sky reflected off the gentle chop of the ocean. "Yeah."

Helena shook her head. "I really wish Elizabeth hadn't okayed this."

John frowned. "It's necessary."

"Really? How? How is it necessary?"

"Look, Chief, these bastards outnumber us thousands to one. And when I say 'us', I mean human beings in this galaxy. Now, it's only a matter of time before they figure out Atlantis is still here and when they do they're coming back. Then they'll stop at nothing to get to Earth. So if we can turn them into humans then we'll be one step closer to evening the odds."

Helena shook her head. "And what if he's human with the memories of a Wraith? How will that help us?"

John sighed. "I don't know, Helena. I suppose that will give the Wraith something else to feed on."

Helena's eyes widened. John shook his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. Nothing's going to go wrong. Beckett says that it's going along as expected."

She sighed. "I'm not so much concerned for this Wraith as I am with Carson. It sounds a bit like 'genetic cleansing' and Carson has a well developed sense of guilt. So if this goes wrong…"

John shook his head. "Nothing's going to go wrong."

Helena sighed again and looked out to the sea. "I hope you're right."

oOo

Helena walked out of the kitchen and saw _him_ sitting at a table. There were two guards near him and Rodney was talking to him. Helena moved to stand at the edge of the service line and watch. Eventually, Rodney moved away.

"Hello, Chief," Rodney smiled, hesitantly, as he approached.

"Rodney."

"I'm glad to see you. I was wondering whatever happened to the blue jello? It was my favorite, but…"

Helena was still watching _him_.

"Chief?"

"Yes, Rodney, blue jello. We're out. Will requisition more when Daedalus comes back."

"It is kind of weird, seeing him sitting here in the cafeteria, huh?"

Helena took a deep breath. "It's creeping me out. I'm torn between agreeing with Ronon: once a Wraith always a Wraith; and Teyla: feeling sorry for him. I really wish that this had never gotten started."

Rodney sighed. "This could be huge for us, though."

Helena tore her eyes away. "Rodney, I know the reasons why we did it. What happens when he's 'recovered'? He gets put on a team? Sent back to Earth? Released back into the wild? How far has this been thought out?"

Rodney shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know if anyone expected this to come this far."

Helena looked back. "I know."

oOo

Carson opened the door to his quarters to find Helena on the other side.

"I'm not really in the mood for company, love."

Helena nodded. "I figured as much, but I had to check."

Carson smiled, half-heartedly. "You were right. You and Ronon."

She shook her head. "I was unsure, but one could argue that was fear. Ronon has still not gotten past his urge to kill every Wraith that moves. Neither of us were right. I should say _none_ of us were right. But your intentions were good."

Carson frowned. "Perhaps, but it didn't work out the way we'd hoped."

"The best laid plans…you know." She stepped closer to him and put her hand on his chest. "What is important is that, as always, your heart was in the right place."

He smiled down at her and drew her into a hug. "Thank you, my dear."

She hugged him back. "Anytime."


	39. Inferno

_**Inferno**_

"She's cute."

Teyla looked behind her at Rodney and John sitting at a table with the visiting scientist from Taranis. She smiled and looked back at Helena. "She is attractive. And apparently is the unenviable position of fitting both John's and Rodney's tastes."

Helena was grinning with a mischievous gleam in her eye. "I can see that. Who is she?"

"Doctor Norina Pero."

"Blonde, tall, leggy, gorgeous…yep, right up John's alley. Add the smarts and" she sighed. "Rodney's putty. Has she shown any preferences?"

Teyla grinned. "What are you thinking, Helena?"

Helena's eyes widened. "What? I'm talking about food preferences."

Teyla's eyebrow rose and she continued to look at Helena. After a moment, Helena looked back and found Teyla watching her.

"What?"

The second eyebrow joined the first.

Helena rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. I was just thinking how unusual it is that both our boys are attracted to the same woman and I wouldn't want one of them to get hurt if she has decided in favor of the other."

Teyla looked like she didn't believe what Helena said.

Helena threw her hands in the air. "Fine. I'll stay out of it. I'm just going to go…make something."

Teyla smiled. "Whatever the attraction, I fear it to be rather short-lived," Teyla followed her into the kitchen. "With the Wraith on their way, Rodney and John will be going to work on the Orion soon and Dr. Pero will be joining her people to adjust to their new home."

Helena shook her head. "Well," she sighed. "Typically, the Wraith have to ruin everything."

Teyla nodded, frowning.

Helena's evil grin reappeared, however. "I just hope one or both of them get some before she leaves."

Teyla frowned. "'Get some'?"

Helena wiggled her eyebrows and whistled.

Teyla's jaw dropped, her eyes widened and she exclaimed. "Helena!"

Helena laughed. "Hey, I'm just thinking about their mental health. It's not good for them to be all pent up…"

Teyla shook her head. "You are awful."

The other woman grinned. "I know." Helena rubbed her chin. "What do I have around here that works as an aphrodisiac? There's chocolate…"

Teyla shook her head again. "I'm going to leave you alone to your scheming."

Helena waved, absent-mindedly heading toward the pantry.


	40. Allies

_**Allies**_

Helena's eyebrows were knit together, her narrowed eyes flashed, and her mouth pursed into a tight thin line.

Major Evan Lorne had never seen the Chief of Food Services angry, but feared that it might look something like this. "Now, Chief," he started.

"Don't you 'now, chief' me, Major. Answer my question. Where is Colonel Sheppard?"

He took a deep breath. "We don't know. He didn't make it back. The hive ships jumped to hyperspace and the only thing left behind was rubble."

"And Rodney and Ronon?"

He shook his head again. "Lost contact with them."

"So what you're trying to tell me is that John Sheppard, Rodney McKay and Ronon are Missing In Action."

He nodded. Then he took a deep breath. "And officially presumed – "

She took a step toward him. "Do _not_ say it, Evan, or I swear by all that's holy you will be eating World War II C-rations through a straw."

It pricked at Evan's manhood that she thought she could follow through with such a threat – the 'through a straw' part anyway – but he chalked it up to concern for their CO. "Calm down, Helena. I'm just the messenger." He sighed. "Wasn't even supposed to be that. I just came down here for a snack before heading up to the Orion."

Helena's eye moistened. "I'm sorry, Evan. I'm – I'm – I'm just…sorry." She turned and walked away.

Evan nodded. "I feel the same way." He picked up the sandwich and apple on the service bar in front of him and walked out.

"Evan! Come back!"

He turned and took a few steps back to see Helena with a tray. "Excuse me?"

"I can't send you off to who knows what with a sandwich and a…what do you have there?...an apple. Come get a decent meal into you."

Evan smiled, pocketed the sandwich and the apple for later, and returned to the cafeteria to eat whatever Helena had prepared.


	41. No Man's Land

_**No Man's Land**_

Helena brought a tray of coffee and snacks up to the control room, where Teyla sat staring at a computer screen. She looked up gratefully as Helena set the one cup of tea onto the table next to the computer.

"Thank you, Helena."

"Any word?"

"I am afraid not."

Helena nodded. She looked out of the control room and down to the gate room. "I can't believe they chose now to recall Elizabeth."

Teyla nodded. "Were she here, she would be doing what we are doing now: waiting."

Helena sighed and sat next to her. "I hate waiting."

"As do I."

"Not knowing is the most difficult part about being in the military, you know? Not knowing if you'll be deployed until the orders come down; not knowing when you'll be deployed until the last minute; not knowing exactly how long you'll be deployed; not knowing if the pilots who have just left base will be coming back for dinner the night of a mission…" Helena took a deep breath. "Sorry."

Teyla smiled, softly. "It was often the same on Athos. One never knew when the Wraith would come. Each time you said good-bye to a hunting party, it could be the last time."

Helena looked miserable. "Oh, Teyla. Here I am going on and on about deployments and you're talking about your entire life! My life has been a walk in the park by comparison. I'm sorry."

Teyla shook her head. "I meant only that I understood what you spoke of. It is always difficult to see the ones we care about leave when there is a possibility that they might not come back."

Helena sighed and nodded. "Yes. But waiting, not knowing, is definitely the worst part."

Teyla nodded as well and picked up her tea.

Helena patted her friend's shoulder as she stood again. "I'd better get back. Most of the staff is on alert status, so my team has turned into 'Meals on Wheels'. I'll be back 'round supper time…if there's no word sooner."

Teyla smiled up at her. "Thank you, Helena. I will be sure to let you know."

Helena smiled, thinly, then left the control room.


	42. Misbegotten

_**Misbegotten**_

Helena was whistling as she looked over Sergeant Hughes' shoulder as he mashed ground beef together with eggs and breadcrumbs. He looked up at her and she grinned at him and gave him the thumbs up.

"Chief?" a familiar voice called out.

Helena's already happy demeanor brightened substantially. "John !" She practically bounced out of the kitchen.

His eyebrows rose when he saw her and a smiled pulled at his lips. "Hello."

She smiled broadly and surveyed the cafeteria. Her crew was busily preparing tables in the main cafeteria as well as on the interior and exterior balconies. Table clothes, instead of the fitted table covering that were the norm, as well as simple centerpieces of multi-colored fruits and vegetables were being arranged.

"What's going on here?"

She bounced on her toes. "I'm throwin' a party! The Wraith have been defeated, and all my children are back – or, in Elizabeth's case, on their way, at least. And _you_, Rodney and Ronon are alive once again! Every reason to celebrate, doncha think?"

John's smile melted. "Well, as wonderful as a party would be, you may want to put it on hold."

Helena frowned. "Why?"

He looked apologetic. "Rodney says we have to get the prisoners out of stasis, so we're going to take them to a planet we found."

Helena deflated. "When do you leave?"

He grimaced. "An hour. I just came for a sandwich."

Helena's sigh rose from her toes and she set her mouth to the side. "Fine. Sergeant Cooper!"

"I'm not saying not to have the party…just if you want Rodney, Carson, Teyla, Ronon or myself, there…"

"You're taking _Carson_, too?"

He nodded. "He needs to train them to give themselves the drug."

Cooper arrived and Helena told her. "Call it off, Coop. They're on their way out again."

Cooper shot daggers at John. "Yes, Chief," she said. "I'll inform the crew."

As she left, John looked at Helena. "Look, Chief, I'm sorry about…"

She turned to him with fire in her eyes. "Can we just – " she paused to take a deep breath and continued a bit calmer. "Can we just agree to make this a milk run? Go and come back with everyone, all in one piece?"

John smiled. "We can do that. And by the time we get back, Elizabeth will be back and we can have that party."

Helena smiled despite herself. "I'm holding you to that, John."

He nodded. "You do that. Now, about that sandwich?"

oOo

It was late. Carson and Helena were sitting on the balcony of the cafeteria looking out at the sea, drinking some Scotch Helena had a contact on the Daedalus bring weeks earlier.

Carson sighed deeply and Helena smiled at him. "It's a lovely view, isn't it?" she asked.

"Mhm."

"Carson? You look lost in thought."

Carson frowned at her. "I feel like Mengele."

Helena bolted upright in her chair. "What?" She looked around the balcony. "Where the hell did _that_ come from?"

Carson looked into the amber liquid in his glass. "Well, what I did is essentially the same thing he did."

"Okay, well, _no!_ Come on, Carson!" She sounded and looked exasperated. "How can you think such a thing?" She was starting to have a feeling of _déjà vu_.

"How is it not? We essentially developed a biochemical weapon to commit genocide based off my research."

Helena frowned. "Carson. You did it to better their lives. You believed you were fixing a genetic mutation, like researching gene therapy to correct Down's Syndrome. As I _believe _I said once before, Mengele was a monster who delighted in torturing his victims, exposing them to chemicals and biohazards to watch how long it would take them to die," she swallowed and calmed her toned. "You never believed these Wraith that were transferred were disposable. You wanted to save them all. You were simply unable to."

"But what gave me the right to change their verra nature? Michael was right. Who am I to say that bein' a human is better than bein' a Wraith? You used Down's Syndrome as a comparison, what if it is more like takin' the genes that make you a redhead out of you?" He frowned. "It's still genocide. No different than if we were puttin' them in a gas chamber."

Helena sighed as she watched him beat himself up. "I wish I could say something to make you feel better about what happened, Carson. But the truth is I can't. You are a good man, Carson. I don't how else to tell you that. I don't know how else to make you see what ever other person on this expedition sees every time you enter a room." She looked down into her drink. "I really wish I could."

Carson looked at her. When she looked up, he saw himself reflected in her eyes. He reached out and took her hand. "Thank ye, luv."

She smiled, softly. "Now, will you calm down a bit, please? Your accent comes in full force when you're upset and I've already told you what it does to me – on more than one occasion, I might add."

He grinned. "Toes curlin'?"

"Yes," she grinned, warmly. "And it's making my shoes tight. So, stop it." She took her other hand and covered his. Then she straightened. "Now, help me plan this party before another emergency happens and postpones it again."


	43. Aside 3, The Party

_Celebrate!_

_To celebrate the second year of _

_Terran and Athosian_

_Alliance and Survival, _

_Your cafeteria staff cordially invites all_

"_Citizens of Atlantis"_

_To Celebrate a New Year together._

oOo

John walked into Elizabeth's office with the invitation in his hand. He found Elizabeth smiling over an invitation of her own. Rodney was in her office with his on his lap.

"I see you got one."

Elizabeth looked up, her smile wide. "I did."

"Yeah, I got one too," Rodney waved his in the air. "And what I want to know is why she's having a New Year's party in July?"

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. "You know what month it is on Earth?"

Rodney nodded. "Of course, I have a perpetual calendar on my computer."

"Well, calendar aside," Elizabeth glanced up at John then back to Rodney. "The purpose of this party seems to be to celebrate the end of our second year here. Not the calendar year."

Rodney grunted.

John leaned against Elizabeth's desk and looked at the desk lamp. "She was going to throw this party a few weeks ago after Rodney got himself captured by the Wraith."

Rodney frowned. "You make it sound like it was my fault."

John shrugged.

"Hey!"

"Rodney." Elizabeth's voice was the very sound of patience. "John. I know that she wanted to celebrate both of your returns as well as the return of our people on the Orion and the Daedalus. Not to mention the victory over the Wraith. I think the 'New Year' celebration is just her way of giving it a theme."

John nodded, then frowned over his invite. "How are we supposed to dress for this?"

Elizabeth's smile returned. "Are you asking if you can go in your usual base uniform?"

John looked down at his usual attire. He looked up and looked faintly hopeful. "Yeah."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Of course – "

Elizabeth cut him off. "I think this would be an excellent opportunity for everyone to dress up a little. Don't you think it's what Helena had in mind as a 'New Year's' party? If not, I think she might have held a backyard barbecue."

John frowned. "You know, I was thinking that that was more her style than something fancy."

Elizabeth smiled, closed-mouthed at him.

John looked over at her. "It's just that the 'dress up' clothes I have are my dress uniform and a black sport coat."

"Well, I'm sure the sport coat will be fine," Elizabeth leaned back. "All I have are a couple of pant suits, myself."

Rodney sighed. "So we're saying a tie is optional?"

She nodded. "I think we can say that."

Rodney stood. "Well, now that that is settled," he pointed at himself. "I've got things to do."

John watched him leave then looked back at Elizabeth. "Why does he always make it sound like he's the only one with anything to do?"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows and smiled as she shook her head in an "I don't know" gesture.

oOo

"Hey, Sergeant Cooper."

The pretty blonde who had been too intimidated to speak to him without giggling two years ago, turned and smiled at him. "Sir."

"I haven't seen Chief Leiter in a couple of days, is she okay?"

Cooper's smile broadened. "Of course, sir. She's getting ready for the party. She's in the South Tower."

John frowned for a moment, then realization touched his face. "Ah! The meeting hall. The science teams didn't take it over after all, huh?"

Cooper grinned. "Chief lobbied Elizabeth for it, using the premise that eventually we might have heads of state visiting, or even a delegation from Earth, and we will need a place to host a reception."

He grinned. "The way to convince Elizabeth is through her sense of diplomacy."

She smiled. "Apparently. She and Lieutenant Levox have half the staff prepping the hall and cooking, while the other half of us are maintaining the _status quo_."

John nodded. "So, I imagine she'll be unavailable until then."

Cooper looked chagrinned, then. "Unless she remembers her comm-set."

He smiled, crookedly and shook his head. "In other words, completely unavailable. Thanks, Sergeant."

She nodded and moved back toward the kitchen.

oOo

Helena came down the stairs to her quarters. Everything was ready for tomorrow except for last minute preparations that needed to be dealt with at the very last minute. She was tired, but happy and excited. For the twentieth time in the past two weeks, she sent up a prayer to the powers that be to keep trouble at bay just long enough for them to have the party and ferry the Athosian guests back to the mainland and clean up. Part of her figured she was asking for a lot to be able actually clean up before the next crisis, but hope remained.

Standing next to her door, arms crossed across his chest, grinning at her was John Sheppard. She grinned as her eyebrows drew together. "John?"

He straightened. "At least Lieutenant Levox keeps his headset on."

She put her hand to her ear, which, as usual, held nothing but her earring. "Oops. Sorry."

He shook his head. "I would have come to the South Tower, but I was told that it was completely off-limits to all personnel – except your hand-picked crew."

Helena nodded. "You heard right. I left Sergeant Cooper in charge of the cafeteria. I'm sure she's left your snacks – "

"That's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?" She looked curious. "Come on in, then."

Her room was still decorated in shades of blue with few personal items decorating it. There was, however, one item that caught his eyes as being new. It was a bulletin board, of sorts, covered with pictures of different members of the expedition, eating, playing chess, talking, laughing, and contemplating the ocean from the cafeteria exterior balcony.

He approached it and found faces that were no longer with the expedition for one reason or another. He also found scientists who he only ever saw scurrying to avoid Rodney's wrath smiling and laughing. He found a picture of Elizabeth smiling while reading something on her notebook. He found a picture of Carson speaking with a sparkle in his eye, like he was telling joke. There was a picture of Radek laughing with Yenelys Esposito. There was Cooper and the late Lieutentant Gonzalez conspiring over a stove. Finally, he found a picture of himelf, Rodney, Ronon and Teyla sitting around their usual table, sharing a joke good enough for Ronon to be caught with a big toothy smile.

"These are great," he commented.

Helena smiled. "I like 'em."

He turned around. "Who is the photographer?"

"Senior Airman Turner took most of them." Helena sat on her couch. "I've given him a standing order to keep his camera on him at all times and snap away whenever he gets a good shot without being caught. He's the official photographer for tomorrow."

John nodded. "Speaking of tomorrow."

"Yes?"

"Well," he ran his hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his head as he spoke. "See, Teyla's going with some of her people and Ronon. Rodney's going with Dr. Brown, Elizabeth's going on her own because she's concerned about fraternization, or something. I know you're working, but I was wondering…"

She smiled broadly. "John, are you asking me to go to the party with you?"

He shrugged. "It's not a date or anything. Just friends, you know, going to an event together."

She stood and approached him. "That is so incredibly sweet of you, John. Carson and I were going to go together, but he wanted to make sure Dr. Cole went, because she was talking about not going, so he's taking her. Not that it would have been really going 'together' since I have to be there early. We were just going to meet up there."

John nodded. "So…" he looked at her sidelong.

She smiled up at him. "It is very sweet of you to ask. I would love to go with you. But, like I said, I have to be there early – "

"Just tell me when you want to leave and I'll be here."

She looked pleased to her toes. "Five-thirty? The party starts at seven. I'll be there until about four, then I'll come back here to change."

He smiled and nodded.

"Or we could meet up there."

He shook his head. "I'll be here." He looked back at the pictures and caught sight of a picture of Aiden Ford. He chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment. "You should post these."

Helena looped her arm around his and looked at the pictures with him. "I was thinking about waiting until I got a bunch more and then creating a wall in the main cafeteria. Turner says he's almost got another bulletin board's worth for me now, then whatever he gets from tomorrow."

John nodded. "It'll be a nice addition to the cafeteria."

She nodded. They stood there talking about the pictures until John realized how late it was getting and left, promising to be on time.

oOo

Colonel Stephen Caldwell walked into Elizabeth's office dressed in his dress blue uniform. Elizabeth, who was already dressed in her black pant suit with a red camisole peeking out of the jacket, looked up, surprised.

"Colonel! I didn't know the Daedalus was back, yet."

"Chief Leiter sent a message inviting the Daedalus to this party of hers. I thought it would be a nice relaxation opportunity, so I had Hermiod and Dr. Novak pull a little more out of the engines to get us here in time."

Elizabeth looked impressed. "Well, good. The Daedalus is a part of our family and has as much contributed to the survival of Atlantis as anything else. It's only fitting."

Caldwell smiled. "If you don't have any objections, I would like to escort you to the party."

Her eyebrows rose to her hairline. "What make you think I don't already have an escort?"

His eyes narrowed slightly as he smiled a small smile. "I didn't think you would accept an invitation from any members of the expedition, so, unless an Athosian had asked you…"

Elizabeth smiled. "You're right."

He tilted his head. "Well?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Okay," she said, finally. "But you'll have to wait for a while. I'm not quite ready to go yet."

"How long? I'll come back."

"Two hours?"

He nodded and turned away.

As he walked out, she watched him with a thoughtful, almost perplexed, look, then shrugged with her face and returned to the report she was reading.

oOo

John arrived at Helena's quarter exactly five minutes early, hoping it she wouldn't be put off or feel rushed by it. He'd actually gotten ready faster than he expected and had to delay coming for that same reason. He was dressed in his black sport coat, his darkest, nicest pair of jeans with a blue linen shirt under the jacket. He wasn't sure if he was dressed appropriately, but he didn't come prepared for state dinners other than his dress blues. He'd actually contemplated wearing that uniform, but decided, instead, for comfort since this wasn't a state dinner. It was a party for friends and family.

"Come in!"

The door opened and John stepped in. Then he stopped in his tracks. "Wow!"

Helena was dressed in black slacks, a flowing, high-waisted, red blouse with open, elbow-length sleeves. Her red hair, which was usually tied up in a braided bun was flowing in long waves down to her waist. The V-neck and cinched waist of her blouse emphasized her curves beautifully. She turned to look at him with blue eyes that look to him like aquamarine jewels laid into dark, thick eyelashes. Her lips, painted a red that was not too overpowering, parted in a smile.

"I could say the same. You look great, John."

John's eyebrows drew together and he closed his mouth. "Wow," he repeated.

She laughed. "You said that."

He nodded. "I know." He swallowed. "Wow."

Her cheeks pinked with a blush that just made her look even better. "Stop it."

"Sorry. I've just never seen you with make-up."

Helena rolled her eyes. "You've never seen me _without_ make-up, John. I have to do something to hide all the freckles and dark circles. I just put it on a little different."

His eyebrows rose. "Well, you clean up _really_ good."

She laughed. "Thanks, you too."

He looked down at his clothes, feeling woefully underdressed, now. "Maybe I should have worn my uniform."

"No!" Helena approached him and smiled up at him. "You look great. The shirt is perfect for your eyes. And the overall look fits you better than the monkey suit. Seriously, John. You look great."

He smiled, slightly, then frowned and drew back a little. "Did you grow or something?"

She looked down and lifted her pant leg as she turned her foot to show the kind of high heels that always made John wonder how women walk with them.

"Wow."

She looked back at him. "I'm usually in combat boots, so I relish the opportunity to dress up every once in a while. I don't like doing it every day, but every once in a while works."

John shook his head with wonder. "Well, you do it well."

Helena's smile was bright and wide. "You are very sweet. Shall we go?"

He frowned. "Are you sure you can walk in those?"

She laughed. "Walk, run, dance. The only thing I find difficult is walking _down_ stairs, so I may need to be carried back."

He shrugged. "We could also take the transporters back."

She made a face. "I suppose, but being carried back by a big strong man is much more appealing than having my molecules scrambled all over the city."

He smiled and relaxed considerably since she was being herself. She took his arm and they headed out.

oOo

Rodney arrived at Katie Brown's quarters dressed in a black suit with a white shirt, open at the collar, but still feeling restricted. He straightened his jacket for the umpteenth time and finally signaled at the door. Immediately, the door slid open to reveal Katie, dressed in a blue-green dress that had a V-neck, a fitted waist and a flowing skirt that moved fluidly to just below her knees.

"Oh." He took a step back. "Ah, wow. You look…ah…wonderful…ah, that is, beautiful, actually."

Katie beamed. "Really?"

"Yes, yes, really."

She stepped out of her quarters and touched his lapel. "You look very handsome, Rodney."

He looked down at his suit. "Me? Well, I'm okay, I guess. You look fantastic, really." He looked at her looking up at him. "People are going to ask why you're with me, you know."

Katie shook her head. "No, Rodney. No, they won't. All the girls will wish they were in my shoes."

Rodney smiled, despite himself, and offered her his arm. She smiled brightly and took it.

oOo

"You look gorgeous, luv."

Helena turned from where she was checking over the hors d'oeuvres to see Carson's blue eyes smiling at her. He was wearing a tailored navy suit with a light blue shirt, open at the collar.

"You are very handsome, Doctor Beckett."

He pulled himself straight. "Why, thank you, Chief. You should wear your hair down more often."

She smiled. "Not at all practical in the kitchen, unfortunately. It's only my vanity that has kept me from cutting it all off."

"Don't you dare. It's absolutely beautiful." Carson's eye twinkled and he whispered. "Makes a man wonder how it would feel wrapped around his hands." Then he winked at her.

She blushed while giving him an "oh, stop" look. She looked around the floor. "Where's Dr. Cole?"

He motioned across the floor where Dr. Cole sat dressed in a dark dress suit, at a table with Dr. Biro and a few other members of the medical staff.

"I'm so glad you got her to come."

He nodded. "So am I. She wouldn't have come if I hadn't brought her. She's much happier in her quarters with her books, I think, than out and about."

Helena nodded. "I can understand that. Hey, look who's here."

Carson turned to see Rodney and Katie enter. "Now don't they make a nice couple!"

Helena smiled. "Katie's perfect for him, I think. She has an enormous amount of patience and I think he really cares about her."

Carson nodded. "I know he does. He's just not sure what to do about it. I think he's used to people walkin' away from him because of his manners and can't figure out how to act when someone sticks with him."

Helena took Carson's arm. "Well, I'm glad she's willing to see past his brusqueness to the sweetie that hides there deep down inside of him."

He chuckled. "Aye."

oOo

"Where's the Chief?" Rodney asked John.

John looked over toward the food tables and saw her talking to Carson. "Over there."

Rodney turned to look to where his friend had motioned. "No, I mean Helena."

Katie nudged him. "Rodney, that _is_ her."

"Really?" Rodney looked at John, who nodded with a smile. He looked back and said. "Wow. I didn't know her hair was long."

Katie smiled. "Probably because it's always pulled back in a bun."

"Hey, it's the same color as yours." Rodney commented. "I never noticed that before either."

John rolled his eyes and sipped his drink. Then something caught his eyes then. "Speaking of wow."

Rodney looked to the door and whistled. "Wow."

Katie nodded. "Wow."

oOo

Teyla walked into the reception hall wearing a green body hugging dress that started off the shoulder and ended with flowing layers just below her knees. The sleeves were tight to her elbows then flared out long and graceful to hang from her wrists. Her feet were clothed in soft, open slippers of the same color.

To Teyla's right stood Ronon, dressed in a dark brown tanned-skin jacket over a vest that tied over his bare chest with matching dark brown tanned-skin pants that hugged his long legs. His wild hair was pulled back with a black band and his beard was neatly trimmed.

He surveyed the room. "There's Sheppard."

Teyla looked over to where he indicated and smiled. "Relax, Ronon. This is a celebration of friendship."

He smiled down at her. "I know. I'm just not used to being in big crowds. I'm glad this place is big, but can we find a table near a wall?"

Teyla smiled. "Certainly, but we must go say hello to John and Rodney, first."

"Who is that with McKay?" He asked as they started across the floor.

"Doctor Katie Brown. She and Rodney have been seeing each other lately."

"Why?"

Teyla stopped and looked up him. "Ronon! That isn't very nice. Don't you think there is someone for everyone?"

Ronon grinned. "I meant why have they been seeing each other? Is he sick?"

Teyla release her breath. "I am sorry, Ronon. I believe they are developing a romantic relationship. She is a botanist, not a medical doctor."

Ronon's smile widened. "What did you think I meant?"

Teyla shook her head. "Shall we go say hello?"

Ronon continued to smile as Teyla walked away from him.

oOo

When Elizabeth and Stephen Caldwell entered the party, they did so with a crowd of people, who happened to arrive at the same time.

"Good turn out," Caldwell said, softly to her.

She looked up at him and nodded. "I expected most, if not all, of the city would be here. I didn't know how many Athosians would come, but it looks like many of them have."

"That suit looks fantastic on you, Liz."

Elizabeth turned to see Helena approaching with a smile and two small cups. She offered one to Caldwell and the other to Elizabeth.

"Thank you. You look fantastic, yourself."

Caldwell smiled. "My luck must be improving: I'm at a party with a couple hundred people and standing with the two most beautiful women in the room."

Helena smiled widely, while Elizabeth's smile remained subdued.

"You only say that because you haven't gotten too far in," Helena winked at Elizabeth. "Wait until you see Teyla, Dr. Cole, Dr. Esposito and Dr. Brown. Liz here would round out the top 5, leaving me _way_ down the list."

Elizabeth pursed her lips. "Come on, Helena."

Helena grinned. "I think John, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon are over near the dance floor."

Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. "_Dance floor_?"

"My people thought of everything. In fact, I have to find Lieutenant Levox to start the music." She looked up at Caldwell. "Excuse me, sir."

oOo

"Is that Caldwell with Elizabeth?"

John looked away from Teyla to where Rodney was looking over his drink. "Yes, and he's in his blues. Damn!"

Teyla frowned. "Why is it important what he is wearing?"

"Because I should have worn mine."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and stuck out like a sore thumb like he does now. If you'll notice, you wouldn't be able to tell the military from the civilians in here. He's the only one in uniform."

John looked around. "I guess you're right."

Teyla smiled. "You look very nice, John. There is no need for you to worry about your attire."

He smiled appreciatively at her.

"Excuse me, John."

He turned to see Helena approach with a smile. "Hello, there."

"Could I have this dance?"

John's face fell. "Dance?"

Helena shrugged. "I figured that since you and I came together, I would give you the first chance."

He looked out to the dance floor which was becoming filled with people swaying and chewed the inside of his lip.

"John?"

He looked back at her. "Sure."

Helena beamed. "Excuse us, Teyla."

Once on the dance floor, she moved into John's arms at a respectable distance and they swayed with the music. After a moment, she asked. "Do you think it's going well?"

He smiled at her. "Oh, yeah!" He looked around. "People are having a great time."

"And you?"

He shrugged. "You know me. I can have a great time sitting alone on the balcony or in mission briefing."

"So rank it, say, compared to flying a puddle jumper or a chopper."

"Oooh," he pursed his lips and looked around again. "That's a tough one."

She laughed. "Okay, but definitely more fun that shooting Wraith?"

"Oh, yeah. Definitely more fun than that. Especially since they're usually shooting back."

She lightly swatted his bicep, still laughing. "Forget I asked."

oOo

John moved out onto the balcony to find Helena sitting with her feet up. "There you are."

She looked up at him and smiled. "Yep. I thought you'd gone."

He frowned. "I wouldn't have left without telling you."

She nodded. "I just figured you couldn't find me. I was not expecting you to stay this late."

He pulled a chair up to sit next to her. "I'm supposed to carry you home, remember?"

She laughed. "Did you have a good time?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I think everyone did. I even saw Elizabeth doing the Electric Slide with some of the scientists."

"That was nice, wasn't it?" Helena smiled.

"I also saw you and Carson dancing." His eyebrows rose as his smile widened.

"I danced with you, too."

He nodded. "Yes, but you were a bit closer to him than you were to me."

Her eyes rolled and she shook her head. "Well, I was a bit more tired when I danced with him. You try running around this hall for eight hours in these heels." She lifted a foot.

"So the leaning was," his eyebrows rose. "support for your feet."

She shot him a 'stuff it' look and he chuckled.

"I'm just so glad that no crises erupted this week."

John nodded. "Yep. It was nice having a little down time." He stretched and stifled a yawn.

She sat up. "Let's go. I'll send Levox, Turner and the rest home until tomorrow."

He stood and waited for her to stand. She looked up at him and hesitated. He smiled broadly and offered his arm to her. She took it gratefully and leaned lightly on it as they walked.

She ordered her crew to turn in for the night and waved as they walked out.

They walked to a transporter and she grinned at him. "Aww! No big, strong man carrying me home?"

He smiled. "I'll carry you into and out of the transporter," he offered, sincerely.

She started laughing. "Never mind, I'll walk."

When John and Helena reached her quarters, he opened the door for her and she reached up to place a peck on his cheek. "Thanks, John. I hope you had a good time."

He smiled down at her. "I did. It was a great party." He kissed her forehead. "Good night, 'Lena."

She looked blissfully happy. "Good night, John."

He watched her walk, with a sway, into her quarters. "Helena?"

She turned. "Yes."

He wiggled his eyebrows with a grin. "Wow."

Her door closed as she started laughing out loud.

oOo

_A/N: So, in the spirit of the holiday season, Helena finally got the party she wanted to throw. Happy Holidays and a special thanks to all my readers, especially those who take the time to review, good or bad. I hope to be done with Season Three before Season Four wraps and then write the tags for Season Four in the summer. I hope you'll stay with me._


	44. SG1 Crossover: Pegasus Project

_**Pegasus Project**_

"What are you up to?"

John looked up from the selection of fresh fruit he was mulling over to see Helena, her arms crossed, looking at him sidelong. He put on his best look of innocence and returned. "What makes you think I'm up to anything?" He straightened. "We don't get fresh fruit very often…"

"Levox told me you're looking for a lemon."

John smiled. "Yeah."

Helena narrowed her eyes. "So, I repeat: What are you up to?" She held up an index finger in John's direction. "I want you to know that Rodney's citrus allergy isn't like his 'hypoglycemic reactions'. It's very real. He's anaphylactic. This not something to think about putting a little – "

John shook his head. "Come on, 'Lena. I'm not going to do something that will really hurt him. Just wanted some ammo to help SG1 keep him in line."

Helena suddenly had a lemon in her hand and tossed it to him. "Thought so. I just had to…issue a disclaimer, if you will."

John caught the lemon. "Thanks, 'Lena."

"Are you going to eat something, while you're here?"

"No. The _Odyssey_ should be landing anytime and we're meeting in the conference room."

Helena nodded. "Have fun."

Cameron Mitchell roamed into the cafeteria well after dinner hours were over, looking for a snack. He found a woman dressed in black cargo utility pants, an OD green T-shirt, black combat boots, and a white apron with a long red braid dancing across her back as she scrubbed a counter.

"Ahem," he cleared his throat. "Am I too late?"

Helena straightened and wiped the perspiration from her brow with the back of her hand. "Too late for what, Colonel? Dinner? Yes. Snacks?" she chuckled. "Never."

He grinned. "Cameron Mitchell," he said, by way of introduction.

"I know," she grinned. "Chief Helena Leiter, Head of Food Services. I'm actually surprised you're coming in so late. I met Vala Maldoran at dinner – "

"Yeah, sorry about that."

Helena laughed. "She's a character. Not her fault that 'pig in a blanket' isn't actually a _pig_ wrapped in a blanket. Sam had her quickly under control. Haven't seen Dr. Jackson at all…"

Cam nodded. "Well, he's a little down about the whole Ancients not helping against the Ori thing."

Helena nodded. "I understand. He's always been the kind to expect the best from people, despite evidence to the contrary."

Cam tilted his head. "You speak of Sam and Daniel like you know them."

Helena nodded. "I was at SGC for years before coming here."

Cam smiled. "We must have just missed each other."

Helena smiled back. "Yep."

"Too bad," Cam's blue eyes were intense.

Helena could feel heat rise in her face and her smile broadened. "Hmm."

They stood looking at each other for a moment, then Helena swallowed and cleared her throat. "So, can I get you something from the kitchen?"

He smiled. "What kind of snacks you got in there?"

"Oh, the usual: sandwiches, desserts…what are you in the mood for, food wise?"

"Hey, now that I'm here," he reached in his pocket and pulled out a lemon. "I've been told to return this to you."

Helena threw her head back and laughed out loud. "Did it help at all?"

"Absolutely," he chuckled. "Couldn't have done with out it."

_A/N: This was written over a year after I finished the series. Thanks to TheSaga for the reminder about this episode. It felt good to write Helena again. Still hoping for a movie! Thanks to all my readers for their feedback!_


	45. Irresistible

_**Irresistible**_

"Chief!"

Helena poked her head out of the kitchen. "You bellowed?" She smiled at John who sniffled back.

"You gave me your cold," he accused.

Helena's newly recovered voice cracked as she looked shocked. "What? How did I give it to you?"

John sneezed and Helena's eyebrows rose, impressed.

"I don't know. What I do know is the day after the party, you're in bed for two days with a head cold and emerged with no voice. Now, three days later, I am sneezing and coughing up a storm."

Helena grinned. "That just means we were both exposed at the same time. If I remember correctly, it takes seven to fourteen days _after_ exposure to show symptoms. I'm sure I was hit with it last week because I'd spent two weeks running nonstop to get that party prepared." She paused to swallow. "You've probably fallen victim because you never get enough rest either."

John shook his head. "I'm blaming you."

Helena shook her head and chuckled. "If you got it from me at the party, why hasn't anyone else gotten it?"

He smiled, smugly. "You breathed while we were dancing."

Helena started laughing. "Well, I breathed while I was dancing with Carson, too, but he doesn't have it."

He shrugged. "He's a doctor. He has access to all those drugs we don't have access to."

Helena smiled. "Well, if you go see him, I'm sure he'll give you something for it. I'm pretty much over it, now. I can breath and I'm only coughing at night."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, so I still sound like Froggy from 'The Little Rascals'," she laughed. "But I can breathe and I'm not sneezing every other sentence. I'll be able to go back into the kitchen in a couple of days – thanks to Carson and rest."

John frowned. "Weren't you just in the kitchen?"

Helena's eyebrows rose. "What? Me?"

John narrowed his eyes.

"Okay, I may have been in there, but I was mixing the bleach to clean out here. _Not cooking_."

John frowned. "Mhm."

Helena shook her head. "Go see Carson."

He shook his head. "Have to go find space gates."

Helena smiled. She picked up an orange and threw it to him. "Vitamin C."

He nodded. "Can't hurt." He coughed and waved as he left.

oOo

"I hear you're feeling better."

John looked across at Rodney with ire. "Apparently, so. Well enough for Rodney to try Lucius' potion on me."

Rodney paused with his fork halfway to his mouth and looked up at Helena. "What? It was for science."

She smiled. "Was it? Or was it to give him a taste of what everyone else went through, so as to reduce the amount of ribbing we'd get?"

Rodney looked from her to John. He shook his head. "No." He look, suddenly, like someone who had just missed an opportunity. "You mean I could have…Aw!"

Helena frowned and shook her head. "You're kidding me! And I suppose you really got rid of the stuff."

John lifted a hand. "Okay, you two can stop. It's too late to try it anyway, because I have already been inoculated against it."

Helena snapped her fingers. "Damn! There are few things in this world I can think of that would be more appealing than having John Sheppard at my beck and call."

Rodney smiled and spoke around his food. "Hmm. It was rather nice."

Helena sighed. "Well, Rodney. I am jealous." She laughed at John's chagrinned look. "Remember that there's angel food for desert."

John watched her walk away. "So." He paused. "Where's the next potential space gate?"

"Hmm," Rodney swallowed the current mouthful and moved his notebook toward John to begin discussing the next objective on his current big project.


	46. Aside 4, Age

_**Snacks Aside 4 – Age**_

_A/N: I wrote this in honor of Joe "John Sheppard" Flanigan's 41__st__ birthday, which happens to be Paul "Carson Beckett" McGillion's 39__th__. I know there has been no canon devoted to our characters' ages, so I simply used what I could find on the actor's ages. Most information was gathered from . Happy Birthday, Mr. Flanigan and Mr. McGillion._

_Additional Note: This was originally written on January 5, 2008. I failed to take in account the fact that where this takes place was prior to 2008. Therefore, I have updated it to fit the ages that they would have been during "this" point in time. The episode "Misbegotten" original aired in July 2006, so I'm setting this back two years (since we can assume that it takes time for SGC to receive and release the mission reports – it IS, after all, a government operation)._

__

"You know, I was talking to Major Lorne today and he's really a _nice guy_."

John was in the middle of putting a beer to his lips and paused when Helena said this. The beer came down an inch or so as his eyebrows rose. "Oh, yeah?"

Helena nodded, thoughfully. "Yeah. He's one of those contradictions. Big tough military man with a sensitive side." She frowned and pointed at John. "And don't try to spin that into something negative. He's a nice guy."

John smiled at her. "So?"

Helena was lost in thought for a moment, then looked at John's lecherous look and pursed her lips, shaking her head. "Don't even go there. There's this whole military, rank, fraternization thing going on around here." She sighed. "I figure if I'm ever going to hook up with someone, it'll have to be one of the scientists in the expedition." Then she shook her head. "And that immediately makes me think I'll be celibate for the rest of my life."

John finally took a swig of that beer. "You know," he said, swallowing. "I could help you out with that."

Helena smiled broadly. "Really?"

John shrugged, nonchalantly. "You know, anything for a friend."

She laughed. "I'm glad to hear it, ah, but tell me" she put her chin in her hand and leaned toward him. "Would you offer the same kind of 'help' to Rodney, Radek, Carson or…Ronon?"

John frowned. "Are you kidding? Ronon would hurt me."

Helena's laughed rang out and filled the West Pier. She looked back out over the night sky and tried to find where it met the sea in the blackness. "Probably right. But thanks again for the offer."

"As for Lorne, he's not in your chain of command. Hell, you're not even in the same branch of the military. There's no reason you couldn't…"

She looked at him.

He looked uncomfortable. "You know."

"Nah," Helena took a sip from her own beer. "Military thing, aside, he's too young for me."

"Really."

She looked at him. "Really. He's three years younger."

"Oooh. Big difference."

She made a face. "So, how old are you, big shot?"

John smiled, half-heartedly. "I turned thirty-nine this year."

She frowned. "Really? When?"

"January 5th."

Her eyebrows rose. "Well, Happy Birthday."

He rolled his eyes. "How old are you?"

She looked shocked that he would ask and began to sputter.

"Hey, you started it."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes. "I turn thirty-nine in November."

It was John's turn to look shocked. "Really? I would have pegged you for thirty or so."

She laughed. "Kiss ass." Then she smiled. "Just for that, you can sit there all evening, if you want to."

John looked pleased with himself.

She shook her head and took another sip. "I seriously thought you were younger than me."

He shrugged. "Don't know why."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't know," she studied her beer. "I guess I've gotten used to being one of the oldest people I work with." She took a sip. " You know, I've never been really into younger men. Don't know why." Her eyebrows rose. "Although..."

"Well, I could understand if the younger man is _much_ younger, but if you're talking three years..." He frowned. "Although, what?"

She shrugged. After another shrug, she brightened. "So, now I know that you and I are just about the oldest ones in Atlantis."

He frowned. "What about Rodney?"

"Turned thirty-eight in April."

"Rodney's a year _younger_ than me?"

She nodded. "Surprising, huh? Who else do you want to know about?"

"Radek?"

She nodded. "Thirty-nine in February."

John frowned. "Carson!" he said after a moment.

"Turned thirty-seven this year on – actually, on the same day you turned thirty-nine. January 5th. How's that for coincidence?"

John didn't look impressed.

Helena laughed. "Anyone else?"

"Okay, Lorne then."

"Uhm, birthdate's in '70…makes him…thirty-six this year."

"How do you know all of this?"

She shrugged. "I talk to people. And I was curious, so I looked his up."

John grinned. "So you are interested."

Again, she shrugged. "All I know is that the next time I talk about being older than everyone else, I don't want to hear any argument."

John frowned at her. "You have forgotten already that I'm, what, eleven months older than you?"

"Come on, John," she rolled her eyes. "You know as well as I do that thirty-nine on a man and thirty-nine on a woman are two widely different ages."

"I do?"

"Of course. A woman who's thirty-nine is thirty-nine. A man who's thirty-nine is at least five years younger."

John's eyebrows rose. "Well, that's interesting." He took another swig. "It's also nice to know.

She nodded. "So, I am the oldest."

John rolled his eyes. "But, I heard that 40 is the new 20."

She thought for a moment. Then she picked up her beer and swallowed it. "I like that. Hell, at 20, I might have gone after _Ronon_.""

John frowned. "How old would you say he is?"

She swallowed her next sip and frowned. "Ronon's a baby. I'd be surprised if he's hit 30 yet."

John shrugged. "Maybe the years are shorter on Sateda. That would make him older."

She grinned. "Yes, but, unfortunately, _I_ think in _Earth_ years."

"Still, 40's the new 20."

She chuckled. "So what, now you think I should pursue Ronon?"

He shook his head. "Heck no, Ronon would hurt you."

Helena laughed loudly and offered him another beer. "It would be a challenge." She popped the top on another one for herself. "If I were looking, I would probably be more inclined to go after Lorne, if I was were looking."

John smiled. "Well, I don't want you to think you have to suffer."

"I appreciate it, my dear. I really do. Just be careful that I don't take you up on your offer."

He straightened and put his beer down. "Let's go." He started to stand.

Blushing furiously and laughing, she grabbed his arm, to pull him back down. "Sit down, you knucklehead!" She shook her head and threw a bottle cap at him.

He grinned at her and wiggled his eyebrows over his beer. "Just sayin'."

"Well, stop. Besides, who's to say I haven't already 'hooked up' with someone?"

His eyes widened. "You have? Who?"

She shook her head. "I'm not saying I have."

His eyes narrowed at her. "But you're not saying you haven't…hmmm."

She narrowed her eyes at him and smiled again. "Serves you right. I hope the mystery drives you crazy."

John leaned back and looked up to the stars. "Nope. I'll just conduct a poll."

Helena shook her head. "You are awful."

He put the bottle to his lips. "Yep." Then he smiled. "Wonder if Rodney'd be willing to help…"

Helena rolled her eyes and threw another bottle cap at him.


	47. Sateda

_**Sateda**_

It was all Helena could do to keep from running to the infirmary. Somehow, she managed a measured, calm, but quick pace. Once there, she quickly found Carson, who smiled grimly at her and put his hands on her upper arms, intuitively trying to calm her.

"Carson! I heard that Rodney was shot."

He said, soothingly. "Aye, love. He, unfortunately, caught an arrow in the _gluteus maximus_. I've treated him and he'll be fine. Unfortunately, we're waitin' for him to come around so that a team can go after Colonel Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon."

Helena took a deep breath and released it. She grasped Carson's lab coat and dropped her head. "Carson, I swear these people are turning me gray."

Carson looked into her red hair and smiled. "If so, ye're hidin' it well."

She looked up at him and smiled, thinly. "Thanks. How about 'drive me to drink'?"

He looked sympathetic. "Aye. And I'll join ye – " He eyes moved to the left and he focused on some far away unseen object, then touched his ear. "I'm on my way."

She stepped back. "News?"

He rubbed her arms. "I have to go wake up Rodney and get him on his feet. Apparently, Sheppard's back and askin' for us to go the main conference room."

Helena stepped back. "Be careful," she commanded.

Carson smiled warmly at her. "Of course, love. Don't ye worry. If Sheppard's back and I'm meetin' him in the conference room, what can be wrong?"

Helena's left eyebrow arched.

This made Carson laugh. "Ye're right. Still. Don't worry, 'kay?"

She sighed. "Try and stop me." She looked at him intently as she backed away until she finally turned to allow him to wake Rodney.

oOo

Helena grumbled when she walked into the infirmary with a tray of food for the injured Ronon Dex. She carried the tray into the room where he lay, with his team around him.

Or rather where Carson was trying to get him to lay down with the rest looking on.

She looked at John who gave a "I'm not saying anything" facial shrug and her sour mood turned even darker. She slammed the tray on a nearby table and crossed her arms.

The noise startled Rodney, Teyla and Carson, and Ronon used the distraction as an escape. He was on his feet with a smirk when he saw Helena's face.

She was glaring at him, eyes narrowed and lips pursed. As he looked at her, one eyebrow rose, daring him to do or say anything.

He stood to his full height, used to being able to intimidate anyone with just his darkest look and his towering height.

Helena did not back down. Instead, she walked over to him.

John found this picture scary and funny at the same time. David and Goliath. The mountain of a man and the slip of a woman standing toe to toe. He wasn't sure if he should laugh or step in, worried what Ronon might do, if pushed. At the same time, he couldn't remember seeing Helena like this and wondered if he should step in for Ronon's sake.

"Come here." She spoke the words precisely with clipped tones.

He frowned at her, but leaned down.

She reached up and spoke lowly into his ear.

His face went from a tenderness around his eyes, to frowning, to standing up straight. He looked down at her looking up at him and nodded with a grunt. He sat back down on the bed and swung his long legs back up.

Helena quietly turned around and went back to the tray, picked it up and put it on Ronon's lap. Then, with a glare to everyone else in the room, she walked out of the infirmary.

John looked at Rodney, whose mouth was slightly ajar when he looked back. Carson looked pleased and Teyla looked amused. Then John stood and frowned at Ronon, who was eating.

"What did she say to you?"

Ronon shrugged. "I didn't understand the exact words but I got the meaning."

Rodney exchanged curious looks with John. "What were her exact words?"

Ronon swallowed. "First, she said, 'I'm so happy to see you're back'. Then she said, 'If you don't get your ass back in that bed until Dr. Beckett tells you to leave, it will be a cold day in hell before you get another meal, let alone brownies, out of my kitchen.'"

John's eyes widened. Rodney's mouth fell open. Carson smiled, widely.

Teyla looked curious. "Where is this place, hell? On your planet?"

John smiled. "No one knows exactly where it is, but the experts say that it's very hot there."

Carson chuckled. "Oh, aye. Lakes of fire."

Ronon licked one of his fingers. "I figured it just meant that it would a be long time."

Carson smiled. "Good bet. Maybe I'll have to give her a permanent position in here. Especially when it's one of you."

John frowned again and said with a look of bewilderment. "You make it sound like we're always in here."

Carson sighed and walked out with a bemused smile.


	48. Progeny

_**Progeny**_

"Replicators?" Helena shuddered visibly. "I _hate_ those things!"

John and Rodney exchanged looks and then looked at her.

"What do you know about them?"

"Are you kidding? I saw the video footage of the ones that took over the Russian sub, years ago. They looked like bugs," she looked like she was about to lose her lunch. "And I had to help evacuate NORAD when those buggers invaded SGC," she shuddered visibly.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Excuse me, didn't we just say _Human-form_ Replicators?"

John looked apologetic. "He means they didn't look like bugs."

Exasperated, Rodney frowned. "Of course, they didn't look like bugs!"

Helena narrowed her eyes at him. "And this makes them less creepy, _how_?"

Rodney paused, his expression going from "know-it-all" to "I hadn't thought about it", and said. "Ah, well, it doesn't, I guess."

Helena shook her head and rolled her eyes. "But everyone came back okay?"

John nodded. "Elizabeth was a little shaken up when Niam attacked her, but she's fine now – "

"_Colonel Sheppard," _ his earpiece signaled.

"Sheppard, here."

"_It's Dr. Weir. She collapsed in her office. Dr. Beckett is transporting her to the infirmary and said you'd want to know."_

John stood, his expression going from annoyed at the interruption that took his from some light-hearted banter between friends to grim concern. "I'll be right there."

Helena, who didn't have her earpiece on, looked up at him. "What is it?"

"Elizabeth's collapsed."

Rodney dropped his fork and stood. "You don't think he did permanent damage?"

"I don't know any more than she collapsed, Rodney. Beckett is moving her the infirmary, so maybe he can tell us when we get there."

Rodney stood and Helena did also. The three of them left the cafeteria to rush support to their friend.


	49. The Real World

_**The Real World**_

Helena wheeled a multi-tiered container of trays of food into the infirmary. Sadly, it wasn't just for Carson or Biro or other members of the medical staff. This time, it was for almost all of the medical staff _and_ John Sheppard's team. What was also different was that she did not put on a happy face and start off the visit with a quip.

Elizabeth had inexplicably collapsed and was in a coma.

Quietly, Helena put trays in out of the way places, trying hard not to distract the medical staff from their research. She moved into the room where Elizabeth lay in quarantine. She took one tray to with two plates to where Carson and Rodney were working.

Rodney glanced at her and looked at the food and offered a nod of recognition, but made no move toward the food.

Helena's throat constricted because for Rodney to refuse food meant that things were not going well. She looked at Carson, who looked up and reached over to rub her arm with a grim smile. She swallowed the lump and nodded. She moved to get another tray and took it to Ronon.

He was standing off to the side, against an out-of-the-way wall, watching everything. He received the tray with a grim nod. "Thanks."

She nodded. "How are you?"

He shook his head and looked through his plate. "Useless."

She sighed. "I know how you feel."

He grunted.

She moved away and took a tray to Teyla. The younger woman shook her head when the tray was offered, but Helena raised an eyebrow and Teyla took it. She put it to the side and picked up one small berry.

Helena knew that Teyla would, likely as not, put the food down when she walked away, but she could do nothing more.

Finally, she picked up the tray that she'd held for last. She took a deep breath and moved deeper into the lab to put the tray down near where John stood vigil at the side of the quarantine tent. He was just standing there, staring into the tent, with a determined look on his face. Then she moved to stand next to him.

The Lantean scanner hummed softly as it moved from her head to her feet and back, over and over again. Helena willed Elizabeth to draw from the strength of her friends in the room to fight.

When she looked at John, he was looking at her. He nodded at her, slightly, when their eyes met.

Sighing, she nodded back. She turned away and grasped his arm, squeezing slightly as she walked away.

On her way out of the infirmary, she passed Carson and Rodney once more and touched Carson's back softly. Carson glanced at her and smiled wearily, then went back to his work as she wheeled the cart out.

oOo

When John walked into the cafeteria, it was late. He was greeted to the sounds of music coming from the kitchen. When he walked in, he smiled to see Helena scrubbing as she swayed to some bluesy rendition of "Me and Mrs. Jones".

He smiled and braced a shoulder on the door, crossing his arms across his chest. He watched through a verse and most of a chorus when she turned, singing, and saw him.

"Oh, shit!" Her face turned the color of her hair. "You could give a body a warning! How long have you been there?"

John shrugged with his face. "An hour or so."

She threw the rag at him, laughing. "Liar." She moved over to where she had an MP3 player plugged into a set of speakers and turned down the volume. "I assume that, since you're here, Carson has cleared you."

He nodded. "No nanites and hungry."

She smiled. "That's because you didn't eat what I brought you." She moved to find him a sandwich and some fruit. "Elizabeth was here a little while ago, looking for tea. I told her to go to bed, but I don't think she did."

John shook his head. "She's in the control room."

She sighed. "I guess I should be used to almost losing one or more of you every other day, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it. I've requisitioned a pallet of hair color to combat all the gray you people are giving me."

John looked apologetic. Then he brightened. "So 'Me and Mrs. Jones'?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, good naturedly. "Stop it, John."

"Stop what?" he asked, innocently.

Helena shook her head. Then she turned up the music, which was now playing "Call Me Irresponsible" and wiggled her eyebrows at him.

He straightened. "Now, Helena, you know I don't dance."

"Aw, John, you've danced with me before."

He backed away. "I – uh – I have a long day tomorrow and it's late. I'll let you finish. Thanks for the sandwich."

Helena laughed as he beat feet out of the cafeteria.

oOo

Rodney McKay walked into Carson Beckett's office and sat across from his friend, wearily.

Carson looked at Rodney, exhaustion etched into his face. "Go to bed, Rodney."

The lead scientist nodded. "I'm on my way. I just wanted to ask you something."

Carson sighed and leaned back in his chair. "What is it?"

"You and Chief Leiter, are you seeing each other?"

Carson frowned. "Why do you ask?"

Rodney shrugged. "It's just that I thought you and Cadman – but then I saw the way she looked at you and the way you looked at her…I mean, I know that she's a notorious flirt, especially with Sheppard, but…well, I was just wondering."

Carson sighed. "Rodney, stop wondering and go to bed. It's a bit too late for gossip, isn't it?"

Rodney leaned forward and looked at Carson, whose face only showed exhaustion, then he nodded. "Quite right. Good night, Carson."


	50. Common Ground

_**Common Ground**_

Helena wanted to scrub something. In the middle of lunch prep there wasn't a whole lot for her to scrub without being in the way. So she sat on one of the high stools in the kitchen as Kristin Cooper cooked. She knew she was agitated enough not to get into the cooking itself. She felt too distracted.

"I really hate sitting on my thumbs."

Cooper smiled over at her. "I know."

"You do realize that if I had been an officer, he would have pressed me into service."

Cooper shook her head. "Not necessarily."

Helena huffed. "At the very least, he wouldn't have refused me as a volunteer. Officers are expected to participate in these kinds of things. But because I'm a Warrant, Lorne assumes I'm incapable of contributing."

The blonde pulled the pot off the heat and turned to her. "He turned me down, too."

Helena frowned. "What?"

"I said, 'he turned me down, too'. He told me 'that's what the Marines are here for'."

Helena stood. "Oh, now _that's_ crap! I'm not buying that anymore than his 'if something happens we're going to need a senior military member on Atlantis' line he told me."

Cooper smiled and shrugged. "The point is, Chief, that we're here. Nothing we can do about it."

"I _hate_ sitting on my thumbs."

oOo

John Sheppard walked into the cafeteria with Rodney, Ronon and Teyla. He saw Helena from a distance and caught her eye. He nodded at her.

She nodded back, frowning, and walked back into the kitchen.

"What's wrong with Helena?"

Rodney looked up from the fruit he was picking through. "Hmm? Oh, she's probably still angry."

John frowned. "She's not mad at me," he protested. He looked at Teyla. "Is she?"

Ronon grinned. "My guess would be that she's mad at Lorne."

John frowned. "Lorne? Why?"

"He would not allow her to join in the rescue efforts," Teyla informed. "As soon as she found out about the rescue that was to be made, she volunteered, but he would not allow it. They argued."

"So, you think she's so mad at him that she can't even say hi to me? I just survived being force-fed to a Wraith."

Rodney paused his chewing around the apple he'd just bitten into to say "It's probably the uniform."

Teyla frowned at him. "_I_ believe that she is relieved to see you, but needs an opportunity to breathe now that the crisis is over."

John's eyebrows rose. "Breathe?"

Rodney looked uncomfortable. "She means cry."

Teyla's eyes narrowed. "I mean _breathe_, Rodney. Many people hold tight to their emotions until the crisis is over. Afterwards, they need to deal with those emotions."

Rodney looked at her, then looked at John. "Like I said."

John frowned at Rodney, then moved away from them toward the kitchen.

oOo

John found Helena in the back of the kitchen, braced against one of the refrigeration units. The kitchen was empty except for the two of them. He watched her as she took deep breaths in through her nose and released them slowly through her barely -parted lips. There were no tears, as Rodney had surmised; only breathing, as Teyla had said.

"'Lena?"

She turned to look at him.

"You okay?"

She continued to look at him. Her eyes narrowed as they searched his face.

He smiled and moved closer to her. "I'm all here; all my years, ten fingers and toes, everything."

She closed the gap between them and put her arms around his chest in a tight hug.

Clumsily, his arms came up and patted her on the back. He let her cling to him, feeling awkward for quite a while. Then, after a long time, he relaxed in her hold and put his chin on the top of her head.

Finally, she pulled away and took a step back. She sniffed and cleared her throat. "Have you eaten?"

He shrugged. "Too busy _being_ dinner."

She glared at him. "Don't even joke about that. It's _not_ funny."

John's face shrugged again. "Believe me, I know. I heard you volunteered to go off-world."

Helena shrugged. "I get tired of being the one holding down the fort when my friends are in trouble."

He smiled. "Well, I appreciate the thought."

She harrumphed. "You should appreciate that I didn't shoot your second-in-command while you were away."

His eyebrows rose. "Oh, I appreciate that too. I do, believe me."

She looked at him, narrowly, again searching his face.

He wiggled his eyebrows.

Despite herself, she grinned. "Go get something to eat, Colonel Pain-in-the-Ass."

He nodded. "On my way, Chief Worry-wart."

The sound she made sounded close enough to a growl that he quickly left the area, smiling broadly.

_A/N: I know that Major Evan Lorne didn't make an appearance in the actual episode, but I imagined he would still be involved. There were, after all, other worlds on Laden's list and he is supposed to be John's second in command._


	51. McKay and Mrs Miller

_**McKay and Mrs. Miller**_

Helena was inspecting the serving line when John Sheppard walked in with a pretty blonde. Helena smiled as they approached.

"And this is our Chief of Food Services, Chief Warrant Officer Helena Leiter," he said with a smile. "Helena, this is Jeanie Miller."

Helena smiled and nodded at her. "Pleased to meet you." She looked at John. She raised an eyebrow at him.

John cleared his throat and frowned. "_Mrs_. Miller is Rodney's sister."

Helena laughed. "And the man who calls you 'Kirk' let you show his sister around?" She looked at Jeanie Miller and smiled. "Welcome, Mrs. Miller. How are you liking our fair city?"

Jeanie looked up at John's chagrinned look and smiled. "How did you know that my brother called him 'Kirk'?"

"It's a running joke," she said. "It's because all the women seem to find our John Sheppard, here, irresistible."

John rolled his eyes. "That is _not_ true."

Helena continued to grin as she said. "He's right, of course; he's completely resistible."

The look that suddenly came over John's face told Helena that turnabout was coming and her smiled widened as she waited for it.

"Actually," he said. "All the men here are secretly in love with Chief Leiter, here. In fact, I think she's one of Rodney's favorite people."

At Jeanie's interested look, Helena took her turn at rolling her eyes. "Oh, that's just because I feed them. I'm not delusional. If it weren't for the fact that I hold the keys to the pantry, they'd have no interest whatsoever."

Jeanie laughed. "The way to man's heart is through his stomach, after all."

Helena looked delighted. "Absolutely!" She hooked her arm with Jeanie's. "So what have you had to eat today?"

Jeanie shrugged. "Meredith gave me some Powerbars in the lab."

"Powerbars? Oh, good Lor—Who's Meredith?"

John looked like the proverbial kid in a candy store as he said "Rodney" at the same time that Jeanie said "My brother."

Helena's eyes widened. She gave every appearance of one who was trying not to laugh. "You're kidding me!"

Jeanie shook her head. John nodded and wiggled his eyebrows as he bounced on the balls of his feet.

Helena covered her mouth, eyes dancing, then took a deep breath, still smiling. "Let's get you something to eat, Mrs. Miller."

"Please, call me Jeanie."

"Oh," Helena smiled broadly. "You _have_ to call me Helena. Come."

Soon Jeanie had a generous sampling of almost everything in the serving line. Helena fixed John a tray as well with a lot of good-natured banter. Afterwards, John and Jeanie moved to the tables while Helena went back into the kitchen.

"Are you two…?" Jeanie asked.

John's eyes widened, slightly. "What? Who? Me and 'Lena?" He shook his head. "No." His response was drawn out. "She's seeing someone right, now."

"Really? It just seemed…I'm sorry."

John's eyebrows rose. "No, really, it's okay."

Jeanie sat down. "So, who is she seeing?"

John thought for a moment. "I really don't know." He smiled. "We're friends, but she won't admit to _being_ in a relationship, let alone who it's with."

Jeanie looked impressed. "Wow. In a community this small, that's an incredible accomplishment."

John frowned. "It is, isn't it."

He was looking over at the kitchen, thoughtfully, when Teyla and Ronon walked in.

oOo

Radek walked into the cafeteria to get something to get a quick snack to take back to the lab.

"Ah, 'Elena," he said when he saw the chief standing off to the side of the service line. "I wondered if you had any _Medovydort_ left?"

Helena was frowning as she shook her head. "No. I'm going to have to make it again because it was so popular."

Radek nodded, then paused. "Is there something wrong?"

Helena turned her head slightly without looking away from the object of interest. "Rod."

Radek nodded. "Ah. He's quite different from Rodney, isn't he?"

"I don't know how I feel about him. I mean, I think I can get along with almost anyone, but it just seems wrong…I wonder how Rodney feels about him? Especially with everyone accepting him so readily." She chewed the inside of her lip for another moment. Then she straightened. She took a deep breath and shook her head. "I don't know." She turned to Radek. "No _Medovnik_, but I have coffee cake."

Radek frowned. "Hmm. Ah, no. You know how it is when you get a taste for something…"

She smiled. "I know _exactly_ what you mean. I'll make another one tonight and be sure to call you as soon as it is done, so you can have some fresh."

Radek smiled, widely. "You know it's always best that way."

Helena laughed and touched his arm. "I know. Is there something else I can get you?"

"Coffee," he nodded. "And a sandwich."

"Coming right up."

oOo

Helena walked out of the kitchen, drying her hands, to find the sound of the loud laughter. What she found warmed her heart: John, Teyla, Ronon and Rodney – "the _real _one," she thought – sitting around their usual table. Teyla was giving John a dirty look, but still laughing, while John tried to look innocent over his smile, failing miserably.

She leaned on the service counter and enjoyed watching them be themselves with each other. She didn't want to intrude; she was completely content to play the voyeur.

After a few minutes, John looked over her way and nodded at her.

She straightened and waved back, then went into the kitchen to finish the Czech honey cake she'd promised Radek.


	52. Phantoms

_**Phantoms**_

He heard her before he saw her, as often happened when he was out on the exterior balcony of the cafeteria.

"Heard you were kind of in the doghouse."

John nodded, not taking his eyes off the ocean.

"Is it true that you shot your entire team?"

John frowned and looked back at Helena. "_No!_" He looked back at the ocean. "Major Leonard shot Teyla."

Helena's eyebrows rose. "So, it's true that you shot Ronon and Rodney."

He looked miserable and nodded.

"It wasn't your fault."

He frowned. "Well, I _know_ that." He looked back out at the ocean. "It occurred to me, while we on the Daedalus that we're lucky I didn't kill them, though. Especially, Rodney. I shot him in the chest."

Helena bit her lip. "But you didn't."

"I know."

"And so?"

"So, I could have."

"But you didn't."

He turned to look at her again, frowning.

She smiled up at him. "Carson's released Rodney. They're inside at your regular table, waiting for you."

He looked, uncomfortably, toward the door. "I'm surprised they want anything to do with me. I know I probably scared a couple years off Teyla's life on top of shooting Ronon and Rodney."

Helena shook her head. "Yeah, you know, all those times you've saved their lives don't matter, in light of actually shooting them." Her eyebrows rose. "And not for the first time, either. Didn't you shoot Rodney once before?"

"He was wearing a personal shield," John protested.

"And weren't you the instigator when Liz shot Ronon?"

He stared at her. "I was possessed by an alien," he ground out.

"And that was different than now how?"

John frowned at her, his eyes flashing.

In response, she tilted her head and raised an eyebrow back at him, defiant.

He turned away and looked out to the ocean.

She turned and started back in. "John."

"What?"

"If it makes you feel better," he could hear the smile that he knew was playing on her lips. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind going to the range and shooting you a couple of times."

He turned to retort to find her gone. Finally, he took a deep breath and walked back into the cafeteria to face his friends.

Rodney smiled at him as he approached. "Oh, there you are. We were just talking about where you might be…"


	53. The Return, Part I

_**The Return Part I**_

"We need to talk."

She knew it was coming. She'd known as soon as she heard they'd been ordered back to Earth. A part of her hoped it wouldn't, but the rest of her knew it would. She nodded and moved aside to let him into her room.

Carson was wringing his hands. This made Helena smile, despite herself, because she knew it meant that he was nervous.

"Relax, Carson. Come, sit." She walked to the couch and sat.

He set his mouth and nodded, sitting next to her. His eyes settled on the boxes she was in the middle of packing. "Do you know where you're going?"

She shook her head. "No. Peterson until the Army figures out what to do with me." She chewed on her bottom lip. "I could end up anywhere. You?"

"Stargate Command. Surgical Position."

She smiled. "Good. They'd be crazy to let a doctor as good as you are get away."

He tried to smile back, but only succeeded in looking miserable. "About that."

She sat forward and looked down at her hands. "About that."

He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

"We _did_ plan for this."

"Aye."

"Figured it might happen eventually."

"Aye. Eventually. Not so soon."

Her closed-mouthed smile seemed forced. "So, this is it."

He nodded. "I guess so."

She nodded and looked at him. "I'll miss you, Carson."

He nodded. "Me, too, luv." He slapped his knees then stood. "I'd better get back to the infirmary."

She stood, too. "Yeah, I have," she looked around the sparsely decorated room "a _lot_ of stuff to pack."

He headed for the door, then stopped. He turned around to see her turned away from him. "Helena." His voice caught in his throat.

She turned. Her eyes were moist, but she smiled. "Carson?"

He strode across the room to her. "Let's not do this, luv. We can figure something out."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked up at him. "What? What will we figure out? How to have a relationship while you're in Colorado and I'm God-knows where? What if I'm in a field kitchen in Iraq? There won't be any visiting each other if I'm deployed. And if we survived that kind of separation, then what?"

"You don't think we could work somethin' out?" He took her hands in his. "Any relationship takes work."

She looked miserable. "I know, love, but then what? You want a wife and a whole houseful of kids. I couldn't give you that."

"I never said – "

She sniffed and laughed. "Oh, yes. You did. Long ago. Soon after we started having dinner together."

Carson smiled at her. "Well, so what? People change."

She nodded. "So you're willing to spend your life, never married with no kids?" At his look, she smiled. "I didn't think so." 

"I didn't say annathin'!" He protested.

She withdrew her hands and used one to keep a tear from escaping her face. She sniffed again and stiffened. "But you did, Carson," she said, softly. She reached up and touched his cheek. "Don't you know that you have to most expressive face of anyone I've ever known?"

He looked down. "But what if you change _your_ mind?"

Helena swallowed. "I can't change biology, Carson. I can't rewind the clock and make myself ten years younger." She chuckled. "Lord, I wish I could."

He looked around the room as if searching for something, but before he could find another argument, she spoke.

"We've been through this all before. Explored every possible option. You know we did."

"So what then?" he snapped, angrily. "We just go our separate ways and think nothing more of it?"

She frowned and snapped back. "You can if you want to, Carson." Her voice caught, then. "Personally, I will think of you, often." She continued in almost a whisper.

He took her face in his hands and moved closer to her. "Ach, luv. I'm sorry." He whispered, softly. "Allright, then. You understand I had to try."

Now the tears escaped and she made no motion to hide them. "I'm so glad you did."

He kissed her softly and when they parted, she clung to him and took comfort in his arms. They stood there, holding each other until someone called Carson back to the infirmary.

He sniffed this time. "Don't ye be a stranger, though," he said thickly.

She lifted her chin. "Don't worry. You'll hear from me, no matter where I end up."

oOo

When Teyla and Ronon found Helena in the hallway outside of the cafeteria, Teyla noticed her eyes were red.

"Helena, are you well?"

The Chief frowned. "Hell, no. This sucks. Friggin' Ancients come back and kick us out of our homes!" She made a sound like a growl.

Teyla looked at Ronon, who smiled slightly at the sound.

Then the Chief of Food Services shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't want to be all angry and everything right, now. I just haven't had time to process everything and work through it."

Ronon's eyebrows rose and he walked closer to her. "You should be angry. We should all be angry."

Teyla smiled, not for the first time at this image: Ronon and Helena, toe to toe, but still a foot apart.

Helena set her mouth and narrowed her eyes. "I don't think the armory's packed up yet. We could go get some guns and chase them back to the void."

Ronon smiled. "That's an idea."

Teyla looked shocked. "An entirely inappropriate one."

Helena smiled widely up at Ronon, then. Suddenly, she grabbed his torso in a fierce hug.

He smiled at Teyla and wrapped his arms around Helena.

Then, as quickly as she grabbed him, she let go and grabbed Teyla. "You take care of yourself, little sister."

Teyla's heart ached, then. "You, too, my friend."

Helena pulled back and sniffed. She looked at them. "So, Teyla, I heard that your people are being relocated too. Ronon, you'll be going with them, yes?"

Both Pegasus galaxy natives nodded.

"Oh!" Helena's eyes widened and her hand shot up with its index finger extended. "I forgot something! Wait here!"

She turned and ran back into the cafeteria. Teyla and Ronon exchanged smiles. Ronon relaxed against the wall just in time for Helena to emerge with two large metal cases.

"Um, let me see…Oh, yes. Teyla," she handed one case to the Athosian leader. "And Ronon," handing him the other.

Teyla smiled. "What is this?"

"Going away presents. Earth tradition. Assorted cookies for you and the Athosian children and brownies for Ronon." She looked at Ronon and smiled. "You don't have to share. Sorry I'm a couple of months short on our deal."

Ronon smiled. "Paid in full."

Teyla smiled. "Thank you."

Helena nodded. After a long moment of silence, she nodded again. "Be well, my friends." 

Teyla nodded and Ronon touched Helena's shoulder and, without another word, they parted ways.

oOo

John walked into the cafeteria. The tables and chairs were folded and packed in their moving containers. The buffet table was folded up and a box holding sandwiches, fruit and bottled water was on the floor next to it. He walked out to the balcony to find it empty of everything. He walked back in, bothered by the silence, and walked over to the kitchen. Inside, he found all the equipment wrapped up and ready for transport to Daedalus. He shrugged his face and pulled out his pen. He checked the cafeteria off the list.

He walked out of the cafeteria and down the corridor. He got to his destination to find that room empty as well. He checked that off his list, then frowned.

He tapped his ear and called the Control Room. When Chuck responded, he said. "Sergeant, let me know when Chief Leiter gets there."

"Aye, sir."

Then he heard something that he hadn't heard in his ear very often. "I'm at the West Pier, Colonel," Helena's voice said.

He frowned. "Stay there."

oOo

John walked out onto the Pier. He looked around and, finally, found Helena Leiter. She was dressed, as he was, in the standard expedition uniform, but her hair was down and blowing around in the wind. She was also smoking a cigarette.

His eyebrows drew together when he saw her take a drag. "I thought you quit that."

She looked over at him. "I did. 'Quitting smoking is easy; I've done it a thousand times.' I just threw the pack in the back of the freezer instead of the garbage, just in case."

He frowned. "So I take it you're not happy."

She shot him a look that could freeze Wraith. "Well! Aren't you the master of understatement?" She pushed her hair behind her ear. "Don't tell me you're fine with all this."

He shook his head. "No. I'm not."

She took another tote. "If it weren't for the fact that I have to report to Landry in," she looked at her watch. "three hours, I'd be drinkin' too."

His eyebrows rose and he nodded. "Well, maybe later. And I'll join you."

She let out a short, humorless laugh. She sobered and stood. She walked to the rail and chucked the spent butt out into the city. She turned back to find him frowning again. She shrugged. "Let them deal with it."

He stood. "Listen, Chief, I'm not happy about this either, but it's no excuse to trash the place."

Helena rolled her eyes. "It's one cigarette butt, _Colonel_. Now that we're going back, we have to revert to rank?"

John sighed. "Look, I didn't come out here to talk about smoking or litter."

Helena sighed. "I know. I guess I'm just itching for a fight. I'm sorry, John."

He nodded. "Well, now that we've got that settled…How are you?"

She laughed, despite herself and turned back toward the ocean. The breeze whipped her hair around, reminding him of the comic book character Dark Phoenix.

John moved to the rails. "So?"

"Well, I'm not happy. You know, I didn't really like these people to begin with. Hallucinogen-causing viruses, human-form replicators, the Wraith, their holier-than-thou non-interference-no-matter-what after ascension policy. Now, after we rescue their asses from a million year trip through the middle of nowhere, they're kicking us out of our home. I'm downright pissed. Aren't you?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Me, too."

She sighed.

"Have you gotten your orders, yet?"

"No," she said, flatly. "You?"

"Stargate Command."

She nodded. "Of course. Carson'll be there, too."

"You two gonna try to make a go of it?"

She turned to look at him, her hair flying into her face. She pulled it away and was frowning. "How did you know…" At his grin, she raised an eyebrow. "You didn't know. You were guessing and I just confirmed it."

His grin made him look absolutely childlike and she couldn't help but laugh again.

"So?"

Her smiled faded. "No. He's the marriage and kids kind and I didn't like being a wife when I tried it and I'm too old to start having kids."

He frowned. "You're not too old."

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, you're right. I'm not physically too old, but, John, I'll be 39 this year. That makes me 57 when my child turns 18 if I get pregnant right now." She shook her head. "Which is not going to happen. My cut off was thirty-five."

John looked down at his hands. "I understand. How is Carson?"

She frowned. "About the same as me, I wager. Unhappy, but determined that we're doing the right thing." Then she gritted her teeth. "And vacillating between sticking with our decision and running back to try to 'make a go of it'."

He nodded.

They stood in silence for a while. Finally, she looked at him, with moist eyes. "I guess I just feel like my whole world is coming undone in one day."

John nodded. "Why don't you try to put in for the mess hall at Stargate Command?"

She shook her head. "They have a Colonel who is so firmly entrenched that the only way he's leaving is feet first."

"What about Peterson?"

She shrugged. "I wouldn't mind that, but it's not up to Air Force, remember. I'm Army. The US is at war. I could be sent anywhere."

He nodded. "I can ask General Landry to put in a word…"

She smiled. "Thanks."

She grabbed her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail, securing it with a band that had been around her wrist. When she looked up, she was frowning. "Look, John. I know that all the mushy stuff makes you uncomfortable, but I'm going to give you a hug and I might cry and you're just going to have to deal with it."

As predicted, he looked uncomfortable, but then he surprised Helena by extending his arms.

She moved in and put her arms around him. He let his arms wrap around her and even squeezed back a little. She sighed and relaxed in his arms. He began to relax as well, but stiffened when he heard her sniff. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back.

She smiled up at him. "Don't worry, John. I'm not crying."

John looked relieved and Helena laughed out loud.

He rested an arm on her shoulder and looked out at the ocean. "Yeah, I'm going to miss this place."

Helena leaned sideways into him and looked out as well. "Yeah, me too."

Rodney stepped out of his office and started walking to the control room.

"Rodney."

He turned. "Oh. Hello, Chief."

Helena nodded. Without warning, she grabbed him in a hug. "I'll miss you, Rodney."

"Oh!" He was shocked, but hugged her back. "Oh, ah, well, hey, we'll see each other again."

She pulled back and nodded at him, without looking at him, and walked away.

oOo

Helena looked around the gate room. She hated looking up at the control room and seeing _them_. After a long time, she turned to the glimmering gate and took a deep breath, steeling herself against her emotions, and stepped through.


	54. The Return, Part II

_**The Return, Part II**_

"Hello, sir!"

General Hank Landry stopped in his tracks at the sound of Helena Leiter's cheerful salutation. He sighed and turned around. "Chief. What brings you back to the SGC?"

"Well," she smiled, brightly. "Your lobbying worked. Thank you, very much. I've gotten my orders to Washington and I leave in two days. So, I figured I come and visit with some friends before shipping out – to borrow a Navy term. And I thought I should thank you, as well."

Landry nodded. "My pleasure, Chief. Your talent got you the job, I just arranged the meeting."

"Well, without you arranging the meeting, I wouldn't be able to show off my talent."

"You're welcome." Landry smiled, and started to walk away.

"Is Colonel Sheppard off-world? I was on my way to see Dr. Beckett, but I'd like to see him as well, if he's around."

Landry stopped. "Neither one of them are here."

Helena's eyebrows drew together. "No?"

"No."

Her head tilted to one side. "Where's Dr. Beckett? He shouldn't be off-world…"

"No. He shouldn't be, but he is."

"When will they be back?"

Landry frowned and shook his head. "Need to know, Chief."

Her eyebrow rose. "Sir?" She didn't look or sound like she was going to accept that answer.

Landry was not in the mood. "Leave it at that, Chief." He turned and walked away.

Helena Leiter watched him go. Her eyes narrowed and she sucked her teeth. "I don't _think_ so," she muttered and walked back the way she'd come.

oOo

"Hey, guys!"

Walter Harriman turned around to see Chief Helena Leiter walking around the control room with a tin of cookies. She went to each technician and allowed him or her to take one or two.

"Uh, Chief," Walter frowned. "What are you doing?"

"Passing out cookies, Walter, what does it look like?"

He sighed and nodded. "Well, I…I see that, but, uhm…why are you passing them out in here?"

Helena smiled. "I am leaving in two days, Walter. I may not be back for a long time – if ever – and I wanted to give my favorite people a farewell gift. Is there anything wrong with that?" She held the tin to him and smiled.

He frowned up at her, then looked at the tin. Then he smiled and shrugged. "I guess not." He took a cookie and asked. "Where are you headed?"

"The White House."

His eyebrows rose. "Really?"

"Come on, Walter, you can't tell me you didn't know."

He shook his head. "No."

She sat down next to him and smiled. "I don't believe you," she said slowly. "You know everything that goes on around here."

He smiled in a way that said. "Aw-shucks." "Well, I guess, I do know a lot."

Helena grinned and nodded. "You're not fooling me. Everyone knows you're Landry's go to guy."

He smiled. "Well."

"In fact, I'll bet you know all about Colonel Sheppard's reassignment."

Walter frowned. "What reassignment?"

She looked around the room, as if to make sure no one was listening and leaned toward him. When he leaned in to her, she whispered. "I heard he was being given command of a unit in Florida."

Walter frowned. "No, he's not."

Her eyebrows rose. "Really? What have _you_ heard?"

Walter leaned forward. "If he makes it back, he's probably going to be court-martialed."

"What?"

He nodded and checked around again. "He, Dr. Weir, Dr. McKay and Dr. Beckett stole the Atlantis jumper and went back to the Pegasus Galaxy."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

He nodded. "The Replicators were attacking Atlantis. General O'Neill and Mr. Woolsey were trapped there and Colonel Sheppard and the rest went to rescue them. _Against_ General Landry's orders."

"General Landry wouldn't send a rescue for General O'Neill?"

Walter shook his head. "General O'Neill's left orders not to."

Helena's eyebrows were drawn together. "So Sheppard and the rest took it upon themselves to do it anyway? And Landry's talking court martial?"

Walter nodded, helping himself to another cookie. "And he had me invalidate their IDCs."

Helena drew back and chewed on her lower lip. "Really."

Walter nodded again, knowingly.

She thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. "Walter. I want you to do something for me, will you?"

oOo

General Jack O'Neill walked into his office in the Pentagon and found Chief Helena Leiter waiting for him. He looked behind him at the name on the door to make sure he had his own office, then back at Helena.

"Chief?"

She smiled, humorlessly. "Welcome back, sir."

He looked around. "Why are you here?"

"I've heard that the expedition members are returning."

He looked confused. "No…"

She frowned at him for a moment, then her eyebrows rose and she rolled her eyes. "Not to here, sir. From here."

"Ah!" He looked like he understood, suddenly.

Helena took a deep breath and counted to three in her head. "Sir."

"Congratulations on your promotion, by the way. Great assignment."

She frowned. "Thank you. I want to go back."

Jack's eyebrows rose. "You want to leave the White House for Pegasus?"

She smiled. "Yes, sir," she said, deliberately.

He walked past her to her desk. "I can't take the President's chef from him."

She simpered. "First of all, I haven't reported yet. I'm still on leave. Second of all, I'm not going to be the head chef, so it's not like we're leaving him with no one."

"But it's the President. In case you haven't forgotten, he outranks me."

She took a deep breath. "I haven't forgotten, sir. I want you to convince him that I'm essential to the success of the mission."

Jack shook his head. "How?"

She narrowed her eyes and raised an eyebrow at him. "You don't think I am?"

He shrugged his face. "Well…"

"Pie."

He frowned. "What?"

"Pie."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh-kay…"

"Broken leg, broken ribs, punctured lung, frostbite and pie."

He frowned.

She glared back.

After a long minute, he shook his head. "Nope, doesn't sound familiar."

She threw her hands up. "Antartica. Second gate. You and, then-Captain, Carter?"

He frowned. "Okay. I remember that."

She nodded. "When you got back to SGC, how did you get pie?"

"You snuck it in to me."

"How about after the orb incident? Did you get pie then? What about the Urgo thing? What about—"

He held up his hands. "Okay, so you're great at sneaking desserts into the infirmary."

She crossed her arms. "Did you appreciate it?"

He looked like he knew where this was going. "Yes," he said, slowly.

"Did I ever ask for anything in return?"

He frowned. "You did get promoted to Warrant Three."

"Did I ever _ask_ for _anything_ in return?" She sighed. "Listen, I can quit. I have given more than twenty years to the US Army. I don't owe the military anything. I'll go through the IOC and convince them to hire me as a civilian contractor…"

He frowned. "Don't threaten me, Chief."

"No, sir."

He sighed. "Fine. I'll talk to the President, but no guarantees."

She nodded, still frowning. "I'm on leave for another week, sir." She handed him a piece of paper. "This is the number where I'm staying."

He looked at the number, then. He nodded. "By the way, how did you find out I was back?"

She smiled, slightly. "You're not the only one who likes dessert, sir."

"Walter?"

She frowned. "Who?"

O'Neill smiled. "I'll talk to the President, Chief. Dismissed."

She nodded and walked out of his office.


	55. Echoes

_**Echoes**_

"I miss Chief Leiter's desserts." Rodney McKay threw his fork onto his tray.

John sat back, looking at the scientist and frowned. "Yeah."

They were sitting at a table on the exterior balcony of the cafeteria. "I heard that she got a choice assignment at the White House."

John nodded. "I don't know if she got it, but Landry was working on it."

"Well, no reason for her to come back, then. Who would pass up such a great assignment to come back to this?"

"She'd never have to worry about being Wraith food."

"Never have to worry about deadly solar flares."

Rodney frowned. "Coronal mass ejections."

"Same thing."

"Not really."

John frowned at him and Rodney frowned back.

"Fine." Rodney picked up his fork and poked at his food. "So, she's better off."

John nodded. "Yeah."

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Any sign of your buddy?"

"Who? Sam?"

John shook his head. "I thought I told you to stop calling him that."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, to answer your question: No. I haven't seen him again."

John was about to answer when there was a loud commotion from inside.

"What's that?" Rodney looked past John toward the entrance to the cafeteria. He stood.

John followed suit and the two of them walked into the cafeteria to see a crowd surrounding Ronon who was lifting someone in a bear hug.

"Who – ?" John frowned.

Rodney smiled. "Helena?"

John's eyebrows drew together and he walked through the crowd.

"It's good to see you, too, big guy," she was laughing. Helena was dressed in the expedition uniform, but her hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail rather than her usual braid.

"Chief?"

She turned to see John and Rodney. She smiled broadly at them. "Hello, my friends!"

Rodney pushed John out of the way and pulled Helena into a hug. "Oh, thank god! I haven't had a decent meal in weeks."

"Hey!" a blonde wearing a chef's cooking uniform exclaimed.

Rodney straightened. "Oh, uh, that is to say, Coop, that the food has been lacking a key ingredient. I did not mean to say that you're not a good cook. You are – "

Cooper laughed. "Give it up, Dr. McKay, you're not getting out of it."

Helena laughed. "I'm happy to see you, too, Rodney."

John moved up to her and smiled down at her. "I thought you were cooking for the President."

She warmed under his gaze and shrugged. "Oh! Well, ah, I'll, ah, tell ya later."

"Hey, you have another square thing on your collar," Rodney pointed out.

Helena nodded. "Yep. They promoted me. CW4."

"Congratulations," John smiled.

"Even more reason to celebrate," Ronon said, grinned down on her.

She looked up at him and smiled. "I told Landry that the next time he tries to call me back to Earth, I'm resigning and running off with you, Ronon."

Ronon's grin widened. He looked at John and Rodney. "I don't think you are the only one."

oOo

Hours later, John found Helena on the West Pier, dressed in civilian clothes with her hair down.

"Did you cut your hair?"

She turned. "Hello, John."

"Hi."

"Just a trim."

"What?"

"I just trimmed a couple inches off. Didn't really cut it."

He nodded. "It looks shorter."

She shrugged. "Sweet of you to notice."

He shrugged his face and went to stand next to her. "So? How'd you convince the President to let you come back?"

It may have been a trick of the light, but he thought she was blushing.

"What is it?"

She smiled. "Well, I tried reasoning with General O'Neill, but didn't feel like it was working, so I went over his head."

He nodded. "You talked to the President."

Helena shook her head. "I went to the First Lady."

He frowned.

She refused to look at him, then. "I told her that needed to go back to my previous assignment because my fiancé was there."

"You and Carson got back together?"

"I didn't tell her it was Carson."

His eyebrows rose. "Really? Then, who?"

She looked out to the ocean, took a deep breath and spoke, quickly. "I told her that I couldn't tell General O'Neill or the President the truth because the military's attitude is 'If the Army wanted you to have a family, they would have issued you one'. So I told her that the man I'd been having an affair with and I both got our orders back to the Washington area, but in different commands, so we felt comfortable enough to move it to the next level. We decided to get married, but before we could, he got called back."

His eyebrows drew together. "Who?"

"I told her that I couldn't bear to be away from him for as long as it looked like we would be apart, especially knowing what I did about my condition."

His eyes widened. "Your condition."

"And I told her that there was no way that _he_ would want me to be so far away from him, once he found out about my condition."

"Helena." His voice held a warning. "Who?"

Ignoring him, she continued. "Well, she was touched and assured me that she would talk to the President. At first, she wanted to get my fiancé reassigned to Washington, but I told her that he was vital to the success of the mission." She grimaced. "In fact, he was actually the base commander."

Realization dawned on his face. "So the First Lady of the United States thinks that you're pregnant. And engaged tooo?"

She nodded. "Not really a big deal, since I will probably never see her again."

"Why do I think there's a 'but'?"

"She told the President and the President told General O'Neill."

"_What?_" his voice rose slightly. "_General O'Neill_ thinks that you and I are engaged and that you're having my child?"

She winced and covered her mouth.

"Oh, that's just great, 'Lena!" He moved away. "What happens the next time he comes to Atlantis and there's no child?"

She shrugged. "We claim a high risk pregnancy that didn't turn out well."

"And you and I?"

She smiled and shrugged. "Well, there are all sorts of ways we could handle that."

"Such as?"

"We broke up after the miscarriage. We're still together. I broke up with you after you had a fling with an alien priestess…"

He frowned at her. "But why me? Of all the people on this expedition, why me?"

"I had to come up with someone who was absolutely critical to the success of the mission and, who was, frankly…believable. No one would believe me if I said it was Rodney and they may have simply recalled Lorne or Carson. You were the only logical choice."

He raked his hand through his hair and release his breath in a long, slow motion.

"Are you really mad?"

John looked at her and made a face. "It's not that. I mean, I understand your reasoning, but…"

"But?"

He couldn't help but grin when he said. "I usually like to kiss a woman before I get engaged to her."

She laughed. "Yeah, bet you never thought you'd get a girl pregnant without even touchin' her."

He moved toward her with a grin. "We could remedy that."

Her mouth fell open and she stepped back to find herself trapped against the rail. She held her hand up. "Now, John!"

"Yes?" He asked lowly, taking another step closer.

"Well, we…you..we can't…you're…" Realization dawned on her face and she reached out and smacked his chest. "Oh, you cheeky bastard. Get off!" She pushed him back. "Fine." She laughed, relieved. "Consider your revenge had."

He smiled, but stepped back. "Oh, I wouldn't go that far. Just wait until O'Neill comes to visit."

She shook her finger at him. "You are incorrigible."

John smiled. "You keep saying that."

"Doesn't make it any less true."

He chuckled.

She sighed, with a smile.

John could tell that her face was flushed, by the way she was still smiling as they looked out at the starlit ocean. Every once in a while, she'd chuckle and, after a time, she reached out and pushed his arm, lightly.

"It's good to be back," she said.

He smiled. "Yeah."


	56. Irresponsible

_**Irresponsible**_

John opened the door to his quarters to find a smiling Helena standing there, bouncing on the balls of her feet with her hands behind her back. He knew by the smile that she was up to something and sighed. He moved to the side and welcomed her into his quarters.

"Hello, John."

"'Lena," he said cautiously.

"Rodney and Carson told me about your latest adventure."

He frowned. "What did they say?" He asked, though part of him didn't want to know.

She pulled a large, straw cowboy hat out from behind her back. Her smile was wide and her eyes were dancing. "There's a new sheriff in town!"

He groaned and ducked his head. When his head came up, he was smiling. "Where did you get that thing?"

She laughed out loud. "Chili Cook-off 2000. I brought it with me this trip for when I'm feeling ornery and for the next time we have ribs." She held it out to him. "But after hearing about the quick-draw, I thought it only right that you should have it."

He shook his head, laughing. "Remind me to kick Rodney's ass." He took it from her and put it on. She laughed again and reached up to adjust its fit.

"It was Carson who was telling the story. You know that Rodney is not going to give anyone but himself full credit: 'It was a team effort'. You need a haircut." She drew back and smiled widely at him.

He walked away and looked at himself in the mirror. He laughed because the hat was too small and sat awkwardly on his head. "I think I need a smaller head."

"Nah. I think you just need a bigger hat." She smiled. "I'll remember to put on my list of things to get the next time I have the opportunity to go shopping."

He took it off and reached over to put it on her head. "Looks right, now."

She swallowed her smile and sat on the dresser next to his bed. "So, how are you?"

He shrugged. "Good."

"Relieved that Kolya won't be bothering you anymore, at least?"

He sat on his bed and looked down at his hands. "There is that, at least."

She leaned down to catch his eye and he looked up at her. "I know it's not the kind of outcome you would have gone looking for, but you knew that eventually it was going to come down to him or you."

He frowned and leaned back. "Oh, yeah, of course. I knew. I was just kinda hoping he'd get himself blown up somewhere and it'd be over that way." He shrugged. "But it didn't work out that way."

Helena nodded. "I would have warned Kolya. It's crazy to try to go up against a red-blooded American boy in a quick draw."

John frowned at her. "What?"

She pursed her lips. "Don't tell me that you didn't practice the quick draw when you were a kid."

He grinned. "Well, sure, didn't everyone?"

"Somehow, I don't see Rodney doing that."

John shrugged. "Well, he's Canadian." At her laugh, he continued. "I'll bet Lorne did."

She nodded. "Wouldn't surprise me."

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Finally, she spoke up. "I can't believe you didn't shoot Lucius, though. Or at least punch him real hard in the mouth."

"I was tempted, but it wouldn't do any good."

She sighed. "It would have made _me_ feel better. Trust me that man is going to be like a bad penny."

"Rodney called him 'Harcourt Fenton Mudd'."

She laughed. "Oh, you gotta love Rodney's _Star Trek_ references."

John frowned. "Not when he's calling me 'Kirk', I don't."

This produced another gale of laughter from Helena. At John's look, she tried to stop, but it made her laugh even harder. Finally, he joined her, chuckling, good-naturedly.

He stood. "What's for dinner?" He offered a hand to her.

She took it and stood. "Lasagna."

He smiled as they headed to the door. "I love lasagna."

She beamed up at him and took off the hat. "We'll have to stop at my quarters on the way, so I can put this away. Don't want everyone knowing exactly how country I am."

He stuck out his bottom lip. "I was going to wear it during dinner."

As they walked out of the door, she laughed. "I wouldn't want you to lose all your cool points by showing up in a hat that's too small…"


	57. The Tao of Rodney

_**Tao of Rodney**_

"Since you didn't come down, I brought your tea, here."

Elizabeth looked up from the two computers on her desk at Helena and smiled. "Hello, Helena."

The lights flickered. Both women looked up and Helena's eyebrow rose. "About that."

Elizabeth raised a hand, bracing an elbow on her desk. "I know. Rodney's doing something to the city's power systems, which is requiring him to interface directly with primary systems. It's playing havoc with the power all over the city."

Helena nodded. "And until he's done, I'm closing the kitchen. Last thing I need is a fire or burnt dinner because the power flashes out one minute then up the next. It's sandwiches and rations for lunch and may be for supper, if this keeps up."

She nodded. "I understand completely."

Helena placed the steaming cup and small pot on her desk and nodded. "I'll let you get back to your research."

Helena walked out of the office and over the bridge. She smiled at Chuck and waved at Rose, the tech sitting behind him, then started down the stairs.

"Hello, 'Lena. What brings you up?"

Helena smiled at John. "Elizabeth's tea. How are you?"

The lights flickered again. John frowned and Helena rolled her eyes.

"Rodney's got superpowers."

Helena nodded. "I heard."

"Elizabeth and Radek are doing the research, but this could be really cool."

"John," she smiled, shaking her head. "You can be a great big little boy sometimes, you know?"

John grinned. "Come on! You don't think telekinesis is cool?"

"Oh, yeah!" Helena nodded. "I do, but you're actually excited about it." She frowned. "You're going to try it, aren't you?"

John grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. Then he frowned, or rather tried to. "That is if Elizabeth determines it's safe."

Helena shook her head and rolled her eyes. "You are truly incorrigible."

He frowned. "You keep saying that."

She nodded. "Yes, because it keeps being true. I'll save you a sandwich for lunch."

"What, you're not cooking?"

The lights flickered again and Helena leveled a raised eyebrow in his direction.

"Right," he said. "Sandwich will be great."

She nodded and started back down the stairs as he continued up to Elizabeth's office.

oOo

"Hey, Chief," Rodney called out to Helena. "Have you seen Ronon?"

She smiled. "Hello, Rodney. I'm fine. How are you?"

He frowned. "What? Oh. Uh, well, I'm good, I guess." He looked around the cafeteria.

"No. I haven't seen him."

He looked at her. "Thank you."

She nodded and started into the kitchen.

"Uh, Helena?"

She turned and looked at him, with a smile.

"You're a good cook." He said bluntly. "I know I give you a hard time sometimes, but really I do think you are a good cook."

She smiled. "I know you do."

"You do?"

She nodded. "When I got back from Earth, you told me."

He frowned, then remembering, smiled. "Oh, yes. Quite right. Well, I wanted to tell you again and," he looked at his hands. "You're a very good friend. Your mother-hen thing gets a lot of people through a lot of things and I appreciate everything."

Helena suddenly frowned and moved closer to him. "Rodney? Why are you talking like this?"

Rodney offered a half-hearted smile. "Just in case this ascension thing doesn't work or even if it does, I really don't want the people I care the most about to wonder…you know."

Helena smiled. "If it works, find a way to get me fresh shrimp."

He frowned. "What?"

She grabbed him in a fierce hug. "Love you, too." Then she let him go and quickly walked into the kitchen, leaving Rodney confused, but satisfied at the same time.

oOo

"How are you?"

Carson looked up to the door to see Helena leaning up against the doorjamb. He frowned and looked at her, then saw the tray of food on the table next to the door. "How long 'have you been there?"

She smiled grimly. "A few minutes. Answer my question."

Carson ran his hand through his hair. "I don't know." He sighed and looked down at his desk, which had paper she knew he wasn't seeing. "It doesn't look good, Helena. If they don't find a way to reverse it, I'm afraid…"

Her eyebrows drew together. "It's really that bad?"

He nodded. It took a few minutes, but he cleared his throat. "I can't-" He shook his head. "I don't…" He stood. "There's nothing I can do. Do ye know how frustratin' that is, Helena? No, I don't think you do. I'm a doctor an' my best friend might be dyin' an' there's absolutely nothin' I can do!" He sighed and his entire carriage deflated. "I'm sorry, Helena. I…" he looked at her, with pain-filled eyes.

Tears were in her eyes as she walked across the room and put her arms around him. He held on to her as if to draw from her some small bit of strength. They stood there like that for a while, until, finally, he pulled away and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Helena."

She smiled at him. "Don't be, Carson. I understand, completely. But Rodney and Radek are two of the greatest minds in two galaxies and now Rodney's got this 'super-intelligence', they'll figure out how to reverse it." The words sounded hopelessly Pollyanna of her, but she wanted so bad to help him feel hopeful.

He smiled at her and she knew he wasn't buying it. "Thank you, my dear." He took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his head. He walked over to the tray and lifted the cover to find a ham and cheese sandwich with fruit. "So," he looked at her with a hint of mischief behind the grief. "I hear ye're havin' Sheppard's baby."

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "What? Oh my god, Carson, who told you that? Oh, Lord, no. No, no." She shook her head and held up her hands. "No. No. It's—no. I…" She finally sighed. "Oh, good Lord!"

He laughed, despite himself. "Don't worry, my dear. I know better. An' so does everyone in the city, but it was a fun rumor to hear."

"Everyone in the city?"

He nodded. "Aye. Everyone knows that you an' Sheppard had a thing back on Earth an' you managed to get back by convincing the brass that you were pregnant with his child."

Helena groaned. "Oh, fan-friggin-tastic! It's not true! John and I never 'had a thing' here or anywhere else. I convinced the First Lady that I was…but only to get back here. They _weren't going to let me come back, Carson!_"

He approached her and rubbed her arms. "Calm down, Helena. I know that you and John Sheppard are just friends. I just want you to know that, if the opportunity arises, I'm fine with it."

She smiled at him. "You're a great man, Carson."

He ducked his head. "Aye, I know."

She laughed and threw her arms around him in hug. He wrapped his arms around her as well and held her for a while. Finally, she pulled away and gave him stern instructions to eat as she turned to return to the cafeteria.

_Medical team to my quarters!_

Helena froze. "Was that…?"

"Colonel Sheppard," Carson pronounced, running past her and out of the infirmary.

oOo

Helena stood off to the side of the cafeteria as Rodney and Elizabeth walked into the cafeteria. John, Teyla and Ronon were there already and waved the late comers over. Helena sighed, happily as, once again, her friends had survived the worst possible outcome with the best possible results.

"I'm going to need a gallon of hair color a month if this kind of thing continues," she muttered, walking back into the kitchen to check on this evening's meal.


	58. The Game

_**The Game**_

Helena frowned at the sight before her. Evan Lorne and Radek Zelenka were entering the cafeteria looking like chastised school boys. She pursed her lips to one side, biting back a smile and walked over to them.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but I'm afraid the dress code for this restaurant includes a smile."

Evan and Radek exchanged looks of chagrin and both tried to give some semblance of a smile to the other.

"Okay; What's going on?" Helena crossed her arms across her chest.

"The Game," Radek said.

Helena's eyebrows rose. "The same 'game' that John and Rodney…?"

Both men nodded, without looking at her.

Knowing that the two of them had probably already received an earful from Elizabeth on the matter, she bit back a smile - or as much of one as she could. "I swear, this city is full of boys. Great big, overgrown boys." She shook her head and sighed. "Well, come on in. Corporal Baumgartner needs taste-testers for his Authentic Black Forest Cake. Apparently, it has _real_ _kirschwasser_ in it."

Radek's face brightened as Evan frowned. "The _Marine_ Corporal Baumgartner?" the Major asked, as if uncertain that he heard correctly.

Helena nodded. "He's a really good baker. I may have to take him away from you grunt-types."

Evan smiled, despite himself. "Good luck getting Sheppard to agree to that."

Helena raised an eyebrow. "Wait 'til you taste his cake. Come on."

oOo

John was leaning on the railing of the exterior balcony looking out. He had a bottle of water in his hand and he seemed totally relaxed.

"So, I hear you got promoted again."

John turned to see Helena grinning up at him. He narrowed his eyes. "Promoted?" he asked, cautiously.

She nodded. "From King to Oracle."

He rolled his eyes. "You're slipping, 'Lena. I saw that one coming."

Helena looked chagrinned. "Yeah, well, it's been a long day and I'm tired."

"So, why are you still here?" John frowned at her. "You have the right to get some rest, you know."

Patting his hand, she said. "Thank you, but I've been guarding the last piece of cake for you."

His eyebrows rose. "Really? Cake?"

She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned. "Yeah. Aren't you glad I stayed up?"

John chuckled. "Thank you for your sacrifice."

"Speaking of sacrifice, have you heard I want to reassign Baumgartner?"

"Baumgartner? Why?"

Helena laughed. "Oh, you'll see."

John followed her into the cafeteria, frowning in curiosity.


	59. The Ark

_**The Ark**_

John walked into the cafeteria, stuffed a prepackaged sandwich into his pocket and package of chocolate, chocolate chip cookies in the other pocket. He grabbed a bottle of water and quickly walked back out of the cafeteria.

"When you cut and run like that, I feel like you're trying to avoid me."

He turned and smiled at Helena, who fell into step with him. "It's not that. I had a rough day and I thought I'd eat in my room and sack out early."

Helena nodded. "Well, I'm headed in that direction. Do you mind if I walk with you?"

John frowned. "Since when do you have to ask?"

She shrugged. "You said you'd had a 'hard day' and I don't want to intrude if you would prefer quiet. You know I can be a chatterbox."

John frowned. "You? Never."

She rolled her eyes. "I take it back. I don't want to be considerate anymore."

"But I notice you're not leaving."

She gave him a "well, duh" look and said. "I said 'I don't want to be considerate', not 'I'm leaving'."

He chuckled.

"Now, _there's_ that gorgeous smile all of Atlantis knows in loves."

His eyebrows rose. "Excuse me?"

She gave him a big toothy grin and promptly changed the subject. "How's Teyla?"

He frowned at her, curious, but followed the switch. "Beckett's keeping her in the infirmary overnight, but they both insist she's fine."

Helena nodded. "So, I should call him to see if he's coming to dinner."

John stopped in his tracks. It was his turn to wear the big, toothy grin, with his eyebrows raised. "Really?" he said, slowly.

Helena sighed and tried to look stern. "We're still _friends_, John. Friends can have dinner, can't they? We've been having dinner together for years, now."

He nodded. "Yes, but before you were an item. Now…"

Helena shook her head. "And now, now we're back to being just friends. I love him to death, John, but reasons for us breaking up are no less valid now than they were before. It wouldn't be fair to either one of us to just pick up where we left off just because we're back here instead of on Earth."

John shook his head. "And those reasons were what, exactly? I don't think I ever fully understood why you two called it off."

Helena rolled her eyes. "You know, I'm really starting to regret I ran into you."

John raised his eyebrows and simply waited.

"I don't want kids, he wants a whole houseful. He wants to eventually get married and I never will again." She tilted her head and looked up at him, quite seriously. "Don't you think those should be deal breakers?"

John frowned. "Yeah, I guess, you're right."

"_But_," she emphasized. "I didn't want to lose his friendship, so we talked and continue to talk. He's my friend, John, and that's the most important thing." She took his arm at that point and they started walking. "Just like you are."

He nodded. "I'm really glad, 'cause there's nothing worse than when you have two friends who break up and then hate each other."

She grinned. "That happen a lot with all your fighter pilot friends, does it?"

He raised his eyebrows. "You'd be surprised."

Helena threw her head back and laughed.

They arrived at his quarters and, after they said their good nights, Helena walked off to find Carson.


	60. Sunday

_**Sunday**_

Helena was running down the hall.

Rodney was walking, stunned, from the other direction.

"Rodney!"

His eyes lifted to see her, but his face didn't really register any emotion. "Helena."

"Rodney, what's going on? I heard another explosion…"

"Helena, I came to find you." He ran his hand through his hair. "I know that you and Carson are…were…"

Her eyebrows furrowed together. "What is it, Rodney? Carson? But I heard _Teyla_ was hurt. Is she okay?"

Rodney's eyes found hers and he took hold of her arms. "Helena, h-h-he's gone."

Her eyes widened and all color went out of her face. "Who, Rodney? Who's gone? Gone where?"

"Car – " he choked. "Carson."

Helena shook her head. "Rodney, I – I don't understand. What about Carson?"

"Carson's gone, Helena," he managed to squeeze the statement out through the strangling lump in his throat.

She stepped back as if punched. She looked down, "No." Then up again and shook her head. "No." She tried to smile. "You see, Carson's gone fishing. You and he were going to go fishing today…" She looked confused, then. "But why are you here?" She shook her head again and stepped toward Rodney again. "He went fishing…!" Tears sprang to her eyes and she started to hyperventilate. "Oh, God, Rodney. No. Tell me he's gone fishing!"

Tears rolled down Rodney's cheeks as he shook his head. "He didn't go. Watson…Surgery. He…" he looked down. "I'm sorry. Helena, I'm so s-s–"

She shook her head and her face crumpled as her knees gave way. He caught her but sank to his knees with her as she strangled a cry. "NO! Oh, _GOD!_"

This was how Ronon found them moments later. He'd heard Helena's cry and came running as fast as he could. She was crying uncontrollably in Rodney's arms, a soul-rending sound that wracked through her entire body. Rodney held her as if afraid to let go, tears silently rolling down his face. Ronon approached them, slowly.

"It's okay, Rodney," he said, lowly. "I've got her." When Rodney reluctantly released her, Ronon gathered the weeping woman into his arms and carried her to her quarters.

Rodney pulled himself up and numbly walked to his lab to drown himself in work.

oOo

_Two weeks later_

"John," Elizabeth stood in the door of his room. "Have you checked your email?"

John looked over to the notebook he never picked up often enough. "No," he looked at her and frowned. "Did I miss a meeting?"

She shook her head and handed him her notebook. "So I will assume you didn't know about this."

He read the message listed and his eyebrows furrowed together. He stood and looked at Elizabeth. "What is this?" he ground out.

She shook her head. "I was hoping you would know."

He shook his head and handed her notebook back to her. Picking his own up, he frowned at her. "I'll take care of it."

She nodded. "Keep me informed."

oOo

John stuck his head in the kitchen, looking for Helena. Instead, he found Sergeant Cooper. "Hello, Sergeant. Where's the Chief?"

Cooper wiped her blonde hair out of her face with the back of her hand and sighed. "I would guess her quarters, but I don't know for sure." She looked at him. "Sir, could you speak to her? She hasn't been herself in weeks. She usually comes early, helps with breakfast, leaves after clean-up for an hour or so, comes back to help with lunch, leaves for a bit more, is back for dinner, then stays late. Lately, she comes in before breakfast, barks orders and leaves until lunch, then barks more orders and leaves until dinner, then barks more orders and leaves again."

Looking down at the notebook in his hands, John frowned. "The past couple of weeks have been hard on us all, Sergeant."

She nodded. "You're right, sir, but she's not handling this as well as she has handled loss in the past. I know she and Dr. Beckett were close, but…oh, I don't know, sir. I just think she needs to talk to someone and I _know_ she'd never go to Heitmeyer."

He nodded, grimly. "I'll find her."

oOo

"Go away, John."

Almost two hours after leaving the cafeteria, John found Helena on the West Pier. She was sitting alone in the dark and knew he was there before he said anything. She was in civilian clothes and her hair was down. There was an empty wine bottle and empty glass next to her with a balled-up cigarette pack.

He moved over to where she was and sat down next to her.

She sniffed and looked at him. "You don't listen too well, do you?"

He put the notebook in front of her. "What the hell is this?"

Taken back by the sharpness of his words, she frowned. She looked at the screen, then she pursed her lips and swallowed. "What does it look like?"

John's eyebrows furrowed together and his lips tightened. "It _looks_ like a transfer request."

She looked out to the ocean. "And?"

He felt what he thought was the beginning of irrational anger and stood, taking a deep breath, leaving the notebook on the step. Finally, he turned. "And? Explain it to me, Helena!"

She refused to look at him. "I can't stay here, John. It's too much."

"What, exactly, is too much?"

Helena frowned. "You know the answer to that, John."

Exasperated, he struck out. "You're not the only one who lost a friend, Helena. Should we all give up and go?"

Her blue eyes met his, snapping. "Fuck you, John!" She pronounced vehemently. She looked down at her feet, then, allowing her hair to hide her face.

It was the last thing he expected from her and it caught him off-guard. He knelt to be eye-level with her and the smart-ass in him said the first thing that popped into his head. "I should be so lucky."

Her head popped back up and he could see the tears on her face. She looked at him like he was crazy. "What?"

Sobered by the sight of her tears, he took her hands. "Look, I know what Carson meant to you, 'Lena. I know you miss him. I know it is painful for you. It hurts all of us. All of us are asking the exact same questions: why him? Why here? Why this way? None of it makes any sense, 'Lena, but we don't get those answers. The only thing we can do," she started to look away and he reached out and cupped her chin. "The _only_ thing we can do is stick together and help each other get through it."

Tears continued to flow down her cheeks. She swallowed. "I _hate_ these people, John. I don't just dislike them anymore. I _hate_ them, down to my core. Who the _hell_ comes up with explosive tumors?" She choked.

He moved to sit next to her. "I know, but Carson wouldn't want us to -"

She pulled away and stood, angry again. "Oh, stop! Just stop! I have always hated that placating bullshit, John. I know exactly what Carson would and wouldn't not have 'wanted' me to do. Too bad! I'm mad, John. Actually, I'm fucking pissed." she sobbed. "Next you're going to tell me the reason he didn't go fishing is because 'it was his time'. Fate, huh?"

John stood again, frowning, disbelief written on his face. Her words struck a chord. "You're not blaming Rodney are you?"

Her eyes widened. "Rodney? No! Why would I…oh, you think that because he didn't go fishing with Carson, I would be blaming him! No. I love Rodney like a brother and I know he's suffering as much as anyone. He was Carson's dearest friend."

"Then it's just the ancients you're blaming? Because it seems like you're blaming someone else," his tone was guarded, expecting the worse.

"Myself!" She cried. "John, don't you understand? If I hadn't told Carson early on that I hate fishing, maybe he would have asked me…"

Stunned that her answer didn't name him, he reached for her. "He did ask me and I didn't go."

"But he didn't ask me! I would have gone. I know how much he loved fishing. I would have sucked it up…" She clenched her hands and pulled away again. "No, no. It's not right. He shouldn't have even been here. He should have been fishing. He should have walked out of the surgical area when you told him to."

"So you're mad at him."

She turned on him. "NO, John! I just pissed. I'm mad at everything and everyone. I am just fucking pissed! I have been for weeks," Her voice caught in her throat. "And I can't seem to get over it. I can't" her breath came labored, almost to the point of hyperventilating. "Stop being angry. I don't know if I can, while I'm still here." The last was almost a plea.

"Listen," John went to her, his voice on edge. "If you're that pissed, I'll let you beat my ass a couple of times. Then we can call Ronon and I'm sure he'd let you try to beat his ass, too." He shook his head. "But you're going to have to find a way through it, Chief, because I'm not going to approve your request."

Helena exploded. "Wha-? Why not, John?"

"Because," he said, deliberately. "You are essential to the morale of this expedition. You take everyone under your wings and chase them down when they don't eat. Who else is going to do that? Who else is going to make Rodney stop working and actually sit down for an actual meal instead of scarfing down Powerbars and coffee? Who else is going to have turkey sandwiches always on hand when I've got the munchies after hours?" He shook his head. "Nobody, 'Lena. Nobody else would take dinner to the CMO every time he had a crisis and didn't have time. Nobody else would take food to the sick, against Doctor's orders on occasion, and argue the necessity of a cheeseburger." He took a breath and said, flatly. "Request denied."

She poked him in the chest. "_You_ are being selfish."

He exploded. "You're damned right I am! I don't want to lose the best damn Master Chef in the Pegasus galaxy. I take care of my people, _Chief_, and that includes making sure they have you."

"And what about me? What about my sanity? Don't I get a say in my own destiny?"

"No. You're military. You go where the Army says you go."

"I resign then." She tossed her head, defiantly.

"I refuse to accept it."

"I'll go over your head."

"I'll tell Elizabeth not to dial Earth."

"I'll appeal to Caldwell."

"I'll get to him first."

She gritted her teeth and exhaled an exasperated growl. "Damn you!"

He was feeling calmer, now. "I liked the other offer better."

She threw her hands up in the air and walked over to the balcony rails. "Everything's a fucking joke to you!"

"No," he said, softly. "It's not, 'Lena. I just…" When he approached, he could see her shoulders shaking and knew she was really crying now, even though she was silent. Putting aside his usual discomfort, he put his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. Then the crying started in full force, with the wretched gasps shaking her to the core and her hands clenching his shirt.

He slowly walked her over to the steps she'd been sitting on before and sat with her, leaning against a pillar. As her tears flowed, he allowed himself to mourn, finally, as well, silently allowing a tear or two to escape their well guarded prisons. Eventually, he sniffed and wiped his eyes, noticing that she'd grown quieter. He continued to hold her even after she fell asleep against his chest.

oOo

The morning sun pierced his eyelids, unbidden and unwelcomed. He squinted against it and lifted his head, even as a warm feminine body nestled closer into his side. It took him a moment to figure out where he was and why his back hurt. He'd fallen asleep against the pillar with his cheek resting against Helena's head.

"'Lena?"

She sighed and looked up at him. Her eyes were swollen and blood shot, her nose was red and her face was tear-streaked. "John?"

"We slept together."

She shook her head. "You really are awful."

John frowned. "Wow, I don't think I've ever had a woman say _that _first thing in the morning before. You really know how to hit a guy where it hurts."

She sighed and shook her head, fighting a truly exhausted smile. "Oh, brother."

He took her chin in his hand and moved her face back up to him. "I meant what I said, 'Lena, I'm not approving any transfer."

Her eyes grew moist, but the tears didn't flow as she nodded. "I understand, John. But you have to understand that it may take me some time."

John smiled, grimly, at her. "I would be worried if it didn't."

They sat silent for a moment, then Helena frowned at him. "I was well past my fourth glass of wine when you got here last night. I said some things to you that I shouldn't have. I'm sorry for cursing at you."

John shook his head. "I'm glad you were able to get it all out."

She looked down at her hands. "I don't know if I got it all out, but maybe some of it."

John nodded.

Helena tilted her head in his direction and a sniffed. "Did you say that you would let me kick your ass and _try_ to kick Ronon's?"

He chuckled. "Do you really think Ronon would _let_ anyone kick his ass?"

Suddenly, there was a sound from nearby. John found his earpiece and put it in.

Helena straightened and wiped her face as John answered the call.

"Elizabeth, I'm taking today off," he pronounced clearly, shocking both Elizabeth and Helena. "That's right. I'm off comms the rest of the day. Absolutely. See you tomorrow."

Helena shook her head. "I hope you didn't do that on my account."

He nodded. "Yours and mine. Come here, Helena, and tell me about your Carson Beckett." He smiled. "Then I'll tell you about the Carson Beckett I knew."

With a gentle, grateful, half-smile, she reached up and kissed his cheek. Then she nestled into his arm and began to speak. The tears came again and again, but this time the anger was couched with laughter. Together, they started the healing process.

"By the way," she asked much later. "What did you mean by 'I should be so lucky'?"

John picked up his watch from where he'd laid it next to his earpiece. "Wow, look at the time."

Helena chuckled. "Chicken."


	61. Aside 5, 2 AM

_A/N: For Duchess._

_**Aside 5**_

_His blue eyes smiled at her as his hand went to her swollen belly. His smile spread ear to ear as the new life within her seemed to react to the warmth of his touch, kicking out. He laughed and looked down, then back up to her._

_Then the warm of his hand turned into heat and his smiling eyes were swallowed up in a ball of fire._

_She screamed._

Helena sat up in bed, drenched in sweat and tears. Her hands went to her flat stomach as it did every time she had the dream. She swung her feet over the side of the bed and cradled her head in her hands, simply breathing and trying to get the shaking inside her guts to stop. After a while, she sat up and raked a hand through her tangled hair, wiping tears from her face. She stood and put on a pair on slip on sandals while weaving her hair loosely into a scrunchie and slipped out the door in her lounge pants and tank top. She walked down the corridor to her sanctuary.

At 2 am, the cafeteria was faintly lit but mostly dark. There was a pot of hot water and a selection of teas left out for those who sought the soothing effects of non-caffeinated warm drinks. There was a pot of coffee left out for the up-all-nighters and assorted snacks for anyone with the munchies.

Helena poured made some tea and went to sit on the exterior balcony, when she heard a sound coming from the kitchen. She frowned and changed her destination.

"Rodney?"

Rodney peaked out of the pantry. "Oh. Uh, hello, Chief." He pointed into the pantry. "I-uh- was looking for chocolate." He looked apologetic. "Got a bit of sweet tooth tonight."

She smiled and shook her head. "It's not in there." She put her tea down on the counter and moved to one of the refrigeration units. She pulled out a chocolate bar and tossed it to him.

"Thanks. What are you doing here?"

She sighed. "I'm always here, Rodney."

He frowned. "But it's a bit late even for you."

"What about you? Why aren't you sleeping?"

Rodney sighed. "I was working on something. Lost track of time, I guess."

Helena retrieved her tea. "I see. Don't stay up too late. You never know what crisis we might face tomorrow."

As she started to leave, Rodney called her name. When she turned again to look at him, he frowned. "How are you?"

She sighed. "I'm getting there. You?"

He nodded. "Oh, yeah, you know me."

Her eyebrow rose and she tilted her head. "I know you well enough to know when there's something you want to say. What is it?"

He frowned down at the chocolate in his hand. Finally, he said. "I should have gone fishing."

Helena felt her breath leave her and she put her tea down. Quickly, she walked over to him and put her arms around him. "Don't do that, Rodney. Please, no one blames you."

"You don't?"

She looked up at him. "Me? No. Really I don't."

He hugged her back, then. "Thank you."

Helena pulled back and pushed a stray hair behind her ear. "I've been wondering," she started, then stopped.

"Go on," he prompted.

"Did we make a mistake, breaking it off?" She remembered the dream and put the hand not holding the tea, to her abdomen. "I mean, don't you think it would be nice to have something of Carson still here?"

Rodney looked at her, seeing the way she was standing and frowned. "Helena?"

When she looked up, her eyes seemed moist. "He once told me that a man's legacy is his children. All of his accomplishments fade in time except that one."

He frowned. "But he wasn't ready to have kids, yet."

"What do you mean?"

Rodney moved to stand next to her and put his chocolate down. He started to cross his arms, then didn't. Instead, he put a hand on the counter. "He wanted to be in Scotland where his mother could dote on her grandchildren. He figured he'd be older. Eventually, he'd go back to Scotland and open a small private practice. That's when he'd be looking to have kids." He straightened and looked out of the kitchen toward the life they both lead. "Not here. Not in Atlantis with all the dangers and uncertainties."

She wiped her eye before a tear escaped. "I've been having dreams about…"

He looked down at her. "Have you changed your mind about having children? Because I'm sure you could find volunteers…"

She shook her head, smiling. "No, it's not that. Though I appreciate you saying that. It's just that," she sighed. "It would really be nice to have something of him."

Rodney nodded. "But we have something of him. Our memories. And his work lives on in every life he saved, remember?"

Helena nodded. "Thank you, Rodney."

He nodded. "I just wanted you to know that I'm…well, that is to say..."

"Hungry?"

Rodney looked surprised and looked into her eyes and saw nothing but understanding and friendship. "Actually, now that you mention it," he nodded.

"Why don't you help me make some eggs for us?"

"Oh," he suddenly looked nervous. "I, uh, that is, I don't cook."

Helena smiled and took his hand. "Don't worry. I do."

Two hours later, Cooper walked into the kitchen to find Rodney and Helena laughing, surrounded by plates of cooked eggs – some scrambled and others broken attempts at sunny side up – and broken egg shells. Both were smudged with food.

"Chief?"

Helena turned. "Coop! What are you doing up so early?"

Coop looked at her wrist. "It is 0400, Chief. Time to get breakfast started."

Helena and Rodney exchanged looks of confusion.

"Four?" Rodney frowned. "We've been doing this for…" 

"Two hours," Helena grinned. "And you've finally made an over easy without breaking the yolk! Great work, Rodney!"

He picked up the plate and showed it to Coop, whose eyebrows rose. She seemed more impressed by the mess.

Helena took him by the arm. "Never mind her, Rodney. _I'm_ proud of you." She walked him out of the kitchen, leaving Cooper with the mess.

"Chief?" Cooper frowned.

"I'll be right back, Coop. I just need to go change. Can't cook in my pajamas, now can I?"

"No, I guess…" She watched the two walk out, laughing, and turned back to the mess in the kitchen. With a sigh, she began cleaning and prepping the kitchen for breakfast.


	62. Submersion

_**Submersion**_

"Teyla?"

The Athosian woman looked behind her. She was seated at the center-most table next to the rail of the cafeteria's exterior balcony, and had been looking out over the ocean, deep in thought when she heard a soft voice call her name. She smiled at the Earth woman who approached.

"Helena."

"Are you okay, honey?"

Teyla nodded. "I am fine."

"Mind if I sit?"

She smiled. "Please."

Placing a bottle and two cups on the table, Helena sat down across from Teyla and sighing, put her feet up on the rail. "My feet are killing me today."

"Has it been a particularly difficult day?" Teyla asked.

Helena shrugged and looked up at the sky. "It just seemed like one of those days that never stopped. Everything was," she snapped her fingers several times in succession. "go, go, go. I almost forgot to eat lunch today."

Teyla nodded, sympathetically.

Then Helena smiled, brightly. "Oh! I brought you something I think you might enjoy." She opened the bottle and poured a dark amber liquid into both cups. She handed one to Teyla and took the other for herself. "Cheers."

Teyla smelled the liquid and began to smile, then tasted it and smiled widely. "You went to the mainland while we were gone? When did they open the casks?"

Helena's eyes widened with the strength of the Athosian ale, feeling the burning liquid slide down her throat and into her stomach, warming her from the inside out. "Halling said they opened them last week to let the ale breathe. The bottling is still going on. This the first bottle of the Lantean First Year stock."

Teyla's eyebrows rose. "'Lantean First Year'?"

Helena shrugged. "Halling and I were talking about the Earth winemaking tradition of writing the vintage year on the bottles so that people can say 'oh, that was a very good year' for this and that such wine from this and that such grape and region." She smiled. "I think he liked the idea of being able to identify one year's ale from another's." She leaned in conspiratorially, causing Teyla to lean it too. "Halling is truly a bit of an ale snob, you know."

Teyla laughed. "Well, I think this was a very good year for ale."

Helena nodded. "This is powerful stuff, I'll say that. It puts bourbon whiskey to shame."

Teyla beamed. "Thank you, Helena."

They sipped their ale and fell into a companionable silence for a while. The ocean breeze wafted gently over them, filling the air with a faint salt smell. A bit later, Helena put her glass down.

"Wow, this stuff goes to my head faster than wine. I don't think I can feel my nose."

Teyla laughed. Helena was not the first Earth person to comment on the strength of the Athosian ale.

Helena smiled back. "So, now that we're both into our cups, so to speak..."

Teyla smiled. "Speak for yourself. I feel fine."

Helena's smile widened. "Oh, I'm feeling pretty fine myself; but you're not."

Teyla's smile melted into a frown. "What do you mean?"

Helena's eyebrows rose. "Something is bothering you, Teyla. What is it?"

Teyla narrowed her eyes and raised an eyebrow at Helena. Helena fired back with a single eyebrow of her own.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

Helena shook her head, sat back and took a long draught from her cup. Slamming down the empty cup, she declared. "To quote Colonel Potter, 'Horse feathers!'"

Teyla looked confused. "Colonel Potter?"

Helena nodded. "Fine man. Korea, MASH 4077. But you're changing the subject. Something is bothering you and I would bet money that it has something to do with that Wraith queen."

The Athosian woman sighed and looked down at her glass. "It is," she looked for the word. "unnerving, that this creature could take control of my mind so easily and so completely that she could make me do things I would never otherwise do. And that I would remember none of it afterwards."

Helena nodded. "I can't imagine having something like that happen."

"I do not wish to become a liability to Atlantis or," she looked at the bottle. "Or to my people."

Helena frowned at her. "Has anyone suggested that you might?"

"Sergeant Bates," Teyla frowned. "When I first tried it, he suggested I might unwittingly become a source of information for the Wraith."

"And Sergeant Bates was a jerk, Teyla. He was insubordinate at best and had no evidentiary cause to make accusations against you. Still wouldn't."

"But it did happen, Helena."

Helena shrugged. "Then you'll just have to be careful about who you contact in the future. Pick a drone instead of queen. Or better yet, don't make contact like that again. It can't be good for you."

Teyla smiled. "I intend to refrain from such contacts in the future, if at all possible."

"Good for you!" Helena picked up the bottle and filled Teyla's up to the rim, splashing only a little in her own glass. "And, by the way, I don't think those three men would be able to survive out there without your level head. Rodney panics too often, John gets annoyed at Rodney and it splits his focus and Ronon just wants to shoot everything. They need a calming influence. Even if she channels Wraith spirits every once in a while."

Teyla laughed. "Thank you for that, my friend."

"Thank you," Helena said raising her glass.

As Teyla touched her own glass against Helena's, she frowned. "So why did you fill mine back to the top but yours only up half-way?"

"Are you kidding? I need to be able to at least crawl back to my quarters or I'll be sleeping underneath this table."

Teyla's laugh filled the balcony and Helena smiled at her friend, then looked out to the ocean.


	63. Vengeance

_**Vengeance**_

"Eww!"

John looked at Ronon, his eyebrows raised. Ronon tried but failed to hide a grin. John turned back to Helena.

"Did you just say 'Eww'?"

Helena raised her eyebrow. "Depends. Did you just say 'a mix between the _iratus_ bug and human, but more bug than human'?"

"Yes," John frowned.

"Then, yes," she smiled, shuddering. "I said 'Eww!'"

He chuckled. "Actually, it looked like something out of the _Predator_ and _Aliens_ movies, combined, _with_ the _iratus_ bug."

Helena frowned. "Oh, gross. I hated those movies!"

John's eyes widened. "You're kidding me! They were great. _Aliens_ is a classic and _Predator_ is like the ultimate aliens on Earth movie."

She rolled her eyes and looked at Ronon. "They were entirely too gory and violent."

John's jaw dropped and he looked at her astonished. "That's like saying the _Godfather_ was an 'okay movie'."

Helena shook her head at him. "I would think you would have enough of that kind of thing in your day job." She looked at Ronon. "Have you seen either of these movies?" She glared at John. "I know he's schooling you on what _he_ thinks are important movies."

Ronon grinned. "Haven't seen _Aliens_ but I thought _Predator_ was pretty tame."

"What?" Helena and John said at the same time. They looked at each other and John opened his mouth to say something, but Helena jumped in with "Jinx!" to which John snapped his jaw shut and began to smile, despite his attempt to look annoyed.

Ronon gave them both a look of "Your people are strange". Then he shrugged and said, lowly. "I thought it was tame."

Helena smiled at John. "Figures."

John looked at her with impatience written on his face, to which she grinned wider.

Ronon looked confused. "What's going on?"

"He can't speak."

Ronon frowned. "What?"

"He's not allowed to speak until someone says his name."

Ronon looked alarmed. "Why not?"

She looked pleased, which made John more annoyed. "Because we said the same thing at the same time and I called 'Jinx'." She chuckled. "It's a child's game we were talking about the other day. I have to give him," she smiled at John and wiggled her eyebrows. "credit for sticking to it. It must be killing him."

Ronon leaned forward. "Is this some kind of magic?"

John rolled his eyes and started to speak, but stopped when Helena looked at him with her eyebrows up.

Her slow smile could only be described as evil. Then she turned to Ronon. "No, it's a game of honor."

Again John rolled his eyes.

She ignored him. "See, if I were to walk away, would he start talking again? Or continue to be honest until someone said his name? Will his impatience outweigh his honor?"

John frowned now and looked at Ronon who smiled. "I'd wager his impatience will win."

Helena laughed and took a sip from her water bottle. "I should probably say his name."

John nodded, but Ronon shook his head. "No. Let's see how long he lasts."

John frowned at him. Helena laughed, again.

"Hello, Helena, Ronon, J—"

"Stop!" Ronon barked, causing Helena _and _the newly arrived Teyla to jump, as well as the occupants of some of the nearby tables on the balcony.

Teyla looked at Ronon like he'd lost him mind.

John glared at Ronon.

Helena just started laughing.

Ronon smiled at John and said. "Don't say his name."

Teyla frowned. "What? Why not?"

"It's a test of strength and honor," Ronon smiled.

Teyla's eyebrows rose. "How is it?"

"He cannot speak until someone says his name."

Teyla frowned. "And how is this a test?"

Helena looked at John, who was now glaring at her, and smiled, sheepishly. "Sorry," she whispered.

He shook his head and pursed his lips, then widened his eyes and tilted his head at her.

She covered her mouth to hide her smile. "Aw, come on, Ronon. Let me say his name."

Ronon smiled and leaned back. "Not strong enough, eh?"

John glared.

Teyla sat at the table. "So how is this a test?"

"He has to overcome the urge to speak, no matter what. And remain silent even if we walk away, until someone says his name."

"Surely Jo—" She nodded when Ronon shook his head. "He does not need such a test. _He_ has proven himself already."

John nodded, emphatically.

Helena looked like she was dying. "I can't." she groaned. "I can't do it. I'm dyin' for him, Ronon."

Ronon leaned closer to her. "If it is too difficult for you, you can leave."

Helena frowned at him. "Now you're challenging me?" She huffed. "Sorry, my friend," she looked at John. "I can't let that go."

John glared at her. She averted her eyes.

"Hello, all!" Rodney said, cheerfully. "What's going on?"

Teyla looked up. "Jo—The Colone—_he_ is undergoing a test of strength and honor."

Rodney grabbed a chair and sat, eagerly. "Really? How?"

Helena leaned over. "Did you ever do 'Jinx' when you were a kid?"

Rodney frowned. "'Jinx'?"

"You know the game when you and someone else say the same thing at the same time?"

Rodney lifted his head. "Ah! Yes, I seem to remember something from grade school."

Helena nodded. "He and I were talking about it the other day and I got him a few minutes ago. Now, Ronon has turned it into a challenge of strength and honor."

Rodney frowned. "Oh, you are kidding me," he grumbled. "That is such a ridiculous…You called jinx on him? You mean he can't say anything? Hmm!" Rodney smiled, brightly.

John glared at him.

Teyla tilted her head. "What if someone calls him over the headset?"

Ronon reached over and snatched it away.

"OW!" John put his hand to his ear and looked furious at Ronon.

"Now, now!" Helena reached over and put her finger on his lips. "Don't slip, you can do it."

He acted like he was going to bite her finger and she jumped back, then sat, counting her fingers. He was, at least, smiling, though.

Helena frowned, suddenly. "Why do I have feeling that I'm in a _lot_ of trouble now?"

Teyla frowned. "Why?"

"Do you see that look?" she pointed at his eyes. "Have you seen that look before?"

Rodney nodded. "I have. It's not good."

"I knew it." Helena looked wary. "Me and my big mouth." She brightened. "There's cake…" she offered, but John's smile widened, just a smidge, and he shook his head, slowly.

"Colonel Sheppard!"

"Finally!" John jumped up and turned to see who'd called his name.

It was Staff Sergeant Cooper, standing next to the door with the intercom. "Dr. Weir is looking for you."

He snatched his earpiece from Ronon and leaned across the table toward Helena.

His eyes were dark and narrow as he pointed at her and said, very low. "Payback's a bitch."

Her eyes widened and she grimaced. Then she smiled, widely and stood as well. "I look forward to it, John Sheppard."

"Good for you!" Ronon grinned.

As John walked away, Helena looked at Ronon. "_You_ are an instigator! I'm dead."

Rodney nodded. "Oh, yeah. _Very_ dead."

Helena looked at Rodney with a "gee, thanks" look.

oOo

"I'm sorry, Dr. Zalenka," Cooper said into her head set. "She can't talk right now."

Helena stood at the counter beating steaks. When she heard this, she started hitting them with the mallet even harder.

"No, sir. I don't know when she'll be able to speak to you. She's been jinxed."


	64. First Strike

_**First Strike**_

Helena and Ronon were sparring. Or rather, Ronon was sparring, Helena was merely trying to keep from being hit with his bantos sticks. She always felt like she was improving until she actually got into the session with him.

Finally, he disarmed her and threw his sticks on the ground, coming after her with bare hands. She parried and blocked, dodged and ducked, but eventually, he got a hold of her and, with a roar picked her off her feet to slam her onto the matt. An idea occurred to her and she used her legs to wrap around his, throwing him off balance as he moved forward.

He fell flat on top of her, knocking all the wind completely out of her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, rolling to his side.

Her eyes were wide as she gulped for air. "I think so," she wheezed finally.

"What were you thinking?"

"I was trying to take my opponent down with me. Then roll out of reach. Didn't expect you to _land_ on me."

He grinned. "If that's what you want to do, I'll show you how to do it." He bounced to his feet and offered her a hand.

She looked at him with an eyebrow raised. "Think I'll just rest here for a minute."

He chuckled. "Come on. No wimping out."

She frowned at his wording. "You're spending too much time with Sheppard." She started to turn to move herself into a sitting position, but then gasped and fell back. Her eyes widened. "Uh-oh."

He knelt next to her. "Where does it hurt?"

She gritted her teeth. "My side. Right."

He reached down and gently touched her waist on the right side. His hands moved up, gingerly putting pressure from time to time until she sucked in a breath. "Looks like you might have broken a rib."

She bit her lip. "Feels like someone's stabbing me with a hot poker."

He frowned. "You know what that feels like?"

Helena glared at him. "No, but I can imagine it. Smartass."

"I'd better get you to the infirmary."

He lifted her to her feet and she cried out, tears springing to her eyes, but not falling.

"For the record," she whispered, tightly. "This does _not_ count as 'wimping out'."

oOo

John moved quickly into the infirmary. He looked around and saw Ronon standing next to a bed.

"Ronon?"

The taller man turned and John saw Helena sitting in a sports bra and sweatpants, having her ribs taped by Dr. Cole.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded.

"I'm fine, John," Helena said.

"Two broken ribs," Cole announced.

"We were sparring," Helena furnished. "I did something stupid and the big oaf landed on me."

John turned to Ronon, who looked like he felt awful, but it didn't stop John from grinding out. "You broke her ribs? I thought I told you to go easy on her."

"WHAT?"

John's eyes widened as he faced Ronon, his back to Helena. Then he grimaced as he turned around.

Helena's eyes were snapping. "You did what?" She asked slowly.

"It's not like you're infantry, 'Lena."

She looked down at Cole. "Somebody get me a stick."

John's eyebrows rose. "What?"

"I'm going to kick your ass. How dare you tell Ronon to 'go easy' on me? How am I supposed to get better if he's holding back? What if we get invaded again? You going to stop the Wraith and ask them to kindly 'go easy' on me?" She winced, sending a glare in Cole's direction, then back at Ronon. "You are _not_ going to 'go easy on' me anymore, got it?"

Ronon grinned. "I only took it easy on you in the beginning. Each time we spar, I step it up."

"Which is, by the way, great for my ego because it's making me feel like I'm never getting better." Then Helena smiled at him. "Actually, that's good. Then when I spar the next time, I don't want it to be with you." She looked at John, her eyes snapping. "I want to spar with you, John." She looked at Cole. "Can we go now?"

Cole smiled at her. "Sorry, Chief. You're sparring sessions are going to have to wait at least six weeks. No lifting during that time and try to stay off your feet."

Helena looked at Cole like she'd grown another head. "What? How am I supposed to stay off my feet? I have a cafeteria to run."

John glanced over to Ronon, who was suddenly grinning widely at him. "I, uh, have to take these reports to Elizabeth," he held up a USB drive.

Helena looked at him with a smile. "Remember that we have an appointment in six weeks, John."

John nodded. "Uh, sure. Six weeks." Then, with a glare in Ronon's direction that didn't phase the younger man, he turned and walked quickly out of the infirmary.

oOo

"Will you sit down, Chief?"

Helena stopped and turned to see Cooper standing, her arms akimbo, behind her. "What?"

"You shouldn't even be in here. You should already be on the Apollo."

She shook her head. "I'm not going."

Coop threw up her hands and stalked off without another word, knowing it was useless to argue with her. Instead, she tapped her earpiece and called the one person who might be able to persuade her.

oOo

"John," Helena said as her friend walked into the cafeteria. "All my people are aboard the Apollo already. Everything here is ready to go."

"Except you."

She narrowed her eyes. "You promised."

He nodded. "I know. I promised I would never ask you to leave again, but Helena, you're hurt."

She shook her head. "No. I'm on pain meds. I don't feel a thing."

John stepped closer to her. "I don't have time to argue with you."

Helena sighed with a grim smile. "Alright, John. I'll go, dammit. Only because I'm injured and I wouldn't be much help in a fight anyway. And only because the Apollo will be meeting you at the rendezvous shortly after you leave." She stepped into him and put her arms around his waist, hugging him. "Be careful, John."

He accepted her hug, patted her back, then stepped away from her. "Go."

"Remember that we have an appointment in six weeks. Don't go getting yourself killed to avoid a whoop ass."

He grinned. "It's what I'm living for."

Helena laughed and, together, they walked out of the cafeteria. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it, quickly, just before she went to the nearest beam out point and he moved to find Rodney.


	65. Adrift

_**Adrift**_

"Hello, Abe."

Colonel Abe Ellis looked up from his control chair to the door of the bridge to see a face from the past. He smiled, slightly. "Helena, it's been a long time."

She smiled, grimly, back. "A hundred years."

"What can I do for you?"

"Keep me informed of what's going on."

Abe frowned at her. "Should you be going through the chain of command? Major Lorne – "

"Evan may be in the command structure, but I am the highest ranking military member of the expedition. I'm not trying to undermine him in any way; I just want to be kept in the loop."

Abe regarded her. She was wearing the expedition uniform with her hair pinned up regulation. Her arms were crossed, her eyes were narrowed and her mouth was set into a grim line. Finally, he nodded. "When something happens, I'll let you know."

Helena nodded. "Thank you." The corner of her mouth tilted up as she added. "Sir."

He shook his head as she left and went back to work.

oOo

"So you passed?"

Evan turned around to see Helena standing behind him. He smiled at her. "Passed?"

"The post flight physical. All that poking and prodding finally over?"

He grinned. "It wasn't so bad."

It was Helena's turn to grin. "Ah, you must have had Dr. Garner. She's pretty, isn't she?"

Evan's grin widened into a smile. "She sure is. How are you? I heard you got hurt before, well, before everything started."

Helena shrugged. "Made a silly mistake during a sparring session and broke a couple of ribs for my punishment."

Evan looked sympathetic and began to move to a table. "What are you doing here?"

She looked around the small mess hall on the _Apollo_. "Where else would I be? People are going to come here looking for information."

Evan nodded. "I always wondered how you seemed to find everything out."

Helena shook her head. "I don't find everything out. For instance, why haven't we heard from the city since lift-off?"

Evan frowned. "You haven't heard?"

Helena's eyes narrowed. "Heard what?"

"They never made it to the rendezvous point. We've jumped to the nearest gate and contacted the Midway station, but they haven't checked in there either. Ellis and his people are trying to come up with options."

Helena looked down at her shoes and swore under her breath.

"Helena?"

Her head popped up. "So much for old friends." She took a deep breath. "Thanks, Evan, for letting me know. If you find out anything else, please…"

"I'll let you know," he smiled. "Don't worry, Helena. They'll turn up."

"They better." Helena took a deep breath and released it. Then she looked at Evan as he bit into his sandwich. "So. Are you going to ask Dr. Garner out?"

Evan sputtered and put his sandwich down, grabbing his napkin to cover his mouth. He finally swallowed what was in his mouth and smiled at her. "I've just met her!"

Helena shrugged. "And? What better way to get to know someone?"

Evan rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Will you just stop? 

"I'm just sayin'." Her smile was wide, but didn't reach all the way into her eyes.

Evan knew this was her way of distracting herself and accepted it. Smiling back, he shook his head. "I know. Stop."

"Aw, come on, Evan. I'd bet money she'd say yes."

Evan rolled his eyes and bit into his sandwich again.


	66. Lifeline

_**Lifeline**_

Helena marched into Abe Ellis' office, uninvited, and moved to his desk. "What the hell is your problem? What part of 'keep me in the loop', do you not understand? All I asked," she glanced over her shoulder and saw the blonde sitting there. "Was – hello Sam – to be kept informed. You have a large population from Atlantis here and they come to me to find out what is going on. I found out about the communication with Midway from Lorne. I came to you and asked, again, to be kept in the loop. Then I hear that we're picking someone up to help us find Atlantis from Doctor Kasiaski - who's _not even military_!" Her rant stopped and she straightened. She turned abruptly. "Sam?"

Samantha Carter smiled. "Hi, Chief."

"Oh, my Good Lord! Are _you_ the help?"

Sam stood and accepted the smaller woman's hug. "Yes."

Helena smiled "Oh, thank god. Someone _dependable_," She shot over her shoulder.

Ellis narrowed his eyes at her. "If you're finished, Chief, Colonel Carter and I were speaking about how to find Atlantis."

"Fantastic," Helena snapped. She walked over to the wall and sat in a small chair posted there. She crossed her legs and placed her hands on her lap.

Ellis looked at her. "I don't recall inviting you into my office, Chief."

"That's part of the problem, _Colonel_. You haven't invited _any_ of the expedition members to sit in. You're the mighty battleship commander, great; we all get it. But these people, the people in that city are my family and the guests on your ship are my family. And I don't know if you know anything about family, Abe, but there is an element of desperation that enters your soul when part of your family is in trouble. I know I probably can't contribute to the search – I'm just a cook – but I _need_ to know what's going on. If I do, maybe I can tell you who among the Atlantis personnel _can_ help."

Ellis pursed his lips then looked at Sam, who shrugged. Finally, he nodded and Helena sat down to listen to their plan.

oOo

Helena walked into the control room and hugged the first person she found, who happened to be Radek on a crutch. She stepped back. "What happened?"

"Micro-astroid." At her look, he smiled. "I will tell you about it later."

She looked over at Teyla, who smiled and bowed her head. "Welcome back, Helena."

Helena went to her friend and grabbed Teyla by the arms, touching their foreheads in the traditional Athosian greeting. When they parted, Helena scrutinized Teyla's face. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine."

She looked around the beaten up control room and saw that almost everyone there had some form of injury. She bit her bottom lip and nodded. "So, Colonels Carter and Ellis are waiting until the remainder of our people have returned to the city, then they're going after them."

Teyla nodded. "I know. Helena, I must tell you about Elizabeth."

Helena swallowed. "She's not dead, that's all that matters. You're all alive…" At Teyla's look, she took a deep breath. "Fine. Tell me."

oOo

John gazed out at the two moons on their new planet. He'd just said good-bye to Sam and was about to go look for his bed, when a plate with a sandwich appeared in his peripheral. He turned to see Helena standing there.

He took the sandwich and nodded. "How are you?" he asked.

Helena took a deep breath and shook her head. She didn't speak.

John nodded. "Yeah, me, too."

So, they stood, watching the stars as he munched on a turkey sandwich well into the night.

oOo

_A/N: This ends the 3__rd__ Season (I know it actually begins Season 4, but I don't count cliff-hangers as endings). I'd love to thank all my faithful readers (Duchess, trecebo, geek'd, WingedPegasus, and MiaRose, just name a few) of this series for the kind words of encouragement. I might have lost interest in this series long ago, if not for them. Keep the reviews (good or bad) coming, my dears! _


	67. Reunion

_**Reunion**_

Helena was walking down the corridor with a tray of food. She saw Teyla coming from the other direction and smiled. "Hello, my friend!"

Teyla smiled. "Hello, Helena." She looked at the tray. "What is this?"

Helena grinned. "I heard that Ronon was staying and I wanted to bring him a little something to welcome him back. He hasn't been in the cafeteria in a couple of days, so I wanted to make sure he was eating. Can't have him wasting away, now, can we?"

Teyla's smile widened. "Is this what John and Rodney call 'mother hen'?"

Helena warmed and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess it is. It's just my nature, Teyla. I have to take care of all my children."

The younger woman rolled her eyes. "I will never understand, Helena, your desire to make yourself seem older than you are."

Helena laughed. "That makes two of us!"

"Good night, my friend."

"Good night, Teyla." Helena nodded to her friend and continued to the open door of Ronon's quarters. "Knock, knock!"

Ronon looked away from the painting he was contemplating and smiled at her. "Come in."

Helena frowned. "Oh, good Lord! Look at you. Have you been to the infirmary?"

He ducked his head and focused amused green eyes on her. "Yeah. It'll heal. I've had worse."

Helena nodded. "I know, but," she whistled low. "If your face is any indication of how the rest of you feels, I'd be on serious pain meds."

Ronon chuckled. He focused on the tray in front of her. "Is that for me?"

Helena looked down and smiled. "Yes. I have brought you an array of 'comfort food'."

He frowned. "'Comfort food'?"

She nodded. "Yes. Where I come from there are certain dishes you eat and they bring back memories of happier times and comfort you when you're not feeling your best. Great healing properties in these foods, for the body," she narrowed her eyes and raised an eyebrow. "And for the heart."

She set the tray down and removed the first plate covering. "Meatloaf and Macaroni and Cheese. This was a staple in my house while I was growing up. Anytime I feel like I need to be reminded of family, this is what I look for." She picked up the first of two small thermoses. "This is chicken noodle soup. It has been used as a cure for the common cold since Ancient Egypt – which is over 5000 years – on Earth."

"I don't have a cold."

She shrugged. "I know, but part of the reason it works for the cold is that it has anti-inflammatory properties, which, judging by the look of you, you'll probably need as well."

Ronon tilted his head up at her. "Fine."

"Next," she opened the other thermos. "Tea. Specifically, green tea, which has healing properties and relaxing properties without sacrificing alertness. It is sweetened with honey which also has anti-inflammatory properties." She poured some into the thermos' cup and handed it to him.

He took it with a nod.

"Finally," she knelt in front of him and looked straight in his eyes. "Something to remind you that you have a home and family here. I think this is the most important 'comfort food' I could bring to you because it is one thing that you could not get anywhere else in the Pegasus Galaxy but here. In that way, it kind of represents all of us. I'm so glad you decided not to leave, Ronon. I would worry about you non-stop, if I couldn't keep at least half an eye on you."

Ronon studied her seriously for a moment. He saw the same sincerity in her blue eyes that he'd seen moments earlier in Teyla's. He swallowed and raised his eyebrows. "What is it?"

Helena smiled and uncovered another plate to show it to be full of brownies.

Ronon's eyes widened and a smile spread across his face. He reached out and grabbed the first brownie on the stack and bit into it. Then he sat back with a satisfied grin and enjoyed the sensation of the chocolate, fudgy wonderfulness that filled his mouth.

Beaming, Helena stood again. "I'll leave you to it, then."

Ronon smiled as she started to exit. He swallowed, quickly, before she could leave completely, and spoke. "Thank you."

She turned and smiled at him. "You're most welcome, my friend. And if you are ever tempted to leave us again, come see me and I will bribe you with brownies until you're convinced to stay again."

He nodded, contently, and picked up another brownie as she nodded back and walked away.


	68. Doppelganger

_**Doppelganger**_

"How did I know you'd be here?"

John looked up from the rail of the West Pier and looked behind him to see Helena standing at the door holding two beers. He offered a tight smile. "I hope one of those is for me."

She frowned and looked at her hands. "Well," she sounded like she didn't want to give up either. She sighed. "Okay, fine." Then she smiled.

He took the beer and took a swig.

"I hear you really _are_ the man of women's dreams."

He stopped drinking and frowned at her. "That is_ not_ funny."

Helena grinned widely. "Aw! And I worked so hard to come up with it."

"And it isn't every woman. I didn't appear in your dreams."

Her grin turned wicked. "How do you know? Maybe I just didn't report it because it's not unusual."

He looked sidelong at her, then shook his head, knowing she was playing around, and turned back to the ocean.

She sobered and moved to stand next to him. She leaned back on the rail and looked back at the door instead of out at the ocean. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

She looked over at him. "It's not your fault, you know."

His eyes narrowed. "Yeah."

Helena frowned and bumped the hand that was gripping the rail like a lifeline.

John looked over at her. His eyes were dark when they met her blue ones. "What is it, Chief? What do you want me to say? I'm okay with everything that happened over the past couple of days? Well, I'm not. Heitmeyer is dead. That could have been Teyla, Ronon, Lorne or Keller; it damned near _was_ Rodney. Do you want me to say that I'm pissed? You're damned right I'm pissed! I'm pissed because I touched that damn thing and exposed my team, not to mention the entire city, to something like that. I'm also pissed because that damned thing almost beat me. So, there! Is that what you want?"

Helena's eyebrow rose. "Chief? Chief? Look at me, I'm not wearing a uniform and I'm drinking a beer, John, and you feel the need to call me _Chief_?" She sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes in a very good imitation of a teenager as she looked away.

John's eyebrows came together, then relaxed as a smile fought its way to his lips. He shook his head and looked back out to the ocean. "And you call _me_ incorrigible."

She reached over and clinked her bottle to his. "To kicking your own ass, in more ways than one."

He looked at her. "To Kate Heitmeyer."

Sobering, Helena smiled, softly. "To Kate."

They drank. Helena turned around to look at the ocean. "As long as you understand that it wasn't your fault."

John turned his head, slowly, and looked at her. When she didn't met his eyes, but continued to watch the ocean, he sighed, shook his head and resumed his watch.


	69. Travelers

_**Travelers**_

Helena sat down across the table from John on the exterior balcony. It was late and he had come to the cafeteria to get a beer. When he took it to the balcony instead of his room, Helena wrapped up what she was doing and went to join him.

"So."

He looked at her and took a swig. "So."

She leaned forward. "Were you a pirate or something in a past life?"

John looked at her askance. "What?"

"Not a truly bad pirate, but maybe a pirate with a heart of gold who did what nefarious things he did because he had to do them to survive?"

John cocked his head, trying to make his way through what she'd just said at the speed of McKay. "Past life?"

Helena nodded. When she offered no further explanation, John asked:

"Why?"

She leaned forward. "Because the karma gods are kicking your ass in this life, John. You've been shot down in the desert and the mountains. Almost shot down in Antartica. In this galaxy, you've kidnapped or held hostage at least – "

John leaned forward then with a concerned look on his face. "Wait a minute!" he looked to the side to make sure no one else was around. "How do you know about the mountain thing?"

Helena shrugged. "I worked in the White House for a day?"

He wasn't buying it. "Chief."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't get all rank and file on me, John. Everybody here has Top Secret or better clearance. They would have to or they wouldn't be here and it's not like I'm running around telling everyone that you flew surveillance ops over…you know where…way back when."

He pursed his lips. "I would appreciate it if you didn't mention it again."

She sighed. "I wasn't going to mention it in the first place. All I said was that you got shot down in mountains. For your information – just in case you weren't aware – there _is_ more than one mountain range on Earth."

John relaxed a little bit, then took another drink.

"Can I get back to my point now?"

He looked at her. "I was kind of hoping you'd forgotten it."

She grinned. "No, but if you want me to drop it, I've got something else."

He nodded. "Sure. On to something else."

"Rodney tells me that this latest kidnapper was 'hot'."

John almost spit out his beer. "As I told Rodney, she had me beaten and threatened to throw me out an airlock. She also exposed me to hard radiation and shot me, _after_ I saved her from the Wraith." He looked away, then back to find Helena staring at him with narrowed eyes, a raised eyebrow and a small grin. "What?"

"She got to you."

"Kidnapped."

Helena shook her head. "Yes, but that's not what is _really_ bothering you. She may have been a royal pain in the ass and absolutely not the type of woman you would want any kind of relationship with, but she got under your skin."

John rolled his eyes and sat back again. "Oh, please."

This made Helena's smile widen. "She didn't fall for the now-famous Sheppard charm and now she's an itch you can't scratch. What bothers you more? That she didn't fall for you? Or that you fell for her?"

John frowned. "I _did not_ fall for her. And the fact that she didn't 'fall for' what you call the 'Sheppard charm' is a good thing. Like you said, she's not my type."

Helena chuckled. "Denial is nice place to visit, John; just don't get shot down there."

Sighing, he stood. "I'm going to bed."

Helena's eyes danced. "Sweet dreams, Romeo."

He rolled his eyes and handed her the empty beer bottle as he walked out. "See you at breakfast, 'Lena."

Helena grinned after him. "Good night!" she sang out, standing. Then she walked back into the kitchen, still smiling.


	70. Tabula Rasa

_**Tabula Rasa**_

"Helena?"

She frowned, hearing a soft feminine voice call her name through the faint din of beeps and people speaking in whisper. There was the remnant of a headache still lingering in the back of her head and her mouth felt like cotton-lined her tongue. She opened her eyes.

Teyla and Ronon stood, smiling down at her.

She smiled a small, tight smile. "Hello."

Teyla smiled. "How are you feeling?"

She swallowed. "Sort of like I've been chewing a sweater and smacked by a couple of _bantos_ sticks."

Ronon grinned.

Helena frowned. "What do you have up your sleeve?"

He frowned and looked at his bare arms. Then he looked back at her with his eyebrows raised.

"I know you're not wearing sleeves, Ronon." She said, patiently. "It's a figure of speech. It means 'what are you hiding'?"

Teyla smiled at the Satedan, then looked at Helena. "We thought that since there have been many times when you came to visit us in the infirmary, that we would do the same for you."

Helena smiled at her. "Aw. Thank you, guys!"

Ronon moved away from the side of the bed and grabbed a covered plate from the nearby table. Grinning, he held it up to her and uncovered it to reveal brownies.

Helena started laughing and Ronon and Teyla joined her. After a moment, Helena managed to speak again. "Is this from your stash?"

Ronon nodded, smiling widely.

"We have also brought Salisbury steak, but it is leftover, since no one has returned to the kitchen yet," Teyla added, pointing at the other covered plate on the table.

Helena's smile suddenly changed from laughter to one that looked like she was about to cry.

He frowned. "What happened?" 

Teyla smiled. "We will leave you to enjoy, Helena. We want to check on John and Rodney."

Helena sat up in bed and grabbed Teyla's arm, pulling her into a hug. When she released the younger woman, she held her arms out to Ronon. Teyla moved back and Ronon moved closer, wrapped his arms around her gently, while she put hers around him.

When she let him go, she sniffed. "Thanks, guys."

Then she used her blanket to wipe her eyes. "Go. Tell John and Rodney that I said hi."

Teyla smiled and nodded, taking Ronon's arm and guiding him away.

He frowned. "Why is she crying?"

Teyla just shook her head. "She is not really."

He looked as if he didn't believe her. "But – "

Teyla stopped just before they got to John's area. "She is very happy, Ronon."

"Is this a woman thing?"

Teyla's smiled widened. "Yes. It is a woman thing."

Ronon groaned lowly and rolled his eyes. "Let's go wake up Sheppard."

Teyla chuckled after the younger man as she followed him in to see John Sheppard.


	71. Missing

_**Missing**_

"You look like the Cheshire Cat."

Ronon's wide smile faltered only slightly when he looked at Helena as they walked toward the stairs to the gate room. "Who?"

"A cat from Earth literature famous for his wide smile."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "This is going to be fun." They began to ascend the stairs.

She chuckled as she heard John say "Have fun kids" as they approached the top. Just before actually entering the gate room, they saw Teyla and Dr. Jennifer Keller walk through the gate and the gate close down.

Ronon saw Helena's smile fade when she saw Keller. "Are you ever going to give her a chance?"

Helena frowned up at him. "Give who a chance?"

Ronon paused his walking and took her arm, looking down at her. "Doctor Keller. She seems like a good person. I know she's a good doctor."

Helena sighed. "I know. And I've started bringing her food when she's pulling the late shift just like I do with Cole and like I did with…"

He looked sympathetic, which was not a common look for him. "I know how hard it is."

She sighed again. "I can't help it, Ronon. I'm trying, really, I am, but I can't help thinking about how Carson isn't here every time I see her. It's been almost a year, but it still feels…" she looked like she was looking for a word.

"Raw," he said.

She smiled, appreciatively. "Yes, exactly. It may take me some time, but…" she took a deep breath. "I'm trying to get there."

Ronon grasped her shoulder understandingly. Then, the Cheshire cat grin returned. "Now let's go find Sheppard."

Helena smiled again. "You're actually looking forward to this."

Ronon nodded. "Yeah."

They walked in further to the gate room together.

"Hey, kids!"

Hearing the cheerfulness in John's voice made Helena look up to Ronon before she looked up to where John's voice was coming from.

Ronon nudged her and she looked up.

John was leaning with one foot on the bottom rail and one hand on the top rail while holding a computer notebook in the other. He was smiling and looked very relaxed.

"Hi, John," Helena smiled. "How are you?"

He nodded. "I'm good." He frowned slightly at Ronon's look. "What's got Ronon so happy?"

She elbowed her companion, which actually hit Ronon in the hip due to their difference in height. "He has reminded me of our appointment."

John looked confused. "Appointment?"

"We have a sparring session, remember?"

John straightened and she could see even from her vantage point that he sighed.

She looked up at Ronon, who was still grinning. "What's the matter, John?"

He shook his head. "I have some reports to finish up. I'll meet you in the gym in two hours?"

Helena grinned. "See you there."

oOo

"I heard that Helena beat the crap out of you yesterday."

John frowned at Rodney. "I wouldn't say she 'beat the crap' out of me. She had something to prove and Ronon was egging her on. And she's just recovered from her broken ribs."

Rodney smiled. "Ah. So you're saying you took it easy on her."

"Never again will I say 'take it easy' and ''Lena' in the same sentence."

"Very wise of you."

"Thank you."

Rodney and John started walking toward the control room, at a relaxed pace.

"She has gotten much better, though," John allowed.

Rodney looked at him. "So, how bad did she 'whoop' you?"

"Like the Batman on the Joker."

Rodney chuckled. "Which Joker?"

"The Jack Nicholson Joker. He was the best one, I think. The most difficult to beat."

"Oh, yeah," Rodney suddenly got an idea. "Hey, do you know who played The Joker in the old Batman television series?"

John recognized this as the beginning of one of Rodney's trivia games. "That's easy; Caesar Romero."

"Ah, good. Can you name the villain that Frank Gorshin played?"

John rolled his eyes. "Come on, Rodney. You're going to have to do better than that."

"Do you know or not?"

"The Riddler."

"What about Vincent Price?"

John frowned. "Mr. Freeze. No! King Tut."

"Wrong on both…"

oOo

Helena wheeled a cart toward the infirmary that carried two trays of food; one for Teyla and one for Dr. Keller. She was relieved that they were back relatively unscathed. She'd heard, however, about the disappearance of the Athosians and was worried about more than Teyla's stomach. She turned the corner to enter the infirmary and found Keller there.

"Oh, uh, Dr. Keller," she said, fighting back the feeling that she couldn't help having. "Good to see you're back in one piece."

Keller smiled, hesitantly. "Yes, well, if it hadn't been for Teyla, I might have made it back in many pieces, _if_ I made it back at all."

Helena nodded. "She is pretty awesome, isn't she."

"You're not kidding. I've never seen anyone fight like that."

The older woman smiled. "You should see Ronon in action. Better yet, Ronon and Teyla sparring. It's incredible. I wouldn't know who to pick in that fight."

Keller's smile seemed more comfortable. "I'll have to take a trip to the gym after Teyla gets out, then."

"Is she okay?"

Keller nodded. "I'm just waiting for the results of a test I'm running, but it really looks like she'll be fine. I just want to make sure everything checks out. I also want her to actually rest. I can make sure she'll do it, here."

Helena's heart softened toward Keller when the younger woman looked so concerned about Teyla. She didn't know what else to say to her yet, so Helena picked up the first tray. "I brought you some dinner."

Keller smiled. "Oh, thank you! How nice. I really appreciate it, Chief."

Helena nodded, then started to push the cart. "Teyla's this way?"

"Yeah."

As Helena moved the cart away from Keller, she realized that, for the first time, she didn't feel like this woman was a usurper. She still felt Carson's loss keenly, but she also felt that this young woman would have been Carson's choice for a new, caring and competent Chief Medical Officer. She chalked it up as progress and made her way toward Teyla.


	72. The Seer

_**The Seer**_

John and Sam were met at the door of the cafeteria by Helena.

"Hello, my friends," Helena said, brightly. "Hungry after a long day of saving the planet?"

Sam smiled. "You know me, Helena, I always get the munchies after averting certain doom."

Helena smiled and looked John, who smiled as well.

"So, what's good today, 'Lena?"

Helena frowned and shook her head. "Nothing today, John. The staff's a little off."

John frowned. "Really?"

She chuckled. "No. Everything's good. What a question to ask."

John exchanged bemused looks with Sam. "You sure we can't call Woolsey back and tell him to send us another Food Services Chief? This one's a smartass."

Helena's eyebrows rose. "Oh, Woolsey's gone?"

Sam nodded. "He just left. Thankfully."

Helena grinned. "If it makes you feel any better, Ronon has offered to shoot him for us. All we need to do is ask."

John smiled. "See? I knew we kept him around for a reason."

Sam smiled back. "It's a good reason, too."

Helena sobered then. "Can I tell you two something about Woolsey? Just between us and the doorjamb here?"

Sam and John exchanged curious looks. "Sure." John said as Sam said. "What?"

Helena spoke in hushed tones. "I wouldn't want it to get around because it would ruin his status as lead pain-in-the-ass bureaucrat."

Sam crossed her arms and placed the majority of her weight on her right foot, while John put his hands on his hips, feet planted with weight evenly distributed. Helena smiled at these signature stances, but simply leaned in and began talking.

"Sam, do you remember when General Hammond resigned and then came back?"

Sam nodded. "He was being blackmailed by the NID."

"The, then Colonel, Jack O'Neill managed to get something on someone that got Hammond his job back."

Sam nodded.

"There was rumor that went around the SGC some three years later that Woolsey went to see General Hammond about that something. It was right after Heyes and Kinsey got into the White House. As the rumor goes, Hammond gave Woolsey the evidence that O'Neill discovered and it was subsequently the cause for Kinsey's resignation."

Sam looked shocked. "What?" She shook her head. "That can't be. Kinsey resigned after Weir took over the program. Months later."

Helena shrugged. "I'm just sayin'. You know rumors…nasty little things that can grow and grow. But, _maybe_, just maybe there's a seed of truth in it." She shrugged again. "I've got to get back to work."

She stepped between them and moved deeper into the cafeteria.

John and Sam looked at each other then.

John frowned and tilted his head. "Do you think…?"

Sam shook her head. "It's too fantastic."

He nodded. "Yeah, too sci-fi."

Sam nodded, then bit her bottom lip. "Hmmm."

John nodded again. "Yeah."

Without another word, they entered the cafeteria and started down the service line, both mulling over the possibilities.


	73. Miller's Crossing

_**Miller's Crossing**_

Radek Zalenka walked into the cafeteria followed by half a dozen other scientists who began filling trays with various snacks, drinks and desserts. Helena watched Radek take his tray to a table and sit, taking a deep breath.

She smiled, then, and walked over to him. "What did you do to get free, Radek?"

Radek looked up and smiled at her. "What do you mean?"

Helena shrugged. "It's no secret that you and the others," she looked around at the other scientists who were scattered around the cafeteria. "Have been holed up in one of the labs with Rodney for – "

"Ten hours," Radek furnished, miserably.

"_Ten hours_? Oh, good lord, Radek. Did he finally just give up?"

"I told him I had lost the will to live."

Helena gazed off thoughtfully. "And it worked?"

Radek shrugged. "I'm here."

Helena chuckled. "Enjoy your time. And let's hope it's not short-lived."

Radek nodded. "Let's hope."

oOo

Helena was finishing up the last of the kitchen clean-up for the night when Rodney and John walked in. They seemed to be arguing about something, but stopped when Helena called out "Hi, guys!"

Rodney looked over and smiled. "Ah, Helena, perfect. Answer a question for me."

John was suddenly smiling in such a way that made Helena want to run for the hills.

"What?" she asked, cautiously.

"Me and John are about even in the looks department, right?"

Helena's eyes widened and her jaw opened. She glanced at John, whose smug look only increased her discomfort. She took a step back and tried to find a place for her hands. Finally, she settled on across her chest. "Ah…well – ah…" she cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. "Why do you ask?" She was almost grimacing.

Rodney shrugged. "Something my sister said."

John spoke then with a grin and dancing eyes. "I told him someone lied to him." He bounced on his toes, shoving his hands into his pocket, clearly enjoying her discomfort.

She pursed her lips and thought furiously. "Ah…what," she cleared her throat. "Exactly, what did Jeanie say?"

"She said 'face it you're no John Sheppard'," Rodney recalled, looking uncommonly patient.

Helena swallowed. "Weeell," she dragged out the word. "You're not. Because if you _were_ John Sheppard, then we'd have two John Sheppards and then who would we _call_ 'John Sheppard'? It would be way too confusing all the time."

John frowned for a nanosecond and then his smile widened.

Rodney frowned for a second and shook his head. "I'm sure that she didn't mean it that way, Helena. She specifically referred to looks."

She swallowed. "Are you sure you want to be asking _me_ this question?"

John's smile was evil as he said. "Oh, yeah."

She shot him a withering look, then looked back at Rodney.

"Well, sure. You're the keeper of the list, right. The 'cute list'."

Helena blushed furiously, remembering how the first reference to a 'cute' man in Atlantis got her into trouble. "You guys really want to bring that up? I thought John didn't like mentioning it."

Unfortunately, though, John seemed completely fine with it. "Oh, it's okay this once."

Rodney looked at her, then frowned. "I'm not on it, am I?"

Helena frowned, aghast. "Of _course_, you're on it, Rodney! How could you think you wouldn't be?" She suddenly reached forward and touched Rodney's arm. "Jeanie's right, Rodney. You aren't John Sheppard, but that doesn't mean you're any less attractive. There are plenty of other attractive people in the city, who are not John Sheppard, either." She shot John another withering look that he seemed impervious to.

"So where would you say I am in the list?"

She frowned. "What do you mean?" 

"Top ten? Top twenty?"

She shook her head. "It's not that kind of a list, Rodney." Finally, an idea came into her head and she began to smile. "Rodney, let me tell you how John made the list and then I'll tell you how you make the list. Would that kind of compare and contrast help?"

Rodney thought for a moment. He frowned. "I…suppose so."

She smiled and looked over at John, who suddenly looked like it was crow he was swallowing instead of canary.

"Well," she narrowed her eyes at John. "Hmm. Where should I begin?" She sucked her top lip in, then released it. "He's tall and in good shape…I'm guessing, because he's always wearing the unflatteringly baggy uniform and I haven't seen him in civilian clothes in a hundred years." Her smile widened as John frowned and looked down at his current attire. "He's got hazel eyes that can be very intense." She rested one elbow on her other arm and brought a hand to her chin. "The hair's a plus…I don't know why because it's not at all…I think it lends to this perceived 'bad boy' image that we all know isn't true."

Rodney looked surprised. "We do?"

She nodded, then did a double take in his direction – as if to say, "don't we?" - before continuing. "Finally, there's his mouth."

John's eyebrows rose and he exchanged looks with Rodney. "My mouth?"

Helena pinked, but she fought the urge to back down. "Looks very kissable, actually," she looked at Rodney. "Don't you think?"

Rodney looked uncertain. "Uh, I…don't…know."

She turned, decisively away from John at that point. "Now, you. You're just as tall as he is. You're clothes fit you _much_ better." She grinned, looking him up and down. "A woman likes to see a man's body as much as a man likes to see a woman's, you know. And you have these incredibly-bright, blue, blue eyes that are extremely expressive."

"I do?"

She nodded. "Oh, yeah. Now." She took a deep breath. "You also have a mouth that's," she chewed her lip. She stared at him mouth and bit the tip of her finger as she thought. She took a deep breath. "Actually, Rodney, your mouth is hard to describe. It's not perfectly symmetrical, you see, which makes it…fascinating." She smiled and stepped toward him. "When you smile, it's a truly beautiful thing, but even when you're frowning in thought," she licked her own lip and pinked again, suddenly. "Well, it makes a woman wonder what it would be like to be kissed by that mouth."

Rodney's eyebrows rose to his hairline. John's did the opposite. They both looked at her incredulously.

She smiled, her turn to be smug. "So, you see, Rodney," she touched his arm. "Jeanie's right. You're no John Sheppard. But why would you want to be? After all, he's no Rodney McKay."

Rodney smiled, slightly. "Thanks, Helena."

She nodded. "Anytime." She smiled brightly at John, who looked extremely uncomfortable, then. "Happy to help."

When Rodney walked away, John lingered. He cleared his throat. "'Make a woman wonder'? What was that?"

Helena looked up at him and frowned. "Now, John. Don't get jealous. I'm sure women wonder about kissing you, too."

He drew himself up. "I'm not jealous! I just…did you mean all those things you just said?"

Helena looked at him with a Mona Lisa smile. "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't tell the two of you the truth, John?" Her smile broadened at his look of confusion. "And John."

His eyebrows rose. "Hmm?"

"Payback's a bitch."

Where he got the look of innocence, Helena could only guess, as he said. "What? I didn't put him up to that!"

She narrowed her eyes. "But you saw how uncomfortable I was when he asked and instead of coming to my rescue, you _reveled_ in it." Before he could deny it, she smiled. "Have a nice evening." Then she walked out of the cafeteria, leaving him to wonder what was coming.


	74. Aside 6, Payback

_**Aside 6 – Payback**_

John came out of his shower wrapped in a towel. He went to his closet and pulled out his uniform, laid it on the bed, then grabbed a t-shirt and underwear from his drawers. After donning the boxer briefs, he tugged the t-shirt over his head and frowned at how tight it felt. He looked down at it, frowning. Then, with a shrug he tugged it away from his stomach and crossed his arms, arching his back and shoulders, to stretch it out.

When he stepped into his pants, he was shocked to find how tight they were. He was alarmed to find that he couldn't button them at all. He pulled the pants off and grabbed another uniform from his closet. He put those pants on to find the same problem. He sucked in his stomach and got the buttons buttoned but feared for "the boys" when he took a step to get his overshirt. He took those pants off and repeated the process with four other uniforms.

It seemed that all of his uniforms had shrunk over night.

"What the hell?" he frowned. Then a light went on in his head. "Sonofabitch!" he grinned despite himself and went back to his closet to find civilian clothes, hoping they still fit.

Dressed in a pair of good-fitting jeans and a blue, button-down, short-sleeved shirt, he left his quarters for what was sure to be an interesting breakfast.

John walked into the corridor, feeling a little out of place in civilian clothes, but he was determined to see the perpetrator of the crime. As he made his way through the corridors toward the cafeteria, he thought about what Helena had said a few weeks ago about his clothes being "baggy" and about women liking to see men's bodies as much as men liked to see women's.

That's when he noticed it.

John passed Doctors Esposito and Rodriquez, who both smiled at him, then put their heads together, whispering, smiling and shooting him looks like school girls.

When Doctor Biro passed, she smiled broadly at him. "Colonel Sheppard! You look very nice today."

"Thank – "

"That's not to say you don't look nice every day, but the civilian clothes look good on you."

He smiled. "Thank – "

"Not that you don't look good in your uniform," she said, effusively. "Because, of course, you do, but today you – "

John couldn't stand it anymore. "_Thank you_, Dr. Biro. Excuse me." Walking away, he took a deep breath, thinking how that woman could go on and on and on and on.

"Good morning, sir!" Sergeant Nichols said, cheerfully. Her eyes dipped downward as she said it.

"Morning, Sergeant," he said, frowning. He was starting to feel self-conscious.

Every woman he passed on the way to the cafeteria gave him the once over. Some smiled, some said hello, a few complimented his outfit, a couple of scientists told him he looked "hot" and one even whistled. By the time he reached the door of the cafeteria, he was wishing he'd stayed in bed.

"Colonel Sheppard!"

John turned to see Samantha Carter approaching.

She frowned. "Taking the day off?"

Feeling warm, John put his hand to his chest, more conscious than ever that he was out of uniform. "Not necessarily," he looked at her. "I'm afraid I'm the butt of a practical joke."

Sam smiled then. "Ah." She leaned in. "Someone steal your uniforms?"

He swallowed. "Something like that."

She nodded. "General O'Neill did that once to Daniel Jackson. Be grateful, though. Daniel was in the shower after a mission. When he came out, all he had to wear was a towel." She smiled. "Gave all the women at the SGC something to talk about for a solid month."

John had never been so thankful for private quarters that included private bathrooms. "Remind me to send him my sympathy."

Sam shook her head with a smile. "Oh, Daniel got his revenge. A few months later, he not only took O'Neill's uniform, but also his towel. _Then_ he switched the sign on the locker room door to 'Females Only'." She chuckled. "O'Neill was stuck in a shower stall with nothing but a washcloth with women walking in and out – until someone finally offered him a pink robe."

"I'd hate to see what they'd do to each other if they didn't like each other."

"So who got you?"

"I'm not sure, but I have a suspect in mind."

Carter smiled. "Well, good luck. Your next op isn't until tomorrow – hopefully, you will find your uniforms before then."

He nodded, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Thanks."

He walked into the cafeteria and saw Helena, dressed in civilian attire as well, tending to tables. She wore a pair of comfortable-looking jeans, flat shoes and an oversized Chicago Bears #34 football jersey.

He frowned until he saw other cafeteria staff members dressed similarly, all in various types of sports attire. He spotted Cooper wearing a jersey that read "Fort Wayne Komets" and LeVox wore a Roma soccer shirt.

Helena saw him and her eyebrows rose. Then she smiled at him. She finished her conversation and moved in his direction.

"Hey, John," she smiled. "Don't you look nice!"

He took her by the arm and guided her through the cafeteria to an out of the way spot. "Helena," he ground.

She frowned at him. "What's going on. John?"

"When I got up this morning," he leaned in close to her. "None of my uniforms fit."

A smile spread slowly across her face. "What?"

He wasn't feeling the humor. "None of my uniforms fit this morning. That is why I'm dressed this way."

Helena looked him up and down, trying to swallow her smile, but failing. "And you're blaming me? Maybe it's one too many cookies at two in the morning." She pursed her lips. "Okay, fine, blame me. I am, after all, the Chief of Food Services and responsible for your dietary health. I'll work with you on a meal plan and we'll get you back into your fighting weight in no time."

John felt the color coming to his face. "I am _at_ my fighting weight, _Chief_."

She looked confused, then. "Then why wouldn't your uniforms fit?"

His face was only inches away from hers as he said, lowly. "You tell me."

She looked at him askance. "How would I know?"

"You told me two weeks ago that you thought my clothes were too baggy. _And_ you said 'Payback's a bitch' after that conversation with Rodney. I have to give you credit but, turns out, it's not original."

Helena smiled widely. "You think I got into your room last night and switched out all your uniforms without waking you? It's not like we live in the same tent – 'Major Winchester'." She smiled through her reference to _M.A.S.H. 4077_. "What am I? A spook?" She chuckled. "John, you give me a great deal of credit, but, really, do you sleep _that_ hard?"

John thought about that and frowned. "Come to think of it, no. You wouldn't be able to come in and switch all my uniforms at once, not without waking me." He took a deep breath, his mind working through the scenarios. "_But_ you could have done it yesterday, while I was out of my quarters."

She smiled at him. "John. Are you sure you haven't just gained a little…"

"No. They are all about two sizes too small. I don't care how much my weight might fluctuate – and it doesn't, by the way – I wouldn't gain two sizes overnight." Then he looked her up and down. "Why are you in civies?"

She smiled, brightly. "Cooper had this idea of a sports grill dinner. So we dressed in sports attire and will be serving buffalo wings, chili cheese fries, steak sandwiches, brats, beer, et cetera for dinner. Cool idea, huh?"

"Not to mention convenient."

"How so? Oh, because we're all out of uniform?" She shook her head, smiling. "Really, who do you think is behind it? Your clothing situation, I mean."

He lowered his face so that they were nose to nose. "You."

She put her hand on his chest and shook her head. "I thought we already established that I am not a covert operative."

"I still think you're behind it. Maybe you weren't the one who pulled it off, exactly, but you're behind it."

She looked up and smiled sweetly. "John, if you get much closer, people are going to start to talk."

He smiled, menacingly, then. "Good. Let's start a rumor that I'm not wearing my uniform today because you ran out with my pants."

She laughed. "Good for me! I'll be the envy of every woman in the city."

He paused for a moment, then sighed. "Come on, 'Lena."

She shook her head. "I didn't do it, John. Honestly. I'll try to, at least, get the word out that you need your uniforms back; how 'bout that? Discretely, of course."

He straightened and looked around. "If nothing else, you proved your point about women liking to see men in clothes that aren't baggy. I don't know when I've gotten so many compliments."

Helena shrugged. "You're a very good-looking man, John. Why wouldn't people compliment you? Especially in this outfit."

John looked down at him shirt. "I've worn this before."

Helena frowned. "You have? When?"

He chuckled, beginning to relax again. "Probably 'a hundred years' ago," he said, quoting her.

Smiling, she shook her head. "Come on, let's get you some breakfast. See if you can keep count of how many women break their necks to look at you."

oOo

After breakfast, John returned to his quarters to find 'his' uniforms had been replaced. The uniforms he'd left all over the bed were no longer there. Instead, everything was hanging in the closet. He smiled, marveling at how Helena could pull this off when he was with her the entire time. He was still convinced she was behind it.

He pulled out one of his uniforms and began to change, only to find out this set was two sizes _too big_! He sighed and checked the sizes on the rest of the uniforms hanging there and found that they were _all_ two sizes too big, just as the others had been two sizes too small.

An idea entered his mind and he grinned wickedly. He picked up his earpiece and called the control room. "Sergeant, please page Chief Leiter to my quarters."

oOo

"Chief," LeVox called through the cafeteria. "Control room's calling."

Helena looked up from where she was cleaning tables and nodded. "Okay. I'll take it in my office."

She walked into her office and picked up her earpiece from its usual place on her desk. "Leiter here, Chuck. What's up?"

"Colonel Sheppard would like for you to meeting him in his quarters."

A smile spread across her face. "Will do." She removed her earpiece and put it back on the desk. Then she walked out of her office. She smiled at LeVox. "I'm going to assume the jig is up. He's calling me to his quarters."

LeVox shook his head. "So he's figured that the 'new' uniforms aren't his either."

She chuckled. "I really appreciate you and Coop helping me out with this. The sports grill dinner is an excellent pretense for you all being out of uniform. Who's supposed to replace his uniforms this afternoon?"

"That would be Lorne," LeVox grinned. "He has the correct uniforms in his quarters right now."

She laughed. "I hope that man learns a lesson from all this. It will not do to find pleasure in my pain."

"Between the uniform switches and talking all the women in the city to be extra attentive to him in the civilian clothes – not that they'd really need the encouragement," LeVox crossed his arms across his large, barrel chest. "I would say that you just earned a payback, yourself."

Helena pursed her lips, still smiling. "Ah, but I'm ready for anything."

"After all, you control his food."

Helena laughed out loud. "Yes, I control his food."

oOo

Helena ran her hand along the sensor of the door to John's room, to signal John that she'd arrived.

"Come in!" she heard, so she waved her hand over the control again and the door opened.

She walked in. "I heard you wanted to see..." her mouth dropped open. She turned bright red and spun on her heels so that she was facing the door. "Ah, John?"

Reclining in his bed, a sheet covering his midsection, with his chest and legs bared for her to see, he smiled at her back. "Yes, 'Lena?"

"Ah," she cleared her throat. "What are you doing?"

He smiled. "I figured if you took my uniforms not once, but twice, you must really want me out of my pants. So…"

Quickly, she waved her hand at the control and the door opened to let her leave. Then she stopped a passing Marine. "Let me use your earpiece," she demanded.

He gave it to her. "Are you okay, ma'am?"

She could feel the blush still present in her face, but didn't answer. "Major Lorne," she called into the communications device. "Please deliver your package to me immediately."

_Already? Okay, where are you?_

"Ah, Sheppard's quarters."

She could hear his smile. _You're in Sheppard's quarters when he has no clothes?_

"Stop being a smartass, Major, and bring me the package now. Or I'm feeding _you_ to the lion."

By the time Lorne arrived with the standard issue duffel bag that held John's neatly folded clothes, Helena had formulated a plan to turn the tables on him, again – hoping it wouldn't back fire on her.

"So he figured it out?" Lorne asked, handing her the bag.

"Are you kidding? He pegged me from the beginning. What he doesn't know is who _else_ is in on it."

"Do you need help putting it back?"

She quickly shook her head. "Ah, no. If he comes back before I'm done, I don't want anyone else implicated. There's only so much he can do to me. You, he can do far worse."

Lorne nodded. "Good luck."

She took a deep breath after Lorne walked away and signaled the door again. She slung the bag over her shoulder, casually, then entered the room.

John was still reclining on his bed, dressed in a sheet. He grinned when he saw her. "So you brought my stuff back."

She looked confused. "Your stuff?" she dumped the bag on the floor by the closet. "No. I went and packed an overnight bag." Lifting her shirt, she unbuttoned her jeans.

"'Lena? What are you doing?"

She smiled as she eased her jeans over her hips and let them fall to the floor, thankful for the length of the shirt. "Didn't you make me an offer?" She stepped out of the jeans and toward the bed.

John jumped out of the bed as soon as she touched the sheets, revealing that he was actually wearing swimming trunks - long, baggy, Hawaiian, blue swim trunks that tied in the front.

"Helena!"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're wearing shorts," she accused.

"Of course, I am! Put your pants back on!" he commanded.

"Aw!" She tried to pout, but only managed a pouty smile. "Are you taking back your offer?"

He pointed at her from across the bed. "Now, you know I didn't mean it."

She put her hands on her hips. "And you don't know better than to tempt me?"

Looking at her, standing there looking like every man's fantasy – a beautiful woman in a man's shirt and nothing else – he suddenly decided to call her bluff. He stepped up on the bed. "Fine."

Her eyes became as large as saucers as she took a step back. "What?"

Pleased with her reaction, he stepped across the bed. She took another step back. "I wouldn't want to disappoint you. I do, after all, have a reputation to uphold."

He stepped off the bed and she took another step back, but her feet became tangled in the jeans she'd left lying on the floor and she began to lose her balance. John jumped forward and caught her before she fell.

"Are you okay?" he asked, softly, holding her to him.

Standing, there, pressed against his bare chest, with no pants on, she took a deep breath. The smell of him filled her head and made her head spin. She blushed to her toes. "No," she breathed. She looked up at him and swallowed. "I quit. You win."

"What?"

"You win." She used one of her feet to pick up her pants and an arm to retrieve it, then took a step back. "Your clothes are in the bag."

John frowned. "'Lena?"

She held her index finger up. "You are incredibly gutsy, John." Her breathing was labored. "How did you know I would back down?"

His eyes danced then. "I didn't really."

Her eyes widened. "What?" She swallowed and looked down at her pants in her hand. "Turn around so I can get my jeans back on."

Chuckling, he turned his back to her. "Actually, I didn't think you'd take it as far as you did. You had me scared to death for a minute, there."

"Likewise."

"Your face, by the way, when you walked in here the first time was absolutely fantastic. I almost didn't think you'd come back."

Buttoning her jeans, she cleared her throat. "I'm done."

He turned to look at her as she slipped on her shoes. "Are you okay?" he asked again.

She raised her eyebrows. "Ah…" she cleared her throat. "Your clothes are in the bag. I'll be seeing less of you," her eyes travelled his body, "at dinner, I hope."

John smiled. "You can count on it."

"Whew!" She coughed and took a step backwards still blushing. "See you then." Then she turned away and swiped at the control to open the door, leaving a triumphant John standing in his swim trunks with his hands on his hips.

oOo

John found Helena standing outside after he finished his dinner. "'Lena."

She turned and looked at him. She smiled, pinking, slightly. "Hello, John. What'd you think of dinner?"

He grinned. "Absolutely the best sports grill in two galaxies."

She nodded and looked out to the ocean. "Good."

He leaned on the rail next to her and asked. "Are you okay? Are _we_ okay?"

She nodded.

"Sure?"

Helena smiled and looked over at him. "And, exactly what would you have done if I had held my ground?"

John chuckled. "Run."

She laughed. Then she reached over and pushed him to the side. Then she turned to face him, offering a hand to him. "Truce?"

John reached out and took her hand. "Truce." Then he pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

She hugged him back, then pulled back. "You are a gutsy son of a bitch."

He smiled. "I'm not the one who sent someone in to a Lieutenant Colonel's quarters to steal his clothes."

She got this "aw, shucks" look on her face. "It was worth it to hear all the twitter around here, today. I think you have a few more options around here, now, John." Then she snorted. "I should have taken everything except those shorts. _Then_ the tongues would be wagging."

John put his hands on his hips and looked out to the ocean. "Don't even think about it, _Chief_."

"Absolutely, not." She looked back out to the ocean as well. "I have learned my lesson."

They stood together, friends enjoying the quiet ocean night.

oOo

_A/N: If you are interested in Helena and John hooking up, this is as good a point as any to read my AU fic "One Night". It is entirely Alternate Universe so many of the things that happen in subsequent episodes are not addressed. It is HET Romance. You, of course, may continue this series (and I really hope you do), but just thought I'd take the opportunity to plug another, related fic. Thanks for reading. _

_MA_


	75. This Mortal Coil

_**This Mortal Coil**_

It was late as Helena watched John walk into the cafeteria. She smiled at him and waved. In response, he averted his eyes, pursed his lips and moved out to the exterior balcony. She frowned, put the cleaning materials she'd been using to clean tables down and followed him.

"John?" she called as she entered the balcony. "What's wrong?"

John was holding the rail of the balcony like his life depended on it. He shook his head.

Helena's heart began to pound in her ears. She walked over to him, frowning, knowing that she didn't want to know what he might have to tell her. "John?" she looked up at him.

He pursed his lips and swallowed. "Elizabeth's dead," he said without preamble.

She gasped and stepped back like she'd been punched in the stomach. "But I heard that she called…that you went to get her!" She grasped the rail to steady herself.

John looked away. "It wasn't her. The Replicators had made a copy of her. The real Elizabeth was…killed."

Helena felt her knees give way. She quickly grabbed a chair and sat down hard. Tears sprang to her eyes as she looked out to the ocean. "Could this _copy_ be lying?"

John turned to look at her, grimly. "I thought the same thing, but what would her motive be? She was the one who told us that we couldn't bring her back here because she was a security risk. She didn't do anything to persuade us that she was the real thing; and she could have. We would have bought it."

Tears escaped Helena's eyes. She didn't make a sound as the tears flowed. She wiped them off her face and refused to look at John, but more replaced the ones she demolished.

John took a step to her and pulled her up into his arms. She gripped his shirt as the tears overtook her. He swallowed hard to hold back the rush of emotions he felt threatening to overwhelm him as he held her.

After a while, her tears subsided, but she continued to hold onto him. They stood together for a long time, taking strength from each other.

With a sniff, Helena pulled away from John then. She thought she saw moisture on his face and it broke her heart. She wiped her face with her hands and shook her head as if to clear it.

John cleared his throat. He said, tightly. "I really thought I could bring her back, 'Lena."

Her face crumpled again and she hugged him. "I know, John," she whispered against his chest. "I know."

Then another thought occurred to her. "How is Rodney?"

John swallowed and shook his head. "I haven't talked to him since we got back. He's working on something we got from…the others."

She sighed. "Keeping himself too busy to think."

John sighed. "Wish I could."

Helena shook her head. "It's not healthy. If I learned anything from…" she took a deep breath. "From Carson…" Tears sprang to her eyes and he pulled her to his chest again. She squeezed him and fought against the urge to fall apart there in the comfort of his arms.

A long while later, he rubbed her back and cleared his throat again. "I'd better go check on Rodney."

She pulled away and nodded. "Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

She shook her head, a grim smile touching her features as tears sprang to her eyes again. "No. But I guess I will be. You?"

He frowned. "Me, too." He grasped her shoulder and squeezed briefly as he walked away.


	76. Be All My Sins Remember'd

_**Be All My Sins Remember'd**_

"Kitchen's closed."

Abe Ellis looked around the cafeteria, filled with various people and raised his eyebrows at the woman who'd just spoken to him. "Doesn't look like it, Helena."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh, so we're back to first names, are we, _Abe_?"

Abe pursed his lips. "What exactly is your problem, _Chief_?"

She smiled. "My problem, _Colonel_, is that – with all due respect – you're a dick."

He stiffened and his eyes widened, clearly unused to being spoken to in this manner. Then they narrowed. "Excuse me?"

Helena shook her head and looked off into the distance. "Funny thing is you were never the one to win popularity contests when it came to work, but you were always a nice guy. You have never believed in beating around the bushes and have always been straight-forward, but you were still considerate of someone's feelings. It was part of the great contradiction that was Abe Ellis, but lately…" she sighed.

Ellis crossed his arms across his chest. "This is about not keeping you informed when Atlantis was missing."

Helena's eyebrow rose, again. "Have you _ever_ known me to hold a grudge?"

"No, and I guess that's why I'm a bit confused."

She smiled. "Then, please, let me clarify for you." The smile dissolved as her eyes narrowed and her voice hardened. "Rodney McKay is my friend, Abe. He's become like my brother in the past four years. I take great umbrage to people treating my family members like they are worth less than they are. Treat me like shit if you must, Abe Ellis, but you _will not_ treat my family like shit and expect to eat in _my_ cafeteria."

"Oh, please!" Abe frowned. "You people are so enamored of his supposed genius that you can't see he's a pompous, arrogant pretender."

Helena's eyebrows rose, then knitted together. She took a step toward him and said, lowly. "First of all, Rodney McKay _is_ a genius. And, yes, he may be pompous and arrogant at times, but it's because he's _earned_ the right to be so. Second, we're not 'enamored' of his genius, we're 'enamored' of _him_." At his 'told you so' look, she lifted a finger. "We're not blind, Abe. We can see all of his faults as well as we can see his strengths. We love him because he is fallible, because he is often unsure, despite all appearances. He tries desperately to hide that uncertainty, and we call him on it sometimes, but not in such a way as to cut him at the knees. We _need_ for him to be confident because his genius is borne of first impulses more than it is of second guesses." Her hands clenched at her side as she leaned in bit closer. "But you just had to show him how smart you are. How…clever it is of you, Abe, to be able to ferret out someone's imperfections and stomp on their egos so that you look like the big man on campus. It's just too bad that you're _not_ on the right campus."

She took a deep breath. "I suggest you return to your ship, Abe, to eat. We're too blinded to cook today." She stood with her arms crossed between him and the serving line.

"Something wrong, Helena?" Ronon's voice said from behind her.

The left corner of her mouth curled up and her eyebrow rose as she watched Abe look up at Ronon. "Have you met Ronon? He's part of my family, also."

Abe shook his head and turned on his heel and left.

Smiling, she turned and looked up at Ronon, who was glaring after Ellis. She patted his arm. "I'll bet you heard about the new batch of brownies…"

"Heard what you were saying," Ronon glanced down at her.

"If you tell Rodney, I'll deny every word of it."

A smile tugged at Ronon's lips. "Are you kidding? Do you think I want him more full of himself than he is?"

Laughing, Helena led him into the kitchen to find the fresh brownies.

oOo

"Helena," Rodney called. "I heard that you and Ellis have some sort of history."

Helena turned to look at Rodney and John with a look of disbelief on her face. "Well, hello, Rodney. I'm fine, how are you?"

Rodney waved his hand. "Yes, yes, greetings and what not. Is it true?"

Frowning, she looked over to John, who shrugged. "Why?"

John cut Rodney off. "Before this begins, I want it stated for the record, that I had nothing to do with this. Don't want to find myself with nothing in my room but my underwear."

Helena chuckled. "Okay, you're off the hook. Why, Rodney?"

Rodney's eyebrows rose up. "John says he's a good guy, I say he's a tool; we need a tie breaker."

Shaking her head, she walked back toward the kitchen. "I wouldn't be much good to you in that regard."

"Why not?" Rodney and John followed her.

"Because I agree with both of you."

Rodney frowned. "You're kidding."

Helena shrugged. "Sorry."

"Come on!"

John tilted his head. "So, how do you know Ellis?"

Helena looked from Rodney to John and then sucked her teeth. What she said, just before disappearing into the kitchen, made John's eyes widened.

"Did she just say they dated?" He looked at Rodney.

Rodney looked stunned too. "I'm not sure. It sounded like it."

John's eyebrows rose and he followed her into the kitchen with Rodney close at his heels.

She rolled her eyes when she saw them. "You two are not supposed to be in here during meal times."

John narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "Did you say you dated Ellis?"

She sighed. "Yes. We had a couple of dates. A hundred years ago. Old news."

Rodney grinned. "Not to us."

John shook his head. "He's right. It's not old news to us."

"I went out with a friend of mine and she introduced me to a friend of hers. We went out the first time and never discussed work. The second time, we did talk about work. He was a Captain, I was at Chief Warrant Two. He didn't want the complication and I couldn't fault him for it. We remained friends." She smiled. "He can be a nice guy, Rodney. He's got a well-developed sense of justice and fairness. He doesn't hide from the truth. But," she looked at John. "My more recent dealings with him contradict what I would have expected from him. So, yes. He's a good guy _and_ he's a tool."

John and Rodney exchanged looks. Then John shook his head. "So, you dated Ellis."

Helena rolled her eyes and chuckled. "Get out of my kitchen before I go for the butcher knives."

With amused looks, Rodney and John made their way out of the kitchen.


	77. Spoils of War

_**Spoils of War**_

"Teyla? Are you alright?"

Teyla looked up to see concern written all over Helena's face. She smiled, though the smile didn't reach her eyes. "I am fine."

Helena frowned and sat across the table from her. "You've been sitting here for over an hour now. You've barely eaten anything and your glass is empty. So either 'I am fine' means something different in the Athosian culture or it's code for 'it's been a really crappy day, but I don't want to trouble you'." Her blue eyes narrowed a bit as she smiled, slightly. "Since I know the first one isn't correct and I really don't care if you don't want to trouble me, let's have it."

Teyla laughed, softly, despite of herself. "I think that John feels betrayed that I didn't tell him sooner that I am pregnant. He is refusing to allow me to go on missions. He doesn't even really want to talk to me."

Helena's eyebrow rose. "Ah. Well, I can tell you that John doesn't hold grudges. You should know that."

She sighed. "I know, but this is more personal than some sparring match."

Helena regarded her for a moment without speaking. "You know that he doesn't talk about things." She said, finally. "He's guarded, but you should never doubt how deeply he cares for you. I would be shocked if he _did_ allow you to go on missions."

Teyla frowned. "You don't believe I am just as capable – "

Helena leaned forward. "No, it's not that at all," she said quickly. "If ever there was a woman who could kick ass while pregnant, it would be you. But…"

Teyla tilted her head, eyebrow raised and lips parted. "But?"

Helena frowned. "We women tend to spend so much time thinking about our obligations and responsibilities to others that we often do things to endanger ourselves, physically, emotionally or mentally. We would gladly walk into a lake of fire to save those we love."

Teyla looked relieved. "Then you _do _understand."

Helena smiled a small smile. "Oh, yeah. I understand. But he won't. Not unless you tell him. He sees that obligation and responsibility as _his_, not yours. And keeping you safe – especially when there is a baby concerned – will be his highest priority." Helena sighed. "It is the way of our people. A child's life is more precious to us than any other."

Teyla nodded. "I will try. It is…" she smiled. "Difficult."

Helena reached across and patted her hands on the table. "Get used to difficult, little sister. You're about to be a mom. I can't imagine anything more difficult."

Teyla smiled and looked up. Her smile faded.

Helena turned to see John enter the cafeteria. He looked over to them and looked like he needed to come over but really _didn't_ want to. Helena chuckled. "I'll leave you two to it, then," she stood and squeezed Teyla's shoulder as she left.

oOo

John walked into the cafeteria at the end of a long day. It was dark and there was no sign of anyone around. Without a word, he walked into the kitchen to raid the pantry, not in the mood for the usual fair that was left out for late night snackers. The kitchen was dark and quiet and he paused for a moment to let his eyes adjust, not wanting to turn on the bright lights of the kitchen.

"What are you doing up so late, John?"

John jumped.

Helena laughed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

He sighed. "What are you doing sitting in here in the dark?"

Helena picked up the tea cup sitting to her left. Sipping from it, she said. "I just finished cleaning up and decided to have a quiet moment before leaving. You?"

"Not in the mood for the usual stuff. Got anything different?"

In the darkness, he could see her stand and move toward him. "If anyone asks, you didn't get it from me." She reached into the large refrigerator he was near. "LeVox made just a little bit for the kitchen staff. Most of us had our share already and there's a taste left."

She handed him a plate with what looked like a brownie on it. She handed him a fork and smiled up at him. "Enjoy."

He cut into it and tasted. "Tiramisu?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Wow, I haven't had this in years."

Helena smiled and poured a cup of coffee. "Here," she handed it to him. "It's not right to eat Tiramisu without coffee. It's decaf, though, so it won't keep you up."

John took another taste. "It's good."

Helena sat back down and picked up her cup. After a moment, she said, into her cup. "How are you and Teyla?"

John paused. "What?"

"You heard me, my friend."

He sighed and put the fork back on the plate. "We're good. We've talked. After what she did today, I don't think I'll get much argument about not going on dangerous missions from her."

Helena harrumphed. "As long as you don't count on that."

John looked at her. "She told me as much, just a couple of hours ago."

"Have you ever heard the saying 'It is a woman's prerogative to change her mind'?"

John sighed. "Yes." He took another sip of coffee. "I get it."

Helena smiled and sipped from her cup. Then she stood. "Good night, John."

He finished the last of the piece of dessert, drank the last of the coffee and smiled, grimly at her. "Good night."


	78. Quarantine

_**Quarantine**_

When the doors to the cafeteria slammed shut, Helena spun on her heel with a frown. She looked across the room to Lieutenant LeVox, who nodded and went to the door and waved his hand in front of the sensors. The door didn't budge. He tried it again and achieved the same results. He turned, then, and looked at her, shaking his head.

"What's going on?" Lieutenant Matt Davis approached her.

She looked up at the Marine who was tall, dark, and built like a bus, with warm chocolate eyes. She smiled. "I'm not sure. Do you have your radio?"

He nodded and tapped his earpiece. "Davis to Sheppard." He paused. "Davis to Control Room."

He looked down at her and shook his head.

She nodded. "Okay." She looked over at LeVox again, who had moved to the balcony exits, to find them locked also. When he shook his head, she took a deep breath and nodded, again.

She stepped up on a chair and held up her hands. "Okay, ladies and gentlemen. It looks like we're in a lockdown situation. Communications appear to be down, but I'm sure someone is working on that and will let us know what is going on as soon as they can. In the meantime, you are fortunate enough to be locked down in the one place in the entire city that will _never_ run out of food or water. Well, at least not for a year or two."

There was the twitter of nervous laughter.

She smiled. "So, put aside any diets you may be holding on to and help yourselves to an extra dessert. Relax and take joy in the fact that you don't have to be at work, right now. If you have any questions or concerns, talk to myself or one of my staff." She grinned and shrugged. "And we'll pretend we know more than you." Another round of laughter, this one a little bit more relaxed, sounded. "Enjoy!"

Davis offered her a hand and she took it to step down, smiling up at him. "Thank you, Lieutenant." She smiled.

He smiled down at her with a disarming smile. "So, Chief, is there more cake back there?"

"Of course there is, Lieutenant. Keep smiling like that and you might get more than one slice."

He chuckled and followed her to the kitchen.

oOo

"John Sheppard, you need to get out of the cafeteria before I get out of the kitchen."

He frowned and turned around to see Helena talking to him from behind the serving line. "Why?"

"Because if I catch you, I'm going to wring your neck! I heard about the whole scaling the tower thing. Are you crazy?" She moved along the length of the serving line as she spoke.

He frowned. "It's not like I really _wanted_ to do it." He paced her on the opposite side.

"I swear by all that's holy you and your people," she rounded the corner and crossed the floor to stand toe to toe with him. "Are going to turn me white haired before long." She took a hold of his shirt with a threatening look, but a twinkle in her eye. "And do you know how hard it is to keep stocked up on hair color around here?"

John looked at the top of her head and frowned. "Ooo," he pursed his lips. "I see what you mean."

Her eyes widened and she let go of him to touch her head. "What?"

He chuckled. "Still red as ever, 'Lena. What's for dinner?"

She narrowed her eyes at him and slapped his arm. "A knuckle sandwich for you, buster. Your people are over there. Go sit. I'll bring you a tray."

He grinned. "Thanks, 'Lena."

"Yeah, yeah. Go on with you, then," she waved him off. "And no more scaling tall buildings. You're not Peter Parker."

John chuckled again and walked away, saying. "Yes, ma'am."


	79. Harmony

_**Harmony**_

"So," Helena sat down next to Rodney, across from John. "I hear you've got a standing offer to be consort to a queen."

Rodney put his fork down and glared at John. "Oh, ha, ha. You're just miffed about the painting."

Helena turned and leveled a raised eyebrow in John's direction. "Painting?"

John looked uncomfortable. "Well, you know how active a kid's imagination can be."

Helena grinned and glanced at a now smug Rodney. "No. Why don't you enlighten me?"

"She made me a hero in the painting and showed him cowering in fear."

Helena frowned and looked from John to Rodney and back. "What?" She laughed.

John shrugged. "Like I said, active imagination. Besides, she offered me king status before she offered it to Rodney."

"Yes, well, that may be, but we could have avoided the whole thing if you could learn to say no to a pair of – "

"Rodney," John warned.

Rodney frowned. "What? I was going to say 'big blue eyes'." He looked at Helena. "Really."

Helena turned to John. "Now, John, you didn't tell me there was another woman involved."

He shrugged his face and pursed his lips. "Her older sister asked us to do it as a personal favor – to keep up trade relations."

Helena shook her head. "And I'll bet she's tall and pretty."

Rodney nodded. "Oh, yeah, she is that."

"Rodney," John warned.

"You started this, John," Helena said. "You just failed to mention some key bits of information." She leaned back in her chair. "So let me see if I get this right: a beautiful woman with great…" she winked at Rodney. "eyes asks you to babysit her thirteen year old sister, who quickly develops a crush on you, through a Genii infested forest? Yeah," she turned to Rodney with a big smile. "She _must_ have been beautiful."

Rodney looked smug.

"You know," John leaned forward to Helena. "I'm not going to tell you anything anymore."

Helena laughed. "Aw, John, don't be mad. It's not your fault you're irresistible."

Rodney harrumphed. "You should have seen his face when that painting was unveiled."

John glared at Rodney, then looked at the laughing Helena. After a moment, he leaned close to Helena and said, softly, giving her his most intense look. "I could never be persuaded to be someone's consort. Not when my heart belongs to a certain food services chief."

Helena stopped laughing and her eyes widened. "What?"

He focused on her.

She began to blush. Finally, she snorted. "Oh, John!" She chuckled and shook her head. "Neither one of you could handle me!" She laughed. "And, besides, I know you only love me because I keep your stomachs full." She stood up and touched John's cheek. "You need a shave, my friend." Then she turned to Rodney, who was grinning. "By your leave, your lordship, I must return to the kitchen."

Rodney's grin dissolved into an annoyed frown as he watched her leave. Then he looked at John. "You know, she's probably right about nobody being able to handle her."

John nodded. "Probably. But it is fun to see her get as flustered as she tries to get us, isn't it?"

Rodney nodded. "Quite right." He took a bite and pointed with his fork to his tray. "Have you tried the meatloaf today?"


	80. Outcast

_**Outcast**_

"John!"

John's grip tightened on his duffel bag when he heard Helena's voice. He wasn't sure if he could handle the effusive energy of the Chief of Food Services at that moment, but he stopped walking and turned to face her. When she caught up to him, he could tell by her face that she knew.

"You heard."

She frowned. Taking a deep breath, she said, "News travels fast in a small town."

He licked his lips and looked over her head.

"I just wanted to say," she bit her top lip and looked down. "Well…" she swallowed.

He glanced down at her and saw that she was struggling to find the words. His face softened. "Thanks, 'Lena," he murmured.

She looked at him and nodded. "Have a safe trip. Okay?" She reached out, hesitated, then touched his sleeve, just for a moment. Then she let her hand drop.

He nodded. "Thanks."

She nodded, again, and stepped away, freeing him to continue his journey to the gate.

oOo

"I'm telling you, it's incredible," Evan Lorne was telling Radek, as they stood with Helena next to the serving line late at night.

Helena rolled her eyes, "It's not." But she smiled as she sipped her coffee.

"You're kidding, right?" he grinned, leaning against the line, a bottle of water in one hand and his other shoved into a pocket. "You have the most expressive face of anyone in this city. You wear your emotions out in the open." He pointed with the hand holding the bottle. "Put some cards in your hand and you turn to stone." Chuckling, he lifted the bottle to his lips, "You have absolutely no idea what you're doing and yet you have absolutely no tells."

With mock indignation, she sputtered, "Hey! I _do_ know how to play the game." Then she smiled at Radek, "I just don't know if a flush is better than a straight."

Radek raised his eyebrows and pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose. "I believe the straight is higher," he said, over his coffee cup.

Swallowing the water, he continued, "And there's no skill to the way she plays, either. She plays so erratically that you have no idea what her next move is going to be. That and the fact that she has no tells makes her the most dangerous Texas Hold 'em player of all time."

Helena rolled her eyes. "You're just miffed that I won the pot tonight."

Evan shook his head, "Don't get me wrong, Helena. I'm not upset." His blue eyes were intent as he smiled, "I am in awe."

Helena grinned. "Aw! How sweet are you, Evan? " She stuck her lip out in a good-natured pout. "Now, I'm not going to be able to play with you anymore. I'll just keep thinking about what you said and get all flustered."

"I'm sure there are other games we could play," He responded with a wink.

Helena's eyes widened and her face pinked a bit. Then she ducked her head as a smile crossed her features. When she looked back up, she bit her lip and regarded him with a raised eyebrow.

Radek suddenly felt uncomfortable as Evan's smile widened.

Her smile faded from her face as she looked over Evan's shoulder. "He's back."

Evan turned to see his CO walk in to the cafeteria. John paused when he saw them, then walked out to the balcony.

"Excuse me, guys," she said, softly, placing her coffee cup on the serving line.

Evan straightened. "Time to be turning in, anyway."

Relieved, Radek said, "I have to get back to my lab."

Helena stopped and frowned at the scientist. "For god's sake, Radek, go to bed. Rodney's not back yet; now's the time to get some sleep."

Radek thought for a moment, then shrugged. "You know, I think I will."

Helena smiled. "Good for you," She looked at Evan then, who smiled at her and touched her arm. "Thanks for inviting me to play tonight," she said, smiling.

Evan smiled, gently, down at her. "I'm happy you came. It was fun."

"It was," her eyes went to the exterior balcony, where John had disappeared.

Evan's hand slid from her arm to her hand and squeezed it. "Good night, Helena," he said, softly into her ear.

"Good night, Evan," she smiled, even as her cheeks warmed. She squeezed his hand back, then let it go. She looked at him with a smile as she backed up two steps before turning to walk away.

oOo

Helena walked out onto the balcony, where John sat, his feet up on the balcony rail. Helena couldn't help but smile because she thought of all the times she'd come out here and seen this exact scene. Her heart tightened in her chest as she walked over to her dear friend and sat down across a table from him.

John looked at her and smiled, slightly, looking as uncomfortable as he ever did when he suspected something emotional was about to happen.

She leaned back and looked out over the city to the ocean beyond. "How was your trip?"

"Fine," came his response as he returned his gaze outward.

Her eyebrow rose and she looked at him sidelong. "Fine?"

John looked back at her. "What?"

She shook her head. "I never thought of a funeral as being 'fine' before, John. I remember my parents' funeral and it was anything but 'fine'. In fact, I don't remember being 'fine' for quite a while afterwards. Of course, I was still kind of young, but – "

"Come on, 'Lena," John interrupted. "What did you expect? The trip was fine. Just leave it at that."

Helena nodded. After a bit of silence, she spoke again. "The rest of your family? How are they?"

John pursed his lips. "Fine."

She took a deep breath and sat back, looking again at the ocean. "That's good." She swallowed the lump that threatened to form in her throat and took another deep breath.

John looked at her and frowned as he saw emotions on her face. To him, she kind of looked like she'd lost a member of _her_ family and was trying to put on a brave face. It bothered him to see her like that, but he wasn't prepared to deal with it. So he pursed his lips and looked over at his boots up on the rail.

"Ronon tells me you have a brother."

John licked his lips. "Yeah."

She looked up, but not at him. "I don't get it."

He frowned and looked over at her. "Don't get what?"

She leaned back in the chair and looked up to the sky, her face turned slightly away. "When we first got to Atlantis four years ago, I thought everyone here was like me. No family back on Earth." She cleared her throat. "Because, why would you volunteer for a one-way ticket when you have people who love and care for you? Then I found out about Ford's grandparents, Carson's six brothers and sisters and his mother, Radek's brother, Lorne's mom, sister and nephews, and Elizabeth's Simon – hell, Rodney's sister has even come here." She sighed. "While getting to know people here, I found out that most of them had not only family, but _close_ family on Earth." Helena swallowed. "When we got the opportunity to send video messages back home, I sent one to General O'Neill only to temper Kavanaugh's whining. I didn't have anyone back there to communicate with otherwise. Then I found out that you only recorded a message to Colonel Sumner's family."

"How did you…?" He frowned, then realization softened his features. "Ford."

She nodded. Then she stood with her back to him.

John frowned at her. "What is the problem, 'Lena?"

"I thought you and I had this one, small thing in common. In my mind, it made us kind of like kindred spirits. I thought you could understand where I came from because you and I had similar pasts – if only in this." Helena cleared her throat. "Why would you volunteer for this mission if you have family? If I had family, I wouldn't have come."

John took a deep breath. "Helena."

She shook her head, refusing to look at him. "I guess it doesn't matter. Sorry."

He rubbed the back of his head and sighed. "I didn't tell anyone about my dad and my brother because I hadn't talked to either in years. I thought I was dead to them, so," he shrugged. "As far as I was concerned, I didn't have any family. I messed all that up, long ago." He took a deep breath.

"Until I got here," he cleared his throat. "Elizabeth, Ford, Teyla, Rodney, Ronon and you," he leaned forward until he caught her eye. "'Lena, you all became my family. Everyone here is a member of my _immediate_ family now." He took her arm and turned her to face him. "I think we still have that in common."

Helena looked down. "I'm sorry, John."

John hooked his finger under her chin and tilted her head up. His steel grey-blue eyes met her moist sky-blue ones with determination. "For what?"

She swallowed. "For going on this way. I remember what it was like to lose my parents and I'm incredibly thoughtless to be putting this on you now."

His eyebrows rose and he offered a slight smile. "Look at me, 'Lena."

She sniffed, but refused to look at him.

"Helena," his voice took on a harder edge.

She looked up, then.

"Because I have you and all the rest of my family, here, I was able to make peace with my brother. I would hate for anything to put a strain between me and any of my family here – that includes you." He straightened. "I hope you know you have a huge family here."

She smiled, weakly, "I do." She dissolved into his arms and hugged his waist. "I'm sorry about your dad, John."

He swallowed and looked over her head to the ocean, looking uncomfortable, as usual, and patted her back. "Me, too."

She pulled back and cleared her throat, "Ronon says you had some excitement while back there."

John frowned. "Yeah, but I'd rather talk about something else, if you don't mind."

Helena nodded. "Of course. Anything in particular?"

"What's up with you and Lorne?"

Helena's mouth dropped open and her face turned red, immediately. "_What?_"

John shoved his hands in his pockets and bounced a little on the balls of his feet. "I saw you talking when I came in."

"Did you, also, see Radek standing there?"

He nodded. "Yeah, but Radek left more quickly than Lorne did." He narrowed his eyes and looked closely at her. "And you're blushing."

She tried to swallow the smile that came automatically when she felt embarrassed. "I do that. That's just something I do."

He grinned widely. "You do when you're embarrassed."

Throwing her hands up and turning away, she shook her head. "Oh, and I have no reason to be embarrassed, right?"

John raised his eyebrows and shrugged his whole body, "Not if you say so."

She cleared her throat and turned back to him. He was still bouncing. She took a deep breath and shook her head, looking out at the ocean. "Well, I say so."

"Good."

"Good." Helena frowned with thought for a moment and wondered if she'd just admitted to something.

There was silence.

Cautiously, as if waiting for him to say something more, she moved back to stand at the balcony, next to him again and they both looked out at the ocean. He took a deep breath and so did she. Their silence was companionable, like old friends, comfortable.

After a while, John looked at her. "So. What's up with you and Lorne?"

She turned with mock outrage and swatted his arm. "Will you stop?" She turned then and started to walk back into the cafeteria.

"Come on, 'Lena!" John frowned. "You can tell me! How 'bout over a beer?"

"Good night, John!" She called over her shoulder with a backwards wave.

John grinned, then turned back to the balcony. He thought, for just a second, that it was good to be home, then with a wicked glint in his eye, he slapped the rail and jogged into the cafeteria. "'Lena, wait!"


	81. Trio

_**Trio**_

"Helena," Evan leaned across the table, pushing his tray aside. "I want to ask you for a favor."

Helena narrowed her eyes over a cautious smile as she, too, leaned in. "And what would that be?" she asked, conspiratorially.

He grinned and opened his mouth to speak, as his eyes glanced over her shoulder. He narrowed his eyes suddenly and he frowned. "Drs. McKay and Keller are here."

Helena's eyebrows rose and she turned to look behind her. Sure enough, Rodney and Jennifer were walking in from the direction of the door. Both had both their hands bandaged. Helena tilted her head and pouted, sympathetically. She looked back at Evan and said. "Excuse me, Evan. I'll be back in a moment, okay?"

Smiling, he nodded. "Sure."

She patted his hand and stood, walking away.

oOo

Rodney smiled as he watched Helena get up from the table where she sat alone with Lorne and approach them. "Hmm!" he grinned.

Jennifer looked up at him with a curious look on her face. "What?"

"I'll tell you in a minute," he said with his voice low. In a louder voice, he smiled, "Helena."

Helena smiled at them. "Rodney," she glanced to Jennifer. "Doc, what in the world have you done to yourselves?"

"Got into a fight with a rope," Jennifer smiled, holding up her bandaged hands like a boxer in a ring.

Rodney grinned at Jennifer. "This makes it look like the rope won."

Helena looked, sidelong, at Rodney, "What did you do, Rodney?"

His eyes widened. "What? No! We got trapped in a hole."

Crossing her arms, she grinned, "And, exactly, how did you get in a hole?"

Rodney slumped. "I fell into it."

"And then Colonel Carter and I fell in on top of him," Jennifer continued, quickly, as if coming to his defense.

Helena winced. "Ow!" She looked sympathetically at Rodney. "And you're up walking around? How deep was the hole?"

"About twenty-five feet."

Helena's eyes widened. "Oh, good lord! So you had to climb up a rope to get out?"

Jennifer shook her head. "Actually, we had to climb _down_."

At Helena's look, Jennifer and Rodney explained the situation. By the end of the story, Helena's eyes were wide. She grabbed Jennifer and hugged her, then hugged Rodney. "Oh, _lord!_" She frowned. "How is Sam?"

"She's good. Her leg's in a cast and will be for a couple of weeks, but she's fine," Jennifer said.

Helena nodded. "I'm so relieved." She reached out and rubbed Rodney's upper arm. "And happy to see you're okay. Sounds like you're a real hero, Rodney."

"Oh, well, all I did was not let go. Jennifer found the way out _and _she overcame her fear of heights, not once but twice," Rodney said, uncharacteristically.

Jennifer looked appreciative. "I only found the way out because you didn't let go. And you lowered both me and Sam to the shaft, then climbed down yourself – conquering your own fear of heights." She looked at Helena. "He was quite brave."

Helena looked from Rodney to Jennifer and back again, wondering if she was seeing what she thought she was seeing. She smiled at Rodney. "Doesn't surprise me one bit," she said, tilting her chin up with pride. Finally, she looked over toward the kitchen. "What can I get you? I'll make you a tray," she offered, looking at Rodney.

"Actually," Rodney suddenly went bashful and glanced at Jennifer. "I owe Jennifer a beer."

Helena frowned. Then she shrugged. She looked at Jennifer and smiled. "You're going to have to tell me how you manage _that_, one day. You say he saved your life and yet he owes _you_ a beer."

Jennifer smiled her shy, closed-mouth smile and shrugged.

"Well, then," Helena said. "Two beers, coming right up."

As she walked away, Jennifer looked at Rodney. "What were you going to say?" Jennifer asked. "The suspense is killing me."

"She was having dinner with Major Lorne," Rodney grinned, crookedly.

"And?" Jennifer looked confused. "Remember, I don't know her that well."

Rodney nodded. "She never eats dinner during dinner time. She always eats _after_. You see, usually, she's too busy making sure that everyone _else_ in the cafeteria is happy and eating well."

Jennifer's eyebrows rose, "Ah!" She looked over toward Lorne. "So you think there's something going on between her and him?"

Rodney saw Helena coming back with the beers. "Hm, I wonder."

Jennifer looked intrigued.

"Two beers. Anything else?" Helena asked.

"No, I think we'll be good," Jennifer smiled.

"Uh, do you have any brownies?" Rodney asked, innocently, looking at the dessert area, located conveniently close to where Lorne was seated.

Helena chuckled and went over to the dessert area of the serving line.

Rodney watched with glee as Lorne's eyes followed Helena's movement as she approached. When the Air Force major looked up at her, he smiled and nodded, sitting back and taking a sip from his coffee cup. Rodney's grin widened, noticing Lorne watch her return to him and Jennifer with two plates with brownies.

"Show me where you want to sit," Helena said when she returned to Rodney's side, oblivious.

Rodney led Jennifer to a table that was out of the way, but in a place where they could watch Helena and Lorne. He was curious and eager to be able to deliver some juicy news before John Sheppard could find out.

"Rodney?" Helena was looking at him. "You look like you've won a Nobel."

Rodney glanced at Jennifer, whose eyes widened. "Hmm? Oh, just thinking."

Helena chewed on her grin as she looked from him to Jennifer and back. "Well, make sure you both get some rest. If you want anything else, just let me know. I'll be around, you know."

Rodney nodded and he and Jennifer sat.

oOo

"I'm so sorry to keep you waiting," Helena returned to her chair across from Evan. "Wait 'til you hear _their_ story."

He raised his eyebrows and smiled without showing his teeth.

She stopped and glanced down at her coffee mug, wrapping her hands around it. "I'm sorry. You were going to ask me for a favor," She looked back up at him, expectantly.

Evan took a deep breath and leaned forward, wrapping his hands around his own cup. "I wanted to ask you if I could use your kitchen tomorrow night."

Helena frowned, "You want to use my kitchen?"

He smiled. He leaned forward, "I want to cook for someone."

She raised her eyebrow at him, "You want to cook for someone?"

He nodded, "Yes."

Helena frowned with thought.

"I'd like," he continued, sliding his cup across the table, so that the back of his hand brushed against the back of hers, "to cook for you."

Her eyebrows rose, "You want to cook for _me_?"

Evan laughed, "You do realize you're repeating everything I'm saying."

Helena frowned. "I am?" She blinked and her eyebrows rose, "I guess I'm surprised."

"Are you doubting my skills?" he grinned.

She frowned, "Considering that, up until thirty seconds ago, I didn't know you had skills – uh," she cleared her throat, "in the kitchen that is – I don't think 'doubt' is what I'm feeling. I guess I'm…surprised." She knew she was repeating herself, but couldn't think of another way to say it.

Evan reached out one finger and stroked the back of her hand. "I figured that asking you to dinner would be pointless since you are responsible for cooking around here and it would kind of suck to get asked to dinner and then have to cook it." He grinned, "So, since I know a thing or two about cooking, I figured that, if you'll let me use your kitchen, you can take a night off and leave dinner to me."

She swallowed, looking down at his finger, touching her hand, which was thoroughly distracting. Finally, she looked up at him and narrowed her eyes, tilting her head. "Okay," she said, softly.

He grinned widely, "Great."

In the next few minutes, he asked her questions about what she liked to eat and what she didn't. When he was finished, they arranged for him to come by her quarters around ten the following night and escort her to the cafeteria, where he would cook her dinner.

Helena watched him leave, frowning and trying to wrap her head around what had just happened.

"So."

She jumped at the sound of Rodney's voice next to her ear. "Rodney! You startled me!" she scolded, clutching her chest.

He grinned, "That seemed intense."

Her cheeks began to warm and she cleared her throat, "What did?"

"Your conversation with Major Lorne."

She swallowed and looked back at the door he'd left through, still a bit uncertain.

Rodney smiled. "What's going on?"

She frowned, "He's going to cook for me."

"He is?" Rodney's eyes widened. "You're dating?"

She shook her head, "No! He just…" She stopped suddenly and her eyes widened. "Oh," she breathed.

"What?" Rodney grinned.

She pointed at the door, hesitantly, "He just asked me out." She said it as if she'd just figured out a puzzle.

It sounded to Rodney like she didn't know if it was a good thing or not. He couldn't resist teasing her, "Has it been _that_ long? You don't recognize when a guy asks you out?"

She pursed her lips at him, "Well, he didn't exactly ask me out. He asked me to let him use my kitchen to cook for me."

"Sounds like a date to me."

"Yeah," she breathed, surprised. "I guess it does."

Rodney's grin was catching, "Good for you."

Helena's eyebrows rose and she looked at him again. "You approve?" She said, crossing her arms.

"Sure. He's a good guy."

"Hmm," she nodded. Again she looked at the door, thoughtfully adding, "Yeah. He is."

Rodney chuckled. "Can I get another beer?"

Helena straightened, "Of course." She looked back at where Jennifer sat, smiling, "Speaking of dates."

Rodney shrugged, "Just drinks, right now."

"Sounds like a date to me," she echoed his words.

He chuckled, "I'll keep yours secret, if you keep mine."

Helena put out her hand, "Deal."

Rodney held out a bandaged hand.

Helena laughed, "Okay, so we won't shake." She patted his arm. "Come on, I'll get you those beers."


	82. Aside 7, Dinner

_A/N: Warning: This chapter should definitely be considered HET – Not GEN. At no point, however does it become explicit. Just a warning in case HET is not your cup-a-tea; tread cautiously and don't say I didn't warn you._

_**Aside 7 – The Dinner**_

Helena took one last look at herself in her bathroom mirror as the clock read 9:53. She was dressed in her favorite dark blue jeans, a fitted blouse that had a V-neck and her favorite high-heeled, black leather boots. Her face was a little more made up that usual, with dark eyeliner and mascara aiding the shades of blue and green swirled in her blouse to make her blue eyes "pop". She smoothed the blouse over her stomach; grateful that Ronon had taken her under his wing as far as working out went. She was in the best shape of her life, still curvy, but with a flatter stomach. She still had the hips that had often made her feel inferior to other women, but she'd long come to terms with them. Tilting her head and looking at how her jeans fit she thought that without them, she wouldn't be considered curvy.

The door rang to let her know that someone was waiting. She looked at the clock: 9:55. She smiled that he was early, but not too early. After smoothing her free-flowing, long, curly red hair one more time, she moved to the door and swung her hand at the control panel to open the door.

Evan was dressed in a pair of nice fitting black pants, belted, with a long-sleeved, royal blue, button-down shirt that was unbuttoned at the collar. The color made his blue eyes vibrant among his long, dark eyelashes. He smiled when he saw her. "You're beautiful," he said.

She felt her cheeks warm with the compliment. She smiled, "Thank you. You look pretty great yourself."

His smile widened and he offered his arm, "Shall we?"

Helena took his arm and they walked the short distance from her quarters to the cafeteria. She could feel the muscles of his arm under his shirt and thought how wonderfully the color complimented his eyes. She bit her lip as she thought about how handsome and sweet this man always was. On the other hand, she couldn't help but wonder for the hundredth time what she was getting herself into.

"I hope you're hungry," he intoned, softly, interrupting her thoughts.

"I am, but my curiosity is killing me," she admitted, warming under his gaze.

He chuckled and put his free hand over her hand on his arm.

As they entered the cafeteria, they passed Cooper on her way out. She beamed at Lorne and nodded before saying her good nights and leaving.

Helena saw the exchange and narrowed her eyes at him. "What was that all about?"

Evan grinned, "I gave Coop a list of ingredients I need for tonight and she told me that she would have everything ready for me."

Helena harrumphed, "I'm going to have to speak to that woman about keeping things from her chief."

He chuckled as they moved into the kitchen. He brought one of the tall stools near the stove and motioned for her to sit down. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out two prepared chicken breasts, baby spinach, a block of parmesan cheese and butter as Helena looked over the ingredients sitting on the counter: angel hair pasta, sundried tomato pesto, capers, salt and pepper and a box of chicken broth. There were also a measuring cup, measuring spoons, a spoon for stirring and a twelve inch, deep skillet with a lid.

"So," she frowned. "What are we having?"

"It's called 'Chicken Angelina'," he smiled. "It's a very simple dish, but delicious."

"Can you cook and drink at the same time?" she smiled. "I could get us a beer or Zelenka Juice," she thought. "I don't think the Athosian ale will go as well with what this sounds like. And we don't have any real wine."

He thought for a moment. "I think Zelenka's brew," he smiled.

She stood up and went for cups, wishing – not for the first time – they could have real glass wine glasses (the plastic ones were gone long ago) instead of coffee cups, and the Juice. Then she brought the drinks back to where they were set up to work and handed one to Evan. "Cheers."

Evan looked at her with a kind of intensity that made her warm and said, "Cheers."

She sat, then, on the stool and got comfortable.

Evan rolled up his sleeves to just below his elbows. He pulled out a handful of pasta, breaking it in half and putting it in the skillet, then measured and stirred in the chicken broth, pesto, butter and capers with the pasta, set the temperature of the burner to medium and covered the skillet. He fired up the stove top grill, and seasoned the chicken. He held a hand over the grill to test the heat, then put the chicken on the grill.

Helena watched silently as he worked and was impressed at how comfortable he seemed. "How did you learn to cook?" she asked as he washed his hands after handling the chicken.

"My mother taught me. She used to say I may not always have a woman to cook for me and she didn't want me to starve or to be living off day-old pizza and fast food," he chuckled. Drying his hands, he continued, "She was an artist and believed that food was another form of art to be explored and expressed."

Helena smiled, "Sounds like your mom and I would get along."

Evan picked up his drink and leaned against the counter next to her. "She'd love you," he smiled, taking a sip. "You're so open and honest and absolutely in love with what you do that you bring everyone else into it. People come here, tired or stressed or upset, but they never leave that way."

Helena smiled as embarrassment warmed her face. "You're sweet," she said, softly.

"It's true," he raised his eyebrows in earnest. He moved over to the stove and lowered the heat on the skillet, slightly, as he removed the cover and stirred the pasta. "Ask anyone."

Helena took a sip from her drink and watched him work, his broad shoulders moving within the confines of his shirt as he stirred the pasta. Her eyes moved down the length of his body, admiring the fit of his pants. Realizing the direction her thoughts were taking, she took a deep breath and looked into her cup, lest she be caught.

He turned to see her blushing into her cup and looked curious. "I didn't mean to embarrass you," he looked concern, moving over to her.

She swallowed and looked up. "Oh," she smiled, brightly. "No, it's okay."

He dipped his head and looked intently at her. "Are you sure? You seem kind of quiet."

She looked down into her cup again. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him, "I guess I'm just nervous."

He frowned, "Nervous? I make you nervous?"

She shook her head, slightly, saying, "It's not you. I guess it's the situation; unfamiliar territory for me."

Evan set his drink down on the counter behind her, then took her cup away and put it next to his. Then he took both of her hands in his and dipped his head, looking at her earnestly. "Helena," his gaze held hers. "You are, first and foremost, my friend. I would never want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable. Right now, we're friends having dinner. That's all it has to be."

"Really?" She frowned, one eyebrow raised, skeptically.

A small smile touched his lips as he admitted, "I'm not going to lie to you that I wouldn't mind more, but I'm fine with going as slow as you need me to. Just be honest with me and let me know if you ever feel uncomfortable or like it's going too fast."

Helena was touched by his honesty and she smiled up at him. "Thank you, Evan. I will." Already, she felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

He grinned at her, nodding and releasing her hands. "So what made you decide to become a Master Chef?" he asked, reaching over and moving a curl off her shoulder.

His finger brushed her neck and it made her pulse quicken. She swallowed, "Well, I didn't start off wanting to be a Master Chef. I enlisted in the Army shortly after my eighteenth birthday, mostly to spite my father, who was an officer in the Navy until I was fourteen. He wanted me to go into the military, but he wanted me to go to Annapolis," she smiled at the memory. "He never had a good thing to say about the Army and we weren't getting along at all, so I enlisted in the Army without consulting with him. I chose 92G, Food Services Specialist, because I liked to cook and it seemed like a fun way to pass the time."

He returned to the stove, but smiled, a closed-mouth, puckered smile, over his shoulder. Taking the tongs that hung on the hook near the stove, he turned the chicken. "Pass the time?"

She smiled. "Oh, no way was I making the military a career! I was, after all, only doing it to spite my father."

Evan stopped what he was doing and turned to look at her, surprised. "Really?"

Helena shrugged with a sheepish smile, "Young and impulsive. Anyway, at my first duty station, I had a really good set of NCOs and my OIC was the best. They encouraged me to develop my skills and I realized that I really loved to cook. My OIC even recommended me to culinary school."

"It took me a few years to work through culinary school to become a Master Chef, then my CO put me in for Warrant. The rest is, as they say, ancient history," she took a sip as he removed the pasta from the heat and began to stir in the spinach.

"How is your relationship with your father now?" he asked glancing at her as he worked.

She looked down and was silent for a second, then looked up, more at the ceiling than at him. "He and my mother were killed in an auto accident when I was twenty-one. He never saw me become a Master Chef or a Warrant Officer." She swallowed. "It's one of those things that you look back and wish you would have handled differently."

He put down the spoon he was using to stir the pasta and turned to her. His hand went to her shoulder and squeezed. "I'm sorry."

She looked at him and smiled. "Thank you. It's been almost twenty years. I've come to terms with it."

He frowned. "Twenty years? Didn't you say it happened when you were twenty-one."

She smiled, then, her eyebrows rising. "Yes."

He shook his head and returned to remove the chicken from the heat. He looked back at her and frowned, scrutinizing her.

Her smile widened. "What?"

Shaking his head, he said. "You're exaggerating again, right? Like when you call some of the Marines your children?"

She laughed, "No. And do you _know_ how old Lieutenant Farrias is? I _could_ be his mother."

He chuckled, taking a knife and slicing the chicken into bite size . "Well, he _is_ young. Heck, I'm old enough to be his father."

Helena laughed at that. "Maybe if you'd started when you were twelve," she added.

"Well, you would have had to start before that."

"That would mean you're…forty?"

She nodded. "Yep."

He turned and examined her face. Then he shook his head. "I don't believe it."

Her eyebrows knitted together. "What do you mean, you don't believe it?" She tilted her head as she asserted, "Evan, honestly, I turned a few months ago."

"That would make you older than me and there's no way."

Finally, she crossed her arms and said, with a smile, "Fine, don't believe me. But why would I lie?"

He grinned, "Women lie all the time about their age."

She laughed out loud, "Yes, but not _up_!"

He moved out of the way to show her that the food was plated, complete with parmesan shredded over the chicken artfully arranged over a bed of pasta, with a spinach leaf garnishing the edge of each plate.

"It looks wonderful," she gushed, truly impressed.

He beamed at the compliment. "Will you get the drinks?" he asked, picking up the plates.

She grabbed the container Zelenka used to store his distilled libations and their cups and they walked out of the kitchen together. Helena followed him out to the balcony to see that a table had been clothed with a dark table cloth and tea light candles. She smiled at the thoughtfulness of this man.

Evan put the plates across from each other at the table and dug into his pocket, pulling out an MP3 player and a lighter. He lit the tea lights and plugged the MP3 player into some speakers that had been left out. The music that played was Harry Connick, Jr.

Helena smiled, "Wow, dinner, music, candlelight, table cloth, you really went all out."

He grinned at her and returned to the table to hold out her chair for him.

She dipped her head as the evening breeze brought the scent of him to her and her thoughts made her warm. She looked up at him and smiled as she said, softly, "Thank you."

He smiled at her and pushed her chair in.

When his hands brushed against her, as he let go of her chair, Helena took a deep breath. She marveled at the way her body was beginning to respond to his light, casual touches. As she watched him move around the table and sit across from her, she was struck by how attractive he looked in civilian clothes. It was distracting how those pants hugged his rear and thighs and how that shirt stretched across his shoulders and arms. It wasn't that the clothes were tight, they just fit him extremely well and looking at him was doing odd things to her pulse and temperature.

"What are you thinking?"

Her eyes widened when her thoughts were interrupted. She smiled and swallowed. "I was wondering how old you _think_ I am."

"Thirty. At the oldest, maybe, _maybe_ nearing thirty-five."

"Wow. Thank you," she beamed. "I must be doing something right then."

He leaned forward and looked at her intently. "I'll say."

Smiling and fighting the warmth that crept to her face, she looked down at her plate, clearing her throat. She picked up her fork, "This really looks delicious."

He picked up his cup instead. "A toast?" he asked.

She put the fork down and picked up her cup. "A toast."

"To you, for allowing me to spend this evening with you."

Lifting her chin with a smile, she held up her cup, "To the cook."

As they sipped, he chuckled, "Maybe you should try it before you toast the cook."

Putting her cup down, she nodded, "Then I will." She picked up her fork and speared a piece of chicken and some pasta. After swallowing the bite, she lifted her eyebrows in mild surprise, "This is really good."

He grinned, looking a bit embarrassed by her praise, then picked up his own fork.

They spent the next hour eating, drinking, talking and laughing as the music played and the ocean breeze wafted warm, slightly salty air around them.

When sated, Helena sat back in her chair, holding her cup, feeling the effects of the liquor creep into her head. She closed her eyes to enjoy the music for moment as Harry Connick, Jr. crooned _The Very Thought of You_. Her reverie was interrupted by the sound of Evan's chair moving. She opened her eyes to see him standing next to her, holding out a hand.

Confused, she frowned up at him.

He pressed his lips together in a closed mouth smile, "Dance?"

A slow smile spread across her face. She put her cup down and removed her napkin from her lap, then took his hand as she stood. She moved easily into his arms as _Save the Last Dance For Me_ played. He folded her hand up onto his chest, holding it, placing his other hand on her waist as she reached up and put her free hand on his shoulder. Wordlessly, they swayed gently to the crooner's rendition of the classic tune.

Helena felt strangely relaxed in his arms, smelling him, feeling his body heat warming her. She could feel her pulse quicken as her mind began to focus on the feeling of his legs touching hers and her breasts pressed against his chest. His hand splayed on the small of her back made her feel safe while threatening her sanity.

"I was hoping you'd like the music," he said, softly, into her ear.

Welcoming the distraction, she smiled up at him, "Oh, I'm a country music girl at heart, but I love Harry. Have you heard of Michael Bublé?"

He grinned. "Sure. I have him on the player, too. Would you prefer - ?"

She shook her head, "No. I was just going to offer you my player to listen to Michael if you hadn't."

He smiled and looked over her head for a moment. When he looked back down, she was still looking up at him. His smile melted slightly as his eyes met hers.

As the song ended, he cleared his throat and said, huskily, "I promised Cooper that I would clean the kitchen before I left," but he kept moving as the player moved to the next song.

"That was nice of you," she smiled. "I'll help you." She, too, made no effort to move away.

Harry started singing _I Only Have Eyes For You_ and they continued to sway.

"It's supposed to be your night off," he replied.

Frowning, she said, "I'm not going to sit and watch you clean up, Evan Lorne. You cooked; I'll clean."

Evan thought for a moment, "How about this: you load up the dishwasher and I'll clean the grill and wipe down the stove and counters?"

She tilted her head in agreement. "I can live with that."

When the song finished, they parted and began to clear the table, chatting, companionably.

oOo

As Evan prepared to scrub the grill, Helena grabbed an apron. "Wait," she said, walking over to him. He turned to face her and she moved close to him. "I wouldn't want you to get anything on that gorgeous shirt."

He smiled, curiously at her. "I didn't wear an apron when I cooked," he reminded her.

"Yes, but sometimes scrubbing the grill gets a bit messier than actually cooking on it."

He smiled at her, "If you say so." He dipped his head and she reached up putting the apron over his head. Then she moved closer and reached around him to cross the ties and bring them back to the front. She tied the apron and then looked up to find him looking at her.

They were a hairsbreadth apart and she could, again, smell his cologne as well as feel the warmth of his breath on her cheek. Her breath caught in her throat. She looked from his wonderful blue eyes to his lips, which were not smiling now. Subconsciously, she bit her own lip as she began to feel extremely warm. She swallowed and took a step back.

As his eyes followed her, she smiled and turned back to putting dishes into the dishwasher. She willed her body to behave itself as even as she wondered at how her attraction to him was growing by leaps and bounds as the night progressed. She caught herself preparing to start the dishwasher without adding detergent and scolded herself for being so distracted.

By the time he was finished, the apron was splattered with dark spots from dirty water that splashed up from the grill. He looked at her and smiled. "Looks like you were right."

She grinned at him. "See?"

He untied the apron and pulled it up over his head. "Where should I put this?"

Drying her hand on a towel, she put her hand out to take the apron from him. When he handed it to her, she put them in the hamper for kitchen linens that needed washing. Then she turned and surveyed the room.

With a smile, she said, "Looking good."

"Thanks," he grinned, flipping imaginary hair off his shoulder, as though she was talking about him.

She threw her head back and laughed. "Well, okay, fine. You look good, too."

Evan chuckled. He approached her and offered his arm to her. "Shall we away?" he said, crisply, with a frown, but a twinkle in his eye.

Helena looked impressed. "Yes, m'lord, let's," she responded, taking his arm. She laughed as they walked out the door.

oOo

By the time they reached her quarters, Helena's cheeks were hurting from the laughter they were sharing over a joke Evan told her. She sobered though, when she realized the evening was over.

Standing in front of her door, Evan took her hands and looked down at her. "I had a good time," he said. "I hope you did, too."

She smiled, sincerely, "I did. And the food was great. I may have to steal that recipe." She looked thoughtful, "I'll call it 'Evan Lorne's Chicken Angelina'."

He chuckled, "Well, if you do, add some garlic."

She frowned, "Why did you leave the garlic out?"

Evan looked a little embarrassed. "I gave Coop the recipe so that she could have all the stuff out for me, but I forgot to tell her that I add garlic to it, which is not in the recipe."

Helena tilted her head and feigned irritation, "You should have told me. I could have gotten the garlic for you."

He shrugged a bit, "It was supposed to be your night off, remember?"

Bemused, she shook her head. "So, I'll add garlic, but I'll have to figure out how to adjust the recipe from two to two hundred."

His eyes widened. "Good luck," he said, looking doubtful.

"It's what I do," She smiled, proudly. Sobering, she squeezed his hands. "Thank you for a wonderful evening, Evan." She was sincere as she said, "I really did have a good time, tonight."

"You're welcome," he said. "Thank you for agreeing to come." He leaned forward and gently placed a whisper of a kiss on her cheek.

She blushed as he whispered good-night into her ear, releasing her hands, and turned to walk away. He had just started in the direction of his own quarters, when she called, "Evan!"

He turned around and looked at her, his eyebrows raised, expectantly. "Yes?"

Without thinking, she took three long strides to stand in front of him. "I really enjoyed dinner," she whispered as she reached up and touched her lips to his.

Startled, he pulled back for a merest instance, but then put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss as she put her arms around his neck. She sighed against his mouth and welcomed his response to her impulsive actions. She wove her fingers into the hair at the base of his neck as she pressed against him. He moved his hand up her back and wove it into her hair as well.

When they parted, Helena blinked up at him, biting her bottom lip as she moved her hands down to rest on his chest. She swallowed, focusing on the first used button of his shirt.

He moved his hands to cover her hands and smiled, slightly, as he dipped his head, raising his eyebrows, and locked eyes with her. "Good night, Helena," he said, firmly.

Swallowing, she nodded, "Good night, Evan."

He kissed her, this time softly, then pulled back and, squeezing her hands as he released them, walked away.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She watched until he turned the corner, then she frowned and walked to the door of her quarters. She waved the doors open, then waved them closed again and walked in the opposite direction.

oOo

"How did I know you would still be here?"

Rodney looked up from his computer to see Helena in his doorway. His eyebrows rose when he saw the way she was dressed.

"Whoa!" He raised his eyebrows. "You look hot, Helena."

"Well, try not to sound so surprised, Rodney." She rolled her eyes, but smiled as she curled up in Rodney's lab desk chair.

His mouth dropped open. "Oh! No! It's not – that is – I mean, not to say I –"

"Take it easy, Rodney, you'll break something," she interrupted with a smile. "Thank you for the compliment."

Visibly, relieved he said, "So," as he leaned back and picked up his coffee cup in a still bandaged hand. "You had your date with Lorne tonight?"

Helena smiled, crookedly, "Yeah."

He started to take a sip and realized the cup was empty, then sat it down. He frowned, "Did it not go well?"

Her smile broadened and her face warmed, "I wouldn't say it didn't go well."

He tilted his head. "And yet you're here instead of…"

Helena's jaw dropped and she raised an eyebrow at him, "What? You expected me to fall wantonly into his bed? On the first date, Rodney? Really?"

Rodney couldn't help but laugh, "Wantonly? You?"

She picked up a pen from the nearby desk and flung it at him.

He giggled as he ducked.

She narrowed her eyes, but still smiled.

"So what's the problem?" Rodney sobered a little bit. "You had a good time?"

"Yes."

"The food was good?"

She chuckled, "Figures you would focus on the food."

Rodney waited, expectantly, which only made Helena laugh again.

"Okay, okay, yes. The food was good."

"So, I ask again, what's the problem?"

Helena sighed. "I don't know."

Rodney frowned at her.

She took a deep breath. "When I started seeing Carson, I had already been having dinner with him on a regular basis. After the whole deal with Cadman – " she winced. "I'm sorry, I know we agreed never to talk about it, but it is relevant."

Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes. "Okay."

"After the whole deal with Cadman, he was being down on himself and I told him why Cadman would like him and it turned out to be all things _I_ liked about him. And he teased me about it, but didn't really do anything about it. We kept eating dinner together and, one day, after dinner in the cafeteria, he walked me back to my quarters. After doing that a couple of times, he kissed me. It was very organic, very natural. We didn't set out to get involved, it just happened."

Rodney frowned, "Are you sure you want to talk to me about this?"

She frowned and tilted her head, "Why not?" Her eyes widened and she straightened in the chair, placing her feet back on the ground, "Oh, god, Rodney, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just didn't think."

Rodney's eyebrows rose, "Oh! Uh, no! No, it's not that." He swallowed. "It just seems that this is the kind of thing you'd talk to Teyla about."

Helena smiled, "I normally would, but, come on, Rodney, she's almost eight months pregnant and it's after one in the morning. You notice I came looking for you here? I figured you'd still be up and here. If not, I would have just gone to bed."

"Ah. Okay," Rodney crossed his arms across his chest and sat back in his tall lab chair. "You were saying?"

Helena looked sidelong at him, "Are you sure?"

He looked down at his arms, then looked at her, with a small smile, "Yeah. I'm kind of glad you feel like you can."

She leaned forward and looked down at her hands. After a moment, she said, softly, "You were the person Carson chose to tell about our relationship. That tells me how close you two really were. He loved you like a brother, Rodney," she looked at him, then. "Does it bother you that I'm talking about it?"

He shook his head, "Helena, I know that he would want you to be happy." He looked at her with a smile, "Tell me about Lorne; what's bothering you?"

She took a deep breath. "What's bothering me?" She sat back and pulled her legs up into the chair again. "I feel like a friggin' teenager is what's bothering me. I _like_ Evan. I do. I've said it before that he's a really nice guy. He is this highly effective military leader who has a genuine softer side that doesn't detract from his strength in anyway."

"Okay."

"I guess I'm a little tripped out by the physical attraction that I've been feeling all night."

Rodney's eyebrows rose, "Why?"

"I _don't know_," she responded, chagrinned. "I should be reveling in this. Was I spoiled by the smoothness of the development of the relationship I had with Carson?"

Rodney grinned with a hint of sadness. "We were all spoiled by Carson," he said, finally.

She smiled. Sighing, she stood, "I don't know what's bothering me, I guess." She began to pace.

Rodney just sat watching her.

She ran her hand through her hair, creating this look of a wild mane around her hair. She suddenly stopped pacing and looked up at the wall. She crossed her arms, then looked over at Rodney. Her face was flushed pink as something occurred to her.

"What is it?"

"It just occurred to me what's bothering me."

Rodney leaned forward. "And that is?" he prodded.

She suddenly looked uncomfortable. She opened her mouth and then closed it, her flush turning a deeper shade of pink. Finally, she cleared her throat, "He didn't try anything," she said, softly.

Rodney frowned, unsure if he'd heard her correctly, "What?"

"He didn't try anything!" She held her hand up with her index finger and thumb a centimeter apart. "We were this close, dancing to some of history's most romantic songs and he didn't try anything. I had my arms around him when I put the apron on him and he didn't try anything." She frowned. "Even when he walked me back to my quarters, he didn't try anything! He gave me a kiss on the cheek, for crying out loud!" She threw her arms up. "_I_ practically had to chase _him_ down to kiss him good night!"

Rodney sat looking at her, confused. "You mean that you're upset because he didn't make a move on you?"

Helena frowned and looked to the side. "Here I was all ready to turn him down. All afternoon, I kept going over entire scenarios in my mind of how to make sure he kept a respectful distance. Then he didn't even make a pass! He was completely respectful and here I was an over-heated teenaged hussy, practically drooling over him through the entire evening!"

Rodney waited for a moment, then his eyes began to dance. A slow smile spread, crookedly, across his face. "Oh, this is great!"

She glared at him.

He began to laugh.

She raised an eyebrow at him, pursing her lips a tight frown. After a minute, she snorted, then began to laugh with him.

"And I thought I was bad at this kind of stuff," he laughed.

She walked over and sat back down, putting her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, her hair obscuring her face, hands and arms.

He sobered and tilted his head. "Helena?"

She looked up, blushing and smiling, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Rodney. I know I'm not making any sense."

He smiled, "I'm going to chalk it up to a woman thing and pretend it never happened."

She looked grateful. "Thanks," she breathed, leaning back in the chair, weakly.

"Cold showers help."

She looked at him as if to say "_what?"_ and then threw her head back and laughed out loud. When she recovered, she stood and went over to stand behind him. "Unfortunately, Rodney, they've never done anything for me," she giggled, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. "Thanks, my friend."

He patted her arm, swallowing. "Go to bed, Helena. Don't you have to get up in a couple of hours?"

She let go of him and mussed his hair. "You need to go to bed, too."

"Hmm," he grunted, in a noncommittal way. "Quite right," he stood. "I'll walk you back."

She grinned and nodded. He shut down the computer he'd been working on and, together, they called it a night.

oOo

_A/N: Some terms for those of you who are not familiar with military lingo: _

_NCO – Non-commissioned Officers (these are, in the Army, the Sergeants, Staff Sergeants, Sergeants First Class, Master Sergeants, First Sergeants, and Sergeant Majors)_

_OIC – Officer In Charge. Most sections in a unit will be run by the enlisted, but overseen by officers._

_CO – Commanding Officer_

_Annapolis is the home of the Naval Academy_

_Also, the recipe for Chicken Angelina can be found at __?mealId=1859&mealGroupId=1000__ and like Lorne, I add garlic to it as well as substitute chicken stock for the water. Easy and quick, it is a staple in my house._


	83. Midway

_**Midway**_

"Teal'c!"

Teal'c turned to see a woman who looked very familiar to him, approaching him with a smile. He searched his memory and remembered her from the mess hall at Stargate Command. "ChiefLeiter," he nodded, at the small woman. "It is good to see you again."

Helena smiled up at this monument of a man. She remembered how she thought he was so incredibly intimidating when she first saw him some ten or eleven years earlier. He never smiled and would bore into her with his dark eyes. She remembered, however, that over the years, she'd learned that, though his mouth was not smiling, there were times when those chocolate eyes would soften and his eyebrows would lift, smiling in his own way. She'd made it her mission – as had others in the mess hall, who'd fallen in love with him – to make sure there were things in the mess hall he liked whenever he came back from a mission. That was the main reason for serving Salisbury Steak and tator tots today. "It's great to see you. I'm liking the hair."

He nodded at her in his way of thanks. "Perhaps you can direct me to where I might find RononDex."

Helena pursed her lips. "Word's gotten around that you're supposed to be coaching him on how to handle the IOA's interview process. I don't imagine he's taking very well to it."

The Jaffa raised his eyebrows and tilted his head. "He is not."

She smiled. "Well, good luck. He's in the other room. Usually takes his meals in here, but – " her words faded as Teal'c walked away. She chuckled, softly, thinking about how some things never change.

"Thinking about Lorne?" a voice intoned near her ear.

She jumped and turned to see John Sheppard's mischievous grin. She hit him in the chest and scolded, "You startled me."

"You seemed like you were lost in thought and the way you were smiling I thought…"

Narrowing her eyes, she pronounced, crisply. "Well, you thought wrong. I was thinking about how some people never change. Like you, for instance, just as incorrigible as ever. What would make you think I was thinking of Evan?"

"Didn't you guys have another date the other day?"

"Another?"

He bounced slightly on his toes. "Well, from what I understand, he made you dinner a few weeks back and you two have been seeing a lot of each other since," his eyebrows did a little dance.

She warmed at his suggestion, but rose to the challenge. She raised an eyebrow and grinned, calculatingly, "Oh, yeah, as much as you can imagine."

He grinned, lecherously. "I can imagine a lot."

She pinked and laughed. "Oh! You!" She hit him in the chest again. "We've been taking it slow. Yes, he did cook me dinner a couple weeks ago and, yes, we've gone 'out' a couple of times since then, but he's a perfect gentleman and," she sighed. "We're taking it slow."

John stuck his lower lip out. "Sounds frustrating," he smiled through the pout.

Before she could answer, a loud noise came from the small dining room Teal'c had entered only moments before. John ran to the room, with Helena behind him. When they entered, Ronon was pointing his gun at Teal'c, furiously. As John walked in to diffuse the situation, Helena took stock of the room and groaned inwardly.

Ronon had thrown his tray and half of its contents landed in the waterfall behind him.

Helena sighed. "_That's_ going to take forever to clean up," she muttered as Ronon and Teal'c passed by her on their way to the gym, at John's suggestion.

John followed, looking apologetically at Helena. "Sorry about the mess."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "A suggestion?"

"What?"

"Don't let them go back to Earth together. If they do, Midway won't be in one piece at the end."

He chuckled. "Want to come and watch?"

Pursing her lips, she shook her head. "No. I was never a big fan of watching two men beat the living crap out of each other. And it's bound to take a while, anyway." She frowned then. "Let me know how it turns out, though. I can't imagine anyone beating Teal'c in a fight, but I can't imagine anyone beating Ronon, either…" She sighed, then, "Let me get this mess cleaned up."

John patted her on the arm and jogged to catch up to the two pugilists in question.

John, Rodney and Ronon walked into the cafeteria, laughing. Helena smiled at the picture presented to her of some of her favorite men in good spirits. She quickly swallowed the smile and put on a frown, crossing her arms as she approached them.

"I'm sorry, gentlemen," she said, crisply. "The kitchen is closed."

John's eyebrows rose as Rodney's face paled.

"You're kidding," Rodney frowned. "I haven't had a decent meal in weeks."

"Which of you was responsible for returning my access to supplies back to four to six weeks?"

Rodney looked at John with a smirk. John smiled and glanced over at Ronon, who looked delighted.

"It wasn't us," John smiled, crookedly.

Helena's left eyebrow arched. "Really?" She didn't look convinced.

"Oh, it's true." John lifted a hand to point at Ronon, an earnest look on his face. "And Ronon wasn't even on the station when it blew up."

Helena rolled her eyes. "I'd wager that _none_ of you were actually _on_ the station _when_ it blew up," she sighed in a 'well, duh!' manner that reminded John and Rodney of a teenager.

Oblivious, Ronon grinned. "It was Kavannaugh."

She frowned, her eyes widening, "Did you say Kavannaugh?"

"Yep."

She sighed, looking directly at John. "Please tell me you shot him this time."

John grinned at Rodney, who shook his head with a grin of his own.

Ronon pulled his sidearm. "If you want me to, I can do it now."

Helena shook her head. "Fine. You all may eat, but keep Kavanaugh away from me. I about killed him the last time I ran into him. And I'm not above making an exception to my food-poisoning rule for him."

"Now, Chief," John tried to admonish, sternly, but only managed to smile. "You know you wouldn't do something like that."

She smiled her Mona Lisa smile and walked away into the kitchen.


	84. Kindred, Part 1

_**Kindred Part I**_

"I'll do my best, Lieutenant, but no guarantees, given how thinly we're stretched right now, what with all the off-world teams out investigating this plague thing."

"Thanks, Chief, I just think it would be nice surprise for him, you know?"

Helena smiled at the young female Lieutenant who was clearly wearing her heart on her sleeve as she spoke of a special Czech dinner for Radek Zalenka's birthday. "I'll do my best."

As the lieutenant walked away, Helena turned to take a breath of fresh air and a moment of calm from the ocean. She felt more than heard someone approach. When the breeze brought a familiar scent to her nose, she smiled and said, "Hello, Major," without looking over.

Evan Lorne gripped the rail next to her. "Hello, Chief," he smiled out to the ocean.

"Welcome back. We've missed you," she paused. "And your team, of course."

He looked down at her. "We've missed you…and your cooking."

She looked up at him and looked thoughtful, like she was trying to decide something. Finally, she spoke, smile gone, blue eyes intense. "I need to talk to you," she said, her eyes catching sight of expedition members bringing their trays out to enjoy the air. "Follow me."

She led him through the cafeteria, into the kitchen and past her office into a room that stored food stuffs. He looked curious as she led him around several rows of shelves to the farthest part of the room. When they reached their destination, she turned to him.

"What is it?"

She licked her bottom lip and took a deep breath. "The snail's pace is killing me."

He frowned, "What?"

She stepped to him and reached up, planting a soft kiss on his lips. "You said you would go slow, but the snail's pace is killing me."

He placed his hands on her arms and pushed her one step back. "Helena?"

Touching his jacket zipper, focused on her hand there, she said, softly, "I want to see you later."

He nodded. "Okay," he said, slowly, clearly not getting her meaning.

Helena sighed and stepped into him again, grasping his uniform jacket. Lifting up onto her toes, she reached a hand up to his neck as she looked him square in the eyes. "I don't think you understand, Evan. I want to _see_ you later."

His eyebrows rose as the implications of what she said finally dawned on him. "Oh," he swallowed.

She kissed him again, her hand tracing down his neck from just below his ear to the collar of his shirt before he, again, pushed her back.

"Helena, this is not the place," he said firmly, looking back the way they'd come.

Helena suddenly felt as though she'd been slapped. She took another step back and swallowed. Pursing her lips, she said. "Of course, you're quite right." She took a deep breath and tilted her head back, proudly. "Entirely inappropriate," she moved to walk past him. "I'm sorry, Major."

Evan Lorne knew hurt when he saw it and he didn't like seeing it now, on Helena, caused by him. He knew his response wasn't the one she'd been expecting and it wasn't the one he'd wanted to give her. In a nanosecond, he made a decision and grabbed her arm. "Helena, wait."

She looked down at his hand, then up at him in time for him to sweep her back into his arms and deliver unto her a kiss that was so thorough and intense that it left her breathless.

When he released her lips, he put his hand to her cheek. "I would love to see you tonight."

She swallowed, confused by the thoughts going through her head. After what seemed like an eternity, she nodded. "After I get off work? I'll come to your place?"

He grinned, his blue eyes intent on hers. "I'll be waiting."

Just then, his earpiece spoke volumes in the quiet pantry and he tapped it. "Go ahead, Colonel," he said, still holding Helena. He ran a thumb across her bottom lip, focusing on it with a grin as he responded to Colonel Carter's words. "Understood."

"You have to go," Helena whispered.

"Yeah. Later?"

She nodded.

When he released her and walked away, Helena wrapped her arms around herself as if she was cold. After a moment of trying to analyze her reactions, she took a deep breath and shook her head, then walked back out of the pantry to the kitchen.

oOo

Helena moved quickly through the corridors toward where she knew Evan would be returning his gear before going to hit the showers. She entered the locker room without a thought to see the men on his team in various states of undress.

"Chief!" a lieutenant scolded. "Men only!"

She looked over at him and frowned. "Honey, you don't have anything I haven't seen before. Relax. Where's Lorne?"

"I'm here, Chief," Evan's voice seemed eons old as it floated across the locker room.

She turned to see him sitting on the bench on the other side of the room. "Are you okay?"

He shrugged his face.

"Is it true? Teyla was captured?"

Lorne nodded. "It was a set up. One I should have seen coming. We're getting a quick shower and new uniforms before gearing up to go back out with Sheppard to find her."

Helena sat, heavily, on the bench next to him. She closed her eyes and kept them closed for a long while. Finally, she looked over at him. "Don't blame yourself. I know you well enough to know that you would have done everything in your power to keep her from harm."

Evan expected her to say as much. "Thanks. If you don't mind, Chief, my guys and I need to get ready, in case Sheppard returns with good intel."

Helena didn't take his dismissal personally this time. "Okay. I'll see you later," she raised her voice. "You all stay safe."

oOo

"Hey, Chief," Staff Sergeant Kristin Cooper looked up from the service line as Helena walked back into the kitchen. "You just missed them. They were here long enough for McKay to scarf down some lunch leftovers and leave again."

Helena nodded. "I'll begin cleaning up the kitchen."

Coop smiled. "They'll be okay, Chief."

Chief Warrant Officer 4 Helena Leiter turned to look at her friend and long-time assistant. "Of course they will," she said, grimly. "You're right."

"But you're going to 'clean' anyway."

Helena frowned, then realized that her friend was referring to her habit of cleaning when something was bothering her. She smiled and said, "It's what I do, Coop. I might as well stop breathing."

Coop nodded and Helena moved into the kitchen.


	85. Kindred, Part 2

_**Kindred Part II**_

Ronon walked into the cafeteria and picked up a tray. When he turned to approach the serving line, he found Helena in his way. She was frowning with an odd look on her face. He knew immediately that she'd heard.

"Is it true?"

Ronon shrugged.

"That's not an answer, Ronon Dex."

"What do you want me to say?" he said, guarded.

"Did you find someone who seems to be Carson Beckett?"

"He looks like him. Sounds like him. Keller says it is him," Ronon looked over her head.

"But?"

Ronon looked back down at her. He frowned and shrugged. "I don't know."

"You don't know what? You don't think it's him?"

He put the tray down and took her arm, leading her out of the cafeteria. Once outside, he took a deep breath. "All I'm saying is the Carson Beckett we knew was killed. I don't see how it can be him if the real one was killed," his green eyes held her blue eyes.

"And what if it wasn't the real one that was killed?"

"_Just_," he snapped. Before continuing, he took a deep breath and lowered his voice with a gentler tone. "Just don't get your hopes up."

Helena's face was troubled, but she nodded. "I understand."

He placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. Wordlessly, he nodded and started to walk away from the cafeteria, whatever desire for food that led him there in the first place was now gone.

"Ronon," Helena called.

Ronon paused and looked back.

"Thanks."

He nodded once, then turned and walked away.

oOo

"He's a clone."

Helena's voice was flat as she processed what Rodney had just told her.

"Yes, but it shouldn't matter. He has all of Carson's memories; for all intents and purposes he's Carson."

Helena frowned at him. "He's a _clone_, Rodney."

"So?"

"So?" Helena threw her hands up in the air. "So? So, he's a clone, Rodney." She stepped away, then turned back. "How can you consider treating him as the real thing?"

"How can I not? He was my _best friend_, Helena. Hell, you were supposed to be in love with him. How can you even consider _not_ treating him as the real thing?" His voice was biting.

His words stung. Her eyes flashed for a moment, but instead of biting back, Helena swallowed. "Because he's not, Rodney," she said, flatly, after a pause. She turned away.

"Don't you even want to know if he's asked about you?" Rodney asked, only a bit gentler. "I mean weren't you two involved when Michael captured him? You hadn't broken up yet, then. You're not even curious?"

Helena felt her heart constrict in her chest as she paused. Without a word, she continued to walk away.

oOo

John walked into the stasis room to find it empty. He'd run into one of the technicians in the mess hall a few minutes ago, who'd told him that Helena relieved him so that he could get something to eat.

"'Lena?" he called.

"Here," a low response came from his left.

He turned and walked toward the voice to an area by the wall, where Helena was sitting on the floor, legs pulled into her chest, held in place by her arms as she looked at Carson in stasis. He knelt down and sat next to her. "What are you doing?" he asked, softly.

"I…" she swallowed. "I don't know."

"'Lena," he said, lowly, in a voice that was coaxing honesty from her.

Her eyes became moist and she refused to look at him. "When he died," she paused to swallow back some of the emotion that threatened to overtake her. "When he died, I had so many regrets. So many things I kept thinking I should have done differently. It took a while, but I finally forgave myself for those things and allowed myself to move on."

"Then, suddenly, he's back and all of that came back too," John supplied.

"Do you know that I never went to see him? I had plenty of opportunities to, but I couldn't…"

"It's okay, 'Lena. Knowing the whole story, I'm sure he understood. He wouldn't have wanted you to feel uncomfortable. And you weren't the only one who had a hard time with it. In fact, I think Rodney was the only one completely fine with it from the minute Keller said it was him."

Helena nodded. She leaned over and rested her head on his arm. "I should have at least said hello to him, though. I wouldn't have wanted him to feel hurt because I stayed away – even if he is a clone."

John frowned. "You can talk to him when Rodney and Keller find the cure."

Helena smiled a very small smile. "You know, that is one great thing about you, John Sheppard."

He looked down at her. "What is that?"

"You are an eternal optimist."

He shrugged. "Well, you know, I try."

She nodded. "You're good at it." She looked up. "Thanks."

He lifted his arm and put it around her. "Anytime."

Helena allowed herself to take comfort in his arms for a little while. "How are you?" she asked after an eternity.

"Me? I'm fine."

"I mean with everything, John. I mean Teyla."

He took a deep breath. "I've got teams scouring through the two labs, looking for clues. Rodney's best people."

Helena sat up, then, and looked up at him. "She's okay, you know."

John nodded, "yep." Then he looked down at her. "Now who's being optimistic?"

Helena smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "I can't afford not to be. I don't know if I could handle losing another one of you."

He patted her arm. "You're not going to, 'Lena."

She nodded and took his hand in hers. "I know," she said, softly.

They sat in companionable silence for a while. When the tech returned, however, they were standing, ready to leave the stasis room and get back to work.


	86. Aside 8 Helena's Confusion

_**Aside 8 – Helena's Confusion**_

_A/N: I know that I just wrote an Aside and these things are supposed to be few and far between because the main idea of the series is to be episode tags, but Helena insisted this needed to be told and I couldn't figure out how to fit it into an actual episode tag. So, here it is!_

Helena walked into the office lab of Doctor Katherine Cole and set down a tray of food. This would not have been unusual except that Kat had just been in the cafeteria, eating dinner, an hour before. She'd seen Helena and waved at her across the cafeteria, so she knew that Helena had seen her.

Her curiosity turned to a smile when Helena opened the tray, picked up half a sandwich, sat down and bit into it. "Hello, Helena," she said, returning to her microscope.

"Hmm."

"What's on your mind?"

"What makes you think something's on my mind?"

"Because you brought food for _you_ to eat."

"You've already eaten," Helena pointed out. "But I did bring more pudding."

"And? What is it?"

"I need to talk," Helena said, around a mouthful of sandwich. "about girly stuff."

"And I'm elected because Teyla's not…"

"I've talked to you about girly stuff before," Helena was indignant.

"With Teyla."

Helena sighed and nodded. "Okay, you have a point. But Teyla has an ageless kind of wisdom about her for someone so young."

Kat nodded, soberly, "You're right, of course." She stepped away from her microscope and sat in a nearby chair. "So, what's the problem?"

Helena sighed. She picked up the cup of pudding and looked at it. She held it in her hands and said. "I'm confused."

"About?"

Helena sighed again and absently picked at the cover of the pudding. After a moment, she just said. "Two days ago, Evan Lorne laid a kiss on me that was a knee knocker."

"But?"

"But what? It was a knee knocker. What's the 'but' about that?"

Kat sat and waited.

"It really _was_ a knee knocker," Helena insisted. After a moment, she sighed."So, I'm kissing him and I'm thinking…"

Kat waited for a beat. "What?"

"What, what? I was _thinking_, isn't that enough? I don't think you should _be_ thinking when someone is giving you a knee knocker kiss."

Kat smiled with a soft chuckle. "So what were you thinking?" she asked.

Helena sat back and stuck her finger into the now open pudding cup. "I was thinking 'this is nice'."

"Nice?"

"Yeah," Helena looked miserable. "I was thinking 'this is nice'. Evan would hate me for that. Why do you think I was thinking that?" She put a pudding covered finger into her mouth.

"Maybe it's because you know there's someone else you're thinking of."

Helena frowned. "What? You're crazy. I'm thrilled to death to be dating Evan."

"And yet you're eating pudding with your fingers."

Helena looked down at her finger and sighed. She chewed the inside of her lip for a moment. "Who do you think I'm thinking of?"

Kat shrugged.

A thought crossed Helena's face. "Don't tell me you think it's Clone-Carson."

Kat frowned. "Clone-Carson? Really? That's what you're calling him?"

"Why not? He's not Carson," she explained. "And don't even think about it being him because it's not. You know how hard it was for me after Carson died. It took me a long time to allow myself to even consider moving on."

Kat nodded. "Well, I wasn't thinking of Carson anyway."

Helena frowned. "Then who?"

Kat shrugged again.

Helena straightened. "You're not going to tell me?"

"If you don't know? Absolutely not."

Helena's eyes widened. "Well, what the hell kind of friend are you? If you think I'm interested in someone else and I don't know it, shouldn't you tell me?"

Kat smiled, widely. "I am the kind of friend who believes you should recognize these kinds of things for yourself. Besides, I could be wrong."

Helena pursed her lips and stood. She placed the pudding on the tray and walked away from the table. "So you think that the reason I was thinking while kissing Evan is because I was thinking of someone else?"

"Well, maybe not in that moment."

"Damned right, not in that moment," Helena snapped, now pacing. "If someone else had popped into my mind at that moment, I damned well would have known it, wouldn't I?"

"Yes."

"So, there. I'm not thinking of anyone else. I would know right?"

"Maybe you're not actually thinking of him."

Helena stopped and turned to look at her friend, arms akimbo. "Now, what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Kat laughed out loud this time. "I mean," she explained. "that, subconsciously, you know that there is someone better suited to you, but the idea hasn't gotten to your conscious mind yet."

Helena stared at Kat for a moment, her eyebrows furrowed together over narrowed eyes in an expression that read "huh?" "What?"

Kat shrugged.

"Katherine, my dear," Helena said, finally, in a placating tone. "You are one hell of a fine physician and I love you dearly."

"But?" Kat smiled widely.

"As a shrink, you suck!"

Kat threw her head back and laughed. After a moment, she recovered. "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

It was Helena's turn to laugh. "Help me? I'm more confused now than when I came in here!" she threw her hands up and sat back down.

Kat grinned. "Happy to help."

Helena shook her head. "Oh, get back to work, lady. I've got to go clean something."

Kat stood and watched her friend pack up the half-eaten sandwich and barely touched pudding onto the tray, leaving the unopened extra pudding on the table. "Helena," she said, as her friend approached the door.

Helena turned to face her. "Hmm?"

"Don't worry about it. Have fun for now. Enjoy your relationship with Lorne. It'll work itself out in the end."

Helena shook her head, bemused. "Thanks, Doc," she chuckled. "I'll be sure my will names you as the cause for my insanity."

Kat smiled broadly. "See you at breakfast?"

"Of course. Where else would I be?"


	87. The Last Man

_**The Last Man**_

"What do you mean 'he's missing'?"

Rodney frowned at Helena over his tray, "Missing. As in, we don't know where he is."

"You mean missing like he's piggy-backed on another Wraith hive ship and he'll be back soon, right?"

Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes. "If I knew that, Helena," he groused. "I wouldn't have said he's missing. According to Major Lorne, he dialed the gate back here, but he never came through."

"So he could be anywhere in the Pegasus Galaxy."

He nodded, miserably.

Helena frowned at him. "Then what are you doing here? Why aren't you looking for him?"

"I have been!" Rodney's response was immediate and defensive. "I need food or I'm going to go into a hypoglycemic reaction then the one person that might be able to find him will be in the infirmary instead of searching through gate data."

She took a breath. "I'm sorry, Rodney. You know I'd be the first to tell you to eat something. I'm just worried. First Teyla, now John."

Rodney nodded his understanding. "I know, Helena. I'll find him, I promise."

Helena smiled and squeezed his forearm. "I know you will, my friend."

oOo

Evan sat alone at a table on the exterior balcony of the cafeteria, drinking coffee after having finished his meal. He glanced up as Helena sat across from him.

"It's not your fault, you know," she said, lowly, without preamble.

His gaze returned to the distance. "Doesn't make it any easier. People going missing on my watch isn't making me feel very good about my abilities."

Helena frowned and reached across the table to touch his hand. "Don't say things like that. You are a very capable officer who cares deeply about everyone in this command. Some things are simply out of your hands."

He gently pulled his hand from hers. After a moment, he took a breath and looked at her. "Helena, we need to talk."

Helena wished she could say that she didn't know what he was going to say, but she steeled herself for what she believed she knew was coming. "Yes?"

"We're not going to be able to go on seeing each other."

Helena couldn't help but grin as her suspicions were confirmed. "I figured you would come to that conclusion."

"You don't need to look happy about it."

"Oh, it's not that I'm happy about it," she insisted. "I just figured that you would say it."

"I'm sorry."

She smiled, softly, at him, "You are the second-in-command now, at least until John gets back. If something were to happen to Sam, you'd be in charge. It wouldn't do to be romantically involved with someone you might have to order into a dangerous situation."

Evan nodded. "I'm relieved you understand."

Helena swallowed. "I do. Remember, I've been military for a couple of years now."

He chuckled at her understatement. "Why do you stay in? You've got enough years to retire."

Helena sat back and looked out to the sea. "If I did, I'd have to leave. My family is here. I have no one back on Earth." She shook her head, "No, I'll be in until they make me retire or until life retires me."

Evan nodded.

They sat in companionable silence for a long time. Then Evan sat forward with a gleam in his eyes. "Too bad we were never able to 'see' each other."

Helena smiled widely. "Ah, my love, it's probably for the best. Then we might have developed a taste for it and it would have been that much harder to stay away."

Evan took her hand and squeezed it. "You're probably right. I could have easily gotten addicted to you."

"Aw!" Helena smiled a pouty smile. "That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, Evan. Thank you."

Evan released her hand and stood. "I'd better be getting back to the control room. Maybe McKay has gotten something."

As Helena watched him walk away, she frowned. She'd never been completely sure that the match was right, but now that it was over, she wondered if she'd been too hasty. Evan was a better catch than most women could hope for. With a sigh, she stood and resolved that it didn't do any good to wonder about it now.

oOo

John had been missing 10 days. Helena walked into Rodney's lab with a tray of food, not for the first time. It was late and most of his staff was still working, though all of the rest had made it to the cafeteria at some time to eat dinner.

Rodney hadn't. Again.

"You know, I really am sorry I gave you a hard time that day about eating instead of looking for him," she said, setting down his tray.

Rodney looked up. "Hmm? Oh," he said as realization crossed his features. "That." He returned to his computer screen. "Yes, yes, I know."

Helena examined her friend. His hair was more disheveled than usual. The lines in his face seemed a little deeper and he had darkness under his eyes. Her heart hurt to see him struggle so hard over a problem that seemed impossible to solve.

At the same time, she knew he wouldn't stop until he had a solution, which helped encourage her waning optimism.

"So," she said, softly, after watching him for a minute. "Are you going to eat?"

"Hmm? Oh, uh, what did you bring me?" He asked the question without looking away from his computer screen.

"Oh, the usual. Lemon chicken with rice and orange cake."

He frowned over to her. "What?" Then he rolled his eyes and looked at the tray. "Ha, ha. Oo! Meatloaf."

She grinned at him. "Try to take some time to actually enjoy it, okay? I don't think you'll be much good to anyone if you burn out."

"Sam mentioned that she's reported him MIA," he said, abruptly. "If we don't find him in the next 20 days, he's going to be listed as KIA."

Helena swallowed hard. "He'll show up before that," she squeaked.

Rodney nodded. "I hope so." Then he turned back to his computer screen, food untouched.

"I'll come back for the tray in a little while," she said, softly, standing.

"Mm-hmm," he responded without looking up.

She reached across the table he used for a desk and squeezed his hand. When he looked up, she nodded, released his hand, then walked out.

Rodney watched her go, then picked up a fork and cut off a bite of meatloaf. While he chewed, he turned his attention back to the computer screen.

oOo

"He's back!"

Helena looked over to Cooper as she burst into the kitchen. She grabbed a tray and started loading a plate. "Infirmary?"

"No. Control room. Apparently, he wants to go back out again. He might have information on Teyla, but they have to check him out first."

Helena finished the plate and headed out. "I'll be up there, then."

oOo

John was pacing the conference room with Sam sitting on the table when Helena barged in. John looked distracted, but his eyes lit up when he saw the tray.

"'Lena! Great. I haven't eaten in a forty-eight thousand years." He paused. "Give or take." Then he moved to the table and motioned for her give him the tray.

Her eyebrows came together, but Sam just shook her head. Now more than used to taking the unusual in stride, she let it drop and put the tray down. "Welcome back, John," she said, softly.

John smiled at her. "It's good to be back. Believe me."

Helena felt a weight lift from her shoulders as he dug into the sandwich on the plate. He didn't look any worse for wear in her eyes, maybe in need of a shower and a shave, but she knew if there was anything wrong he'd be in the infirmary, not in the conference room. She nodded to both Sam and him, then quietly left the room.

oOo

Helena brought Samantha her afternoon coffee in much the same way she'd brought Elizabeth Weir her tea for years. Sam looked up from the control panel she was talking to Chuck about and smiled at her.

"Thanks, Helena," she said.

"You're welcome," Helena recognized the information on Chuck's display as a gate address. "So, it's true that they're going out again."

Sam nodded as she sipped her coffee. "Colonel Sheppard insists that we need to move before Michael has a chance to harm Teyla."

Helena's eyes were tight in the corners as she looked down at the gate. "Do you think it's wise for him to be going out so soon? I mean he just got back. He's barely had a chance to recover from being missing for 12 days."

Sam looked amused. "According to him, he's been in stasis for nearly a thousand years, so he's feeling rested." Her expression turned serious. "Seriously, if his information is accurate, we may be able to save Teyla and her child. We have to check it out."

Helena thought she remembered him saying _forty-eight _thousand instead of _a _thousand, but shook it off as a mistaken memory. Helena nodded. "Well, let's hope they find her this time."

Sam nodded. "Let's hope."

Helena saw that the teams were accumulating in the gate room below and she excused herself. She walked down the stairs and saw Ronon coming from the corridor below Sam's office. John and Rodney were right behind him, followed closely by Evan. She smiled up at Ronon, who offered a closed-mouthed smile back.

"Be careful, guys. Bring her back and we'll have a party that'll put the last one to shame," she said, brightly.

Ronon smiled back at John. Rodney rolled his eyes and Evan grinned.

John grasped her forearm and squeezed it, softly, reassuringly. "We'll be back by dinner," he offered.

"Only because I'll hold it for you," Helena grumbled, good-naturedly.

He grinned at her and released her arm, continuing his way into the gate room. Helena watched them go and hung back in the shadows until they disappeared through the gate. Then, with a deep breath, she gave herself a mental shake and walked back to the kitchen.

oOo

_This is the end of Season 4. Now I've completely caught up. The 5__th__ Season premiere is slated to air on July 10 with the episode "Search and Rescue". Hopefully, all of our heroes will come out of it okay. Snacks will return shortly after. Until then, have a nice summer and thanks for sticking with me._


	88. Aside 9 Ad Memoriam

_**Ad Memoriam**_

Radek Zelenka walked into the cafeteria to find it dark. He frowned, thinking that it was still a bit early for Helena to have turned in. Even after she left, she'd normally leave a light on for the night owls to see to get coffee or the snacks that were usually left out. He looked around and thought he saw a faint flicker of light coming from the exterior balcony. Curious, he made his way through the cafeteria to the balcony.

One table had a flickering candle lit. At that table, two female forms sat wordlessly.

"Helena?"

Helena turned to look at him, sniffed and wiped her face. "Hello, Radek," she said, a tightness in her voice that alarmed him.

He was further alarmed when he realized that Colonel Samantha Carter was the other woman at the table and that she also brushed her face quickly.

"What has happened?" he asked, concern in his voice and face.

Helena glanced over to Sam, who picked up her beer and took a long draught from it.

"General Hammond," Helena started, then stopped.

"Who?"

"General George Hammond was… in charge of the Stargate program…for a lot of years," she supplied, haltingly.

"The one before General O'Neill, right?"

Helena nodded, miserably. "He," she paused and Radek thought that she was trying hard to keep her composure. "He's dead."

Sam slammed her beer down, causing Radek to jump. She wiped her face, furiously. She looked like she wanted to say something, but was only able to sob.

Even in the dim light, Radek could see Helena's face crumple as she looked over at her friend and commander.

"I'm so sorry," he said, suddenly feeling completely useless.

Sam looked up at him, her face wet. She offered him a grateful look, then went back to looking out at the ocean.

Helena nodded and picked up her own beer, taking a sip, before turning back to the ocean herself.

Recognizing that he was intruding in the sorrow of his friends, Radek decided that the best thing he could do was to give them their privacy. He turned and quietly left the balcony and the cafeteria.

oOo

_A/N: Don S. Davis, the man who brought General George Hammond to life on Stargate: SG-1 for seven years, died of a massive heart attack on June 29, 2008. He was 65. He will be sorely missed._

_Though he only made one appearance on Stargate: Atlantis ("Home"), I felt it important to give Samantha and Helena (who was assigned at SGC for many years) the opportunity to mourn the passing of this wonderful man._

_RIP_


	89. Search and Rescue

_**Search and Rescue**_

Helena was on the way to the gate room to bring Sam her afternoon coffee, when she noticed an increase in activity. She frowned and sighed, as she regretted leaving her headset in her office, yet again. She set her jaw and continued to the control room, muttering, "This can't be good."

When she arrived, she saw that Chuck wasn't in his usual place and she looked around for him. Finally, she noticed that Sam was standing down at the gate with one of the new expedition members, Vega or something – Helena hadn't been introduced yet. Quickly, she moved to Sam's office and set down the coffee. Then, she moved across the bridge and down the stairs to the embarkation area.

"Sam? What's going on?"

Sam frowned. "Helena. Lieutenant Edison just came back. There's been an accident. The building they were in collapsed."

Helena felt her heart freeze in her chest. "And?"

Sam tilted her head, her cheek dimpling as she grimaced. "We don't know anything more. We're leaving as soon as the engineers are ready. I have to go."

Helena gripped Sam's arm. "Please, be careful, Sam."

She nodded. "Stay positive, Helena. Hold down the fort."

Helena released Sam's arm and nodded, swallowing the lump that had made its way to her throat.

oOo

Helena sat in the control room, feeling impotent. "Why haven't we heard anything?"

Chuck glanced up from his control station and shrugged. "I don't know, Chief."

"I hate waiting."

"Welcome to my world."

Helena frowned at him, then began to laugh, quietly.

Chuck turned to look at her. "Chief?"

"Chuck, you act like I'm out there on a regular basis. Remember, I'm always waiting, too." She looked up. "It's just that I'm usually in the kitchen."

He grinned back at her. "Sorry, Chief, I kind of forgot there for a minute."

She nodded. Then she took a deep breath. "I think it's time for another party."

Chuck frowned. "What? Now?"

"Well, obviously not _now_, Chuck, but after everyone gets back and Teyla's baby is born. We need to have a blow out, colossal, gi-normous party. Do you realize it's been almost five years since we all started this journey? Yes, we need a party."

Chuck smiled, a closed mouthed smile. He nodded. "Maybe that's not such a bad idea, Chief."

"Thanks, Chuck," She stood. "I'm going to check on dinner. I'll be back in a minute. Call me if anything." She pointed at her ear to reveal the headset was in place.

Looking impressed, he nodded. "Will do."

oOo

"Any word?"

Helena looked at her second, irritation plain on her face. "Coop, if there had been, would I be here cleaning?"

Staff Sergeant Stephanie Cooper offered an apologetic smile. "No, I guess not. Sorry, Chief."

Helena sighed. "It's okay, my friend. I'm just going crazy waiting. I really do hate waiting."

Coop nodded. "We all do."

Helena nodded. "I know." She sighed. "I know." Taking a deep breath, she pointed the bottle of bleach she was using at Cooper. "I'll tell you this, though: when Sheppard returns alive, I'm going to kill him for making me worry so much."

oOo

"Evan, how are you?"

Evan looked up from his book and smiled as Helena brought him a tray of food. "Good. Broken leg, that's all."

She smiled, softly, but in a way that didn't reach her eyes. "You scared a few years off of me, you know."

Evan grinned. "Scared more than that off of me, I think."

Helena placed the tray on the nearby table and wheeled it over to him. "Eat. I'll be back in a bit to get the tray. I'm going to check on Teyla and the baby."

Evan smiled. "And Colonel Sheppard," he added, with an understanding tone.

Absently, Helena nodded, "Yeah, him, too."

Evan's smile widened, but Helena didn't seem to see it as she walked away.

oOo

"Colonel Sheppard just went into surgery," Teyla was telling Rodney as Helena entered the room with a tray of food for the new mother.

"Oh, well, that's good. It's about time," Rodney seemed to be looking for a place to put the flowers that were in his hand. "How are you?"

"I was just going to ask the same thing," Helena said from the door. "More important, how's the baby?"

Teyla's smile was wide as she looked at the Food Services Chief. "He's perfect."

Helena put the tray down and took the flowers from Rodney. She moved some equipment on a nearby table and placed the small glass vase on it, so that it would be easily visible from Teyla's vantage point.

"Thanks," Rodney smiled.

Helena shrugged, slightly. "Sure thing. Word has it that _you_ delivered the baby?"

"Torren John Emmagan," Teyla announced.

"Yeah, I – Torren _John_?" Rodney looked surprised. "Really?"

Teyla smiled. "I hope you can understand, Rodney. What you did was absolutely wonderful – "

Helena put her hand on Rodney's shoulder. "Think of yourself as Torren's godfather, Rodney. Just think, you can really say 'I brought you into this world'."

Rodney looked thoughtful. "Godfather? You think so?"

"Well, I don't know if the Athosian traditions are the same, but you can take on the role, either way."

Teyla frowned. "Godfather?"

Helena took a deep breath. "It's mostly a religious thing on Earth, but even non-religious people think of a godfather as someone who pledges to take responsibility of the child if something ever happens to the parents. In religion, the godfather is responsible for the spiritual guidance of the child, but in this case…"

Teyla smiled. "Is it permissible for him to have more than one godfather?"

Rodney nodded. "Oh, yeah. He can have a dozen if you want."

Teyla smiled. "I like that idea."

Rodney grinned at Helena. "Me, too."

Helena smiled. "So, who gets to hold young Torren while you eat?" 

oOo

_A/N: Season Five started off with some wonderful character scenes, but most that the characters (like Ronon and John) wouldn't have talked about. I have purposely kept John out of this ep of "Snacks" because I'm waiting to see how the next ep turns out. Thanks for sticking with me, my friends. _


	90. Aside 10, Reactions

_**Aside 10 – Reaction**_

Jennifer Keller walked into the recovery room to check on her patient after surgery and found the Chief of Food Services standing at the foot of his bed watching him sleep. Helena's arms were crossed in a kind of a self-hug and her eyes were slightly narrowed in a worried glare.

"Oh, hello, Chief."

Helena stiffened. "Hello," she said.

Jennifer frowned at the short response. "Is everything okay?"

"Fine," the word was clipped.

Jennifer continued, thinking that the other woman's clipped responses were caused by worry. "Well, his surgery went well. He'll be up and around in no t-"

Helena's head turned so sharply that Jennifer thought she heard the older woman's vertebrae snap. "You shouldn't have let him go."

Surprised, Jennifer pulled back slightly. "What?" she looked around the room, as if to look for a possible escape from attack.

"You are his doctor. He was hurt. You shouldn't have let him go on the rescue mission."

Jennifer glanced down at the sleeping John Sheppard and sighed. "Chief, you don't know what went on while we on the Daedalus. You don't know what he said…"

Helena turned to fully face him, a smile that didn't really seem amused tilted up one corner of her mouth as she rolled her eyes. "You're right. I don't. But I can imagine. He told you that he had the chance to save Aiden Ford but didn't take it. He told you he could have saved Elizabeth, but didn't. He told you that he couldn't live with himself if that happened again." She leveled a raised eyebrow at the young doctor, expectantly.

Jennifer's eyes widened. The words weren't exactly the same, but the sentiment was there. "Something like that."

"Shouldn't have mattered. Doctors shouldn't be able to be bought."

She stiffened. "Now, wait a minute – "

"Was he fit for duty?"

"Listen, Chief – "

Helena's anger became full force at that point. She kept her voice low, mindful of their surroundings but she pointed at the younger woman as she said. "No, _Doctor_, you listen. You are the Chief Medical Officer of this expedition. You are in charge of the health of those in your care. _That_ is your primary mission in life. Not appeasing your friends or commanding officers. There are going to be times when people aren't going to like what you have to say. You still have to say it and stand up for it. Not one single person would have faulted you for telling Sheppard to stay put. But if he had died, you would have had a bunch of people blaming you. Me, included."

Jennifer swallowed and glanced away.

Helena continued. "If you're going to succeed in this job, young woman, you are going to have to grow a backbone. If you're not sure how to go about standing up to the military commander of this expedition, hit Rodney up for some _Star Trek_ episodes. I can think of "Amok Time", off the top of my head. Leonard McCoy had no problem standing up to his commanding officer and _he's_ military. You have to remember that, when it comes to the health of this expedition, _you_ are in charge. _Nobody_ outranks the CMO in matters of health."

"What makes you think he would have stayed, whatever I said?" Jennifer asked quietly.

Helena sighed. "One word, my dear: morphine. You're a doctor. He needed surgery. Knock his ass out."

Jennifer glanced back at John, not sure what to say. "He'll be awake shortly," she said, simply and walked out.

Helena watched her leave and sighed.

"Weren't you a little hard on her?" a deep hoarse voice filled the room.

Helena spun on her heel to see John's eyes squinting open. Relief swept through her, but was tempered by her anger as she moved to his side. "It's nothing compared to what you're in for."

John swallowed, trying to rid his mouth of the cottony feeling. "I just got out of surgery," he offered as a defense.

Helena's eyebrow rose. "Consider that the _only_ reason I'm not beating you with _bantos_ sticks."

He looked up at her, curious. "You're really mad at me?"

She looked down at him and fought the urge to smile at his puppy dog look. "Damn right, John. You're gone, missing, for twelve days then, less than twenty-four hours later, you're under an entire building. Finally, I find out that, after Ronon pulled _rebar_ from your side, you bullied Keller into letting you go on the rescue mission. Was I hard on her? Hell, no. She shouldn't have let you go. She could have called Ronon to stun you if the morphine didn't take." She wagged a finger at him. "And don't think I won't be giving Sam a piece of my mind when she gets back."

John frowned. "You never were one to care about insubordination, were you?"

"This isn't insubordination, John. There's no rank involved here," she suddenly felt emotions crawl up and imbed themselves in her throat. "It has nothing to do with military and everything to do with my dearest friend being in danger and hurt and quite possibly dead three times in less than a month. I didn't get a real chance to tell you how relieved I was that you weren't dead when you left. Then we find out the building imploded and I'm sitting there wondering if _all_ of you were dead, unable to _do_ anything." She swallowed those emotions that were now threatening her eyes.

John looked uncomfortable. He tried to swallow but found his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth. "Could I get some water?"

Helena frowned at him, but moved to get the nearby pitcher of water and filled a cup half-way. Then she helped prop up his head as he sipped. When he indicated he was done, she moved to get a chair and sit next to him.

He looked over at her. "You know," he said. "It's not like I meant to do any of that."

Helena nodded. "Yes, I know. You had no control over certain situations. And I know you would have done anything to bring Teyla and Torren home."

"Torren _John_."

Helena rolled her eyes. "Focus, flyboy," she admonished. "I am relieved that you are home, John. I'm mostly angry that you put yourself in harm's way while you were injured – and that Keller and Sam let you. Not to mention Rodney and Ronon. They could have done something to stop you as well."

John frowned. "I couldn't let what I knew of the future to come true. In that other timeline, Teyla died. Torren was used to create Michael's master race and destroy humankind in this galaxy. I couldn't let that happen, 'Lena."

"Your problem, John, is that you have a problem trusting people to do a job."

"That's not true. I have absolute faith in the abilities of my people."

Helena raised an eyebrow. "And yet you had to go on a mission you wouldn't allow anyone else to go on if they were in the condition you were in."

John opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it. He looked up to the ceiling, resigned to not winning this conversation.

"Brought you something," Helena said, finally.

He looked over at her with his eyebrows up. "Really."

She handed him a small vial and he looked in it.

"Is that a hair?" he frowned.

She grinned. "Yes."

He looked over at her. "I don't get it."

"I found my first grey hair the other day. Figured I'd give it back to the person who gave it to me."

John started to laugh, but caught it as pain lanced through his injured side. "Oh, don't make me laugh, 'Lena!"

"Serves you right. I've been telling you for years that you all were going to turn me grey. Now it's happened. I hope you tear your stitches and have to be in bed for an extra week. At least you won't be scaring me half to death if you're in the infirmary."

John moved his hand over, slightly and found her hand. He grasped it and squeezed, then quickly released it. "I'm…sorry…you were worried, 'Lena."

Helena shook her head. "I have to go fix lunch. Don't volunteer to take on the world while I'm gone, okay?"

John smiled. "I promise," he said. "I'll wait until after lunch."

Helena rolled her eyes and called him a name that made his eyes widen. Then he grinned and said, "Not in my current condition, but I'm up for it when I'm better. Did you have someone's mother in mind?"

She snorted, then shook her head with a sigh. "As if you could be so lucky."

He wriggled his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes. "I don't know what's worse. That you _could_ be so lucky or that you _know_ you could be so lucky. Get some rest, Colonel Pain in the Ass."

oOo

Helena walked out of the kitchen to find Rodney McKay slamming food onto a tray. "Rodney?" she asked, slowly. "How are you?"

"Sam's not coming back."

Helena frowned. "What? What do you mean?"

"She's been relieved from command. The freaking IOA has replaced her with _Woolsey_."

Helena's eyebrows rose. She blinked. "What?" she repeated, dumbly.

"_Woolsey_, of all people! Sam was an excellent commander," Rodney shook his head. "And I'm not just saying that because of all we meant to each other."

Helena couldn't help but smile at that last statement, but then she sighed. "That's the nature of the job, Rodney. Military commands change. The needs of the Air Force versus the needs of the person. Or the people who want to keep their commander."

"But to take her out in favor of Woolsey?"

Helena frowned. "Listen, I know that Richard Woolsey isn't anyone's first choice of a commander, but he should be an excellent administrator. He's a good man, I think, and he'll have a hard time with the balance between red tape and reality. He'll need our support, Rodney, more than Elizabeth or Sam ever did."

Rodney looked at her, dumbfounded. "So you're fine with this?"

Helena sighed. "What else can I be, Rodney? I've had commanders that I've loved. People who were the best thing that the unit had ever had who were pulled out with little or no warning. It's part of being military." She smiled. "Now, they've never been replaced by a civilian, but this is a different kind of command."

Rodney shook his head. "I just want to shake every single member of the IOA."

Helena smiled and touched his arm. "I know. And maybe, one day, you'll get your chance. Until then, my friend, we'll have to muddle through."

Rodney frowned at her.

She shrugged.

He continued.

Then something dawned on her. "Aw, hell!"

"What?"

"Now I won't be able to yell at her for letting John go on that mission."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Nice to know that's you're only concern, Helena."

"Hey," she wagged a finger at him. "Don't get me wrong. I've known Sam for close to twelve years now. She knew me when I was married – hell, she knew my ex. She's my friend and I will miss having her around, but I'm lucky in that the military has taught me that friendships forged in fire don't end because of distance."

He frowned. "I just can't get over it. This sucks."

Helena smiled. "You will, my friend. That's what separates us from the dinosaur: our ability to adapt."

Rodney put another piece of chocolate cake on his tray. "Whatever."

Helena chuckled as he stalked off to a nearby table to eat. She shook her head and sighed as she walked back into the kitchen.


	91. The Seed

_**The Seed**_

"Look, Lieutenant," Helena stood, holding a tray, her eyes narrow and her mouth pursed. "If you don't open that door, I really hope you enjoy MREs."

Lt. Matt Davis smiled down at her. "Never bothered me, ma'am."

Helena's Mona Lisa smile appeared. "I'm sure they would if they were ten years old and soaked in sea water."

Davis' deep brown eyes danced. "Really, Chief, you wouldn't do that, would you? I'm a growing boy, you've said so yourself."

Helena laughed despite herself. "Dammit, Davis, open the door. Your commanding officer is starving already, I'm sure."

Davis sobered. "I'm sorry, Chief, but a quarantine's a quarantine. Mr. Woolsey's only just left a minute ago. What if he comes back?"

Helena waved away the mention of Woolsey. "Not when the so-called contagion has been shown _not_ to be contagious. Beckett's already determined that, or I wouldn't be here. Open the door, please?"

Davis thought for a moment. "I'll do it," he looked over her head up and down the corridor. "For extra dessert."

Helena smiled. "Help me out and I'll requisition the ingredients to make your favorite dessert."

Davis' eyes widened. "Strawberry rhubarb pie?"

Helena's smile widened. "Easy."

He looked up and down the hall to make sure no one was watching, then casually swiped at the controls as he walked away. Helena slipped in, quickly, as Davis made a sharp about-face just as the doors finished closing.

John looked up as Helena walked in. "'Lena?"

She smiled. "Oh, darn! And, here I was hoping if I came unannounced I catch you indecent," she wiggled her eyebrows in a fair imitation of him.

John smiled, despite himself. "Didn't we go through that once?"

Helena pinked with the memory of the practical joke that almost went too far. "Yeah, well, you know me. A glutton for punishment." She took a deep breath. "I brought you dinner."

"Thanks," he frowned. "Just put it on the dresser."

She frowned at him. Silently, she put the tray down and then turned to look at him, with her arms crossed. "Sitting on your thumbs?"

John looked over at her and stood. "Yeah," he paced the floor. "I hate not being able to do something."

"I'm sure that when and if there is something for you to do, they will let you know." Helena tilted her head. "You should just relax and try to focus on staying…uninfected," she frowned at the word, as if she wasn't sure if it was the correct one to use.

"I can focus all I want, but the truth is if it's going to happen, it's going to happen."

She frowned. "Hmmph! This coming from the man who has seen mental energy heal on more than one occasion."

John paused. "So, I assume you brought some comfort food of some sort to assist with my focusing?"

Helena shook her head. "Nah, just barbecue chicken and coleslaw with canned pineapples."

John smiled. "I love barbecue chicken, 'Lena."

She frowned. "Do you, now?" Then she slowly grinned. "Enjoy it, my friend. I've got to get back." She turned to the door. "Rodney's probably ready to eat his laptop."

"You fed me before Rodney? You'd better hurry!"

She smiled, widely. "Don't go crazy, John. And if you need to talk, just call me."

After she left, he remembered something, then shook his head. "How am I supposed to call her when she never has earpiece on?" he muttered, picking up his tray and sitting on the bed to eat.

oOo

"Helena?"

Helena stopped in her tracks at the sound of a familiar voice. Her heart began beating so loudly that she was sure everyone on the entire level could hear it. She turned slowly to face the owner of the voice.

Carson smiled. "How are you?"

She swallowed. "Well, uh," she searched for the right words but could only come up with. "I'm good. How are you?"

Carson shrugged with his face. "Well, you know. Relieved the crisis is over, but still on the road to recovery m'self."

Helena examined him and felt emotions start to well up in her throat. "Well, you look good," she said, finally.

He smiled at her. "You look as beautiful as ever."

"Thank you," her response was almost a whisper.

They descended into an awkward silence.

"So," they broke the silence in unison.

"I'm sorry," Carson said. "You go."

Helena shook her head. "No. It's alright, you go ahead."

He frowned and looked down, troubled. "I know that we were, you know, when I was captured and I know that it's been a long time. I know that you buried me a long time ago…"

Helena offered a small smiled. "Literally."

Carson nodded. "Aye. I don't blame you if you don't want to have anything to with me. I just wanted to let you know that."

Helena stood staring at him for a long minute.

"Helena?"

He saw her swallow hard and her blue eyes moisten. His shoulders dropped a little when he realized she was fighting back emotions. "Ach, luv, I'm sorry. I just – "

She stepped in and wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her face in his chest. "I'm sorry, Carson," she whispered.

He brought up his hands and held her loosely. "Wha-?"

She sniffed and pulled back. "I'm sorry I've kept my distance. We were friends, first and foremost. I hope we can have that again."

He smiled down at her. "Of course, luv. It was all I hoped for."

Helena took a deep, unsteady breath. "How are you really?"

"I'm okay. I'm returning to Earth this afternoon so that I can get the full run down from the SGC doctors," he smiled his lopsided smile.

Helena nodded. "Will you be back?"

Carson smiled. "Oh, aye. If I have anything to say about it."

Helena smiled. "You can be very persuasive when you want to be."

"Oh, aye," he grinned. "Any special requests from the Milky Way?"

Helena sighed. "Now when have you ever known me _not_ to have a special request?" She paused, suddenly. "I need rhubarb, actually. Or at least strawberry rhubarb pie filling, if it can be found…"


	92. Broken Ties

_A/N: Thanks to Fitzroy for the heads up that led to part of this…_

_**Broken Ties**_

"You know," Helena frowned at Rodney. "When Carson went back to Earth, he asked if he could bring anything back for me."

Rodney frowned and glanced at John, who shook his head to indicate that he wasn't sure where this was going either. "What did you ask for?"

Helena shook her head. "Not important. What I should have asked for was Lo-Jack."

Despite what he was feeling, John grinned as Rodney humorlessly rolled his eyes.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Rodney McKay," Helena wagged her finger at him. "In the past two months, all four of you have gone missing. Now Ronon's gone again. You all need to take it easy on this crap or my whole head will be gray before the Daedalus gets back with my hair color." With that, she stalked off.

John shook his head with a grim smile and turned to Rodney. "Do you get the feeling that she's mad at us?"

Rodney nodded. "Doesn't make sense. _We_ didn't abduct him. She should be in the isolation room, ranting like that at Tyre."

John shook his head. "Not a good idea; we need him alive."

Rodney tilted his head. "Hmm. Good point."

oOo

"Mr. Woolsey?"

Richard Woolsey turned with Torren John crying in his arms to see Chief Leiter. "Chief! Have you seen Kanaan?"

Helena frowned down at Torren John, who she'd privately dubbed TJ, and then back to Woolsey. "He's waiting for Teyla on the exterior balcony. Where is she?"

Woolsey didn't answer; instead he moved quickly up the stairs leading to the exterior balcony.

Not one to be put off, Helena followed.

Woolsey found Kanaan, who stood, concerned, when he saw his son in the arms of the city's administrator.

"Teyla had to accompany Colonel Sheppard off-world," Woolsey offered as explanation, at last.

"Ronon?" Helena asked.

Able to relax once Kanaan held the baby, Woolsey turned to face her. He nodded, grimly.

Helena nodded with a small smile. "They'll bring him back, then."

Woolsey's eyebrows rose then lowered again. "I hope you're right, Chief."

Helena put her hands on her hips. "Mr. Woolsey, because you're new, I'll allow you that one mistake. In my cafeteria, I'm _always_ right."

Woolsey watched as the chef sauntered back into the main cafeteria, thinking, once again, that this city had some strange characters running loose within it.

oOo

The sound of a deep feral roar greeted Helena as she opened the door leading into the isolation room's observation room. She wheeled a cart with food, coffee and water on it into the room to see John, Woolsey and Rodney standing looking down through the glass to the room below.

She quietly moved her tray to the side as another roar sounded. It was followed by a plea: _"Kill me! Please kill me!"_ She straightened and, with an icy claw on her heart, she moved toward the window.

"'Lena," John said, quietly, moving to keep her away from the window, but she pushed past him.

Helena's hand went to her lips as she saw Ronon tied to the gurney below, struggling against his bonds and begging to be free of the pain. Unbidden, tears jumped into her eyes. She looked over at the men around her and shook her head. "How can you just stand here and look at that? Can't you see he's in pain?"

"Keller says that it will take less time this way," John explained, miserably.

Helena frowned. "What? We're in some kind of hurry? Wean him off it slowly. Give him something for the pain. Hell, nobody does cold turkey drug rehabs anymore…" she looked down at Ronon writhing. "…or at least they shouldn't."

John frowned.

"John, you've got to tell Keller to give him something," Helena pushed.

"Chief," Woolsey started, but John held his hand up and Rodney shook his head at the administrator.

"'Lena," John glanced downward. "She is."

"Well, it's obviously not enough."

"_If_ we give him anymore," John paused to reign in his own frayed temper. "We'll just be substituting one drug for another. We need him to be clean."

Helena's eyes flashed. "I think it's heartless to stand here and watch another human being suffer like that. And I thought you were his friend," she looked over at Rodney. "Both of you."

"Helena," John started, but she waved him off and stalked out.

"She's an opinionated one, isn't she?" Woolsey commented.

Rodney grinned humorlessly. "That's like saying Hawking is kind of good at science."

Woolsey's eyebrows rose at Rodney as John announced. "I'm going down there, again."

oOo

"'Lena," John called as he entered the kitchen. "Did you do something to the coffee in the conference room?"

Helena frowned, looking up from scrubbing down the stove. "What?"

He shrugged slightly. "I don't know it just tasted, I don't know, different."

Helena sighed and returned to scrubbing. "Mr. Woolsey asked for his favorite to be served in the conference room. It's called 'Café Cool Blues'. It has caramel, pecan, rum and some other flavoring in it."

John grimaced. "I hate flavored coffee."

She chuckled. "Next time, just fill up down here, first."

John grunted. "You could keep pot marked 'Sheppard' up there. Or mark his 'Woolsey'."

Helena paused to look at him, her eyes narrow.

"What?"

"You seriously don't have anything else to do?"

John looked confused. He stood with his hands on his hips and pursed his lips as he seemed to think about how to answer this question.

Helena paused in expectation.

He looked back at her with a twinkle in his eye. "Nope. Nothing else." He walked over and grabbed a high stool and sat on it with a grin.

Helena relaxed with a chuckle. Then she threw a wet towel at him. "Then make yourself useful."

John caught the towel, wiping water spots off his face with the back of his hand, and stood. "I still don't understand why you do this by yourself."

Helena grinned. "It helps me relax. And I think I need it after the past couple of days, don't you?"

John nodded. "I think we all need some relaxation," he said, soberly, as he began to wipe down a nearby counter.

Helena caught the change in his voice and stopped what she was doing. "He's like a brother to you, now, isn't he? More than just a friend or teammate."

John turned and frowned at her. "That's your thing, isn't it? Adopting people?"

Helena's look turned expectant.

John looked away. "He refused to leave me when we were buried under that building. He never stopped working to get me out. When Michael's people found us, he was prepared to die with me."

"I'm sorry I was so hard on you," she said. "I know watching…well…I know that it was hard for you to watch, but you never left his side. I shouldn't have said anything."

John swallowed then turned back to her. "I know you said what you did because you care."

Helena shook her head. "I didn't stop to think how you might be hurting, too."

John shrugged. After a moment of silence, he brightened. "I know how you can make it up to me."

Helena smiled, even as her eyes narrowed, suspiciously. "How?"

"Put the regular coffee back in the conference room."

Helena laughed and threw her wet cleaning rag across the room at him. He dodged it and threw his back at her. Before too long, the kitchen and its occupants were soaked.


	93. The Daedalus Variations

_**Daedalus Variations**_

"You should have heard him: 'You're a man of great integrity, a dedicated commander and a very skilled pilot'," Ronon was telling Helena when John walked into the cafeteria.

Helena looked up at John with a smile and asked. "How's your arm?"

John frowned, first at Ronon, then at Helena. "I'm fine. Rodney was the one that got shot."

Helena's eyes twinkled. "Well, I was concerned, what with you patting yourself on the back and all," she said.

John pursed his lips. "First of all," he said. "I wasn't patting _myself_ on the back. I was patting the alternative universe John Sheppard on the back."

Ronon grinned at Helena, who returned the grin. "Second of all?" Helena inquired.

John frowned. "What?"

"You said 'first of all'. Usually that means there's a 'second of all'."

John exchanged looks with Ronon, who's eyes danced. "Second of all," he said, slowly, as if trying to think of the second reason. Then he pointed at the two of them, with his other hand on his hip. "Second of all, everything I said was absolutely true."

Helena laughed out loud at the earnest way he said it.

Looking annoyed, John sat down across from them. "Did you save me any dinner or what?"

"Wow, Colonel Bossy," Helena chuckled as she stood. "I'll see what I can find for such a great man of integrity and," she looked over at Rodney, whose grin was wide.

"Dedicated commander and skilled pilot," the scientist furnished.

Helena giggled. "Yeah, that, too."

John stood. "You know what, never mind."

Helena laughed. "Oh, sit down, Mr. Sensitive," she paused when Rodney snorted. Then, with her eyes still dancing, she said. "There's steak. And I'll get you a beer."

John sat down, glaring at Rodney as Helena walked back to the kitchen.


	94. Ghost In The Machine

_**Ghost In The Machine**_

Helena jumped as LeVox yelped and jumped back when "lightning" arced from a control panel on the nearest wall to the warming oven behind the serving line. "What the _hell_?"

LeVox's eyes were wide enough for Helena to see white all the way around the irises. "I don't know, but I'd pay real money for it to not happen again."

Helena nodded, taking off her apron. "Yeah. I'll be back." She headed into her office and grabbed her earpiece out of the drawer in her desk and headed out of the cafeteria, calling Chuck in the control room as she went.

oOo

"John!"

He stopped in his tracks and turned slowly at the sound of Helena's voice.

"Is it true?"

"No."

"No, what?"

"Whatever you've heard."

She frowned at him. "So…," she started slowly. "No, you didn't bring back something that is disrupting the electrical systems throughout the city; no, the disruption isn't caused by a disembodied voice and no, that voice isn't claiming to be Elizabeth?"

John rolled his eyes. "Yes, we brought back something and it has been given a voice through McKay's computer program and no, that voice isn't Elizabeth." He sighed. "It is _claiming_ to be Elizabeth, but I seriously doubt it." His eyes focused on a point down the hall.

Helena frowned up at him and searched his face as his eyes continued to avoid hers. After a moment, she nodded. "Okay."

He glanced down at her. "Listen," he said, abruptly. "I gotta get back."

Again, Helena nodded. "Good luck, John." She reached out and lightly touched his arm, "be careful, okay?"

Finally, his eyes met hers and he looked like he might say something more – Helena recognized the look of guilt on his face – but he simply nodded and walked away, leaving her puzzled by his demeanor.

oOo

Rodney and John were at their usual table in the cafeteria. Helena watched them from behind the service line. Neither man spoke. John turned his coffee cup by its handle, slowly, back and forth in the small measures. Rodney was doing something with the food on his tray, moving it around without actually eating any of it.

Helena sighed and went back to cleaning the counter, knowing what her dear friends were feeling because she was feeling it, too. Elizabeth was really gone. If the Replicator was to be believed, her mind was trapped in a Replicator body, floating in the frozen vastness of space, too dangerous by its connection to other Replicators to ever be allowed to be rescued or returned.

Movement from the corner of her eye made her look back.

John was standing. He said something brief to Rodney, who looked up and, nodding, said something back. Then John shoved his hands in his pockets and loped out of the cafeteria.

Rodney watched him go. He looked back down at his plate, then dropped his fork into the barely touched food. He, too, stood and left, slightly hunched, like a man beaten by the circumstances of the day.

Helena sighed again and swallowed hard to squash the lump that threatened to form in her throat as she returned to her cleaning.


	95. Shrine

_**Shrine**_

"Hey, Doc," Helena smiled at Jennifer Keller as she bellied up to the serving line. "How are you today?"

Jennifer pursed her lips. "Okay. Could you fix a tray for Doctor McKay?"

"Already done," Helena said, turning to the cart she'd been preparing for the infirmary. "I heard he was there again. Is he okay?" 

Jennifer offered a small smile and a nod. "Yeah. I'm just keeping him for observation."

"So," Helena said as she picked up the tray. "Rodney's made a bit of an impression, has he?" She picked up an extra fruit cup and placed it on the tray.

"Why do you say that?" Jennifer looked startled. "It's not unusual to keep someone for observation when-"

"Because the Chief Medical Officer doesn't usually come, personally, to get food for patients." Helena smiled and held out the tray. "That's what I would call special treatment."

Jennifer blushed as she took the tray. "He's my friend."

Helena smiled. "Mine, too. And seeing him happy makes me happy. I'm sure knowing you got his tray personally would make him _very_ happy."

The younger woman looked embarrassed but pleased, nodded and quickly left the cafeteria.

oOo

Helena was wiping down tables on the exterior balcony when she saw them walking out to the end of the pier. She stopped, then, and watched them as they sat down. She could see that John had his stash of beer with him and made a mental note to see that more was delivered to his quarters in the morning.

"Helena?" A deep voice pulled her out of her reverie.

She turned to see Ronon at the door. "Good evening, Ronon. How can I help?"

He offered a grin. "I was kind of hoping there might be brownies."

Helena chuckled. "For you? Always." She glanced back out to the end of the pier.

"What are you looking at?" He moved to her side and looked out. "Is that Sheppard?"

"And Rodney," Helena nodded. She looked up at him, then. "Tell me, Ronon," her words were firm. "How bad is it? This 'Second Childhood': is there a chance he'll recover?"

Ronon looked uncomfortable. "I've never known anyone to live through it."

Helena's breath caught in her chest. It took her a moment to get the next question out. "How bad will it get?"

Ronon looked intently down at her. "Bad."

She looked out at them again. "Tell me, Ronon."

"He'll eventually forget everything."

Helena felt a lump form in her throat. She turned her back on the ocean – suddenly feeling like she was intruding on a private moment between her friends. She stood there, silently, for a time, trying to regain control over her emotions.

Suddenly, Ronon's arm was around her, pulling her into his chest. She clung to him, stealing strength from him to keep from breaking down completely. After a long time, she pulled away and, sniffling, said. "Let's get those brownies."

"It's okay," he said, gruffly, clearing his throat. "I can wait."

She looked up at him and saw the sorrow in his eyes as well. "Who says they're for you?" she grumbled, attempting to lighten the mood. "Times like these a woman _needs_ chocolate. Or ice cream. Or both."

Ronon's eyebrows rose. "Sex in a bowl?"

Helena smiled. "Oh, absolutely. What're you going to have?"

"If you won't give me my own, I'll just take yours," his challenging smile accompanied the words.

Helena harrumphed. "Again, my son, you show how little you know about women. You and what army?"

Ronon grinned. "Then I guess we'll each have to get our own."

"Damned right."

They started to walk back into the cafeteria to the kitchen, when Helena looked back. Ronon gently, but firmly, placed a hand on her shoulder and she took a deep breath, nodded and resumed her plotted course to the kitchen.

oOo

"You're nice."

The lump that was in Helena's throat every mealtime grew larger. Despite it, she smiled. "Thank you, Rodney. I think you're nice, too. Eat your chicken."

Rodney looked down at his tray and took a long minute before putting his fork into a chicken piece. "I like chicken," he said as he put the piece in his mouth.

Helena nodded. "I know you do."

"It's good. Do you know who made it?" he asked.

The lump grew. "I did, Rodney."

"You're a good cooker," he pronounced, chewing. Then he frowned and swallowed. "That's not right. You're 'Lena. You're a…" he looked around as if to find the word in the air. 

"Chef," she furnished, tightly.

Rodney nodded. "Yes. That's it. You're my friend and a chef." He looked up above her head as if seeing something suddenly on the walls. "You make the pie." 

Helena smiled. "Yes, I do, Rodney. Finish your chicken. It's good for you."

"Shoulda brought fish," he said after a minute.

"What?"

"Fish," he grinned. "Brain food."

Then he laughed.

Helena looked up to the windows above to see Jennifer and John looking down. Her eyes met John's and she had to look away. Helena had held herself together in the past two weeks by staying away from her friends – except Rodney. She came every meal to make sure he ate and to spend every last minute she could with her friend who was slowly fading away.

"That's funny," she forced a smile. "I'll make fish tomorrow."

"Tomorrow, my sister is coming," Rodney said. "John told me."

"Well, good," Helena's heart sank, though her voice did not betray it. It sank because she knew that if Woolsey had sent for Jeannie Miller, it really was bad. "It'll be nice to see Jeannie again, won't it?"

Rodney nodded. "'Lena?"

"Yes, Rodney."

"You're a good cooker."

Helena smiled. "Thank you, Rodney. Finish your chicken," she gently prodded.

oOo

Helena left the cafeteria on her way to retire to her quarters after a long day and found John waiting outside. She frowned, "John?"

"Looks like we'll be going to that shrine Ronon's been going on about."

Helena swallowed. "Okay."

"I don't think he'll be alive when we get back."

Helena frowned at his defeated tone. She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the dark and empty cafeteria. Then she removed one of the door control chips, placing it on top of the nearby garbage receptacle.

John frowned when he saw her face. There was fury in it.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you these days, John Sheppard?"

"Watch it, Chief."

Helena's eyebrows rose. "Chief? _Chief? _Your best friend is ill and you've given up on him and you tell me to 'watch it, _Chief_'? Screw you, Sheppard."

"He's not just ill, Helena," John growled. "He's _dying_. Come to terms with it," he snapped.

"_I'm_ not giving up. And I don't get why you are. What the hell is going on with you lately? Where's my eternal optimist? It's not like you to give up so easily."

Helena could see John's eyes darken even in the dim light. "_Easily?_ Do you think it's been _easy_ watching him disappear? It's been hell, Helena; it's been agony. It's been the hardest damned thing I've ever done and if Ronon or Teyla or Keller could give me one small hint that there might be a way to save him, I'd do it!"

Helena frowned up at him for a long moment, then suddenly moved to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, tightly, pressing her cheek against his chest.

At first, he stood there, stiffly. Still angry, he was shocked by her unexpected move. Then he felt her grip tighten and her face turned into his chest. When she began to silently shake, he felt himself relax despite the anger he still felt at his impotence. Finally, he put his arms tightly around her and buried his face in her hair.

Neither was conscious of the passage of time as they stood there in the silent darkness of the cafeteria. It seemed like forever passed before John softly spoke her name.

Finally, she loosened her grip on him and looked up.

John moved a hand to cup her face, gently, wiping the moisture away with his thumb. He hesitated there for a moment, as if searching her face for something. When she opened her mouth to say something, he cut her off by capturing her lips with his.

Helena was shocked for a moment, but gave herself over to the sensations. She clung to him and returned his kiss fervently. His other hand moved from her back to cup the other side of her face and the kissed deepened.

In the silence, they were both startled by the sound of Woolsey's voice coming from John's earpiece.

He pulled back, abruptly, and took a step away as he responded, "Sheppard here." He stared at her mouth and Helena could hear her blood pumping through her head. "I'll be right there." Then he tapped his earpiece to turn it off. "'Lena-"

"Just go," she said with a shaky smile.

John opened his mouth to say something and she shook her head.

"Go." She cleared her throat. "Tell Rodney…"

John saw that she was searching for words and saw the tears fill her eyes when she could not find them. He nodded his understanding and went to the door, replaced the crystal and walked out.

oOo

Helena walked quickly into the infirmary to find Rodney sitting up in bed, surrounded by Keller, Jeannie, John, Teyla and Ronon. He had a bandage on his head but looked perfectly fine otherwise. Relief flooded in where cautious hope had been only moments earlier – placed there when word of their return reached her. She stopped when she saw them. Her eyes met John's and she glanced away to Rodney. Clearing her throat, she pronounced. "I swear, Rodney, you'll do anything for a few days off and any extra attention."

Rodney looked over at her and smiled. "Helena! Did you bring the blue gelatin?"

Helena grinned. "No, but I saved dinner for you."

His eyes lit up. "Really? What is it?"

"Lemon chicken."

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Oh. Ha-ha. Very funny. Never gets old."

Convinced now that he really was okay, she grinned, widely. "I just wanted to see that you're okay. I'll bring your lunch in a bit." She looked at Jennifer, "if it's okay." At Jennifer's nod, Helena turned on her heel and walked, quickly, out.

As soon as she was out of the infirmary, she sat on first set of stairs she came to and took a deep shuddering breath, fighting back tears.

"'Lena?"

Helena popped to her feet and turned to face John. She gulped. "Hey."

"You okay?"

She smiled. "Yeah. Didn't want to lose it in front of everyone back there."

John nodded, understandingly. He, then, looked uncomfortable. "Uh, we need to talk."

"Do we?" She asked, innocently.

"Don't we?" He tilted his head at her.

"About?"

He swallowed. "You know."

She swallowed, then. "You're right. Thank you for comforting me when I needed it. You really are a good friend to me, John." Her words had a wooden feel to them.

He looked at her, trying to find a hidden message in her face and she looked at him as neutrally as he'd ever seen her.

"So…we're good?" he asked, his head cocked to the side and his eyes narrow.

"Absolutely," she responded, quickly, with a nod. "See you at lunch?"

He nodded, slowly. "Yep."

Helena nodded again, reached out to tap his bicep lightly as she passed him and walked down the corridor to return to the cafeteria.


	96. Whispers

_**Whispers**_

Helena smiled across the serving line at Doctor Porter. "Don't worry," she was saying to the new doctor. "Even with everything that has happened to the various teams from this city, the odds are that nothing will happen on this mission."

Allison Porter offered a good-natured frown. "I hope not! I came here for adventure."

Helena laughed at the younger woman's sentiment. "Oh, don't worry, my dear! There's plenty of that around here." She handed Allison her plate and looked down the line toward the desserts. "I'm not sure if you like chocolate, but Baumgartner's Black Forest Cake is _to die for_!" she said, in a conspiratorial tone. "And if there is an adventure waiting for you, you don't want the last thing you eat to be lettuce," she looked pointedly at the salad that took the majority of the doctor's plate. "Now do you?"

Allison laughed and shook her head. "Good point. I'll try it."

"Enjoy," Helena nodded and returned her attention to the serving line.

oOo

Helena looked up from her late night cleaning to see John walk into the cafeteria and peek into the kitchen. She straightened and smiled at him. Before she called over to him, she took a moment to admire him. She suddenly got a flash of being in his arms while he was dressed in only swimming trunks and felt her face grow warm. Ruefully shaking her head, she cleared her throat.

He heard her and turned to see her duck her head. Frowning, he walked up the steps to where she was. "Hey, 'Lena! I was looking for you."

She looked up as he approached her and smiled. "And here I am. Welcome back. How'd it go?"

He frowned. "We lost Vega."

She felt her heart tighten, not because she really knew Vega that well – they'd met a couple of times but the young officer hadn't been around long enough for Helena to consider her a friend – but because she knew John took every loss under his command personally. "I'm so sorry, John."

He nodded and looked away. "Woolsey had Chuck lock out that gate address. It sucks for the people of that planet, but we can't take the chance of losing any more of our own people." He took a deep breath and put his hands on his hips as he looked back at her, narrowing his eyes. "You got a beer?"

Helena nodded. "Absolutely," she took her rag and returned to the kitchen. She emerged a few seconds later with two beers. "How are you?" She asked as she took a sip.

John nodded. "I'm okay. As well as can be expected."

Helena smiled, sympathetically. "I understand." She looked around. "I'm about done in here, you want to go out to the balcony and have a seat?"

He took a swig from his beer. "Sure."

They walked up the stairs and out on to the moonlit balcony.

"Carson's settled in at a small village treating survivors of the Hoffan plague. And Porter is taking a brief R & R back on Earth…"

"What is it?"

John shook his head. "I don't know," his words were soft and drawn out. "I just wonder how good Doctor Porter would be for this expedition. She was clearly terrified at one point…"

Helena smiled and leaned across the table toward him. "John," she said with a tilt of her head. "Do you remember the first time you took Carson or Rodney off world?"

John chuckled. "Yeah."

"And the first time you took Radek?"

John smiled, wider. "Okay, you've got a point."

She nodded. "Don't worry. She'll come through it." She leaned back and pointed at him with the tip of her beer. "Who knows, she may even surprise you."

"Others have," He glanced her up and down and grinned into his beer.

Helena smiled. Suddenly, she frowned. "Who else?" She narrowed her eyes sidelong, suspiciously, at him.

John shook his head. "I'm going to need more beer for _that_ conversation."

Helena laughed. "You're going to need more beer or _I'm_ going to need more?"

John's beer paused at his lips as he smiled. "Maybe both."

Helena chuckled. "Chicken shit."

"Damn right."

They laughed together and settled into a companionable silence as they finished their beers.


	97. The Queen

_**The Queen**_

John sat in his quarters with _War and Peace_ in his hands. He wasn't really reading it. In his current state of mind, he couldn't be called upon to testify that there were even words on the page. His mind was in the center tower, about 6 floors up, in the surgical ward where Teyla was undergoing surgery to turn her into the enemy.

He was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of his door chiming. He glanced at the page and confirmed that there _were_ words there (just in case) and called out. "Come in."

He thought that the Food Services Chief looked especially stressed as she stepped over the threshold of his quarters. Her appearance was as military as it ever was, with her long red hair pulled back in an efficient braided bun and her body hidden in black cargo pants and a white chef's jacket, undone to show the black t-shirt underneath. But there was something around her flashing blue eyes and her full lips were pressed into a line.

"'Lena? Is anything wrong?" He swung his long legs off the edge of his bed and began to stand.

"How could you let her do this?"

The tension he felt when he saw her concern eased a little when he realized what it was about. "Who?" he decided that playing dumb might be the best course of action.

"Who? John Sheppard, I swear by all that is just and holy in this or any other galaxy that you make me want to put my boot right up your fourth point of contact and leave it there sometimes!"

Maybe playing dumb wasn't the best course of action, after all.

John finished standing and grimaced. "That sounds uncomfortable."

Helena put her hands to her hips and took a deep breath, as if to capture patience from the air. "How could you let her do this?" she repeated.

John sighed. "Look," he put one hand on his hip and one in front of him. "I didn't exactly _let_ her. It was her decision. And it could go a long way toward helping us solve the Wraith problem."

Helena shook her head. "You are her commanding officer. You could have forbidden it. She has a child, now, John. Things are different for her now." 

John sighed. "And if I kept her from doing something, _anything_, on the basis that she is a mom, you would have been the first one to jump on me."

Helena nodded. "Damned right I would!" When he threw his hands up in exasperation, she shook her head, a small trace of a smile beginning to play on her lips, despite everything. "Don't try to make sense of it. I'm a woman; it's not supposed to make sense. Just accept it for what it is and move on."

John's look of absolute bewilderment was enough to send Helena into a chuckle.

"I'm sorry, John. I'm just worried and I couldn't stand to be in the kitchen waiting," she sighed, then, a sigh that seemed to come from those boots she'd just threatened him with.

John smiled. "I understand. Come in; have a seat."

oOo

Helena walked into the infirmary with a "smoothie" that had been specially ordered by Dr. Keller for Teyla's recovery. Teyla caught sight of the cup and rolled her eyes.

"I was more hoping for solid food by now," the Athosian commented, softly.

Helena sat on the edge of her friend's bed and shook her head. "Sorry. But it serves you right. Worrying me like that," she scolded, gently.

Teyla smiled, gently at her friend. "You understand why I had to do it, don't you?"

Helena raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips, chagrinned. "I don't understand half the things that go on around here, so don't be surprised if I don't."

Teyla frowned.

Helena patted her friend's hand that was free of any IVs. "Yes, my dear. I understand. It doesn't make things easier to deal with. It certainly doesn't make me worry any less."

Teyla nodded. "I understand."

"Drink your goop."

Teyla smiled. "'Goop'? Didn't you call it 'sludge', yesterday?"

Helena smiled. "Yeah, well, both have similar connotations, I think. I'll come up with something else tomorrow."

Teyla looked miserable. "Tomorrow? Will I ever be able to eat real food again?"

Helena shook her head. "That is up to your doctor, my friend. I am only following doctor's orders."

"I seem to remember a time when you snuck meat into Colonel Sheppard," Teyla sounded hopeful.

Helena smiled. "Yes, but he didn't do something to worry the hell out of me, on purpose, when I did that. And there was no real medical basis for _not_ letting him have hamburger. You, on the other hand…"

Teyla sighed. "Drinking my goop now."

Helena made a face, then smiled. "Good girl."

oOo

"_Madachu_."

John frowned at Helena as she waved him off. He'd just found her on the West Pier, after looking for her at her quarters and in the kitchen and cafeteria. "What?"

"Madachu," she repeated.

He noticed, then, a pitcher of Zelenka juice mostly gone next to her as she sat on the steps looking over the balcony out at the ocean.

"Say again?"

"Ah'm _mad_ achu," she slurred, slower.

It struck him, then, what she was saying. "Why are you mad at me?"

"You shouldn'a let Teyla go like that. We almost los' her once a'ready, an' not too long ago."

John nodded. "I know," he said, sitting down next to her. "And you're right." He picked up her glass and refilled it, then took a long draught from it.

Helena, for her inebriated part, looked surprised. "Ah'm right?"

John smiled. "Yep."

She sat straighter. She pronounced the words slower, but more clearly as she asked. "I am?" She frowned. "No argument?"

"You are. No argument."

She looked suspicious.

He tried his best to look innocent.

After a long moment, she backhanded his arm. "You're yankin' my chain. _Marricón."_

John frowned at the rare use of Spanish from this Navy brat raised in Virginia. "Are you really mad at me?"

Helena took the glass from him and drank from it, then handed it back to him. "No, but I do want to kick your ass."

John smiled. "Get in line."

Helena smiled and shook her head, then she laid her head on his shoulder. "Thankfully, she's back okay."

John sobered. "Yes."

Helena sighed and he put his arm around her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he rested his chin on her head. They sat cozy and contented, watching the ocean for a long while.

"Madachu," she murmered, sleepily.

He smiled. "I know," he whispered into her hair.


	98. First Contact

_**First Contact**_

John was only half listening to what Helena was saying as he ate his breakfast when she suddenly stopped speaking. Instantly glad that he'd been at least half-listening and, at the same time, alarmed that she stopped mid-sentence, he looked up from his tray to see her looking toward the serving line, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. He turned to look at what had captured her attention, but saw only Dr. Daniel Jackson standing at the serving line.

"'Lena?"

She turned her head toward him while keeping her eyes on Jackson. "I didn't know Dr. Jackson was here."

John shrugged. "Yeah, he's working with Rodney on some secret Janus lab." He looked back to his tray. "If you want to go say hi, I won't feel abandoned."

"What?"

"Total rejected. Absolutely unimportant."

She finally focused on him fully. "What are you going on about?"

John grinned. "Go say hi to your friend. You haven't seen him in a while."

"What makes you think he is a friend?"

He frowned. "He's not?"

"I didn't say that." 

He suddenly looked as if he'd tasted something rotten. "Oh, you weren't..." he looked uncomfortable. "you know…were you?"

Her eyebrows knitted together. "What?" Realization crossed her features, "What? No!" She punched him in the arm. "What would make you think that?"

He shrugged. "So, go say hi."

She shook her head. "I'll let him eat his breakfast."

John put his fork down and regarded her thoughtfully. "Could it be possible that there is _one_ member of the famous SG1 team that you _don't_ know after all those years at the SGC?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course, I _know_ Dr. Jackson. I just wouldn't say that we ever got to the friends level."

John smiled. "And yet y0u stop speaking mid-sentence when you see him…"

Helena sighed. "He is probably the smartest man I've ever met and good looking to boot. He was never highly social and even a little aloof. Very difficult to approach with all of that."

"Smarter than Rodney?"

She nodded. "I'd even say smarter than you," then she looked at him with a smile. "But nowhere near as charming. The only thing that keeps you from being completely unapproachable is that famous charm."

"You were intimidated by him?"

She scoffed. "I wouldn't call it that."

His smile was wide as he said. "Don't worry, I will."

She shook her head. "You are incorrigible."

"Uh-huh. And you can't call me 'chicken shit' anymore."

Helena was about to respond when a voice from behind interrupted.

"Uh, Chief Leiter?"

Helena's eyes widened and she turned around to see Daniel Jackson smiling down at her. The Chief of Food Services stood and swallowed. "Doctor Jackson, welcome to Atlantis."

He nodded. "Thank you, thank you. It's good to see you, again."

She cleared her throat. "You look well."

John choked on something behind her back.

Helena kicked her foot back in hopes of contacting with his leg, but got the leg of his chair instead.

"Thank you. So do you. Sam and Teal'c told me that you were running things here. The food at the SGC hasn't been the same since you left." 

Helena pinked. "That's so nice of you to say."

Daniel smiled. "I'm actually kind of sucking up with an ulterior motive."

Helena frowned. "Which is?"

"Could it be possible that your lasagna could be on the menu while I'm here?"

"Lasagna?"

He frowned. "I'm sorry. I assumed it was y0ur lasagna because it was never the same again after you left."

She nodded. "I used to make the lasagna."

"Is it asking too much?"

It took a moment for the shock to wear off, but a smile spread across her features. "Not at all, Dr. Jackson."

"Daniel," he corrected.

Her smile widened. "Daniel, then. You should call me Helena."

He smiled down at her. "I'll let you return to your conversation. Sorry to interrupt," he looked behind her. "Colonel Sheppard."

John nodded. "Dr. Jackson."

As Jackson walked away, Helena sat down, beaming.

John rolled his eyes, irritation suddenly making its way into him. "Come back down here, 'Lena."

She sighed. "He remembered my lasagna."

"I remember a lot of your cooking, don't I get credit?"

"You eat my cooking every day, so it doesn't exactly count as 'remembering'."

John dropped his fork on his plate. Helena turned to see blatant irritation etched into his features. She frowned for a moment then smiled.

"Aw, John, are you jealous?"

"Of what? He's getting credit for remembering your lasagna when he never gave you the time of day while you were stationed there? I'd be pissed, not flattered."

Helena chuckled. "You _are_ jealous."

He stood. "Nah, I just remembered that I have a meeting with Chuck this morning because I'm 'the man'."

Helena stood as he took his tray. "Aw, John, don't go," she laughed. "I called you charming, remember?"

John waved behind his back as he exited the cafeteria.

oOo

Helena showed up at the door of Woolsey's office with a pot of coffee to see John sitting behind the desk. "Any news?"

"Not yet," he grumbled. "Radek is working some magic math to get us as close as possible to wherever they took them."

Helena nodded, sympathetically and poured the coffee. "It's the real stuff, not Woolsey's flavored…"

John looked up at her, gratefully. "Are you okay?"

"Me?" Helena smiled down at him as he sat behind the desk. "You know me, I'm just counting the grey hairs."

He smiled, grimly, accepting the cup she offered. "I'll find them, 'Lena."

She frowned, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. "I know you'll do everything possible, John."

_Colonel Sheppard_, Radek's voice filtered in. _Report to the Control room._

John put the cup down with a rattle, spilling some of its contents on Woolsey's desk.

He paused, but Helena said. "Go! I'll take care of it."

He nodded, quickly grasping her arm, before taking off.

oOo

Helena was pulling a beef roast out of the oven when the tower shook. Helena dropped the roast without thought and spun on her heel to catch Coop's eyes.

"Not again," she whispered, her heart in her throat.


	99. The Lost Tribe

_**The Lost Tribe**_

Helena was running up stairs, two at a time, when she noticed Chuck and Amelia Banks standing looking at a laptop. She pulled up short and called out to Chuck, who turned to look at her.

"Chief?"

"You're alright," Helena hugged him, fiercely, but briefly. "Both of you." She looked at Banks. "I heard the explosion was in the Control Room. Did everyone get out?"

Chuck frowned. "Dr. Zelenka and Colonel Sheppard were still there."

Helena was sure her heart must have stopped, so tight was the feeling in her chest. "What?"

"Teyla's leading a search team. We'll be setting up an auxiliary control room until we hear from them," Banks stated matter-of-factly.

Numbly, Helena nodded. "Sounds like the best course of action. Everyone else is present and accounted for?"

"Yes," Banks nodded.

Chuck turned away. "Ma'am, Chief," he interrupted. "Colonel Sheppard and Dr. Zelenka have been found. They're being taken to the infirmary. Sounds like minor injuries."

Helena nodded, then looked at Banks. "I'll be in the infirmary."

Banks watched her take off down the stairs, jumping the last two before the landing, then moved toward Chuck to continue with the transfer of operations.

oOo

Helena slipped into the infirmary as Teyla was walking out of an exam room.

"Teyla?"

The Athosian smiled, softly, at her friend. "Helena. He's fine. His hearing has been affected and he has some glass in his back, but he's going to be fine. Radek is in similar shape." 

Helena felt the icy hand that had been squeezing her heart relax some.

Teyla recognized the relief on Helena's face and gripped her friend's arm. "I know. He's in there, if you want to see him."

Helena nodded and moved past Teyla to the door of the exam room. She looked in to see John wince as Marie pulled small pieces of glass out of his back. She stopped, then, not actually stepping foot inside and spun on her heel, leaving the infirmary with a sense of urgency only slightly less than that which had brought her there.

oOo

Helena walked into the infirmary as Keller was walking out. "Doc," she smiled. "How are you?"

Jennifer smiled, wearily. "Tired. _Really_ tired. Dr. Cole's taking my shift and I'm going to sleep for the next week."

Helena smiled, glancing down at the two trays she held. "Good for you," she nodded. "Are Colonel Caldwell and Dr. Jackson up for food?"

"I'm sure the Colonel is. He suffered a nasty concussion, but he's fighting to get out of here and back to the _Daedalus_," she leaned in toward the older woman. "I think he hates the idea that someone else is in command of the _Daedalus_ while he's out."

Helena chuckled. "Wouldn't surprise me. How's Dr. Jackson?"

Jennifer looked chagrinned. "He's very lucky…"

"_That's_ the understatement of the millennia," Helena agreed.

"I know," the young doctor gushed. "I've seen his medical records, wow!"

"To say the least," Helena chuckled. "So he'll live, this time."

"Yes, but he's in a bit of pain. We're only medicating him enough to dull it because he said that he still wanted to be able to work while waiting to return Earth."

"Already?"

Jennifer nodded. "General Landry apparently wants him home." 

Helena nodded. "So I'd better get busy making that lasagna he wanted," she smiled as she looked down at the trays. "Maybe I'd better deliver these, first."

Jennifer laughed. "I let you get to it. See ya!"

oOo

Helena was, once again, cleaning when John walked into the cafeteria for his late night snack.

"Hey, 'Lena!" he called to her. His easy grin turned into a frown as Helena nodded then continued to work for another second. She usually set down her cleaning materials as soon as she noticed he was there and practically bounced over to him. Not tonight, though; she moved slower, more reserved.

He immediately wondered what he'd done to piss her off.

"What'd I do?"

She looked at him with eyebrows raised and a small smile touched her lips. "What do you feel guilty about?"

He relaxed, but just a bit. "Nothing, but something seems to be bothering you, so I was just covering my bases."

She chuckled, softly, and shook her head. "Welcome back."

He nodded. "Thanks. The Traveler ship has departed. Colonel Caldwell and the Daedalus are on their way back to Earth and repairs have officially begun on the tower. All is well." He snapped his fingers, suddenly. "That's why you're mad. I've been back for a couple of days now and haven't stopped by to see you!"

She shook her head. "I'm not mad." She walked past him into the kitchen. "What would you like? Real food or just dessert?"

John followed her with a frown. "_Something's_ bothering you. I can tell."

She shrugged. "I'm fine, John. Did you want some food or no?"

John crossed his arms across his chest and scrutinized her.

Helena warmed under the inspection and turned away. "I'm _fine_, John. Honest."

John harrumphed in a way the reminded her of Rodney McKay and turned away.

"Didn't you want something to eat?" she called after him.

"Lost my appetite," was his called back response as he left the cafeteria.

Helena sighed and shook her head, but walked back to the table she'd been cleaning. She picked up the rag she was using, then threw it down, and walked out to the darkness of the balcony.


	100. Outsiders

_**Outsiders**_

Rodney's color was just returning when he arrived in the cafeteria with Carson Beckett. He'd managed to get out some part of his feelings for Jennifer after Carson's nagging, but there are some things a man finds it difficult to speak about, even to his best friend. Fortunately, Carson was sensitive enough to let the matter drop with a slap on the back and a word of encouragement.

"Speakin' of women," Carson muttered, softly. "How is she?" He asked Rodney while looking at Helena.

Rodney looked over at the Food Services Chief, who was laughing with some Marines near the internal balcony. "Helena? Oh, she's," he looked for the word. "fine? I guess."

Carson frowned. "I mean has she forgiven me?"

Rodney frowned. "What? Forgiven you for what?"

He shrugged. "Dyin'. Comin' back from the dead. Bein' a clone. Take yer pick."

Rodney looked truly confused. "I don't think she ever held any of that against you. She had a hard time accepting the situation, but it wasn't anything _you_ needed to be forgiven for and she knew that. She felt bad that she didn't talk to you when you came back, as a matter of fact."

Carson sighed. "If you say so."

"Has she given you any indication that she's upset with you?"

"No. In fact, the last time I saw her, she was much the same as she used to be with me, back before we got together."

"And?"

"And…and, I don't know. I just wonder if she's truly forgiven me."

Rodney sighed, rolled his eyes and pursed his lips. "Fine. Let's go talk to her."

"What? Rodney…!" Carson called out after his friend as Rodney walked with determination toward Helena.

When they reached her, she was just turning away from the Marines and saw them. "Carson!" She exclaimed and pushed past Rodney with a smile. She hugged the doctor and pulled back to look him up and down. "Well, you _look_ well. How are you?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Well, _I'm _fine, Chief. How are you?"

Helena turned, laughing, and swatted Rodney's arm. "Sorry, Rodney. It's just I haven't seen Carson in a while." She wrapped an arm around each of their arms and led them both down to the serving area. "Tell me what I can get you to eat. Or is it drink you desire?"

"Carson's feeling 'peckish'."

"An' you're not, Rodney?"

Helena laughed. "When _isn't_ Rodney 'feeling peckish'?"

"Hey! I have a very high metabolism and am very prone – " 

"To hypoglycemic reactions," Carson and Helena said in unison, then began to laugh.

Rodney frowned. "Remind me again: why are we friends?"

Helena smiled. "I'm the keeper of the food, remember?"

"An' I'm just charmin'. Who wouldna be friends with me?" Carson offered his most charming smile.

Rodney rolled his eyes.

"What can I get you to eat?" Helena laughed, releasing them to move behind the serving line.

Carson looked at Rodney and whispered, "Thanks."

Rodney shrugged. "So, Helena," he called. "Are you upset with Carson?"

Helena stopped short and turned back to them. "What?"

"Rodney!"

Rodney looked innocent. "What?"

Helena moved back to them. "What? Carson, no. I'm absolutely not upset with you. Am I coming across as being upset?"

Carson shook his head. "Not at all, luv." He smiled, slightly, and shot Rodney an evil look. "I don't know what Rodney's on about."

She frowned at Rodney. "What _are_ you 'on about', Rodney?"

Rodney shrugged. "Nothing. Ooo, is that meatloaf?" he walked past them to grab a plate at the serving line.

Helena stepped closer to Carson. "I will admit that I had a hard time accepting that you could really be Carson, but I only needed to talk to you to put that to rest." She rubbed his arm. "I hope you don't think any less of me."

Carson shook his head. "Don't worry, luv. I just hope you're happy." 

Carson thought something in her eyes changed at that point, but she smiled and squeezed her arm as she said. "I am. Now, let me get you something to eat."

Carson nodded, but made a mental note to speak to Teyla later about what might be going on with Helena.


	101. Inquisition

_**Inquisition**_

Helena slipped quietly into the locker room as Evan Lorne was dismissing his people.

"Helena?" he frowned. "Is everything okay?"

"You tell me," she said, grimly. "I heard that Sheppard's team is missing."

Lorne nodded. "The team's being held captive and put on some sort of trial for some trumped up charges on some unknown planet. We got one of the guys responsible but he's not talking." 

Helena took a deep breath and crossed her arms. "And this guy, does he say what the charges are or what the punishment will be if they are found guilty?"

Evan shook his head. "No." He sighed. "We have him down in confinement cooling his heels for now."

"And you just came back from off-world?"

"Well, my team has. No news. I'm on my way to brief Woolsey right now. It's not looking good unless we can get this guy to talk."

Helena frowned. "Optimism, Evan," she admonished. "Believe the best."

He offered a small smile and took hold of her upper arms. "Don't worry. Woolsey's a smart guy. He'll come up with something. And, if not, Colonel Sheppard will find a way back. You know that."

She nodded. "Just keep in me in the loop as much as possible, okay, Evan?"

Evan squeezed her arms. "Of course," he frowned. "I gotta go. Are you okay?"

She unfolded her arms and touched his chest, lightly. "Yeah. Situation Normal, and all."

He chuckled at her abbreviation of SNAFU, squeezed her arms again and left her standing there, chewing on her lip.

oOo

John took a deep breath and walked into the cafeteria, slowly. He'd become more and more hesitant to come by after hours since Helena started acting odd. She seemed to be fine with everyone else, but whenever the two of them were alone, she froze up and he had no idea why.

He looked around and didn't see her anywhere. He took a deep breath and headed up to the external balcony. He found her there, sitting at a table with a glass of something on the table and her feet up on the middle rail.

"I'm back," he announced, softly.

She turned and looked at him. She offered a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'd heard. Glad to see you're in one piece, this time."

He made a facial shrug, then went to her table and sat down. "What ya drinkin'?"

She picked up the glass. "Zelenka Juice. You? Can I get you a beer or somethin'?" Then she frowned. "You've been smoking." She sniffed. "Cigars. You just came from Woolsey's, huh?"

Even though it was an innocent question, it seemed like an accusation.

"Yeah, well, he saved my butt. I thought I should thank him."

She nodded and took a drink. "Well, you can't say anything to me if I take up smokin' again."

He frowned at her.

She looked over at him. "What?"

"What the hell is going on with you, lately?"

She picked up her glass and looked at the amber liquid inside. "I don't know what you're talking about?"

"You know, if you're pissed at me, I wish you would just yell at me or hit me or something."

She still didn't look at him while she said. "I'm not pissed at you."

"And yet you're acting like you are."

She continued to look at the glass, without comment.

"'Lena?"

She didn't answer. Instead, she set her glass down and stood. "I'll get you a beer."

John frowned and watched her go. Aggravated, he pushed his chair back and stood, shoving his hands deep into his pockets as he walked to the other side of the table, intent on intercepting her on her way back to the table.

Helena returned with the bottle of Zelenka Juice and a bottle of beer, stopping short when she saw him standing. She took a deep breath and continued, past him, to the table. When she set the drinks down, she turned to face him. "John, I'm sorry if you feel like I'm acting differently. Just believe me that I'm not angry with you."

John examined her face for a moment, chewing on the inside of his lips which gave his mouth a pouting look. He took a step toward her and she stepped back. He paused, narrowed his eyes, then reached out and grabbed her shoulders, bringing her closer to him. "Talk to me, 'Lena. Tell me what's bothering you? What's different?"

She refused to meet his eyes.

"It's the kiss, isn't it?"

She shook her head.

"'Lena, I'm really sorry about that. I wouldn't have done it if I'd thought it would destroy our friendship."

"It's not that," she said, softly.

"Then what? Tell me." He released one of her shoulders to tilt her chin up so he could look at her face. "I could order you to," he said, softly, hoping it would seem like a joke.

She began to well up and wrenched away from him to grasp the rail of the balcony.

John frowned and put his hands on his hips as he moved a little closer to her, not touching her but close enough that he could feel warmth from her, still.

"A few years ago, I fell for this really great guy and I ended it before it could go anywhere. But I stayed close to him. He was one of my best friends, in fact. Then, one day, the tower shook and he was gone," her voice caught.

A light bulb went off. "This is about the gate explosion."

She sighed. "Not entirely."

"Then what?"

She licked her lips and turned for her glass. "Stop interrupting and I'll try to get to it." She turned back to the ocean, glass in hand, then.

Despite everything, John smiled at this typically 'Lena remark. "Sorry."

"When I felt the tower shake, I literally dropped everything and took off running. On the way, someone told me that it was the gate room and I was certain there would be mass casualties. I was so _incredibly_ relieved to see Chuck and the others, but when they told me that there were two left up there…" Her voice caught on the lump that had formed in her throat. "I'm sure my heart stopped beating when I found out who they were."

He moved forward and touched her arm, only to have her pull away, as much as she could, being blocked by the table and the rail. "Radek and I are okay."

"When I saw you with only minor injuries, something hit me. Something I wasn't prepared for and I've been trying to come to terms with," she sighed. "I'm sorry if I've been treating you badly. I don't mean to, really. You're the best friend I have in the universe and I don't ever want to hurt you."

He frowned and leaned around to look at her. "What is it, 'Lena?"

"I…" She shook her head and sniffled. "I can't…Excuse me, John. I need to go." She brushed past him.

He reached out to stop her, but she pushed his hand aside and side stepped around him, not looking up and practically ran back into the cafeteria. He followed her to see her run, full speed, out of the cafeteria. Confused, he turned back to the rail and ran his hand through his hair. Finally, he grabbed his beer, downed it quickly and left the empty bottle next to the half-empty bottle of Zelenka Juice and her empty glass. He walked out of the cafeteria and fought the temptation to go to her quarters, located just down the corridor. Instead, he turned the opposite direction to go to his own quarters.


	102. Prodigal

_**Prodigal**_

It was late. Chief Helena Leiter was finally finished with the last of the cleaning in her cafeteria. It had been a long day of things gone wrong and she was glad it was over. She was folding the last of the clean towels when the lights went out. Frowning, she looked around, unable to see past her nose. She tossed the towel down and turned around to feel her way through the kitchen to her office. She stubbed her toe on the leg of her desk and muttered an expletive as her fingers found her earpiece.

"Control Room, this is Chief Leiter, come in, please," she ground out, as her small toe on her left foot throbbed painfully. She was met by silence, so she repeated herself.

"Damnit! I am too damned old and too tired for this shit!" she swore and felt her way out of the office, through the kitchen, out to the cafeteria, where the moons filtered a small amount of light in through the windows. She moved straight to the door, swiping at the control panel mid-stride and bounced off of it when it failed to open. Tears welled up in her eyes as she grabbed her offended nose and she released a string of curses that would make any sailor proud.

oOo

Two Marines walking through the corridor near the cafeteria paused.

"Did you hear that?" The first shined his light down the hall.

"Yeah, what do you think it is?" the second asked.

"I think it came from back there."

When they reached the door of the cafeteria and managed to get it open, they found Chief Leiter, cursing, holding her nose and limping.

"Chief? Are you okay?"

"Sergeant," she ground out. "Get me to the Control Room. NOW."

oOo

Helena froze when she heard explosions from somewhere above her. One look told her that the Marines with her heard it also. She felt the icy hand of dread grip her heart yet again and started running up the stairs two at a time.

"Chief!" One of the Marines caught up with her. "You're unarmed. Stay behind me," he had his side arm out and at the ready.

The other Marine pulled out his knife and offered the hilt of it to her. She took it without hesitation and nodded to them. "Let's go."

They emerged from the stairwell at Level 63 to find military and science members milling about. The two Marines she'd travelled with left her to report into their team commander, who'd met them moments after. Helena looked around and saw Lieutenant Rivers emerge from a stair well, followed closely by another Marine who had someone slung over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"Lieutenant!" She rushed over to them. "What happened? Who is this?"

"Major Lorne. He ran into some sort of force field and it knocked him out."

Helena looked around and saw some armless chairs along the wall nearby. "You and you," she pointed at two scientists who stood nearby. "Help me push these chairs together so Sgt. Munro there can put Major Lorne down. _Move!_"

When they set him down, Helena looked up at Rivers and nodded. "You go do what you need to do. I'll stay with him until Keller's people get here."

Rivers nodded, then indicated to his team to follow him.

Helena knelt on the floor next to Evan and put her hand on his shoulder. With a sigh, she looked up to the ceiling and hoped there were no injuries worse than this one.

oOo

"Are you okay?" Helena asked Teyla as she entered the infirmary. Helena had come here with Lorne and stayed when Ronon and Woolsey were brought in. She approached Teyla and saw John following the younger woman. Helena's eyes widened. "Are _you_ okay?" she asked him, alarmed.

"I am fine," Teyla responded, first. "Have you seen Amelia Banks?"

Tearing her eyes away from John with what seemed to Teyla like concerted effort, Helena nodded. "She took Torren to your quarters to put him down. I told her to stay there and wait for you," she embraced her friend. "I'm so glad you're okay."

Teyla smiled, softly, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you, Helena," she turned to John. "I'll be in my quarters."

John nodded.

Helena turned to him. "Answer my question, sir."

John shrugged. "I'm fine. I've gotten worse from sparring with Ronon."

Helena frowned, reached up and grabbed his chin, turning his face to look at his cheekbone which had blood drying on it and bruise forming underneath. "Are you sure?"

His eyebrows rose and he smiled slightly. "Does this mean you're talking to me again?"

Helena took a deep breath. "Don't start, John. I have not had a good day and on top of it, I had several scares today, not to mention that damned Wraith infiltrating my home – I've already told you how I feel about that…" she took a deep breath again. "I'm sorry." She paused and then started again. "I'm glad you're okay. I'm headed down to the cafeteria to get breakfast for Lorne. Can I get you something?"

John smiled at her. "French toast?"

Helena tilted her head at him and scoffed. "Well, Michael _must_ have hit you pretty good…"

He frowned. "Why?"

"French Toast at 3 in the morning? I was thinking more in terms of reconstituted scrambled eggs, toast and pre-cooked ham."

John chuckled. "Sounds delicious."

She chuckled at patted his arm. "I really am glad you're okay, John. Make sure you have Cole or Keller look at that. Oh! And let me know when Ronon comes to."

John frowned, remembering his friend was hurt. "Yeah," he said, suddenly distracted as he moved deeper into the infirmary while she walked out. When the doors closed behind her, he turned and frowned at them, Then, he decided that his face hurt too much to try to figure out women and their idiosyncrasies at that moment in time and returned on his way to see Ronon.


	103. Remnants

_**Remnants**_

Helena found John on the West pier, standing alone, looking out to the sea. She almost left when she saw him, but thought that if he was on _her_ pier, then, perhaps he might want to talk. Her heart beat just a little faster as she walked out toward him. "John?"

He turned to her, frowning. "'Lena."

"Are you okay?"

"Do you think I torture myself?"

She smiled, and looked out to the sea.

"Are you laughing at me?" he turned to her, frowning.

Her eyes widened. "What? I would never!"

A smile relaxed John's features as he looked back out to the sea. "I'm joking. What were you going to say?" 

"I was going to say," she shook her head, with chagrin, then sobered. "that it's part of what makes you who you are, John. You don't mean to torture yourself, so to speak, but you take every loss very personally. You _do_, John," she insisted when he looked like he would protest. "You examine every possible course of action until you find one, not taken, that you think would have worked to spare the actual outcome, and then you keep it in your head. _This_ is how you torture yourself. Why do you ask?"

John paused for a long moment. "Kolya," he said, finally.

She frowned. "Acostus Kolya? The Genii commander you did the quick draw with? Isn't he dead?"

He nodded. "Yeah. To all of the above."

Helena shook her head. "I don't understand," she stepped closer to him. "If he's dead, what does he have to do with anything? Why is _he_ on your mind?"

He stepped away.

"What _is_ it, John?"

He shook his head. "Nevermind."

Helena narrowed her eyes, then shook her own head. She closed the distance between them and touched his arm. "Okay, John. Out with it." Her words were stern, but her tone was anything but.

He turned and looked down at her. "Thought for sure I was dead over there. The AI had me convinced that…" He looked away and studied his left hand. "I thought I was dead, for sure."

Helena frowned. After a moment, she moved around him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest.

As usual, he felt a twinge of discomfort, but then relaxed and put his arms around Helena. When he realized that she wasn't going to press him for details, he allowed himself the luxury of taking comfort in her arms. He lowered his head and leaned his cheek against her head, taking in the scent of her hair.

He didn't know how long they stood there like that, with the cool breeze from the ocean gently caressing them and the soft sound of waves lapping against the distant end of the pier soothing their senses. She kept the same pressure she'd started with around him, letting him know that she was still very much conscious and present. He thought he should break it off, but a part of him – a big part – didn't want to.

Finally, he lifted his head just slightly and whispered. "'Lena."

"Hmm?"

"Thank you," he said, keeping his voice very low.

She looked up at him, which caused their faces to be very close. "For what?" she asked.

"For being my friend."

She smiled, softly. "Aw, John. You don't have to thank me for that," she said, in equally hushed tones. "I will always be your friend."

He smiled at her declaration.

Then he kissed her.

Unlike the last time, she didn't hesitate to respond to him. Her hand found his cheek, then his hands released her and cupped her face. He shifted and leaned into her as she grasped his shirt with her other hand. The hand that was touching his face, moved up into his hair at the nape of his neck and she stretched up to reach him better.

All the while their hands were moving, he took his time exploring her mouth: nibbling her lips, his tongue dancing with hers, tasting her sweetness. He was, at once, relieved and delighted by her responses.

When he finally broke the kiss, his mouth moved to her ear and her neck. She sighed in pleasure and moved her hands to pull closer to him.

"'Lena," he whispered, finally. When he spoke, she attacked his neck, circling her tongue along his carotid and placing feather-light kisses on his Adam's apple. He groaned, softly, feeling his body respond to her attention. "'Lena," he repeated, huskily, as if trying to get her attention.

"Hmm?" She responded, softly, without pausing from her ministrations.

"'Lena," he repeated again, moving his hands down her back.

"John?" she whispered back, stretching up to place kisses along his jawline.

He swallowed and put his hands on her shoulders, pushing her away, slightly, determined to say what had entered his mind before she'd attacked his neck, but flushed look on her face caused him to forget that again and he captured her mouth with his one more time.

When he paused, she was breathless when she asked. "You were saying?"

He was too busy kissing her neck, his hands roaming southward, moving her jacket aside, to respond at first. She whimpered when she felt his hand cross her breast. She felt a moment's disappointment when it didn't stay there, until she felt him tug at her shirt, pulling it loose from its tucked in position. His hands were warm, yet their feather light touch on the sensitive skin at her side caused a chill to course through her.

He paused on her neck to frown down at her. "Cold?"

"Hmm?" she asked, almost bewildered. "What? No. You?" She breathed.

"No." He moved in to begin kissing her again, but stopped. "'Lena?"

She met his eyes with her hooded ones. "Yes, John?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Shouldn't we stop?"

She sighed. "Yes, John, we should."

He nodded, cupping her face in his hands again. "You're probably right."

"Mmm-hmm," she licked her lips, looking at his.

"I glad we agree," he muttered as he took possession of her lips again.

Her hands moved inside his jacket as his moved under her shirt, causing her to shiver again and moan softly.

His lips moved her ear and he growled, softly. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"

She smiled and moved her hip in a way that contacted the proof. "I think I have an idea," she breathed. "And the feeling is mutual, believe me," she softly bit his neck.

He groaned and kissed her shoulder, then her neck. "I should go," he said, soflty.

"Mmm," she moaned against his neck. "Me, too."

He pulled back and captured her mouth again. "I'm your CO," he said against her lips.

"And you're an officer; I'm not," she responded, unzipping his jacket, completely, slipping her hands under it around his waist.

"We should stop," he repeated, slipping his hands under her shirt again, spanning her back with his hands.

She tugged on his shirt, untucking it and slipping her hands underneath. "Absolutely," she agreed, kissing the base of his throat, just above his collarbone, along the collar of his t-shirt.

Growling, he began kissing her again; maneuvering her back to the stairs where they'd held each other for comfort many times before and gently guided her to sit, then recline. Then he wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss, moving his hand downward to cup her rear and press her against him.

Her hands wove into his hair and she responded to his every touch and taste with one of her own. She allowed her head to relax back on the step as he attacked her throat and moved further down to the point where her t-shirt started.

After an eternity of kissing and touching, he pulled back and looked at her flushed face. "'Lena," he said, hoarsely.

She blinked. "Yes, John?"

"If we don't stop now, I won't be able to stop later," he whispered, pushing an errant lock of hair off her forehead.

She swallowed and took a deep breath. "I don't want to stop…"

He paused waiting for her to finish, when she didn't he prompted. "But?"

She smiled. "How would it look if someone came out here and we were in the altogether, together?"

He looked up, then, and realized for the first time since he'd started kissing her, that they were outside. If someone knew where to look and looked carefully from one of the nearby towers, they could easily be seen. He chuckled and looked down at her.

She began laughing too. "Now _you_ may not have a problem with the world seeing your gorgeous ass but…"

He threw his head back and laughed, then buried his head in her neck and moved his fingers on her side, which caused her to jump. Then he pulled back and looked down, mischievously, at her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she swallowed.

He experimented, then, by flexing his fingers on her side and, when she jumped again, he grinned. "You're ticklish," he growled, playfully.

She pushed against him. "Don't you dare start!"

But he had her pinned and tickled her until she outmaneuvered him and grabbed him in a _very_ intimate place. "Whoa!"

Her eyebrow rose and she grinned. "Uh-huh. Better watch yourself, Flyboy, I know how to defend myself."

He leaned close. "You'd better watch out, or that'll go off," he whispered into her ear, before tasting her again. Then he pulled back and looked down at her.

She moved her hand and looked into his eyes. "I want you, John."

He thought that, maybe, just maybe, that she wanted to say something else, but he didn't press. He reached down, took her wrist and brought it up between them. He kissed her knuckles, then said. "The feeling is mutual, Helena."

She knew, in that instant, that nothing more was going to happen between them; at least, not now. She reached up and kissed his hand as it held her own. "Walk me home, John."

He nodded.

When they got to her door, he moved in and took her face in his hands. He kissed her again, but this kiss was different from the last one. It was soft and sweet and made her heart swell. She touched his face, then.

"Door's always open," she whispered against his mouth as their kiss ended. Then she turned and went into her room.

He thought about it. He really did, but, instead, he swiped at the door controls and let it close behind her. Then he took a deep breath, rubbed his hand through his hair and went off to take a cold shower.

oOo

John, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon were sitting together on the exterior balcony enjoying breakfast when Helena went past. She nodded and smiled and John waved back.

"Good to see you two are back to normal," Rodney commented, shoving eggs into his mouth.

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

"There has been some tension between you lately," Teyla added.

John frowned and looked at Ronon, who shrugged.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he shook his head. "Everything is fine, has been."

John saw Woolsey, then. "Anyone ever notice that Woolsey seems to stay by himself a lot?"

Teyla looked at Rodney, who rolled his eyes. Then she turned to and called to Woolsey: "Mr Woolsey. Would you care to join us?"


	104. Brain Storm

_**Brain Storm**_

Helena stood, grinning, next to the fruit.

"Chief?"

Helena didn't stop looking at what she was looking at, but responded. "Hmm?"

Lieutenant LeVox looked out over the cafeteria in the direction she was and looked for something fascinating. He frowned when he couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. "Everything okay?"

Helena looked at him, then. "What? Sure. Fine, why?"

He shook his head. "You're standing by yourself, staring off in the distance with a smile on your face. Has kind of a craziness flavor to it."

Helena scoffed and swatted his arm. "Thanks a lot. My loyal friend has me in a padded room already."

LeVox shrugged. "Sure, anytime."

Helena shook her head and turned to walk back into the kitchen. Before entering, she turned to look again at the part of the cafeteria she'd been watching. As they stood, she wondered if Rodney finally asked Jennifer out, yet. They were both smiling, she noticed. _That can only be a good thing_, she thought as she resumed her way into the kitchen.

oOo

John and Ronon walked into the cafeteria after two days of surfing on the mainland. John wasn't surprised that Ronon picked up the sport so easily. He was happy that the younger man seemed to really enjoy it almost as much as kicking his ass with _bantos_ sticks.

"Looks like someone's happy to see you're back," the subject of his thoughts intoned, lowly, behind his ear.

John looked up at him to see him grinning at an object across the cafeteria. Then John followed his look to find 'Lena smiling at them from an occupied table she was standing near.

"What makes you think it's me? Why not you? Why not _us_?"

Ronon leveled a look at John. "Yeah. Okay." He said in his noncommittal way. He stepped around his friend and commander to grab a tray from the beginning of the serving line.

John frowned at Ronon, then glanced over to 'Lena, who was no longer looking their way, but was headed out to the external balcony. He joined Ronon at the serving line and loaded his tray, wordlessly.

When John and Ronon sat down, Ronon tore into his food with his usual voracity while John ate more leisurely, as was his habit. Ronon noticed with an almost imperceptible grin that John would glance from time to time toward the doors of the exterior balcony. When a certain Food Services Chief returned from her rounds outside, John's eyes followed her around the cafeteria.

"Listen," Ronon said, finally. "I have something to take care of today. Why don't you take someone else surfing?"

John looked at Ronon, frowning. "What? I thought you were having a good time."

Ronon nodded. "It was fun," he said with his usual lack of enthusiasm. "But I have other things to do this week and I thought you wanted to return to the mainland. You said not to surf alone, so why don't you see if someone else wants to go?"

John frowned. "Well, if you're sure you don't want to go, I guess I can find something else to do. Besides, who else in this city is going to want to go surfing?"

Ronon shrugged. He, then, deliberately turned to look over his shoulder at Helena. "I don't know. But the location you picked for camp last night, might be a nice place for a lunch – if surfing doesn't work."

John followed Ronon's eyes to Helena, then, alarmed, looked back. "Well," he said, slowly, picking up his fork and examining his food. "I could probably find something else to do."

Ronon turned back to him and stared at him.

John looked up. "What?"

"Why don't you just ask her?"

John frowned and leaned forward. "I'm her Commanding Officer," he said, lowly. "Now, I don't know about where you come from, but that tends to be a problem where I come from."

Ronon studied John, then nodded, seeming to understand. Then, he leaned forward as well. "I'm only suggesting that you ask her to go surfing," he said, simply.

John frowned. "What? Oh." He glanced back over to 'Lena. "I knew that."

Ronon shrugged. Then he grasped the edges of his tray and announced. "I'm done."

John nodded as his friend abruptly stood and walked away with his tray, a move that wasn't unusual for him. Then he looked over to where 'Lena was talking to some Marines and frowned, thoughtfully. After a time, he stood, the remainder of his food, untouched, and left the cafeteria.

Unbeknownst to him, Helena watched him leave, curious that he hadn't approached her to say hello. She frowned, wondering if he regretted the other night and was trying to avoid her as a result. She sighed and returned to her office in the kitchen.

oOo

_A/N: I know that this doesn't really fit the bill as a true episode tag because it doesn't really deal with anything that happened in the ep. BUT there's five weeks between the first scene and Rodney and Jennifer's return and there are other people who stayed behind. THEREFORE, I decided to continue the storyline with John and Ronon...sort of...LOL. Hope you enjoyed it. Stick with me, I think I feel an Aside coming on..._

_As always, please remember to feed the author. Thank you._

_MA_


	105. Aside 11, A Day At The Beach

_**Aside 11 – At The Beach**_

John walked into the cafeteria after hours to find 'Lena finishing her nightly cleaning.

She smiled at him. "Hello, John."

He smiled, feeling oddly nervous, but he didn't know why.

Her smile flickered. "Is everything okay?"

"Do you surf?"

Helena frowned. "Surf?" She shook her head. "I don't really swim," she chuckled. "Surfing would, therefore, be a relatively bad idea."

He nodded, thoughtfully.

"Why do you ask?" When he didn't answer, she prompted. "John?"

"Hmm? Oh, Ronon doesn't want to go tomorrow and he suggested that I might ask you, so I'm asking, but you don't surf, so that's okay, I can always ask around – "

"Whoa! John, take a breath," she laughed. "Thank you for asking me. I'd be delighted to go with you, but it is necessary for me to surf?"

He paused. "Uh," he frowned. "No, I don't... Wouldn't you be bored by yourself on the beach, while I'm surfing?"

She frowned, good-naturedly. "Are you kidding? The chance to hang out on a quiet beach and read? I haven't done that since I left Miami…" she seemed to think. "Oh, good lord, has it really been fifteen years? Wow." She looked at him and smiled. "Really, I'd enjoy it. And I'd bring lunch."

He nodded. After a silent moment, he shook his head. "But I was telling Ronon that you should never surf without company. Just in case…"

She smiled. "I didn't say 'I can't swim', John. I said, 'I don't'. I _can_ if I need to. Take a radio; they're water resistant. If you need help, you call me, I come to your rescue."

John nodded, frowning, thoughtfully. "Okay, then. Tomorrow at 0800?"

She nodded. "0800."

John nodded, again. "Okay. Good night, then."

She smiled, widely. "Good night, John."

He started to walk back out, but was still acting hesitant, as though he was thinking about something.

Helena immediately deduced that he was having second thoughts. "John," she frowned. "Should I have said no?"

"What?" He looked confused, then shook his head. "Why should you say no?"

Helena shrugged. "You just don't seem so sure you want me to go."

"Well, I asked you to go, didn't I?" he sounded impatient.

She shrugged. "Yeah, but you seem like you're headed to a death sentence. If the thought of being alone on the mainland with me is that…distasteful – I can say no."

All hesitation left as John swiftly walked over to her and grasped her arms, just above the elbows, looking intently into her eyes. "Listen, there is _nothing_ 'distasteful' about being alone with you."

Helena smiled up at him, then looked down at his chest as she felt her face warm. "Feeling's mutual."

John nodded, then, and released her. "0800."

"Absolutely."

Then he was gone. Helena started thinking about what to pack for lunch. She went into the kitchen and started preparing food. Smiling, she began to hum.

Then she suddenly stopped. Her head popped up and she looked out over the cafeteria, with her eyes wide and her mouth slightly ajar. She felt her cheeks warm as she saw in her mind's eye the image of John Sheppard in the blue Hawaiian swimming shorts. Then she swallowed and hurried her lunch preparations to go pack, so that she could go to bed quickly.

After all, she'd learned when she was a kid waiting for Christmas morning that the sooner one goes to sleep the faster tomorrow comes.

oOo

Helena carried a cooler of food and a large canvas book bag, both stuffed to capacity, into the Jumper Bay. She found an open jumper and looked in. "Hello?"

But instead of finding John, she found Radek Zelenka. He looked up from the notebook he was looking at and pushed his glasses back up to his nose. "Oh, hello, Helena. What brings you up to the Jumper Bay?"

Helena looked around. "I'm supposed to meet Colonel Sheppard here at eight."

Radek looked at his watch. "He still has twenty minutes."

Helena frowned. "You're kidding. I'm _that_ early? Guess I was quicker getting here than I thought I would be."

He looked amused. "Still avoiding transporters? After all these years?"

Helena shrugged. "Exercise is a _good thing_, Radek."

Radek shook his head. "Until you have to climb 65 floors to get here."

Helena nodded. "Yeah, well, if you get used to climbing that on a regular basis, then when you _have _to in an emergency, it won't take as much out of you."

Radek studied her and decided that she was serious. "Military people are strange."

Helena laughed. "Yes, my friend, we are, at that. What are you working on?"

"Oh, well, Colonel Sheppard asked for a Jumper to be ready for this morning – as you already know – and this is his favorite one. He said the drive responses were a bit sluggish the last time, so I'm giving it a…uh, I think the term is 'tune up'?"

Helena smiled, nodding. "A tune up. Exactly right. As long as it gets us to the mainland and back safely. I don't want to be at the bottom of this ocean. Who knows if there are whales to help you all find us here."

Radek nodded. "Good point."

Helena secured her things in the back of the jumper. Then sat down and talked to Radek as he worked.

That's how John found them. Helena was sitting on one of the benches in the back with her foot up and her arm resting on her knee. Radek had one of the control panels down and was doing his thing. He smiled inside seeing the ease with which Helena spoke to her friends, no matter the situation.

"Hey, guys," he said. "How's it going, Radek?"

"Done, Colonel," the scientist said, closing the panel. "Have a nice day, Helena, Colonel."

"You, too, Radek," Helena said, standing.

Radek packed up his gear and headed out the back hatch, leaving John to close it behind him.

Helena smiled up at John. "Good morning."

"Good morning," he nodded, moving past her to the cockpit.

Helena frowned, then followed to sit shotgun. "Did you sleep well?"

"Me? Sure."

Helena shook her head. "I didn't. Too excited, I guess, about going to the mainland. I've never been there, you know. Actually, I think the last time I was off Atlantis was the last time we evacuated." She suddenly felt like a chatterbox and stopped talking as she looked around the jumper.

John nodded as he went through preflight. The next thing he said was to get flight clearance from the tower.

Then they were in the air. Helena took a deep breath and sat back in silence. After about ten minutes of flying over the beautiful ocean into a gorgeous sunny day in silence, unable to enjoy it while he wouldn't say a word, she sat forward.

"You know, maybe this was a bad idea."

John frowned and looked over at her. "What?"

"I said, 'maybe this was a bad idea'."

"Why?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, maybe, because you haven't said more than three words to me today."

John looked at the console. "I'm flying."

Despite her feelings of uncertainty, she had to smile. "I can see that."

"But you want me to take you back."

"No. But if you're going to spend the whole day closed-mouthed, I'd rather go where I'll have someone to talk to."

John smiled at this. After a moment, she nudged him and he chuckled. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I've been a little preoccupied."

"Chain of command, eh?"

He looked at her, startled that she would know his thoughts so well. "How'd you know?"

"Do you think I haven't thought the same things?"

He gave a one shoulder shrug.

She hit that shoulder.

"Ow!"

She raised an eyebrow and looked at him as if to say, "And?"

He frowned at her. "That hurt!" he rubbed his arm.

"Wuss."

He looked at her, indignant. "What?"

"You heard me."

"You just called me a wuss."

She smiled. "Because I didn't hit you that hard." 

He harrumphed. "Hard enough."

She scoffed. "This from the man who gets his ass kicked by Ronon twice a week."

John frowned. "As you recall, I left Ronon back on Atlantis. If I wanted to be beaten up, I would have brought him and a pair of _bantos_ sticks."

She chuckled. "Good point."

"So no more punching."

She tried to swallow the grin but failed miserably. "If you insist."

"I do."

She nodded. "Fine."

"Good." He paused for a moment. "'Cause I've had my ass kicked by enough women."

She laughed out loud. "Okay, then no ass kicking." 

He nodded forward. "That's where we're going."

She looked out the window. "There?"

He nodded.

"Oh, John, it's beautiful!"

He smiled at the awe in her voice.

She looked over at him. She sat back in her seat, then, smiling, as well.

oOo

John landed the Jumper next to the wood line, away from the direct view of the beach. Helena grabbed her gear and John grabbed the surf boards, skillfully stowed in the Jumper, out of obvious sight, and they trudged out to the beach. John led her to a spot that had some shade but still had a beautiful view.

Helena set her things down and turned to look out, putting a hand up to shield her sun-glassed eyes from the intensity of the sun. The scene reminded her of the best of Florida beaches: gold and diamond sand disappearing into the crisp aquamarine ocean whose only interruption were the rolling silver-whitecaps. As the ocean extended farther from shore, the color changed from the jewel-like aquamarine to a deeper azure until it seemed to blend with the clear blue sky half a world away. The breeze off the ocean was cooler than the heat of the sand and tasted like salt. She breathed deeply and smiled broadly, remembering days stationed in Homestead, Florida – a stone's throw from Miami Beach - before the hurricane. Unfortunately, that thought brought forth thoughts of Hurricane Andrew and she turned away from the ocean to see John watching her.

"What's wrong?" he asked, picking up on her change in expression.

Shaking her head, she smiled. "This is absolutely beautiful, John. I love it."

"But?"

She shook her head, again, this time to banish the bad thoughts. "No buts. I'm so glad you asked me to come."

John seemed to visibly relax then. "I'm glad you're glad. Want to take a dunk before we set up camp?"

Helena smiled. "Absolutely." Without hesitation, she kicked off the sandals that offered her feet protection from the Jumper, peeled off her T-shirt and shimmied out of her jeans, revealing a halter style tankini of a deep blue that matched her eyes. She looked over in time to see John peel off his own T-shirt, after already having dropped his jeans. She was pleased to see the same shorts she'd dreamt about last night. She suddenly felt the heat of the sand on her face and took off at a run toward the ocean.

She dove into the water all at once, knowing the shock of the water's temperature would be less than if she went in by inches. She needn't have worried, though, because the water was perfectly cool, not cold and not overly warm. Enough to diminish the heat of the sand and her thoughts but not enough to cause shivers. She came up and looked around.

John wasn't on shore. She turned around and didn't see him around her. She automatically became suspicious, but before she could react on the suspicion, she felt hands on her ankles, and she was going down again.

She kicked him off her ankles and sat up. The water lapped at her shoulders as she sat. He stood then, blocking out the sun. The effect was a halo around a dark sea-god, bringing to mind a mosaic of a younger Poseidon Helena had seen once. It took her breath away until he knelt down next to her, taking a seat.

"That was sneaky," she grinned, finally feeling air back in her lungs.

He grinned back at her, leaning back to submerge all but his face in the water. Her grin widened and she grabbed his supporting wrist and pulled hard enough for him to go completely under. Then she stood and ran through the water, putting safe distance between them before he came back above the water.

They played like this for a while, then John eyed a great wave in the distance. Helena nodded. "Go," and they came out of the water to return to their camp site. He took one of the surf boards and headed out, while Helena opened her canvas bag and set out the large blanket she'd brought. She set the cooler on the side of the blanket that was in the most shade, then grabbed her book and began to read.

Or at least she pretended to read. The book was out and she was comfortable, but her eyes wouldn't focus on anything but the Greek god paddling out after the waves. About the time he gained his feet and started riding the wave, she growled in frustration and turned over, so that her back would be exposed to the sun and she couldn't watch the ocean any longer.

By the time that John returned, Helena had dozed off. He frowned when he saw her, book closed on her right thumb, head turned toward the book, asleep in the sun, and he began to worry about sunburn. He looked around and found the sunblock, then put some in his hands, rubbing them together to warm it.

Helena woke with a start when she felt his hands on her back.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you, just didn't want you to get sunburned," he said.

She smiled and relaxed, enjoying his ministrations. "Thank you."

"Welcome," he replied, softly, focusing on the task at hand. He felt her relax under his hands and suddenly remembered the feel of her in his arms. He pulled his hands back, then, and cleared his throat. "I, uh, don't suppose you brought food, did you?"

Helena turned to her side and grinned up at him. "Now what kind of question is that?"

Her easy smile allowed him to relax again, though it did nothing for the heat he was feeling. "Just wondering," he shrugged, wiping excess sunblock on his own arms.

She sat up and reached for the cooler. Opening it, she brought out bottles of water and sandwiches.

John looked at her. "Turkey?"

She chuckled. "John, just because you don't read your emails, doesn't mean that no one else does. I got your email about being tired of turkey. I brought pastrami and BLTs. I also have fruit and, if we stay later, I have stuff for dinner, too."

He grinned. "I'll take one of the BLTs."

"Excellent choice, sir," she tossed the wrapped sandwich to him, which he caught easily. She selected one for herself, then and proceeded to open it.

He watched with a curious frown as she picked the bacon out of the sandwich and ate it separately. Then she bit into the sandwich itself. "'Lena?"

Chewing, she smiled a close-mouthed smile and raised her eyebrows. "Hmm?"

He shook his head. "Nevermind."

She swallowed and smiled more broadly. "I like bacon."

He chuckled. "Why put it on the sandwich? Why not just pack bacon, then make tomato and lettuce sandwiches." He took a bite of his own sandwich.

He almost choked when she said, simply, "Fewer containers."

She laughed and offered him water. They continued to eat in an easy silence, speaking only occasionally about unimportant things, commenting on the view, the ocean, the perfectness of the weather.

After finishing his sandwich, John picked up her book and turned it over in his hands. "Romance novel?"

She grinned. "Diversion. Relaxing escapism. And not a bad read. I've read the series before." 

He looked at her with eyebrows raised. "It's part of a series?"

She nodded her head. "_Seven Brides for Seven Brothers_. Historical romances set after the Civil War, starting in Texas and heading North and West with each book."

"Let me guess, seven books?"

"Yep. One about each brother."

"Why do women read this stuff?"

"I told you, escapism."

"Probably written by some old maid holed up in a house with twenty-seven cats…"

"Actually, Leigh Greenwood is a guy. Married for more than thirty years and a father."

John frowned. "Yeah, right," he said, slowly.

She jutted her chin out, "It's easy to judge when you've never read it."

"I'll read it after I finish my book."

"And what chapter are you one in _War and Peace_?"

"Almost on Chapter 6."

"_Chapter_ 6 or _Book_ 6?"

"Chapter 6."

She laughed. "At this rate, you should be ready to read another book in, what? Three _hundred_ years!"

He shrugged. "So, then you'll save the series for me?"

She laughed again. He smiled in response.

After a minute, he frowned at her head. "Why don't you let your hair down? You know, you're not at work…"

She reached back and grabbed the long braid. "I figured it was practical. If I _were_ to go swimming, the hair could suffocate me when it gets in my face full of water."

John nodded. "I see." He looked back out to the ocean. "Hey," he said, eventually. "Do you want to try it? At least paddle out with me?"

She looked sidelong at him. "Are trying to get rid of me, sir?"

He grinned. "No. But now that you mention it, it would be an interesting way of – OW!" he said as her book impacted squarely with his bare chest. He looked indignant. "I thought we agreed no beating me up!"

She tried to look contrite, but the twinkle in her eye ruined it.

He tossed the book back to her as he stood. "Come on. I'll teach you how to surf."

She put the book away and stood, following him out to the beach line.

They spent the afternoon with John teaching Helena how to balance on the board while it lay on the sand. After a while, Helena became convinced that it was absolutely hopeless and John suggested they just use the board as a raft to enjoy the water. Helena sat on the front as John paddled out, then sat behind her.

"Go ahead and turn around," he said.

Her heart was pounding in her ears at the thought of being so far away from shore on what to her was little more than a long piece of plywood. She took a deep breath as the water gently rocked the board and tried to figure out how to turn around while staying perfectly centered.

"Are you okay?"

She swallowed and lied. "Sure," she hoped she sounded it. Finally, she began to turn.

Her back was to the wave that tipped the board, sending her into the water. She went under and felt an icy hand clasp her heart as she swallowed water. Her stomach heaved as the fear and salt water hit it and she began to kick to reach the surface, just as a strong force grabbed her flailing hand. She was pulled out of the water and back on the board by a very concerned looking John.

"I thought you said you could swim!"

Coughing, she nodded. "I said [_cough_] that I can [_cough, cough_] but I [_cough, spit_] don't really."

He frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She finally was able to take a deep breath. "It means that I can swim if I need to, but I don't feel comfortable doing it. Especially when I know I can't touch the bottom."

He glared at her.

She felt like his eyes were stabbing her and it made her want to weep. "Don't look at me like that, John," she pleaded.

He dove off the board and went to the tail, turned it around and kicked it back toward the shallows.

Helena blinked hard as embarrassment and shame warmed her face and caused tears to rise. She swallowed hard, trying to eliminate the lump in her throat. The journey out was less than half as long as the trip back, as far as she was concerned, and the longer it took, the more angry she felt. As soon as she felt that the water was where she could handle the depth, she dove off and swam back to shore, welcoming the coolness of the water and the work of concentrating on quelling the feelings of panic that overcame her anytime she was in water over her shoulders. Finally, she kicked sand. She came out of the water and ran back to the blanket, grabbing her towel.

By the time he arrived, she had her shorts on and was packing up her things. He silently toweled off and carried the surf boards to the puddle jumper. When he returned, she had everything packed up. He picked up the cooler, only to have her snatch it out of his hand and heft it and the hastily packed canvas bag to her shoulders and stalk to the jumper. On the way, a couple of things fell out of the canvas bag and John sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair. He followed her and picked up everything that fell out, including her book.

When they arrived at the jumper, he handed her the things he'd retrieved and she frostily took them from him, muttering "Thank you."

He held out the book. She reached out to get it and he pulled it back.

"'Lena," he started.

She simply turned, without the book, and stomped through the jumper to the front seat and sat down, her back reed straight.

He sighed again tossed the book at the canvas bag, barely noticing that it bounced off. Then he moved into the pilot seat and started preflight, sealing the back and starting the engines. Soon, they were in the air, neither speaking to the other.

It seemed like they were in the air for hours when the left drive stuttered. Helena gripped the arms of the chair. "John?"

He frowned. "Hold on."

Then the right drive cut out. Helena suddenly forgot being angry and remembered how to be terrified, for the second time that day. "John?"

He was concentrating on the controls. "'Lena, move to the back and hold on. I'm going to try to put 'er down on water, without going under, but we're definitely going down. I've just lost the left drive."

Helena moved swiftly to the back and held on to the bench. Once there, she closed her eyes and began to pray.

John gritted his teeth and hoped they wouldn't lose power completely as he struggled to guide the jumper, which, without drives, handled only a little better than a shot down Blackhawk helicopter. It didn't exactly drop out of the sky, but it didn't glide smoothly either. When they hit the water, it was with enough force that John felt the impact from the base of his spine to the base of his skull, but he was able to keep her nose up and keep them from sinking. He then tried the radio, to find it disabled. He managed to manually launch the locator beacon just before he moved to the back to check on Helena.

He found her with her knuckles white from their grip on the bench, eyes squeezed shut and pale. He sat down next to her. "'Lena. 'Lena, it's okay," he pried her hand from the bench. "We're okay, 'Lena, relax."

She released a sob and dissolved into his chest, grasping his shirt as thought it were her life line.

He put his arms around her and found that she was shaking like the proverbial leaf. He gently stroked her back and still damp hair until he felt her begin to relax. "It's okay, 'Lena. I was scared too."

She drew back, tears brimming her eyes and softly slapped his chest. "I don't want to hear that! You're John Sheppard, the Invincible. You had a building fall down on you, then went and kicked Wraith-hybrid ass. Nothing should faze you anymore."

He grinned slightly. "Sorry. I've also crashed a dozen or so times – still scares the piss out of me."

Though the grin didn't yet reach her eyes, her mouth quirked up. "Is that what that smell is?"

His grin widened. "Sorry."

She sniffed and took a deep breath, still shaky, but better. "So, where are we?"

"I'd say, the middle of the ocean." At her "well duh!" look, he continued. "About half way back. We have some power, but I've powered down all but the most essential systems. The emergency locator beacon is active and should help them find us, but the radio is down, so they won't be able to contact us until they're within range of the handhelds."

Helena swallowed. "And how likely are we to sink?"

He shook his head. "I haven't seen any leaks, so we should be in pretty good shape. We have food and water, so if we have to stay for a couple of days, we'll be fine." 

Her eyes widened. "Days?"

He grinned. "I'm pretty sure Chuck or Amelia will notice the beacon and Radek will find us before then."

Helena took a deep, still shaky, breath and nodded, looking around. "Okay."

John reached out and took her wrist. "So tell me about swimming."

She swallowed. "I'm a chicken shit, that's all," she dismissed, looking away.

He frowned. "Not you," he asserted. "You are one of the strongest people I know, 'Lena. Don't avoid the question." He raised his eyebrows and dipped his head to catch her eyes. "I thought we were friends."

Glancing in his direction, but not meeting his eyes, she took a breath. "I almost drowned when I was thirteen. A cousin talked me into jumping in the lake and I forgot everything about swimming as soon as I hit the water. I could see the surface but I couldn't remember how to get to it," she shuddered. "To me, it's one of the worse ways I can imagine to die." She took another breath. "In high school, I took swimming lessons and relearned how to swim, but I've never been able to shake that fear when I get into water over my head – as much as I've tried."

"So why didn't you tell me this?"

She shook her head. "I thought, maybe" she shrugged. "Just maybe I could shake it this time." She looked down at her hands. "Guess not."

He examined her and felt his heart soften for her. He reached over and cupped her face in his hands, tilting it back up. As soon as she was looking at him, again, he lowered his face to hers and kissed her softly.

She sighed against his lips and accepted the kiss, relaxing and parting her lips. He took advantage of this action by running the tip of his tongue along her lips, softly, sending chills through her body. He pulled back.

"Are you cold?"

She smiled through moist eyes. "It must be you. Seems to me we had a moment like this once before."

He remembered the pier and how his touch on her bare skin caused a similar reaction. He examined her face and found a smile that extended to her eyes. He pulled her close. "'Lena," he said, tightly.

"Yes, John?"

He nibbled her ear and whispered, softly. "I want to make love to you."

She smiled and melted into him. "The feeling's mutual."

He captured her mouth again with his, tasting and teasing, nibbling and licking, trying to memorize her every reaction to his every action before moving on. His hands began to move, running up her tankini covered lower back to her bare upper back to the strings that held the halter at the base of her neck. They by-passed these long enough to pull the tie from her braid and set her hair loose. He threaded his fingers into its damp, curling, thickness and pulled her head back, to taste her throat. He felt himself react to the sigh that seemed to come from her soul as his tongue drew small circles along her carotid.

His hands found the strings of the halter and a small tug loosened them enough for him to free her breasts from their confines. He pushed her back, gently on the bench and began to explore her body, unbuttoning her shorts and easing them over her hips.

Her hands sought a way under his shirt, but he captured her hands and pushed them back. She took his hand in hers and brought it to her mouth, gently nibbling and licking on the pad at the base of his thumb. This had a curious effect upon him: he felt as if she was actually doing those same actions to another part of his anatomy, much further south. In response, he growled and captured her breast in his mouth, causing her to cry out and arch against him, releasing his hand.

At this point, there was no turning back. He peeled his shirt off as she pulled off the tankini top. He pulled her shorts and tankini bottoms off and she assisted him with his shorts. They delighted in their exploration of each other, lying on the floor of the back of the jumper, after he closed the bulkhead doors leading to the cockpit and it's windows, "just in case".

oOo

"John." 

He opened one eye and looked down toward the redhead curled up against his side, both of them wrapped in the blanket they remembered was full of sand only after they'd wrapped up in it. "Hmm?"

"Chain of command."

He took a deep breath. "Yes?"

"You're an officer."

"And you're not."

"You're Air Force; I'm Army."

"I'm the military commander of Atlantis."

"I've never answered directly to you. My evaluations, supply requests, personnel reports and all that such have always gone directly to the lead administrator."

"True."

"So?"

He picked up one shoulder, slightly. "So."

She sat up a little higher to look down at him, leaning fully on his chest. "Sooo?"

"So, do we have to worry about it now?" He knew he should, but, in truth, all he could think about was the feeling of her bare breasts against his chest. He reached down to run a finger from her hip up to her ribs.

She jumped as his slight touch caused chills to take over her body. She smacked his chest slightly. "Be careful, flyboy," she warned as she moved her leg, her thigh contacting with an important part of his anatomy.

"You're warning me?" he grinned, feeling himself respond to her merest touch.

Her eyes widened, then she bit her lips and grinned down at him. "Shall I retreat?"

"Retreat is not an option, Chief," he growled, grabbing her and rolling over to pin her beneath him, further wrapping the sandy blanket around them. Soon, however, neither one of them felt the sand.

_Colonel Sheppard, come in._

Helena allowed one eye to crack open, not wanting ruin the warm comfort she felt wrapped in the strong arms of her best friend, but Radek's persistence demanded attention. She felt John's arm flex under her and she shifted to allow him freedom to reach the radio.

"Sheppard, here."

_Are you and Chief Leiter okay?_

He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she cupped her hand over her mouth to muffle the giggle. "We're hanging in there."

_We're on our way. We should be there in about 10 minutes. Of course, then we'll have to figure out how to get you out of the jumper._

"Listen, Radek," John said, sounding suddenly serious as Helena sat up and reached for her clothes. "We're fine in here, so I want you to take as much time as you need to make sure we don't sink this jumper. I'd hate to lose her." He watched Helena stand and start getting dressed.

_Will do. Zelenka out._

Helena frowned over at John, her tangled hair curling into her face. "And I thought you wanted him to take his time for another reason."

He stood and moved over to stand behind her and pulled her to him. "What should I have said? 'Give us more time because I'm not finished doing the chief'?"

Helena's eyes and mouth widened into matching Os as she swatted his arm.

His response was to nibble her neck, just below her ear. Her quick intake of breath made him smile, loving her reactions to his actions. "I would love more time to explore every sound you make, 'Lena. Should I tell Radek to come back tomorrow?"

She smiled blissfully. "We can still explore in a more comfortable setting, you know. And, besides, how would we explain that to Woolsey?"

"'I'm doin' the chief' doesn't work?" He nibbled her earlobe.

Helena laughed. "You _are_ incorrigible." Then she swatted his hands. "Now let me go, flyboy, so I can be decent before they get here."

"Ten whole minutes…"

She chuckled. "No dice, _sir._ For one thing, I don't want to have that look when we see Radek," then her grin turned wicked. "And for another, it would take you longer than ten minutes _this _time."

The look of righteous indignation that covered his face made her laugh out loud. Then he narrowed his eyes. "Just for that crack, 'Lena. I think I will wait until we get back," he grabbed her and turned her around so their faces were a breath apart. "Then laugh when someone asks why you're walking funny."

She licked her bottom lip and raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't doubt that someone might be asking me that when I walk off the jumper."

His ego appeased, he pulled her close and kissed her long and hard.

oOo

It was determined that the jumper's back door could be opened to allow them to exit while the other jumper's door was open to allow them to enter. The problem arose, for Helena, in the fact that they were on the ocean, buffeted by the waves, prevented the jumpers from being too close. John and Helena would have to find a way to traverse the distance of 20 yards.

"Twenty yards?" Helena whispered. "That's sixty feet."

John squeezed her shoulders, then unsecured one of the surfboards. "Remember when we paddled out?"

She nodded, swallowing. "But we were closer to shore."

Putting aside the board, he shook his head, taking her face in his hands. His eyes drilled into hers. "No. We weren't. We were in the middle of the ocean and you were safe. I won't let anything happen to you, 'Lena. Trust me."

She frowned. "But – "

He leaned in a little closer. "Trust me, 'Lena. Either you do, or you don't. Do you?"

She took a deep breath and look directly into his hazel eyes, dark with determination and something else that she couldn't name. She focused on those eyes and felt her fear lift, not completely, but to a manageable level. "With my life."

He smiled and kissed her, lightly. "Let's go."

He lowered the back hatch and held Helena's arm as they moved to the end. Radek and Evan Lorne stood at the end of the other jumper, but Helena didn't give them more than a glance – mostly because she determined in that one glance that it was _much_ further than sixty feet. So she refocused her attention on John. He set the board in the water and nodded for her to get on. She straddled the board, just a bit to the front and he got on behind her.

"I'm here, 'Lena. You're safe," he said, lowly, somewhere near her ear.

She took a deep breath and focused only on the warmth coming from him and the task at hand, eyes fixed on the board between her knees. Much sooner than she thought, they were being assisted into the waiting jumper by Evan and Radek.

"You okay, Helena?" Evan asked, lowly, as soon as she was securely inside.

She nodded. She hoped she sounded convincing as she responded. "Fantastic." She sat down on the bench and watched John lift the board out of the water and stow it behind the bench opposite of her.

John squeezed her shoulder as he passed her to sit shotgun of Evan. Helena smiled and took a deep breath as they headed back for the city.

oOo

Richard Woolsey was in the jumper bay when the hatch lowered for Helena and John to walk out. "Chief, Colonel, it's good to see you're both unharmed."

John nodded. "The jumper's salvageable, too. We left it closed up tight. We just need to make sure a team gets out there to tow it back or fix it."

Woolsey smiled, grimly. "A team has already been sent out, Colonel. I expect their report within the next couple of hours. I'll be sure to let you know what they say."

John nodded. "Then, if you don't mind, I'll escort Chief Leiter to her quarters. She's still a little shaken from the crash and the idea of making the bottom of the ocean a home."

"That's no lie," Helena breathed. "Now I remember why I haven't ventured out of the city since the last time I was forced to."

Woolsey's smile seemed to turn to one of understanding. "And here I thought it was simply devotion to your 'children', Chief."

Helena smiled broadly. "Okay. You got me. But this can be a real good reason not to go again."

They excused themselves and John took Helena back to her quarters, walking her inside. Once there, with the door closed behind them, he pulled her into his arms and simply held her.

She inhaled his scent once more and felt herself relax in the safe strength of his arms. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him. After a while, she lifted her head and placed a feather-soft kiss at the base of his throat. He tilted his head down, then and took possession of her mouth, biting her upper lip softly before releasing.

"I'd like to see you later," he said, gruffly.

"You see me almost every night, John," she joked. "I'm always there."

He gazed at her until she felt her cheeks warm.

"I'd like that, too," she responded, feeling chastised even though he hadn't spoken. "I won't be going to the cafeteria today. Come back when you're finished."

He kissed her softly, then he was gone.


	106. Infection

_**Infection**_

"Chief!" Coop called across the cafeteria, holding up an earwig. "You're being paged."

Helena sighed and wondered if she would ever remember to put that thing on as she moved to receive it from her assistant. Smiling, gratefully, she placed it on her ear and responded, "Leiter here – finally."

_Left it on your desk again, didn't you?_

She smiled at the humor in his voice. "What is it, John?" she asked, trying to sound perturbed, making her way into her office to speak in private.

_Might not make it for dinner. Todd's ship just showed up and we're going to check it out._

Helena frowned. "I'll keep it warm for you, as always. Be careful, my friend."

_Of course. See you when I get back._

"I'll be here," she turned to pick up some paperwork from her desk when a thought occurred to her: he'd never called her to tell her he was going off on a mission before.

First, she smiled: he must be taking this thing that was developing between them seriously.

Then, she frowned: what if he intuitively knew something was going to go wrong and was calling her because it might be the last time?

"Aw, hell!" she snatched the earwig from her ear and tossed it on the desk, stomping away. "No damned wonder I don't wear it!"

oOo

John woke up in the infirmary. Every muscle in his body ached, like the last time he'd crashed a helicopter, but no bones seemed to be broken this time. He raised his head to take a visual assessment, ignoring the screaming in his muscles.

"You're all there," a soft, faintly amused voice said from his right.

He leaned his head back again "I'll take your word for it."

Helena appeared at his side. "Apparently, the inertial dampeners failed when you splashed down. Most of you have some form of concussion and Lt. Davis has a fractured leg, but, other than that, all but two are accounted for."

"And they're dead," he stated, shortly. He cleared his throat, "killed by a Wraith."

She nodded. "Ronon said as much."

He groaned. "Of course, _he'd _be the first one up."

She grinned. "Well, awake anyway. Doctor Cole isn't letting anyone _up_ yet." She looked at the side of his face. With a cool finger, she lightly traced a line there. "What happened here?"

"Fight with a hungry Wraith."

She grimaced.

"Don't worry, he looks worse."

She smiled. "Smartass."

Wiggling his eyebrows, at least, didn't hurt.

She looked around then and he realized he was in a room by himself – or rather, a curtained off area. Once she established that no one was around, she leaned down and kissed him softly. "Welcome back."

He reached up and touched her cheek. "Now, you weren't worried, were you?"

Helena smiled down at him in a way that told him the truth even as her lips lied. "Me? Never."

"Good," he smiled. "Now, help me get out of this bed." He pushed himself to a half-sitting position.

She gently, by firmly, pushed on his chest until he went back down. "Stay there or I'll sit on you."

He grinned. "Promise?"

She rolled her eyes and blushed as she swatted his arm, softly. "I'll cal Kat and _she'll_ decide if you can get up."

He chuckled. "Actually, the thought of you sitting on me was enough to get me up…"

Her eyes glanced to the middle of the bed as her cheeks reddened even more. "Well, you better get him under control, Flyboy, before Kat gets here and you have to explain…"

"Yes, ma'am."

She shot him a sidelong glanced that read "don't 'ma'am' me, mister" as she pressed her hands to her cheeks to cool them as she moved to the edge of the curtain to call Dr. Cole.


	107. Identity

_**Identity**_

"_Carson!_"

Dr. Beckett looked up from his tray of food to locate the origin of the familiar voice. He smiled as he stood. "Helena, how are you, luv?"

Helena smiled. "I'm fantastic now that my favorite doctor in two galaxies is here – " she lowered her voice and looked around. "Just don't tell Kat I said that, though."

He chuckled. "Of course, lass. Can you sit for a minute?"

Helena nodded and took a seat. "How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Did you get a chance to see Radek?"

Carson nodded, grimly. "I'm sure he'll recover, but I understand it was very close. He's stable now."

She took a deep breath and chewed her lip. "And Keller?" she finally addressed his reason for returning.

"She's resting," he said. "They're keeping a close eye on her."

She nodded, thoughtfully, then brightened. "Well, I'm glad they brought you in. I've missed you, my friend."

He smiled. "I've missed you, too." He took a deep breath. "So, tell me what you've been up to. How many young Marines are hopelessly in love with you now?"

Helena frowned in feinted disappointment. "Now, Carson, I thought you would know better…" then she smiled. "All of them, of course."

He chuckled. "Aye…" he searched her face. "But there _is_ someone special, isn't there?"

She raised an eyebrow and looked out across the cafeteria. He looked at her carefully and noticed that her cheek had taken on a tinge of color.

"I notice you're not denying it," he smiled.

"You'll notice I'm not confirming it, either," she said, looking at him with her patented Mona Lisa smile. She stood. "I'll be back in a bit."

"Helena!" he protested. But deep down, he knew her well enough to know that she was not going to reveal anything she didn't want known. He knew from personal experience how private she could be.

He picked up his fork and began to work through the possibilities - it would have to be someone around her age, who could hold his own with her personality:

Rodney was taken and he was completely out of the question anyway. She'd never tolerate his ego for very long.

John was a logical choice, but they were just good friends. He knew that she valued John's friendship and probably wouldn't want to take the chance of damaging that with a casual relationship. Unless it wasn't casual…

He shook his head and continued down the list: Ronon? No, too young. Radek? No, she'd have been at his side in the infirmary all this time. Lorne? He knew they'd tried it, but it hadn't worked. Who else could it be? He knew there were a lot of people who were new to the expedition, that he didn't know everyone, but he was certain that it would have to be someone she trusted above all. That's why John Sheppard would be perfect, but it couldn't be him –

"Hey, Doc," a voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see John Sheppard sit across from him.

"Oh, hello, there."

"Am I interrupting?"

Carson smiled. "Not at all. Please. So tell me how you've been?"

John shrugged, nonchalantly, as he dug into his food. "Can't complain."

Helena returned with two pieces of pie. "Caramel apple, fresh from the oven."

"Thank you, luv," he smiled.

"No ice cream?" John asked.

Helena rolled her eyes. "No, your majesty. Would there by anything else, my liege?"

John grimaced. "You're going to make me drink Woolsey's flavored coffee for that, aren't you?"

Helena simply smiled, raised an eyebrow and walked away.

"I _hate_ flavored coffee," John muttered, then looked at Carson who had a strange smile on his face. "Carson?"

"So," the doctor crossed his arms and leaned forward, bracing himself on his elbows. "How long have you and she been a couple?"

John froze. "What?"

"You heard me."

"Did she tell you that?"

Carson beamed. "No. I just guessed, but I'm right, so tell me."

John leaned forward. "What exactly makes you think that?"

Carson smile turned a bit melancholy as he said. "I've seen that look in her eye before, my friend."

John looked down at his food. "Oh," he said, shortly.

"Don't get me wrong, John. I'm pleased as punch as long as you're both happy," he leaned in again. "An' you're secret's safe with me."

John nodded. "Thanks, Doc."

"So are you happy? Is she?"

John thought for moment. "Yeah," he said, finally. "Yeah, I am. And I think she is. But I'll ask her later – to be sure."

"Aye, lad. You do that," he looked earnestly at his friend. "An' do it often."

John nodded and reached for his pie.

oOo

John walked out to the exterior balcony of the cafeteria to find Helena leaning on the rail. He moved to her side and saw that her eyes were closed. The evening breeze was lifting the wisps of escaped hair from around her ears and neck. She was breathing deep, concentrating breaths.

"Penny for your thoughts," he whispered, leaning closer to her.

"My thoughts are more expensive than that, my dear."

He smiled.

She opened one eye. "How's Keller?"

"Carson says she'll be fine. Rodney's with her."

Helena nodded and closed her eye again. "Right where he should be."

John frowned, curiously. "Really?"

"If he loves her, and I believe he does, he couldn't be anywhere else."

"Ah," John nodded.

She focused on him, at last. "You disagree?"

"What? No. It's not that. I just keep thinking that they're a very unlikely pair."

"Do you really think Rodney should be with someone just like him?"

John chuckled. "_That_ would be catastrophic."

"Exactly. He needs someone as smart as he is, patient and unafraid to keep his ego from rising too high or falling too low. I think Jennifer may be that one."

John grinned at her. "And what kind of woman would you have said _I_ need?"

Helena leaned against the rail with a grin. "John Sheppard needs a woman who is _at least_ as smart as he pretends to be – if not someone as smart as he _actually_ is. She should appreciate his sense of humor as well as his dark side, and understand his hesitation to share his emotions – and not push. She _has_ to be able to stand up for herself but let him have his way when he needs it. Uh…" she looked off, tilting her head. "Oh! And being a good cook probably wouldn't hurt."

John leaned against the rail and looked out into the night. "Too bad we don't have anyone like that here."

Instead of taking the bait, Helena surprised him by turning back to look out at the ocean again. "Yeah, sucks, huh?"

He looked over at her. She looked sidelong at him, then began to laugh and nudged him.

He grinned. "And you say I'm incorrigible."

"It must be contagious," she smiled up at him.

He suddenly became serious as he seemed to search her face for something.

She frowned. "What is it, John?"

"Carson asked me if you were happy."

Her eyebrows rose. "You told him about us?"

"No. He figured it out. I guess I just confirmed it." He raised his eyebrows. "Are you okay with that?"

She half shrugged with her face. "As long as you are. I stay quiet mostly to protect your privacy more than anything. Remember, you are the CO around here and – "

"I know. But I checked the regs and this doesn't exactly count as fraternization – mostly because you have always answered directly to the lead administrator of the expedition - not me."

She smiled, softly. "You actually checked the regs?"

John shrugged. "Just in case."

She beamed. "How sweet."

He frowned. "I will never understand how the female mind works. Checking regs is 'sweet'?"

She grinned. "In this case, it is."

"But in other cases."

"Not so much."

"You'll have to let me know, right?"

"On a case by case basis."

He grunted. Then he looked down at her again. "So. Are you?"

She glanced out at the sea, then turned to look inward toward the cafeteria. After a long moment of thought, she looked back up at him. "Absolutely."

"That took a little while." His eyebrows rose. "I was starting to worry."

"Well," she said, seriously. "This is not a question to answer quickly. I had to think about it. Everything that I could ever want or need is here. I really am happy." She tilted her head. "Are you?"

"Yes," he said, quickly. "See?" he grinned. "It didn't take _me_ long."

She pursed her lips. "Then how do I know it's real?"

"Well," he looked out over her head. "To be perfectly honest, I have been happier,"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. The other night when you did that thing with your hips," he whistled, lowly. "_That_ was happiness."

"Oh, you!" she slapped his bicep.

He caught her hand and pulled her to him, lowering his head to kiss her.

She stopped him by looked toward the cafeteria doors. "John," she whispered. "What if someone walks out here?"

His response made her happier than she thought she could be:

"I don't care."


	108. Vegas

_**Vegas**_

She sat on the hood of the rented 2008 Ford Mustang Convertible leaning against the windshield, enjoying the wide open desert. She pulled in a long drag from the remainder of her cigarette as a vulture making circles in the sky caught her eyes.

"Lazy circles in the sky," she drawled. "This isn't _Oklahoma,_ guy. Far as I can tell, it's Nevada."

She watched it circle. "Or am I thinking wrong film? Instead of a musical, maybe a spaghetti western?" She whistled, musically then followed it by "Wah-wah-wah…" She glanced down. "Which one was that? _Hang 'Em High_?" She shrugged. "Whatever. It's too good a day to be worried about you, my friend."

Then an explosive plume of black smoke appeared from that direction. She jumped up and off the hood of the car. "What the hell?" She threw the cigarette to the side of the road, apologizing quickly to the desert for the litter as she jumped in the car and peeled off into the general direction of the explosion. Her foot eased up slightly when two Air Force A-10s flew over, low, but gaining altitude. Then she shook her head and pressed her foot back down on the gas again.

She only slowed again when she came up the hill and saw the burning rubble. She slowed to a stop and popped up to a stand, looking over the windshield. The only solid thing she could make out in the area was a faded red Pontiac TransAm. Then she thought she saw movement.

She coughed and squinted through the smoke at a black spot on the ground near the car. She jumped out of the car, leaving it running and reached behind the seat for the roadside emergency kit. Then she ran over to the body lying prone on the ground.

He was a sorry sight, to say the least. His white shirt soaked crimson under the rumpled black blazer. His eyes were half open, but he didn't seem to be alive.

"Okay, buddy," she whispered, dropping to her knees at his side. "I don't know who you pissed off, but it would really ruin my day if you were dead. So, please don't be dead."

She took a deep breath and reached out for that pulse point on his neck. When she felt a faint movement there, she exhaled. "Good boy. Now stay with me."

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her cell phone. Then she pulled her Blue Tooth headset out and pressed it into her ear and flicked it on as she dialed 911. Then she moved his jacket aside to see that there was a hole in his chest. "Well, that explains all the blood. That's not supposed to be there." She pulled out a pressure bandage and pressed it to his chest.

The 911 operator answered and she did her best to give her location. "Don't you people have like some sort of GPS thing?"

That's when another phone rang. "Where's your phone, sweetheart?" she asked.

_Is the victim conscious?_ The operator inquired.

"No. But his phone is ringing." She patted his pockets and found the phone. She pulled out the Blackberry and answered it, tucking it between her ear and shoulder, opposite of the headset.

"Hello!"

_Who is this?_

"Helena Leiter. Who is this?"

_Chief Leiter?_ The male voice on the other end when up half an octave.

Hearing her rank, she paused, mentally, while she continued to move her free hand around his body, checking for other injuries. She spoke to the operator. "He has a single gunshot wound to the chest and multiple cuts. He has a pulse, but it's weak, and he's breathing."

_Chief Leiter_?

"Yes. What?" She said, shortly.

_What are you doing?_

"Who _is_ this?"

_Rodney McKay._

"Rodney McKay? Doctor Rodney Meredith McKay?"

_Yes, yes. What are you doing answering John Sheppard's phone?_

"So, is that your name, sweetie?" She spoke to the operator again. "Victim's name is, apparently, John Sheppard." Then something occurred to her. "Rodney, are you with that weasel, Woolsey?"

_Uh, Woolsey's here._

She nodded. "How did I know," she said to the man under her care. "Were you behind the explosion that happened here?"

_That would be a yes._

"Then give me the blasted coordinates so I can get an ambulance out here. I'm on the phone with 911…"

oOo

It seemed like it took forever for help to arrive. The sun had set. The ambulance illuminated the night as well as the four black Ford Expeditions that arrived shortly after it. She ignored the government vehicles as she signed off with the emergency operator and gave the EMTs a report of what she knew.

"Listen, sweetie," she said, softly. "The EMTs are going to take over, but don't you think of going anywhere. I'll be checking in on you – and you don't want to ruin my day, right? Of course, not. So you hang in there, okay?"

When she finally stood and wiped her hands on her jeans, mindless of the blood she was transferring to her clothes, she turned to see Rodney McKay and Richard Woolsey. She took a deep breath and walked over to them. "What'd this guy do to deserve _two_ A-10s?"

"He wasn't the target," McKay said, miserably.

"Well, if it's any consolation, I think he got shot with something slightly smaller than a Warthog," she said, referring to the plane's nickname.

"You may have saved his life," Woolsey said to her.

"That remains to be seen. Maybe you can contact O'Neill and get him to extend my leave by a couple of days."

Woolsey nodded. "Absolutely."

"What are you doing here?" Rodney asked.

She looked over at Rodney. "I was on leave. Driving across the country, figured I'd make a quick drive through Vegas before heading back east to Colorado Springs." She looked through the darkness toward the brightly lit horizon – evidence of Sin City's existence. "Supposed to be at Cheyenne tomorrow."

"I'm sure General O'Neill won't object to extending your leave," Woolsey assured her. "You should be able to check on Mr. Sheppard in the hospital."

She nodded. "I can tell you, Mr. Woolsey: I never, in a hundred million years, thought I'd have a reason to thankful for your spookful ways. If you hadn't been tracking him, I wouldn't have been able to get help out here."

McKay frowned. "You don't have GPS in your rental?"

She frowned, then rolled her eyes. "Yes, I do." She sighed. "I completely forgot about that." She shook her head as they ambulance rolled out. "Excuse me," she said, then and cantered over to her rental. She started it up and put it into gear, pulling out past the dark government vehicles to follow the ambulance to the bright lights of Vegas.

oOo

John Sheppard woke in a white room. He lifted his hand to put it on his chest to see that hand had IV lines in it. He looked around the room and saw a red haired woman sitting in a chair in the room. He opened his mouth to speak, but found his tongue felt like cotton stuck to the roof of his mouth.

He tried to moisten his mouth and looked around for something to drink.

Suddenly, there was a hand with a plastic cup in it in front of him. He looked up to see the redhead.

"Only ice chips, sorry." He accepted the chips and looked up at her, grateful.

"I really appreciate you not ruining my day, there, Detective. Though you did give us quite a scare."

"Who are you?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Helena Leiter. Just passin' through, thought I'd stop and look at your fire, but found that you were hurtin'. Air Force got the ambulance there and EMTs fought with you all the way here. Seems like you were perfectly content to leave this meager existence after I left you alone for a few minutes." She looked over at the chair she'd been sitting in. "So, I decided to stick around until you made up your mind to stay."

He swallowed; the ice chips allowed his throat to work again. "Thanks."

She nodded. "Rest. We'll talk more in a bit."

He nodded and leaned his head back.

oOo

_A/N: This episode left me cold. While I am a great fan of the many forms of CSI and it was a thrill to see a "crossover" of sorts, I could not resolve myself to accept the ending. So, as is my license as the writer of episode tags, I rewrote it, if you will._

_The most difficult thing for me, in writing this one, was answering the question "Where would Helena be in this AU?" After thinking long and hard, I realized that she would still be with the program. Maybe not at Atlantis, but definitely at the SGC. I hope you enjoyed it. Now off to work on the final ep!_


	109. Enemy at the Gate

_**Enemy At The Gate**_

Helena was doing inventory, one of the more mundane of her duties, but necessary. Without it, they could run out of some essential – like chocolate for Ronon's brownies – and be weeks or months without. So, every week, she was in the fridge, freezer and stock rooms counting condiments and staples. When John found her, she was in the walk-in fridge that had been built by Zalenka and his people during one of the city's few quiet times a few years ago.

"Hello, beautiful."

She looked over at him and smiled. "Good morning, gorgeous." She put the notebook she was working on down on the shelf.

He moved into the room fully and looked around to make sure they were alone before taking her waist in his hands and kissing her sweetly. He gently bit her bottom lip before releasing her.

She licked the bitten lip and smiled. "Mmm. I missed you, too. How are you?" 

"Glad to be back. Though it didn't go well – as I'm sure you've heard."

She frowned. "Yeah. ZPM plus Hive Ship equals Not So Good. So where do we stand?"

He frowned, deeply. "The hive is heading to Earth. The Apollo and the Sun Tzu are out of the picture. I'm on my way to talk to Todd to get the other ZPMs he's got before I go to see Woolsey."

She frowned. "Why the other ZPMs?"

"This city is a space ship, as you know. With the other ZPMs, we could possibly intercept them."

She nodded. "So you intend to take Atlantis to Earth."

"I don't see as we have a choice." He looked at her mouth. "I just wanted to come and say hi on my way – and get a snack."

She reached up and pressed her lips to his. "If you're talking about food, help yourself." Her eyes twinkled. "If you're talking about dessert, it'll have to wait until later."

"Maybe we can get together for dinner tonight," he pulled her close. "Depends on how long it takes Todd to tell us where the other ZPMs are and how long it takes us to get them."

"It'll wait for you, as always."

He kissed her again, this time, more thoroughly. Then he was gone.

oOo

"Chief!"

Helena turned her head to look at Staff Sergeant Cooper, who was, this time, holding her earpiece.

"You have a call."

She moved across the cafeteria and retrieved the earpiece. "Leiter, here."

'_Lena, I'm not going to make it for dinner. I'm heading to Earth right now to man the Antarctic chair._

With her heart thumping – something not unusual when she knew one of her friends was going into a dangerous situation – she nodded. "Okay, John. Please be careful."

_I'll see you when I get back._

"Or when we catch up to you," she smiled.

_I'll want steak after all of this._

She frowned. "Only steak?"

She could hear him smile as he said. _Well, no…steak for dinner. Then I'll be hungry for dessert._

She smiled widely, hoping she wasn't actually blushing. "Both'll be waiting for you."

He broke the connection without another word and she understood completely why. She felt it, too, and she didn't know how to put it into words, either.

oOo

"Okay, folks. Batten down the hatches. Hang on to your beverages and trays. I just received word that we're about to take off," Helena announced to the few people not assigned stations during a launch who were in the cafeteria for the show.

Moments later, the city began to shake. Helena grabbed her coffee and made her way to the balcony, to take her seat. It was a surreal feeling watching the ocean drop lower and lower on the horizon, eventually replaced by nothing but sky. Her heart beat faster as the daytime sky began to dissolve into darkness. Stars appeared. A few minutes later, they were completely surrounded by the vacuum of space. A cheer went up on the balcony. As the ship jumped into hyperspace, people began to stand and leave the balcony to return to their day to day duties.

Helena paused for a moment and set a silent prayer ahead of them that John was okay and that Earth would be safe when they arrived.

oOo

The kitchen was closed. All hands were at battlestations. Those, like Helena, who had no battle station were supposed to be at in their quarters awaiting orders. For once, she had her headset on, but she was far from her quarters. If she was to die in this glorious city, she would do so in her favorite spot: the West Pier. She worked up the courage and opened the doors. Swallowing, she walked out and looked up. Her heart began pounding like it would break her ribs when she saw the massive Wraith hive ship fill the "sky". Earth glowed below them like an ethereal ocean and she shuddered.

She took a seat on one of the steps. It was all so overwhelming. She knew she was crazy, but she just had to be there. She'd heard that the chair had been destroyed, presumably with John in it, but she didn't have time to dwell on that yet. She knew that Rodney, Ronon, Teyla and Evan were on that ship, attempting to destroy it from the inside even as they launched their first volley of drones at it.

She _had_ to be with her friends, at least in spirit, sending them whatever strength, she had.

The first time the Wraith ship returned fire, she almost got up and ran, but she clenched her fists – thinking Ronon would just smile his most feral grin at those incoming (were they bombs?) and say "Bring it." As the bombs, or drones, or whatever they were, hit the shield, they were almost beautiful, plumes like Fourth of July fireworks over the Navy Pier in her Chicago childhood, before her family's move to Virginia.

Earth seemed to get bigger or at least brighter as the fight continued and the Wraith ship seemed to get smaller. The temperature out on the pier seemed to get warmer as well. Helena was sure it was her own body temperature reacting to the pounding of her heart.

Suddenly, the Wraith ship flashed a brilliant white and Helena had to block her eyes. Then another larger plume lit up the "sky" and, when she looked again, the Wraith ship was gone.

Helena smiled as tears filled her eyes. "You did it, my friends," she whispered past the knot in her throat. She began to cry, silently. Then she noticed the shields were bright yellow orange and realized they were in the atmosphere. Sniffling, she got up and ran inside toward the chair room at the heart of the city.

oOo

When Carson Beckett emerged from the chair room, he was exhausted. He intended to go to his quarters and sleep for three days. Then, if it were allowed, he'd go to Edinburg to visit his mother.

He was not expecting to find Helena Leiter sitting on the stairs with her arms crossed on her knees and her head down.

"Helena?" When she looked up at him, his heart went out to her. "Ach, lass, what is it? Are ye hurt?"

"Do you know if they got off?"

He smiled and sat on the stair next to her. "Aye. They were able to gate to the Alpha site. Should be returnin' to SGC by now, I'd think. We've made our way to San Francisco Bay, where we'll stay whilst repairs are made." He put his arm around her and pulled her to him. "All is well."

"Except – "

He frowned. "Except, what?"

"The Chair. John…"

He thought for a moment, then realization dawned on him. He reached down and lifted her chin to examine her face. "Listen to me. He wasn't with the chair. Rodney and the team found him on the Wraith ship and they're all together. He's _fine_, Helena."

Her eyes searched his. Then her tears started anew as a smile touched her lips. "Oh, thank God," she breathed and threw her arms around Carson.

He held her for a while until her trembling stopped.

"Thank you, Carson," she said.

"For what, luv?"

"For flying the city. For coming back from the dead. For being so understanding," she touched his cheek. "For being my friend."

He smiled. "One, I didn't have a choice in the matter. Apparently, I have the highest C.I.A. after John. Two, I didn't realized that I had when it happened, so, again, no control over the matter. Three, I cannot help it – it's a gift I was born with. And four," he took her hand off his cheek and held it firmly in his hand. "You don't ever have to thank me for our friendship. It is my absolute pleasure to know such a grand lady, let alone count her as one of my friends."

She hugged him again. Then she pulled back and wiped her face with the back of her hand. "Are you hungry?"

Carson smiled. "Not as much as I am tired."

Helena stood. "Then I'll walk you to your quarters."

He stood and they ascended the stairs, arm in arm, talking quietly about the future of Atlantis on Earth.

oOo

John waved his hand in front of the door control to announce his presence. The door slid open and he stepped inside to see Helena dressed in a pair of lounge pants and a tank top standing next to the small refrigerator in her quarters. Her hair was a wild mass of waves and her eyes had the look of sleepiness in them.

"Am I interrupting something?"

She ran across the room as the doors slid shut behind him and jumped into his arms. She hugged him as if she hadn't seen him in weeks, when in fact it had only been a couple of days. Then she pulled back and kissed him so thoroughly that his body couldn't help but react.

When she broke the kiss, he smiled. "Did you miss me?"

She frowned and pulled back. "I thought you were dead!"

He looked curious. "What? Why?"

"The Chair was destroyed," she turned away.

That made sense, he thought. He moved to her and moved her hair to the side to kiss her neck as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'd like the opportunity to prove to you just how alive I am," he whispered into her ear.

She turned in his arms and focused on the small tuft of hair that peeked out over the collar of his t-shirt. "I love you, John. I don't need you to say it back, but I need you to know I feel it. And, if you want, I'll never say it again. I just can't bear the thought of losing you without ever having told you…"

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, softly, tenderly, then, encouraged by her response, more insistently.

Helena held on to him as if her life depended on it. She reveled in the feeling of being in his arms. She pulled back. "Stay with me, John, for just a little while?"

John smiled, softly, down at her, his eyes dark with desire. "How 'bout I stay 'til morning?"

She smiled up at him. "I might be able to think of something to do 'til then."


	110. Aside 12, Firsts and Lasting

_**Aside 12 – Firsts and Lasts**_

"Penny for your thoughts," she heard from behind her as she looked out her window. She felt her hair being swept to the side and his soft lips press against her neck, just below her ear.

"I am just taking in the day," she smiled.

He wrapped his arms around her and looked over her shoulder out the window at the Golden Gate Bridge off to the right. "Looks pretty in the morning light, doesn't it?"

"Mm-hmm."

"What's the matter?"

"Never thought I'd be here again."

He grunted. "It's kind of surreal, isn't it. We're home and yet, we're back on Earth."

"Absolutely," she chuckled, amazed that he could put into words her exact thoughts. "What if the Army decides to reassign me? If I resign, they can now have me removed from Atlantis."

He turned her to face him. "'Lena," he took her face in his hands. "I am not going to let any of my people – including you – be reassigned unless they ask for it. I will be ferrying IOA reps and some politicians to the city later today and I will make sure they all know that every person assigned to this city is absolutely essential for the repair and continued effectiveness of the city." Then he gained a mischievous look in his eye. "And I like to think I can be pretty persuasive when I want to be."

She harrumphed. "You didn't persuade me to do anything, flyboy. I _wanted_ to…" her words were cut off with a kiss.

"If push comes to shove, we can tell them you're carrying my child," he grinned at him.

The memory of the last time they were sent to Earth and how she talked her way back to Atlantis made her blush and chuckle. "I don't think they'd fall for that again."

Chuckling, John pulled back. "Can we get together when I get back? I have to go talk to Todd and check on Ronan before I go, but I'll be home for dinner."

Helena smiled. "I'm holding you to it, this time."

He kissed her one more time and she nuzzled his neck, then walked him to the door.

oOo

_She was scrubbing 10,000 years worth of dust off of the counters after having already attacked the walls. She had outlasted her staff. "Poor souls," she thought. "They were exhausted. If they can be up in time for breakfast tomorrow, I'll be impressed."_

_She heard a noise, then and turned. "Oh, crap! It's that pilot…Major Jack something…not Jack…John! Major John Sh…..it! I hate that I can never remember names!"_

"Oh, ah, sorry to interrupt," he frowned.

_She felt her braid hit her shoulder as she straightened. "Oh, crap! My hair's down! Dammit!" She turned toward him and hoped her feeling of complete FUBAR didn't show. _"Major! Is there something I can do for you?"

"No. I – ah- I was looking for a snack. You are?"

'_S' something, it has to begin with an 'S'…_"Chief Warrant Officer Helena Leiter, Master Chef," her blue eyes twinkled, as she quickly pinned up her braid. _Why, oh, WHY did she add the Master Chef crap? It was a joke that worked in the cafeteria, but –_

His eyebrows went up. "Master Chef? The military has 'Master Chefs'?"

_Don't go into, change the subject, just move on…_"What can I get for you, sir?"

"I've been jonesing for a turkey sandwich all day."

_She felt herself relax. "Okay, so he's not going say anything about the uniform or hair. He only wants food. Food, I can do. Such that it is."_

_After he had his sandwich and McKay's first cookie request and left, she turned back to her counters with a smile, thinking what a nice guy he seemed to be. Then she straightened._

_SHEPPARD! His name is JOHN SHEPPARD!_

oOo

"What's funny?"

Helena looked up at Rodney, looking down at her, as she sat with her feet up on the balcony rail, holding a coffee cup, looking at the coast of North America. "I was just thinking about first times."

"First times?" Rodney's eyebrows rose and a smirk played upon his lips.

"Not _those_ kinds of first times," Helena swatted out at him. "First meetings."

"Ah," he nodded. "You remember the first time you met everyone here?"

She nodded. "Don't you?"

Rodney glanced away. "Well, sure, I guess so."

Helena raised an eyebrow and leaned her head forward to look at his face better.

He caught her amused look and scoffed. "Oh, okay, fine. I remember the important ones."

"Like?"

"I remember meeting you," he said. "For instance."

She shook her head. "No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"When did we meet then?"

"Just before stepping through the gate to come here. You were carrying a cake pan."

She laughed. "Nope. We met back in 2002."

He frowned. "What?"

"Yes, you were kind enough to let me know that the food you had eaten at the SGC commissary was, quote, 'surprisingly worse that it looked, which was unbelievably bad in the first place', end quote, as you were leaving the mess hall after your first meal there," she smiled.

He blanched. "Oh, god. I actually told you that?"

"Don't worry," she chuckled. "I don't hold grudges."

"But that explains years of lemon chicken and duck l'orange cracks."

She grinned. "No, that was just yanking your chain."

"_I_ remember when you met Ronon for the first time," Rodney changed the subject.

Helena smiled, thinking back when the tall Satedan walked into her cafeteria for the first time.

oOo

"…I'd have to see him cleaned up…"

John grinned, then. "Why don't you go offer to help him with that, Chief?"

_Great, me and my big mouth,_ _she thought._ "Goliath, meet David," she said, softly.

_As she approached this big man, she began to wonder what she'd been thinking. "He could squish me with his pinky, if he wants." _"Excuse me," she said to the big man. _When he turned around, she thought of a caged cougar, his coloring and his eyes blended with the scruffiness of his look. She swallowed and smiled, reminding herself that he was in her territory._

"Yeah?"

"I'm Chief Warrant Officer Helena Leiter. I wanted to welcome you to Atlantis."

He nodded, his eyes moving around the room, then back to her.

"In case you're wondering, I run the cafeteria. You look like you haven't had a decent meal in a very long time. Can I get you something?"

He half-shrugged. "Yeah."

She smiled, more relaxed. "The strong, silent type, huh?"

He focused down at her.

_Ohhh-kaaay, so he really isn't going to open up. Another Teal'c._ But she'd already dealt with Teal'c, so she wasn't terribly intimidated by this. _He just seems more immediately dangerous._

"Come, have a seat. I'll go fix you a big plate of an assortment of food, then you let me know what you like and I'll see that you get more."

He followed her to a nearby table and sat down. "Thanks."

She smiled and patted his hand, without thinking. "Welcome to Atlantis," she paused. "What is your name?"

"Ronon Dex."

She nodded. "Mr. Dex. I'll be right back."

When she turned around, she hid a giggle when she saw John and Rodney's faces. _Serves those two right. They probably think that I really would proposition someone as soon as they walk in. I don't know if I should be flattered or offended._ She looked at the two of them again and Teyla, then chuckled. _Flattered._

oOo

"Is this where the party is?" John asked from the door.

"Come on out," she waved.

Rodney smiled over at him. "Done ferrying VIPs back and forth?"

"Yeah." He looked around. "It's kind of quiet in here, this evening."

"Woolsey gave everyone the day off and many of them went home to visit their families, including my staff. Nobody's eating in, anyway. If they are, there are simple options out."

John took a chair and moved it next to her, opposite of Rodney and nudged her slightly as he sat down. She smiled at him, acknowledging his subtle act of affection.

Rodney grinned. "We're reminiscing."

"Really?" John frowned. "About what?"

Helena smiled. "First meetings."

"Rodney, you cannot convince me you remember all of the first times you met someone."

Rodney waved off the comment. "Helena remembers all of them, she says."

"Really?" John looked at her.

"Yep," Helena grinned and reached for her cup of Zelenka juice.

"I remember the first time I met you," he said to her.

"Right after our first encounter with the Wraith."

He nodded.

"What about Teyla?"

"The day after I met you. She came in for breakfast. I knew immediately that I had found a sister."

He grinned. "What about Radek?"

Helena smiled. "At SGC. He was working for Bill Lee and used to come to the cafeteria to escape. Much like now…" Her eyes widened and she laughed, covering her mouth.

Rodney frowned. "That's where he gets to?"

Her eyes danced. "Here and his still."

John frowned. "There's a still on Atlantis?"

Rodney rolled his eyes. "As if you didn't already know."

John reached forward and took Helena's drink and took a swig. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Helena laughed out loud.

Rodney sobered. After a moment, he said, lowly. "Ford."

Helena smiled, softly, a bit of sadness entered her eyes. "He cleared this room for use. I followed him and his team in here. I will always remember his smile when he asked if we would be serving anything other than MREs."

John was frowning. "Did you meet Colonel Sumner?"

"Of course. He interviewed me to come here."

"When did you first meet Sam?" Rodney asked, deciding to get away from maudlin memories.

"When she first came to SGC. I was working to close down the mess hall – the base was in the process of being closed – when Apophis' people invaded."

"Woolsey?"

She smiled. "He came to the SGC to perform an audit. I remember feeling sorry for him because he was a pariah in that mess hall. Nobody would have anything to do with him."

"Except you?"

Helena shook her head in earnest. "Absolutely not. He represented a threat to my job." She leaned forward. "Listen, I've known since I received my orders to SGC that it was a plush job. I received orders out of there three times before putting in for the Atlantis Expedition. The first two times, I bribed General Hammond with barbecue ribs and sweet potato pie to stay and the third, I bribed General O'Neill with black raspberry pie."

John frowned. "We've never had black raspberry pie."

Helena leveled a _you're kidding right_ look at him. "And exactly where would I get the black raspberries? Do you _know_ how perishable they are? Hell, every time it looked like we were going to have a quick way to get supplies from Earth, somebody blew something up!"

John looked at Rodney.

"Look, I had no choice and you know it. And you don't think I paid for it? I was stuck on the jumper with Bill Lee and Kavanaugh for days! You closed up in the cockpit plugged into your MP3 player while I had to listen to their endless yack-yack-yack!"

John grinned at Helena, then, and wiggled his eyebrows.

Helena smiled back. After a long moment of silence, as her eyes grew sad, she said. "You know, if The Powers That Be decide to end it all, split us up and keep Atlantis here, I will cherish every first, every memory, every friendship, for the rest of my life. If I had to do it all again, I would."

John and Rodney exchanged a look and nodded. 

"Absolutely," Rodney said.

"Here, here," John agreed, raising Helena's glass again.

"You know there's more of that and you know where it's kept. You could get your own…" Helena scolded.

John smiled at her over the rim of the glass and wiggled his eyebrows as he took another drink.

"Fine, _I'll_ get it," Rodney stood.

The three of them spent the rest of the evening talking over memories, unsure of what the future might hold. Somewhere in the night, the thought occurred to Helena: in reality, was there ever a day in Atlantis that wasn't exactly the same – good friends sharing an uncertain future?

oOo

_A/N: I know it took me a long time to get these last two "chapters" written. A large part of me was so unwilling to see it end that I couldn't bring myself to write them. I am officially listing "Snacks" as "Completed", now. If we are treated to a Stargate: Atlantis movie, as we have been told will happen by those "Powers That Be", then I am sure I will write something from Helena's perspective._

_I want to thank all of my loyal readers who have stuck with me through this process. The series was 100 episodes. A couple of the two-parters I wrote only one tag for, so I had 97 chapters and 12 Asides. This process started during the summer of 2007 and ends now in the summer of 2009. For two full years, some of you have patiently waited for my chapters and written notes of encouragement and, even, reminders to keep writing. Thank you, all. It has truly been a labor of love and your support has made it that much sweeter._

_For the longest time, I had no intention of creating a romance between John and Helena, but as the series wound down and it became obvious that the writers weren't going to hook him up with anyone, I figured I could risk it. Maybe they'll last, maybe they won't. I left it open. If you really want the full shippiness, check out "One Night" if you haven't already._

_I hope I will continue to hear from you all._

_Thank you. _

_Mary A. Milan_

_Moms2398_


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